The parade of plaintiffs and defendants marching into the courtroom irritated the judge.
M'umbha Uhura insisted the hearing start within hours of posting bail for her numerous clients. In addition to Nyota, Spock, Donal Trumpe and a number of high-powered "guests" attending the junket, M'Umbha represented three possible felons - shackled together at the wrists and ankles - named Kirk, Sulu and Scott. Carol Marcus and McCoy trailed behind the group as interested observers and witnesses to the legal comedy.
Some security guard at the court building decided that Kirk, Sulu and Scotty constituted a "clear and present danger", so they'd been manacled and shackled since arriving for the trial.
Mrs. Uhura's decision to defend Donal Trumpe ensured her Enterprise clients would get paid every dime she intended to sue the muskrat for.
Judge Lawler Everright sighed from the bench. Dragged from a bed somewhere on Risa, he'd arrived at court in his pajamas with an acute case of coitus interruptus.
Mrs. Uhura and the judge had history - legal and personal.
"Let's get this over with. Let me see your motions to dismiss, M'Umbha."
"Thank you, your honor." the defense attourney beamed at her old nemesis.
Nyota got her brains from both parents - but her smile was cloned from her mother. After absorbing M'Umbha Uhura's secret weapon, Lawler Everright adjusted himself in his chair to restore some "room" in his lounging pants.
The judge had sense enough to let Counselor Uhura win the easy cases. Most of the defendants were innocent bystanders consumed by the inadvertent scuffle that broke out poolside.
"These are in order. I'll dismiss the cases against Davis, Davis, Davis,..."
The Davis family reunion contributed the first 203 defendants. Heirs to a multi-generational mega-fortune and long time clients of the Uhura clan law firm, their 5-million credit emergency retainer would allow M'Umbha time off to promote her son, Edward, to head of the firm, to focus on Nyota's father, Benjamin Alhamisi Uhura, and to spoil her grandchildren.
As well as time to discuss the lack-of-grandchildren issue with Spock and Nyota.
"Where's the Talosian futbol team - I don't see them. Bailiff Selcsum, notify their embassy that all charges have been dropped and their travel credentials reinstated. And tell them to give our local players a chance next time. Hard to stop players you can't see.
"Rfstx, ~^|`' et. al., Tobor Xes of the Mirror planet, The Topless Beauties Pageant employees et. al., ..."
By the time the dismissals had all been read into the public record, the courtroom had cleared considerably.
"However, Counselor, I cannot dismiss the charges against the principals in this debacle - namely Nyota Uhura, %* (^^$% Spock, -"
Lawler Everright became the latest bipedal hominid unable to pronounce Spock's last name.
"James T. Kirk, Montgomery Scott, Hikaru Sulu and Donal(d) Trump(e) -"
Donal Trumpe became "Donald Trump" from the judge's mouth - an easy mistake to make given Donal's history and the fake hair.
"Their contribution to the destruction and their cavalier disregard for the public's safety deserve a public airing. Admiral Komack, has your counsel arrived from Starfleet?"
Komack stood alone, handcuffed to a massive bailiff.
"No, your honor."
"Fine. This will be easy - Bailiff Brewzzer, return the Admiral to the holding facility."
"Judge, please! I'm a member of Starfleet!
"I'M an ADMIRAL, damn you!
"I DEMAND to be released!
"THIS IS ALL THEIR FAULTS! UHURA AND SPOCK!
"KIRK DID THIS! ASK HIM!"
Komack protested with each step away from the judge, forcing the bailiff to apply excessive force to Komack's exit.
As Komack's complaints turned to pleas for Brewzzer to stop twisting him into a pretzel, Brewzzer contemplated his own life - without the career change from xeno-Buddhist monk to bailiff, Brewzzer would've missed these experiences. Brewzzer's philosophy degree came in handy in both professions.
"Defendant number one - Ms. Nyota Uhura - please approach the bench and present your testimony."
Nyota's mother squeezed her daughter's arm to silence her as they approached the judge together. The ankle-cuffed Calendar Crew© and Donal Trumpe shuffled behind the lawyer and her daughter.
"Your honor, my client was sexually assaulted by the defendant - Mr. Gottee. My other clients - Messrs. Kirk, Sulu, Scott and Trump -"
After the grief he'd given her during contract negotiations, M'umbha Uhura chose to consciously mispronounce Donal's last name as "Trump".
"Hey! That'snotmyname -"
"Shut up, Donal!" Nyota snapped at him over her shoulder.
This close to Nyota's anger, Donal yipped in terror and hid behind Kirk.
"Order in the court! Continue, Mrs. Uhura"
"While a number of foreign DNA prints were identified from the back of Ms. Uhura's swimsuit, I have unedited video of Mr. Gottee's actions. His assault on her person preceded all of the others. All of the alleged altercations by my clients occurred in direct response to the assault on my daughter."
Even Nyota's mouth dropped at her mother's use of the term "daughter".
M'Umbha Uhura did not make those kinds of mistakes. With so many Uhuras in the clan, there'd been no guarantee the judge would understand M'Umbha's commitment to getting this client cleared of all charges.
[An aside: On Earth, the Eternal Revenue Service created a special process for handling Uhuras. Thanks to improvements in apps, the agency was only 104 years behind in processing the hundreds of thousands of tax returns the clan and its businesses submitted every six months.]
Lawler Everright would suffer endlessly if Nyota Uhura were found guilty. The longevity of the clan would keep him, his descendants and his estate in court for generations until the Uhuras bankrupted them.
The change of expression on the judge's face signaled success. Everright would never jail M'Umbha Uhura's daughter and risk centuries of courtroom warfare with the Uhura clan.
"Is that all, counselor?"
"Yes, your honor. I will trust to the court's sense of justice and its track record of protecting the innocent."
Counselor Uhura smiled at about the 40% level; Everright got a clue really quickly.
"Will Plaintiff number two - who I see is also defendant number seven - approach the bench. I'm sure we can work this all out before my next tee time."
While night-time golf (using glowing balls on bio-luminescent genetically engineered grass) was the rage on Risa, the "driver" Everright intended to use wasn't in his golf bag - it waited impatiently in his pajama pants.
The judge lifted his eyes over the top of his bifocals to see a human mountain approach the bench in a suit costing more than the judge made in the last decade - even with bribes and payoffs added in.
Nyota Uhura stood before the bench, arms folded across her chest, as the rump wrangler sauntered up.