Sulu

Sulu, the entrepreneur of the group, scanned the first 10,000 comms before messaging Chekov. Wandering aimlessly around Spock and Uhura's quarters with his PADD, thousands of messages hit his digital dustbin before Chekov comm'd back.

Retaking his seat, Sulu executed Chekov's hastily developed app and smiled in quiet satisfaction. 18,629,347 messages quickly reduced to 19,177 messages - all legitimate business offers for the Enterprise Swimsuit Squad© (Sulu's new - and legally registered - brand name for the business).

If 1% of these deals yielded a 5% net profit return, they'd all be bazillionaires in 24 Earth months.

Spock would be a trazillionaire.

Scotty

At one thoughtful answer every five minutes, Scotty estimated he'd be just under 12,000 years old before he got through the messages he already had in his bucket.

Desperate to provide answers serious - and courteous - enough to shut off further correspondence, Scotty comm'd Carol Marcus and begged for help. Minutes later Carol announced at the door to Spock's quarters and plopped herself next to Mr. Scott on the couch.

Savvier at this style of social engagement, Carol created form letters that Scotty could customize in seconds - technical answers, acknowledgements, publicly available personal information, gentle rebuffs of marriage proposals (including a 6-way polyamorous offer requiring Scotty to gestate the offspring from the multi-partner mating encounter), stronger rebuffs of sex offers (including the backup 6-way polyamorous mating offer if Scotty were biologically unable to conceive) and thanks-but-no-thanks replies to the vids and images received.

The third time Scotty's eyes crossed and he lost the ability to speak, Carol filtered all vid and image files to her PADD.

This protected Scotty's delicate sensibilities and allowed Carol to craft personalized responses of her own.

Kirk

Kirk's bucket, second only to Spock's in message inventory, kept the captain smiling and busy.

While he didn't answer every comm personally (independently coming to the same conclusion as Carol Marcus about the need for a personalized form-letter response), Kirk did spend significant time shuttling many messages - particularly those with vids and images - to his "Further Action Required" folder.

In some cases, he forwarded images from his last shore leave on Risa, encrypted heavily. These were accompanied by simple notes in the return comm that could all be interpreted as:

"Comm me back at this private address."

McCoy

McCoy read exactly three messages:

=*The text from his mother congratulating Leonard Horatio on solving his ex-wives' payment plan problem

=*The pic from his daughter, Jojo, squealing at how cool it was to have a daddy her friends thought was a hunk

=*The encrypted vid from Abby describing her physical response to the photos and announcing her intent to apply for a research practicum onboard the Enterprise so that she, Jojo and Lenny would be co-located. Abby went on to detail for Lenny what would happen in Lenny's quarters - with helpful images - at the end of each work day after Jojo went to sleep

"Lenny" McCoy moved these three correspondences into his personal folder.

Leonard McCoy then deleted the remaining 8,913,624 messages without opening them.

Thus the good doctor returned to his libation at a record rate compared to his colleagues.

Spock

Spock telepathically pleaded with his bond mate to allow him to address the comms - alone. Citing her recent nausea and his ability to read, review and dispense of the comms at 5-times her admirable rate of speed garnered him no quarter; Uhura intended to place her mark on the messages.

With just over 52,192,507 messages to be handled, Spock groaned mentally at the ordeal in front of him.

At her insistence, Spock extended access to his mate.

Fingers flying, Uhura reduced the number to 23,501,264 messages in mere seconds. A quick look across their bond told Spock she "answered" every comm with the subject heading "Marriage Proposal" using a one-word exclamatory sentence.

Another 22,179,058 comms bit the dust minutes later using a similar strategy - except the second group all had subject headings offering sex and responses from his mate containing a Klingon expletive and the words HELL NO! in bold caps.

When Uhura elbowed Spock again, she'd decided that the remaining group would require their joint attentions. Snuggling into his lap in the chair, they shared a PADD to get through the heaping pile. Every comm had a vid or image file embedded to be viewed.

Comm #13 disturbed the peace.

Spock's agile fingers skidded across the touch interface to open the comm for a decision.

The revealed image caused Uhura to drop the PADD.

Stunned - and semi-trapped in Spock's arms - she didn't move fast enough to prevent McCoy's recognition of the anatomical parts of the pic. Nor did she prevent McCoy grabbing the PADD from the floor (with amazing speed for a bourbon-soaked sot).

Uhura's recovery and anger arrived but not fast enough. McCoy tossed the PADD to Kirk as Uhura's swipe at it missed the mark. Kirk had the image up on the wall display in seconds.

"You can DO that with image editing software?" Sulu asked to no one.

"Close your eyes, lass!" Scotty directed Carol while placing his hand between her eyes and the image. Cute though his gentlemanly protections might be, Carol really wanted to see the pic.

"Yup. I'd say green lollypop applies." McCoy the Candyman razzed Uhura, who glared at him.

"Can he DO that, Uhura!? Is it physically possible?" Kirk asked incredulously, head canted to one side as he tried to puzzle out the arrangements of super-sized appendages on the display.

Snatching the PADD from Kirk, Uhura deleted Comm #13 and all remaining image and vid comms, flushing them through her Kirk-proof secure comm disposal system.

Grabbing Spock's hand roughly, she tugged him to standing and announced they were done and retiring to bed.

But not before she shot Kirk a look of pure seduction and an answer -

"Yes he can..."