"The Enterprise ship account contains 19 billion credits after all accounts are settled with the Federation and Starfleet. Currently we've donated almost 35 billion credits to the Federation and 63 billion to Starfleet," Sulu finished.
"Why are those numbers different?"
Sulu explained the difference concisely.
"Because, on the recommendation of Mrs. Uhura - our attourney, we've spent the difference - 28 billion credits - on Vulcan resettlement under the management of Ambassador Selek."
"A Spock in any timeline..." McCoy mumbled under his bourbon-tinged breath.
Acknowledging McCoy's observation with a nod, Sulu resumed the financial briefing.
"Mr. Scott and Dr. McCoy have a balance of accounts of approximately 12 million credits each after all debts are settled and minus their purchases.
"Captain, your trust fund holding account has deposits totaling 21 million additional credits.
"Spock - and Uhura - have seen the greatest return from the merchandising of additional Spock products. The most recent accounting puts his net return at 41 million credits."
"Nothing like a big green lollypop to -"
"Shut up, Len!" came from the bedroom. Dressed in shorts and a tank top, Uhura joined the swimsuit models in her living area.
"How you feelin', hon?"
"Better. And before you ask, Captain, no; I'm not pregnant."
The relief noises from Sulu caused all attention to fall on the taciturn helmsman.
"If it got out that Spock and Uhura were having a kid it would kill doll and autograph sales at the junket," Sulu explained.
"That reaction right there is proof we're in over our heads," Scotty informed the calendar crew.
The Scotsman's serious eyes took in the group before expressing his assessment of their situation.
"I remind you gentlemen - and Uhura - we're explorers. We got into this bog to bail out the Enterprise and Starfleet. We're done, Jim. All our people are paid up, ship's stores cannae hold another crate. Spock, McCoy and I own a planetoid with dilithium mines -"
The slow protrusion of Kirk's lower lip announced a full on pout.
"Ach! Spit it out, Jim."
"You guys never discussed that investment with me..."
"Quit poutin'," Bones the Snark clarified "Only adults get to be partners in our company."
"Spock's still a Vulcan teenager!" Kirk complained.
"Not where it counts, kid," McCoy the Xeno-Anatomy Professor clarified again.
"I'm going to assume you meant his head, Len." Uhura cut in.
"You do that, hon."
"As I was saying," Scotty interjected, "the facility mods for the family quarters and the day care and the school are underway with not a pence from Komack and we've got a 25-year rainy day fund for the Enterprise and her crew. Let's plan our exit and celebrate our escape before we do something stupid," Scotty warned.
"Scotty's right." Uhura seconded.
"You're only saying that because your husband's Vulcan tackle is the main source of credits." Kirk teased.
"Want me to call Komack?"
"I'm kidding!... Don't do that!"
This was all getting too complicated...
"I'll take your recommendations under advisement," Jim answered thoughtfully before moving on.
"Thanks for the financials, Sulu.
"Everybody grab a PADD. We're here to clear the comm system cache buffers. Spock created buckets for each of us to go through and delete this crap so I can get my ship back.
The next several hours went nothing like clockwork.