Chapter 3: Back to Abb-Normal

Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns twilight.

I was lookin' forward—correction, dyin' to get into my own body once again, but not to shinglin' the gypsy's roof. She sure drove a hard bargain.

Paul and I both took our own vehicles. Jeez, what I meant to say was, Paul went in the Rabbit, and I drove his pickup.

Mrs. Rita sat in a rocker on the front porch, smoke curls formin' a wreath around her head. Smiling, she remarked, "Ah, the non-believers are anxious to start, I see."

"Yeah, yeah," Paul grumbled.

"The supplies are in the wood shed, as I promised. Don't let me keep you from your work." She rose from her seat and returned to her front room, cacklin' all the way.

The shack wasn't all that big, so the shinglin' went lickety-split. You gotta believe we wanted to get outta there as soon as possible.

We finished up, put away the leftover shingles and other equipment in her broken down shed, and trotted to her front door, hoping she hadn't lined up any more odd jobs for us. Let's face the facts, the lady had us over a barrel, and she knew it.

"Done so soon? My, my … it's amazing how a little motivation can spur one into action."

"Do you wannna come out and inspect it?"

"I don't think that will be necessary, do you?" The ol' hag blew a puff of smoke in our faces. "I trust you did an exemplary job, considering the circumstances."

I glanced at Paul, who was rolling his eyes. "So, can you remove the hex now? Please?"

She chuckled—the sadist. "It doesn't work that way, Master Black. The curse will stay active until morning. When you wake up tomorrow, all will be as it was."

"Thanks." I think.

The gypsy winked at me. "Any time, Sonny."

Afraid to open my eyes the following morning, I first patted my body. No good … Paul had a similar physique. Crackin' a slit in one eyelid, I glanced around the room. Home! I was home! So glad to be myself again, I dressed quickly and ran into the kitchen.

Rachel was stirring a pot of oatmeal on the burner. I came up behind her. "Hi, ya, Rach!" I yelled. She jumped a mile. Laughin' I bent down and kissed her cheek.

"For Pete's sake, Jacob, you scared the living daylights out of me. I can never hear you sneaking up on me … you and Paul, both. What's with you anyway?"

I grinned at her while I sat down at the table. "Nothin'. Jeez, can't I be glad to see my sister?"

As she scraped some hot cereal into my bowl, she said, "It's just that you've been acting odd all week—Paul, too. It was like you both had switched bodies or something, under some kind of spell."

Adding milk and honey to the oatmeal, I spooned some in my mouth, swallowed, and said, "Hmn … I had a lot on my mind."

"Well, I'm glad you're back in your right mind now."

Right body, more like.

Dad yelled from the bedroom. "Jake, you out there? I need a little help. Can't find my damn shoes."

"Be right there, Dad."

I scarfed down the oatmeal, and headed to his bedroom. All was right with the world.

# # # # #

I stretched and yawned. Wait a minute—my feet were still on the bed, not dangling off the end. Either I woke up in my own apartment, or I shrunk during the night. After all that happened this crazy week, anything was possible.

I shot off the mattress, and onto my feet. Hallelujah! The devil woman kept her promise.

Washing up, I donned my glad rags and headed over to the Blacks', anxious to see my Chelle.

Chelle greeted me with, "Hey, stranger."

Grimacing, I answered, "Yeah … about that …"

"So, you're going to tell me why you and Jake have been acting so odd?"

I sighed …loudly. "Well, it's like this, and I warn you, it's a long story. Let's go to my place and make up for lost time. I'll tell ya all about it, after we …"

She shook her head. "You don't have to spell it out. I'm not clueless, stud."

With a grin on my face, I countered with, "Come on, girl, we'll hurry. I wouldn't want you to explode in anticipation."

Chelle grabbed her coat, and yelled into the kitchen, "Bye, Dad, I'm going over to Paul's. See you later."

# # # # #

I nearly floated out to the Taj, really chompin' at the bit to see my sweetie. No sooner had I entered the garage, than my best pal, Embry, came saunterin' round the corner wall.

He saluted me. "Hey, Jake. I heard what happened to you and Paul."

"Man, news sure travels fast around here."

"Mrs. Rita is the genuine article, eh?"

"Yeah, so?"

Shruggin', he explained, "So, I was wondering if you would go with me over there, to get a charm."

"A charm?"

"Yeah … you know. I need help with the ladies. I want them to find me irresistible and all."

"You're kiddin'."

He held up two fingers. "Scout's honor. I've never been more serious. I'm tired of being Mr. Shy guy. I'm ready for some action."

"If you say so. We'll go tonight. Now outta my way. I'm gonna see Bella and get some action for myself."

I climbed into the Rabbit and heard Embry yell, "Wooh! Go, Jake."

Her eyes were narrowed as she stood, framed in the doorway. "What do you want, Mr. Prude?"

"Huh?"

"You heard me."

I must've looked confused, 'cuz she added, "What? Your wolf hearing suddenly failed?"

Bella slammed the door in my face. Damn that Paul. He didn't bother to tell me she was mad at him … me, whatever. Jeez, what was I gonna do?"

"Hey, Bells," I said, as I rapped on the door once again. "I'm sorry, but I can explain."

"I don't want to hear any of your lame excuses. Go make yourself a sandwich or something. Aren't you famished?"

Leaning my forehead against the door, I whined, "This is stupid. We're talkin' thru' a chunka wood. Why do you havta be so freakin' stubborn? Can you please open the door? I said I was sorry for that night. C'mon, Bells, have a heart. I'm beggin'."

The door swung wide open. With hands fisted on either side of her hips, she hissed, "This better be good."

I shook my head. "Oh, it's a doozie, all right. I promise." I made an imaginary "X" on my chest. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

. . . . .

Charlie was sittin' in his favorite Lazy Boy, thumbin' thru' a fishin' catalog. He looked from Bella to me, and raised his eyebrows. "Oh, boy, I think I'll mosey on out to the back forty, and rake up some leaves while you two … ahem … talk. See ya, kids."

Bella was still glarin' at me. "Weeellll, so what's your all-fired explanation for the way you've been acting?"

Scratchin' my head, I replied, "Shouldn't we, uh … be sittin' down first?"

"I prefer to stand, thank-you-very-much."

Were those hands ever gonna move from her hips? Spoke too soon, 'cuz now her arms were crossing in front of her chest.

I sat on the hot seat, alone. "Here it is in a nutshell. Remember when Paul told you the ol' gypsy woman put a hex on us? Believe it."

I proceeded to rehearse the whole sordid tale. She never once blinked, and when I finished, Bella said, "That's quite a story. You make it up all by yourself, or did that jerk, Paul, help with it?"

"No … I—"

"Oh, stop it. That's the biggest load of horse manure I've ever heard."

"Bells, have I ever lied to you, even once?"

"There's always a first time."

"So, now I'm a liar, huh?"

She looked away for a moment. "You said it, not me."

I sprang from my seat. "Great! Look, if you don't trust me, go ask Paul."

"Right."

"Oooookaaaay. Then Leah or Curro."

"You bet I'll ask them."

"Go ahead. Call them right now."

"Seriously? Oh my gosh. That's incredible. How does so much paranormal stuff happen here? It's like we're in some supernatural vortex or something." Bella chuckled. "Yeah, I guess I need to forgive him for being out of his mind."

I patted the sofa cushion beside me. "Ah-ha. See? Told ya. Now plant your sassy little self right next to me."

She smiled, and practically jumped onto the couch, her arms reachin' out to mine.

The chief returned to the room, grinnin'. "Looks like you two ironed out your problems."

"Yep." Now go away, Charlie.

He gestured toward the door. "I'll just hop on over to your place, and watch the Steelers game with your dad. Wouldn't want to cramp your style, kid."

My eyes were still glued to Bella's as I said, "Thanks, Charlie."

That night was like no other. My girl repeated the antics she performed when Paul was me, and I was lovin' every freakin' minute of it.

Embry and I went to see Mrs. Rita.

"Well, well, Master Black. What have we here? You bring another friend to visit the lonely gypsy, eh?"

A puff of grey smoke from her pipe wafted to Embry's face. Jeez, does she sleep with that thing hangin' off her lip? He waved the nasty cloud away, coughin'. I spoke for him, since he was bent over," chokin' on the stuff. "Yeah, he needs a boost to his love life."

"A love charm, you say, hmn?"

Embry cleared his throat, then looking down, scuffed his shoes against the porch slats. "Um, you see, I'm a little bashful around the girls."

She glanced at me. "Such a nice boy; not like your other friend."

Her eyes settled on Embry again. "I have just the thing for you. Come in, come in."

We sat at the table while she poked around the bottles and tins on the shelves linin' the back wall. "Now where is the mugwort?" she muttered.

Pushin' several containers aside, she found the object in question. "Aah, here it is."

She mixed together some powders and liquids, and poured the concoction into a small dark bottle.

The gypsy instructed my friend, "Just a bit of this on your throat whenever you're near someone you'd like to know better. A dab will do ya, use more if you're daring, but not too much now, or the gals will be pursuing you. Mark my words, a little goes a long way."

Embry, jokin' around, said, "What about my friend, here. You got a love charm for him too?"

"Oh no, Sonny. Come here, and I'll show you why. No charge."

Mrs. Rita uncovered her crystal ball, and as we gazed into it, the mist vanished, and we witnessed Bella and me at our wedding. I was gobsmacked. I didn't doubt that what we saw would surely come to pass.

The next day, Bella and I had just come outta the house on the way to the Taj. My cupboards were empty, and I desperately needed a trip to the grocery store. I heard a sound like a herd of buffalo stampedin'. What the hell? Then, shrieks and giggles cut thru' the air. There was Embry, runnin' for his life, a mob of love-crazed girls hot on his heels.

Bella turned to me. "What in the world?"

I threw my hands up above my head. "Too much of a good thing would be my guess." Damn, gypsy.

The End