"Lily, maybe you should go and see a doctor." James offered only a few days after Lily had gotten sick in the Longbottom's household. She was still getting ill every now and again and although she had a hunch as to why, she hadn't said anything to James.

"I'm fine, James, really. I think I will go for a walk. I could use the fresh air." Lily nodded resolutely and James shrugged. "Fine, remember Padfoot, Mooney, and Wormtail are coming over later tonight."

"Yes, I have everything you need. Snack food, drinks, whatever you want. I will prepare dinner for you all as well." She hesitated. "But I think I may go out for a bit tonight… while they're here." Her expression and the way her hands grasped the backing of the chair placed in front of where she was standing made James wonder why she was so desperate to evade the evening. This was not the first time.

"Again?" James furrowed his brow. "Where are you always running off to?"

"I just don't want to be in the way," Lily tried and James knew she was lying by the expression on her face.

"You feel uncomfortable around all of us, don't you?" He narrowed his eyes.

"I love them, like brothers, but when you guys are all around together…" she sighed. "I guess I feel like I can't quite fit in with the group. I relate to them very well individually and I love them dearly but in a group you're all so… different." Lily shrugged her shoulders and her countenance was that of nervous regret of having said anything in the first place.

James rolled his eyes. "At least stay in the house. You have been leaving a lot lately and I know something is going on. I am not stupid, see. I can see when something is wrong with you." He stood up from the breakfast table where he had been sitting and walked over to his wife and put his hands on her shoulders. "So, tell me. What is up?"

Lily suddenly felt guilty. What was she doing? She was completely straying away from James- her husband- to go out and meet Severus Snape- his childhood enemy. The man she had committed her life to she was betraying just to be with the wizard she was certain she should have chosen to be with in the first place. This wasn't right. She couldn't play with Severus's feelings like this and she couldn't keep secrets from her husband or cheat on him anymore. That was wrong and it went against everything that they had vowed to have together. How could she? She was so ashamed; why hadn't she seen the fault in her actions before?

Because she had been blinded by the delight of having regained a relationship with Severus.

She had always regretted that day when he had called her mudblood and she had never given him another chance. The moment she had shut the portrait hole behind her she had felt instantly sick with dread. What had she done? She had lost her best friend.

But she was also angry. The words he had said wounded her deeply, for reasons she did not want to admit to herself at the time. After that day, she had mingled with James and his friends because they had showed her compassion and companionship and she knew it would get on Severus's nerves. Her original intention was to get him to come back to her, prove to her that he really cared before she revealed anything more to him about how she felt and why he had hurt her so much. Maybe jealously and the realization that he was losing her would get him to come back to her. But it didn't and as time went on, James Potter and begun charming her.

As soon as it became apparent that Severus was in love with the dark arts more than he could ever be in love with her and as soon as James had proposed, she had acted on spontaneity rather than logic and married him. What a mistake that was.

She had to say something and because she knew how James would act, she had been putting it off. She would say something to Severus. Today.

…

Still living at Spinner's End when the school term was not in session was of no importance now as it was November and she would be travelling to Hogwarts to meet him. She apparated into Hogsmeade and made her way down the path that ran through the town towards the lane and bridge that went into the castle.

The autumnal wind made her red hair trail elegantly behind her. She bundled herself in a warm coat, scarf and gloves and was quite warm against the breeze and chilly air.

"Lily?"

She whirled around and smiled brightly to see Severus Snape walking from no apparent place just a little ways down the street she had been walking on. "Sev!" She hurried towards him and felt her stomach flip when he awed her with that amazing smile, one she had always appreciated. Perhaps more so because it was not common.

"Why are you out here? I thought we were meant to meet in Hogwarts later tonight?"

"I never apparate in and out of Hogwarts so I apparate here, yes? As for being here early, I wanted to talk to you."

"Well if it is important we ought to refrain from speaking on the subject until we have reached the castle." He offered his arm to Lily who blushed deeply. He was such a gentleman.

That walked side by side along the path and Lily noticed Severus looked happier as of late. The first time she had seen him, he looked far paler perhaps depressed. He looked lonely and seemed almost reluctant to speak with her. It was as if he feared she would push him out of her life again and this time, there would be no coming back.

Lily felt her heart sink when she realized that was precisely what needed to be done.

She was married to James. She had to be loyal to him, she couldn't keep going off to be with Severus no matter how he made her feel. It was wrong and hard on the both of them.

But now, linking arms with this brighter, happier, and truly beautiful wizard, she knew she didn't want that to end. She couldn't let him go.

What an idiot she was. Stupid and selfish and truly not deserving of either man. Falling in love with one who she had been once certain could never love her and then moving onto the following by using him to try and get back what she had lost. Now, she was stuck with the specky-eyed git she had always hated.

He had proved to still be immature and whelpish when Severus came to their last Order of the Phoenix meeting while Severus proved to be less so, more defensive than offensive, something not common of him back in school. He hated James there was no denying, but now that he had aged, he was handling James's persistent juvenility with defensive methods and intelligent remarks merely meant to get James off his high broomstick.

Lily had been impressed that day. She had actually been more impressed with Severus than her husband for a while now. His demeanor, his smell, the way he tasted, and his abilities in bed far exceeded that of James. In addition, Severus was intelligent, loving, loyal and had left the dark side to be a part of the light, just as she had always desired.

Lily had been quiet for a long time, pondering all this and was snapped out of her reverie when she stumbled into an object in the road in front of her. Severus caught her gently and looked down at her. "Are you alright, Lily?"

"Hm?" She found herself very out of touch with her surroundings. Severus was standing in front of her now, gentle hands on her shoulders and looking into her eyes with concern. "You nearly fell." He gestured to a rock in the road.

"Oh, yes I'm fine, Sev. I just got caught up in my thoughts."

He raised a surly eyebrow and Lily nearly melted at the sight. "I don't believe you. I can tell when something is wrong."

Déjà vu; precisely what James had said that morning.

Lily sighed and took Severus's hand in her own. "I'm sorry I just haven't been feeling well lately and this whole new marriage stuff is difficult to grow accustomed to, then of course I have you in my life again which is-"

"Ruining everything you have worked to build for these past several years." Severus spoke softly and let go of Lily. "Is that what you have come to tell me? That you are leaving again?"

"No!" The color drained from Lily's face and she shook her head. "It isn't. I just. I need to do something about James. This just… it isn't working."

Severus nodded and proceeded walking. They were very close to the castle entrance now but as Lily walked beside him, she felt empty as he no longer held her.

The walked down the halls and approached the dungeons. "Sev-"

"You said you felt sick. Were you speaking literally or metaphorically on your own behalf?"

Slightly taken aback, Lily hesitated. "Physically, although metaphorically as well these days." Lily muttered. Severus gestured for her to have a seat and she took it obligingly. Severus flourished his wand and a fire was dancing in the hearth. The room was warm, clean, organized, and smelled of sandalwood and cedar. Severus moved across the room to a cabinet. Since there were in his private office and quarters, these potions were part of his private stock, too expensive or rare to be a part of his private stores. "Lily, how long ago was it that we made love?" He said this casually, almost as if he were speaking about the weather and Lily felt herself grow hot. Made love.

"I think it was about two weeks ago." She gulped.

"And have you been anticipating your menstrual cycle or are you late by chance?"

Lily stood up, "Severus! I can't be pregnant!"

"Well you were not on any kind of potion protection were you?"

She looked down at the floor. "No, I as anticipating we would have- would make love. I use contraception shields with James."

Severus rolled his eyes and made a disgusted face. 'More than I desired to know, Lily." His voice was gruff and he turned back to the cabinet.

He strode across the room after retrieving some potion and handed it to her. "Drink the whole thing, it is small and has already been properly portioned as per usual from the stores I buy from."

Lily raised an eyebrow, "Why do you have this?"

Severus smirked, "I have everything, Lily."

She drank the entire thing as Severus took an empty cauldron off a nearby table and spoke, "You should know in a few moments."

"How-" Lily started but suddenly she felt horribly sick, her stomach lunged and instantly she vomited into the cauldron.

She couldn't begin to explain her embarrassment but Severus looked stunned. His eyes were wide and he was open mouthed looking at Lily who quickly wiped her mouth and turned away. "I…" Severus put the cauldron aside and took his hand in hers. "Lily," he was looking her in the eyes. "Why are you crying?" He asked gently.

"I don't know who the father is," she whimpered. "What if it isn't yours?" She hadn't realized what she had just said. She had to admit it; she wanted the child to be Severus's.

Not my best chapter but I promise things will improve. I really appreciate your loyalty, guys. I know I am a slow update when it comes to these stories but I promise you I will finish them. I NEVER leave a story unfinished! Thank you so much for your reviews and support! :)

Happy Reading! xX