A small crowd is gathered, encircling the oddly-dressed woman who is to be our coach. The 'crowd' (there really isn't enough people to call it that) consists of myself, George, Jessica, Kanon, Beatrice, and Gaap. To the side of the grey sports hall is a couple of small kids: one has short, blonde hair full of pink ribbons, and the other has long, dark blue hair that reaches her elbows. They're both about the same size, which would never be close enough to reach my height in a thousand years.
Our coach, sporting some weird cosplay outfit over a grey swimsuit, brushes back her blonde hair and gently places an equally dumb-looking hat atop her head. From either side of her hat are a couple of strands of fabric, which reach below her shoulders before tapering into arrows, pointing at the floor her feet hover above.
"Allow me to speak," she begins. "Let it be known that I, Gertrude, will serve as coach for the badminton club. Know that there is no more suitable coach than I, a senior aide of Eiserne Jungfrau."
"At least it's not Tommy Wiseau again, he coached football last year and it sucked," Jessica says, smirking.
"Allow me to speak. Let it be known that you will be organized into pairs.
Pair 1 will be George and Kanon," says Gertrude, but George speaks up unhappily.
"Um, is there any chance I could pair up with Willard? Kanon has cooties."
"Very well," Gertrude facepalms. "George and Willard will be pair 1."
"Yaaaaay!" says George casually.
"Pair 2 will be Jessica and Kanon."
"How convenient," Jessica laughs, but Kanon didn't hear as he was listening to Linkin Park at such a loud volume that everyone else could hear it through his earphones.
"Pair 3 will be Beatrice and Ga—"
"NOO, don't say it! NO WAY am I working with BEATRICE!" Gaap suddenly shouts. "SHE SAID BAD THINGS ABOUT MY HAIR AND FASHION SENSE," she says, crying as she runs out of the sports hall. Beatrice frantically runs after her, not wanting to play with the substitute, Professor Oak.
"Huh, those two usually get along, don't they?" I ask. George shakes his head.
"This happens sometimes."
"Pair 4 will be Lambdadelta and Bernkastel," Gertrude puts away the ancient scroll written on by the Buddha himself. The two small kids high-five eachother.
"Let it be known that pairs may think of names for their groups." Everyone talks amongst themselves, and after much chattering we all give Gertrude small slips of paper with our group names. Not wanting to be creative, I let George think of our name. "For the first round, GAAPUGAAPUBEATORICHE will play against XxSweetsnCats2010xX, and HAARTO will play against GEORGIE WUB WUBS WILLARDO33."
After some time, the badminton courts are set up, and George and I are facing Jessica and Kanon.
"Let it be known that round 1 has begun," says Gertrude.
George was the one closer to the net, and he served the shuttlerooster (as cock is simply a dirty, dirty word) with elegance. The game seems to go smoothly for us, with Kanon being busy writing 'Satan 666' into his wrists with a chainsaw, and both George and I being good at badminton.
"GG," says Jessica.
"Nobody understands my pain," says Kanon.
"Let it be known that round 2 is about to start," says Gertrude. "HAARTO will fight GAAPUGAAPUBEATORICHE, and XxSweetsnCats2010xX will fight GEORGIE LOVES WILLARDO 33!"
"Lambda and Bern must be strong if they managed to beat Gaap and Beato," says George.
Our match against Lambdadelta and Bernkastel seems to go alright; neither one of us has a clear advantage. However, just before we were about to score, Lambdadelta has a transformation sequence, changing from her gym clothes to a very OTT pink dress, with who knows how many ribbons, pink-white striped socks, and a ribbon-coated pink beret. "You won't win against us!" says Lambda, before using magic to turn the shuttlerooster into a laser-sharknado. In a state of panic, I completely freeze as the laser-sharknado heads towards me.
"NOO I WON'T LET YOU HURT WILL-KUN!" George shouts, undergoing a transformation sequence of his own like something out of a magical girl anime. He changes into a green suit, and a fiery crimson dragon rises from beneath the floor, and challenges the laser-sharknado to a game of monopoly. Eventually, George's dragon wins and we're named the victors.
"Congratulations GEORGIE LOVES WILLARDO33, you are the winners of this tournament," says Gertrude, as emotionless as ever. This falls on deaf ears however, as I'm too busy desperately asking George what the hell just happened.
"It's a blessing given to us badminton players. We can use magic," George said.
"I thought the badminton club only just started?"
"Um, yeah. We got our magic powers dead quick."
"Where from? I want to be magic too!"
"I'm sorry Will-kun, but I can't tell you. Warugiria would kill me if she found out."
"Warugiria? Who's that?"
"Ugh… I've already said too much…" George cried forever.