Chapter 20:
The wall crumbled before Ichigo could land properly. Losing his balance, he quickly turned his body to the side to take the blow on his shoulder as he hit the ground. He quickly rolled out of the way as Veneno's sword came down, aimed at his head. He kept rolling until he reached the next wall then jumped up as fast as he could and started running.
He had no reason to fight Veneno. He didn't want to. One minute ago, he held the brunette in his arms, protecting him from the Hollow. Now he was running for his life as Veneno came chasing after him. Veneno had no real reason to kill him. This attack was out of rage and confusion. It was unprovoked. If Ichigo fought back, the situation would only escalate. His best bet was to tire Veneno out then try to speak to him. Maybe they could talk this out.
The next wall shattered and Veneno came out swinging. Ichigo couldn't dodge this one. He turned around, blocking with his sword. "Wait a minute! Stop it, Veneno!"
Veneno screamed back. Not with words but emotion. His eyes held such sorrow and rage it sent a chill down Ichigo's spine.
Was all this for nothing? All the time they spent together, all their shared laughter, their conversations... All pointless? Ichigo thought for sure he could sway Veneno's mind and change him for the better the same way he did Linnette. She was miserable and in pain, too. Spending years alone, wanting friendship though no one would look her way and if anyone ever did their eyes were filled with disgust. Finally out of desperation, she made her own friends. She made it impossible to be alone. She wanted to be happy. She just went about it the wrong way. After being showed a different way, she chose to change for the better, finding that she could be happy with this new way of life. Veneno and Linnette were very similar. It was painful being able to save one and not the other, letting one die thinking he was alone and unloved. Ichigo fought so hard to help him.
But Veneno wouldn't even help himself. Here he was, falling back into that old way of life.
Ichigo couldn't let that happen. Not again. He had to help him and not just for everyone's sake but for Veneno's.
Besides, even looking into the eyes of this man bent on murdering him in the most brutal way imaginable, he could still see the wide innocent eyes of a man unsure and lonely seeking friendship. The time they spent together wasn't lost. It wasn't for nothing. It helped show Ichigo that Veneno wasn't a lost case. He did have good in him, just like Linnette. It was a series of unfortunate circumstances that changed him into what everyone referred to as an evil maniac. Linnette wasn't evil and neither was Veneno. Spending time together proved that.
No matter what, Ichigo would not use this sword against him again. He would not take Veneno's life. He swore on his soul.
Ichigo blocked again, the force of Veneno's blade sending him sliding through the air. Veneno was not going to give up until Ichigo was dead. Him and every last Soul Reaper.
"Veneno, stop it!" Ichigo shouted.
He kept pushing. Veneno wasn't going to give up until he got what he wanted.
"Stop, Veneno! Don't do this!"
"Shut up!" He pulled away and swung again. And again. Ichigo blocked every blow. He wasn't swinging back. "Fight back! Fight back, you coward!"
Ichigo didn't answer him which only fueled his rage. Veneno kept swinging and Ichigo kept blocking. Screaming, Veneno swung again and again, no longer showing skill. He was swinging blindly now, hoping to cut Ichigo with a lucky strike.
This confirmed what Ichigo thought he sensed in Veneno from the start of their one-sided battle. Every time Veneno's blade clashed with his, Ichigo could sense the pain he was holding inside. Sorrow and anger. Hopelessness, confusion. There was so much pain Ichigo couldn't begin to sort it all out. There was so much. All he knew for certain was that Veneno was still suffering.
Was he trying to get revenge for Ichigo killing him? Did he feel betrayed? Was that why he wanted to fight him so much? Ichigo didn't know. Maybe he didn't want to know. Maybe it wasn't needed. Right now he just needed to get through to Veneno. But how? Such a thing would be impossible with him swinging at him like a madman. Blinded by rage, there was no way Veneno would listen to anything Ichigo had to say.
But it was worth a try. He had to do something or else history would repeat itself. Not only that, but it could end up much worse than the first time. Someone was bound to die.
They landed in the middle of a courtyard, facing each other. Veneno snarled through his teeth, still seething. Ichigo remained calm, which only seemed to make Veneno even angrier. Veneno leaned in and bolted forward, his sword pointed at Ichigo. It was easily knocked aside.
"There's no reason for you to fight me," Ichigo told him. "I didn't threaten you. You don't have to do this."
"You're a Soul Reaper, aren't you?" Veneno pulled his sword back and swung again. "You killed me before! What's stopping you now?"
"I didn't mean to. You gave me little choice. You don't know how sorry I was. I don't want to hurt you."
"Liar!" Veneno swung his sword like a bat, aiming at Ichigo's head. He ducked every swing. "You're just like every Soul Reaper out there! You're cruel! You take pleasure in watching me suffer! You live to kill Hollows! You're so sick and twisted, you'll even kill us from the inside out! Attacking my heart and then my body!"
Veneno had actually grown to care about others and found a connection. When he had first met Ichigo, he thought he had found his first real friend. Someone he could spend time with and call his brother. He thought they could share everything together and be happy. He wouldn't have to be alone. Not as long as Ichigo was there. But he was wrong. Ichigo had still attacked him and killed him. All for the Soul Reapers' sake.
"I wasn't trying to toy with your emotions!" Ichigo hadn't intended that in the slightest. There were many of things he hadn't meant to happen. "I really do care about you!"
"Liar! Liar!" Veneno screamed and tried to stab Ichigo anywhere his blade could pierce. "You're just as cruel as the rest of them! All of them! You call us the demons? Soul Reapers are worse!" He swung again and this time Ichigo blocked. "Soul Reapers are so cruel. Once wasn't enough. You had to bring me back only so you could torment me some more."
"That's not the case," Ichigo reasoned. "I'm sure that was not their reasoning. You were brought back for a purpose and it was not to torture you."
"The hell it wasn't! Why else would they bring me back if not to torture me some more?! You already killed me once! Now you get to do it again! My life is just a sick game to you! It wasn't enough the first time! You just had to bring me back so you could do it all over again!"
"You weren't brought back to be tortured! Your life has a deeper purpose than that. I don't want to see you killed again. I don't want you to suffer."
"Like hell you don't!" The tip of Veneno's sword cut into Ichigo's sleeve, just missing the skin. "Bringing me back, acting like you care... making me think I had a friend..."
"I do care about you! I am your friend, Veneno."
"Don't call me that!" Veneno screamed and cut Ichigo diagonally. A piece of Ichigo's dark garment fell to the ground like a dead leaf. Veneno bellowed again, dashing forward. Ichigo backed up to avoid another strike. "You're a liar! You're toying with me again! You're cruel! Making me think I had friends when all this time..!"
"You do have friends! It's not a sick joke and it's not a prank. It's real. I do care. I'm not just saying that. Why else would I keep coming back here to give you things and spend time with you?"
Veneno scoffed, holding his sword out in front of him with both hands. "Because you're afraid of me. That's why. All those gifts... they were just bribes to appease a monster. Offerings so I would behave myself. You're afraid of me."
"Not true. I got you those things so you could enjoy them. I took the time to get to know what you like and shared them with you. It wasn't out of fear. It was out of friendship. I'd do the same thing for anybody else."
And he had. He had gone out of his way to do things for people to see to their happiness. Whether it was consoling a crying ghost child or retrieving a friend's treasured object, Ichigo helped them to the best of his ability. Veneno was no different.
"Come on. Can you honestly say you didn't enjoy doing that stuff with me? We just shared a snack a few minutes ago. Didn't that make you happy?"
They had laughed together. They ate together. They talked. The time they spent together was hands down the best time Veneno ever had. It did make him happy. He didn't feel that crushing loneliness that was always weighing him down. He actually felt light, as if he could fly. The feeling of freedom and contentment.
But it was all a lie.
"Not true! None of it! It's just some other Soul Reaper trick! You don't really know me at all! It was just wasted time!"
"Oh?" Ichigo counted off on his fingers. "Then how else would I know that you like to eat sweet things like cake? And that you hate raw green vegetables? Or that you like breezy days so you can face the wind and feel it on your face because you say it feels good? I also know that you like looking at picture books and you like deserts because you think they look cool. You get clumsy and blush around pretty women, too."
"Th- that's... that's not..."
"Your favorite color is blue and you like showing off your strength. You're not afraid to get hurt. You're fast and flexible. You feel insecure and you want people to like you. You don't want to do things alone. You've always wanted to know what it's like to hold someone's hand. You want to know what it's like to get a hug and what that feels like. You've always wanted to take a nap out in the open without fear. You need to keep busy because you get bored easily and you've got a lot of energy to burn. You also like to eat noddles and sandwiches with tomato."
Veneno shook his head from side to side, making his hair wave. "That wasn't me! Not the real me! The one you were with and spent all that time with was a fake! That's not me! That was him! It was all him! The one you knew and became friends with was a lie! A fake!"
"Was he fake? Or was he you without hatred?" Ichigo knew he wasn't wrong. He knew he had spent time with Veneno and not some fake. It was really him, or rather the him that hadn't been hurt yet by the Soul Reapers. There was really no difference between the two Venenos except for the fact that one of them had felt real pain and suffered everyday. "I know you better than you think. That was you. Not some fake. So there's no way the time we spent together was fake either."
"But it wasn't me! Not the real me."
"Only in the sense that you had lost your memory."
"Exactly!" Veneno cried out. "What makes you who you are is your memory! Because I didn't remember what Soul Reapers had done to me, I didn't know what was what. So the one you were hanging out with was a fake. Just some husk you could implant things into."
"No. It was you free from hatred and pain. That is what you could have been if you had never gone through the pain you went through. Don't you see? Friendship with Soul Reapers isn't impossible. The other you managed just fine because there was nothing holding you back. You were free to trust."
"Only because I had no other choice. Since I didn't know what's what, I had to relay on others to help me out. I had no say. And that wasn't fair! If I had known anything, I would have never associated with Soul Reapers."
"They weren't your enemy because they hadn't done anything to you yet. Just because they're Soul Reapers doesn't mean they're automatically evil. Don't you see? Without your bad history with them, you were able to judge them more freely. You didn't have a pre-existing relationship with them or whatever you want to call it. You didn't have any bad experiences with Soul Reapers so you were able to see them in a different light."
"Soul Reapers are Soul Reapers! No matter what I will always be an enemy of them."
"Only if you make it so! Since you hadn't done anything to them, they didn't see you as an enemy."
"Only because they thought I was a Soul Reaper. If they knew..."
"You gave them a reason to go after you before. You attacked them so they reacted the way they did. If you don't do anything like that, they won't have a reason to hurt you."
"I'm a Hollow, Ichigo! And Soul Reapers kill Hollows! There's nothing you can do about that. That's simply how the world works. We will always be enemies. There's no way for us to get along."
Ichigo shook his head. "I told you before that I was friends with an Arrancar. Remember? I've made friends with Hollows. It's possible." Ichigo lowered his sword seeing how Veneno had stopped swinging. "Besides... you've become friends with a few Soul Reapers yourself."
"I have not!" Veneno snapped. "I can never become friends with Soul Reapers! Impossible!"
"Oh, yeah? What about Akon? Don't you like him? Isn't he your friend?"
Veneno flinched. Then he answered, "He was never my friend to begin with! I was just an experiment to him! Right from the start! He was only looking after me and taking care of me because he was ordered to. He had to keep watch over his experiment. That's all it was. He never really cared. He only cares because his Captain would kill him if anything happened to me."
"Is that why he went out of his way to make you more comfortable? He got you a room of your own."
"Because you told him to!"
"He also gave you food and let you do the things you wanted and took care of you. He let you shadow him everywhere and let you have fun and spent time with you and-"
"Only because he's afraid of me, too! He's afraid that I'll go around attacking people again if he doesn't keep me happy. It wasn't because he cared. It was out of fear!"
"It wasn't out of fear!" Ichigo tried to make him understand. "The other Soul Reapers didn't know you were an Arrancar. They don't know about the experiment. They still treated you well, didn't they? Weren't you friends with them?"
"I can never be friends with Soul Reapers! It's all a lie!" Veneno dashed forward and started slashing at Ichigo's torso. Though there was fury behind all of his attacks, Ichigo could tell that they were empty. He was just swinging blindly motivated by rage and sorrow. And confusion. Did Veneno really not believe these things could be true or was he forcing himself to believe they were lies?
"Listen to me, Veneno!"
"Don't call me that!" He swung again and this time nicked his sleeve. "Don't call me that!"
"It's your name, isn't it?"
"Shut up! Don't call my name, you bastard!" This time when he swung he not only took a chunk out of his sleeve but also a piece of flesh. Ichigo grabbed his shoulder feeling the blood flow from the wound. Screaming, Veneno lunged at him again. Ichigo backed up frantically.
He didn't want Ichigo to speak his name. Why? As their swords clashed together, Ichigo thought he understood why that was. Names expressed familiarity. Fpr someone else to say his name out loud meant that he was not alone and had someone there to say it. Convincing himself that he couldn't coexist with Soul Reapers, much less be their friends, for one to call him by name meant that they were friends. That there was a connection. He couldn't allow one to get under his skin. Not his sworn enemy.
Their swords clanged together with such force the blades vibrated violently making their ears ring.
Maybe that wasn't the only reason. Maybe the reason Veneno didn't want Ichigo to call him by name was because of their history together. He wanted Ichigo to be his friend and keep him company. The end result? Ichigo killed him. Was he holding some sort of grudge or was it something deeper than that?
He kept saying it as all a lie. Did that mean that he didn't want to get hurt again so he was distancing himself from Ichigo and refusing to believe that the Soul Reapers had become his friends? He didn't want to get close to anyone. He didn't want to let them into his heart. He didn't want to get hurt. He didn't want to admit that he may have had feelings for these people he had known to be his enemies. Veneno was much more complex than Ichigo thought.
Their fight carried on into the next street. Now Ichigo was swinging back but not to hurt him. He was only trying to knock the sword out of his hand. Veneno was just as fast as he remembered him. In an instant, Veneno was at his side and stabbed him just below his ribcage. He pulled his sword back out and tried to attack from a different angle.
"Knock it off, Veneno!"
"I told you not to call me that!" Veneno cut open his chest. Ichigo's blood sprayed the wall to his left. Veneno charged in again and Ichigo blocked. "Soul Reapers are cruel! Can't you see that, Ichigo? They're evil! I mean, look what they did to me! What they're still doing to me!"
He was not only referring to the painful experiments but to them playing with his emotions. It was cruel to lead him on and make him think that they could actually get along and that they cared. There was no possibility of that happening.
Ichigo dodged another swing. "You're looking at this all wrong!"
"Am I?" Veneno jumped back for a moment to speak. "You know their laws, don't you? Anyone with Hollow powers is to be killed, even if that person happens to be a fellow Soul Reaper. See how they are?" He pointed the tip of his blade at Ichigo's heart. "You may think they're your friends, Ichigo, but they'll turn on you the second they know what dwells within you. They'll eliminate you because of your Hollow powers."
"You're wrong. A lot of them already know about my powers and they let me live."
He scoffed. "Only because you're their lapdog. Or the fact that you're human, too, so they can't touch you."
Veneno did have a point. Why were they allowing him to live? Were those the real reasons behind it?
"No, it's because they trust me. I've proven myself to them again and again. It's about controlling yourself. Look, I know how you feel about Soul Reapers and how they contradict themselves by claiming to help save people by killing them and all that, but there's more to it than you're seeing. You're not a normal Hollow anymore. You're an Arrancar. You have some humanity in you and you're able to reason so they'll be more likely to hear you out and not kill you on sight. You haven't done anything yet so they won't kill you."
"They don't need a reason. I don't have to do anything. Being Hollow is more than enough of a reason for them," Veneno said coolly. "They're afraid."
Ichigo tried to speak calmly to him but his voice was still firm. "You still think Soul Reapers are afraid of you? No matter what? Well, then how do you explain what's going on now, huh? You're hanging out with those Soul Reapers on a daily basis and they don't seem to be afraid of you. I've seen you spar together and eat together and hang out together and mess around. I can tell you're not afraid of them and they aren't of you."
Veneno's hands were shaking. It was true. When he was with them, he felt no fear. They were kind to him and treated him like family. When they touched him, he felt at ease. It was comforting. When they spoke to him, he was never lonely. He enjoyed it. He loved it when they praised him and he felt happy when they laughed. Things he had never felt before. Things he had always wanted to feel.
From Soul Reapers? Impossible! They were the enemy. It was some kind of trick. It couldn't be real... No matter how real it felt.
"No. No, No!" Veneno cut into Ichigo's other arm drawing blood. Ichigo's arm convulsed. Veneno's sword must have hit a nerve or muscle. "They weren't afraid of me because they didn't know what I was. That's all."
"Exactly!" Ichigo cried over their clashing swords. "Because of that, they were able to judge more freely. They were judging you on your character and not by what you are. They saw you! Don't you get it? You're free from discrimination. Because they didn't know you were an Arrancar, nothing was clouding their judgment of you. No predetermined idea or fate or any of that. Just you."
This time when Veneno's sword clanged against his, Ichigo could feel him weaken slightly. Veneno's sword didn't have to kind of power behind it it had a moment ago.
"They weren't afraid of you and weren't your enemy because you hadn't done anything to them yet. That's what I've been trying to get through to you. They're not your enemy because of class or race or anything. It's if you make yourself to be the enemy. By attacking them or doing harm to them first."
For a few moments their swords remained frozen in place, leading Ichigo to believe that he had gotten through to Veneno. Then Veneno's hand left his sword and punched Ichigo across the face.
"It's a lie! A trick! You won't fool me!" Veneno landed another attack on Ichigo, cutting into the leg of his hakama. "Those Soul Reapers only trusted me because they thought I was a fellow Soul Reaper. Because we dress the same that makes me their ally. If I wasn't dressed this way they would never give me a chance. Soul Reapers only trust other Soul Reapers. They keep to their own kind."
"That's not true either. Maybe it was before but not now." Ichigo tried again to explain it to him. "At first, yes they thought that unless you were a Soul Reaper you couldn't be trusted. Then three Soul Reaper captains decided to betray them and attacked. Now it's Soul Reaper against Soul Reaper. It caught them all by surprise. Then other people stepped in to help the other Soul Reapers, some of them were Hollows. Now everything they knew to be true before is all topsy-turvy. Now they trust more on action than on race. There were even Soul Reapers who came to help the Arrancars. Just because you're an Arrancar doesn't mean it's guaranteed one way or the other. You've got as good a chance as any other."
If that were the case then the Soul Reaper laws weren't as set in stone as he had thought. Still, Veneno refused to believe it.
"It doesn't matter anyway."
Ichigo glanced at him curiously.
"Because of what I've done in the past, no one will give me a second chance." His grip tightened. "Either way... I'm still just an experiment to them. So even what you say isn't really true. They still brought me back so I could endure more torture. That's what it's all about." He shut his eyes tightly. "They care about data. They don't give a damn about me."
"That's not-" Ichigo was cut off by Veneno's sword again. He was hit with such force he broke through one of the stone walls. Veneno jumped over the rubble and kicked him into another wall. Ichigo was sent in a straight line right through it and out the other side. "Listen! I know you're mad now but-"
Veneno kicked him again. Ichigo rolled across the street. He jumped to his feet just as Veneno aimed another kick at his head.
"Listen to me! They didn't bring you back to torture you. Ever stop to think that maybe they're trying to make amends?"
"How?" Veneno clashed swords with Ichigo. "All I can see is how willing they are to bring me back only to kill me again. I'm just some sick game to them! They feel the need to toy with my life! They just love to watch me suffer!"
Their swords clanged again and again. Ichigo's arms vibrated with every hit. He had almost forgotten how strong Veneno was. If he weren't so angry and able to fight using more skillful swordplay, Ichigo may have had no chance in this battle. He would have had to fight for his life.
"Think of it as a blessing," Ichigo said, pushing Veneno's sword back. "You were given a second chance. You can do things differently this time. You can have the life you always wanted. Don't make the same mistakes as before."
"The only mistake I made was keeping them alive! I should have killed them all when I had the chance!"
"Then you would have been lonely!" Ichigo shouted back. "Didn't you make them Hollow Reapers so you wouldn't have to be alone all the time?" He was lonely so he made some friends. That's all he was doing. He wanted to be happy.
Their swords rang again. Ichigo was pushed back into a wall and had to duck to avoid the blade coming at his head. He may have lost a few hairs but it was better than his head. Veneno ran close to the ground to catch Ichigo's legs. He jumped up to avoid the attack and landed on Veneno's sword, pinning it under his feet. With one hard jerk, Veneno managed to free his weapon and struck at Ichigo's ankles.
"You wanted friends, right? Well, you made some. With the Soul Reapers."
"Shut up!" Veneno cut Ichigo just below the knee. It wasn't a deep wound but it stung.
"I know you think they're your enemies, but you made friends with those Soul Reapers. I know you did."
"I said shut up!" Veneno screamed, slashing left and right.
"You had fun with them. You liked being in their company. Why else would you ask to hang out with them everyday? As much as you say you hate them, you sure spent an awful amount of time with them."
"That's because I didn't know any better! I didn't have a choice!"
Favoring physical attacks more than swordplay, Veneno flashed away, reappearing above Ichigo to deliver a quick punch to his head. Ichigo managed to avoid it but wasn't able to avoid the kick to his shoulder in the middle of Veneno's descent. Veneno darted right and left, keeping his body low to the ground. In the blink of an eye, he was right in front of Ichigo. He blocked the fist with his injured arm then ducked to avoid a quick roundhouse kick. Veneno swung his sword again which Ichigo just barely managed to block. A crack ran across the window of the building behind Ichigo's back. He struggled to push Veneno away. The harder he tried the harder Veneno pushed against him. Ichigo was pinned to the wall. He kicked out at Veneno, managing to hit him behind the knee, causing him to bend. Ichigo kicked off from the wall and over Veneno's head.
As soon as he landed, Veneno came at him again with his fist. This time, his hand was glowing. He was using a Bala. Ichigo bent his spine backwards and watched as the Bala slammed into the opposite wall, blasting a hole into the next street. Ichigo sprang back on his hands flipping over and back onto his feet. He ran backwards to avoid Veneno's next few attacks. Veneno sent another Bala his way and into the building. The wall crumbled away, pelting both of them with debris and rubble. Wasting no time, Veneno lept through the raining stone and dust. Their swords ran again.
"Why is it so hard for you to understand?" Ichigo shouted, dodging another swing. "You hadn't done anything to them so they like you. They haven't done anything to you so you liked them. Everyone was at peace. It has nothing to do with them thinking you're a Soul Reaper. The Soul Reapers have become friends with non-Soul Reapers. It's a clean slate with you. You can start fresh. Begin anew. So far it seems to be working for you, Ven-"
"Don't say my name!" Veneno's sword ran through Ichigo's shoulder. "Don't say it! Don't call me that! Don't!" He was becoming more frantic. He started to twist his sword while it remained embedded in Ichigo's arm, tearing apart his flesh and muscle. "Don't! I hate you! I hate you!"
Now Ichigo thought he had him figured out. The last time he allowed himself to believe that he had made a friend, that friend killed him. When he thought his Hollow Reaper companions would be there to keep him company and do as he wished, they turned on him. Not only that, but he found out that they weren't the company he wanted. He wanted someone to talk to. All they could do was growl. Every time he opened his heart to someone it was broken. He thought he had finally found a real true friend in Ichigo with whom he could have a mutual understanding and be able to connect like everyone else. He turned out to be wrong. Ichigo still chose the side of the Soul Reapers over him. They were both Hollow so he felt betrayed when Ichigo chose to fight against him in order to protect them, the very people who had tormented him so much. Veneno didn't want to get hurt again. No, it was more than that. Given what he had experienced, he felt such a thing was impossible for him. He was destined to be alone. Friendship for him was impossible no matter what he did.
"You keep telling yourself that... but it's not true."
"Shut up!"
"You don't hate me and now you can't hate them."
"I said shut up!" Veneno thrust his sword forward and this time Ichigo did not bother to get out of the way. He took the hit willingly. He raised his left hand. The sword's tip entered through his palm and out the back of his hand. The blade sank deeper until the blade reached its end. Ichigo wrapped his fingers around the hilt to hold Veneno's sword in place. Now he couldn't use it again. Veneno jerked the sword up and down but it wouldn't budge from Ichigo's bloody hand. "Let go!"
"You want to believe it but you've given up hope, haven't you?"
Veneno clawed at Ichigo's arm, trying desperately to free his sword. "Let go! Let go of it!"
"You did find friends but it's so hard for you to accept that because of everything you've known up until now."
"Stop it!"
"Now you've seen things in a different light. This time, they weren't your enemy. You got to live life as an equal. With them. They cared about you."
"Shut up!" Veneno wailed, pulling Ichigo's arm up and down. Even as his fingernails cut into his wrist, Ichigo did not give up the sword. Through all the pain, he remained calm and collected. After all, this pain was nothing compared to his. Veneno kept pulling and twisting, his panting shaky. He was like a child throwing a tantrum.
"Admit it, Veneno."
"Don't call me that!" He peeled back Ichigo's skin with his nails. Still, the sword was unusable. Desperate, Veneno started to bite Ichigo's arm.
Through all the pain, he spoke to him. "They cared about you. They liked having you around. Don't throw all that away. I know you think they're your enemy, I know you hold a grudge because of the past, but now this is a fresh start. Isn't this what you always wanted?"
Veneno started punching Ichigo in the chest and stomach, keeping his teeth in Ichigo's arm.
"You said that's all you ever wanted. You wanted to live. You wanted to have and experience the kind of things you never could. You wanted to take a nap in the middle of the day under a tree, and you did it. You wanted to be able to walk about without having to look over your shoulder. You wanted to be able to drop your guard without fear and you did that. You wanted to have friends and enjoy yourself and you did. You got to eat good food and hang out with people and have fun."
Veneno continued to punch him. Even when Ichigo started to feel dizzy, he held on and kept talking.
"It wasn't a lie. None of it. You know it in your heart. It was real."
It did. It did feel real. He felt real happiness for the first time in his life.
"They willingly spent time with you. They cared about you. You are important. Your life matters. You wanted to have friends, now you have them. You didn't want to be alone anymore. You're not anymore."
Veneno broke away from Ichigo's arm panting heavily. He wiped Ichigo's blood off his mouth. He beat Ichigo's chest with his fist but the strength in his arms had weakened. The hits were no longer powered by rage.
"They care. I care. If I didn't do you think I'd be out here with you now? I do care about you. You're my friend."
Veneno's breathing was uneven and shaking.
"You don't have to be alone anymore. I'm here. They're here. You're not alone." Ichigo just wanted him to take this chance. He wanted him to see that he wasn't alone and that he could be happy. He was allowed to live. There were people who cared about him.
All he ever wanted was a family and friends. He didn't want to be alone anymore. He didn't want to live in fear. He didn't want to suffer through anymore pain. Even though the Soul Reapers had hurt him in the past, Veneno understood that he wasn't without blame either. He did do some pretty horrible things to them as well.
When the Hollow Reapers were around he may have not been alone but he was still lonely. It wasn't the same as having someone to talk to. The Hollow Reapers were practically mindless beasts, hardly people to hold a conversation with. He felt the happiest around Ichigo. With him around, he never felt lonely. He wanted Ichigo to stay by his side but the situation was complicated. Veneno had made himself to be the enemy. That was why Ichigo fought against him. He really didn't have a choice. It had nothing to do with what they were. Hollow or not, Soul Reaper or not, he was doing harm to other people and threatening people. No one was completely without blame.
Though Soul Reapers were supposed to be his enemy, he had been living with them ever since he was revived. Training with them, talking to them, working side by side with them, enjoying their company. He really did enjoy it. He liked being with them. They didn't do anything to hurt him. Maybe they weren't as evil as he had thought. Maybe it was cause and effect.
Still, did that mean he had to give up on his hatred of them? They did hurt him after all. Most of his pain came from them. It was their fault. Maybe not entirely but they certainly contributed. But maybe Ichigo was right and it was time to start anew. So far it had been working. He had been happy.
But was it real? This was all based on a lie. Even taking the Soul Reapers out of the equation, he still wasn't convinced. After all, it wasn't really him they were friends with. He wasn't really befriending them. It was another version of him. A fake Veneno. No, Ichigo was right. It was him, just without memories from the past. Maybe Ichigo was right and that could have been him if he had never been wronged by the Soul Reapers. They hadn't hurt him yet so he didn't hate them. Maybe the whole thing wasn't a lie after all.
How could something so real be a lie? He knew what he felt. It wasn't a lie. It was real. He did care about them. He had been concerned about Akon when he had been injured. He remembered being so happy when Akon came to fetch him in the morning. He liked working with him. It may have been work, but he actually found it fun. He enjoyed working with them and helping out. He liked being praised and he liked seeing their pleased expressions when he had done a good job. He enjoyed looking at the moon with both Ichigo and Akon. He remembered how worried both of them had been whenever he was in pain or in a bad way. Their concern made him feel happy. They really did care about him. Training with the members from Squad 11 was a lot of fun, too. They were happy to have him around and praised him, too. Being with them made him happy. And all those experiences were real, too. He finally was able to do all the things he always wanted to. They may have been little simple dreams but the were being fulfilled. He got to experience what it was like to be without fear. He got a hug from Ichigo, he felt what it was like to hold hands with someone, he got to feel what it was like to be around women who made him feel funny inside. He was allowed to live.
He was happy. He wasn't alone. He wasn't afraid. There were people in his life now who didn't want to hurt him. He had friends. He had people who cared about him. And he cared about them in return.
He didn't want to be in pain anymore. He didn't want to be alone anymore. This felt so real to him. How could it be a lie?
Ichigo watched as Veneno's shoulders shook up and down. His body was trembling. His breathing was still uneven, but quieter. He stood in front of Ichigo with his head down. As Ichigo was beginning to wonder if he should start speaking again, he heard Veneno say something in a quiet voice. His voice was breaking.
"Say my name."
Ichigo blinked.
Veneno lifted his head revealing his tear-covered face. "Please... Say my name... so I can finally stop crying."
All he ever wanted was to have friends. He didn't want to be alone. Contact with someone. Another's voice. When Ichigo had first met Veneno he mentioned to him that having a name was pointless if there was no one around to call you by it. Ichigo was the first one to call him by name. Ichigo was a voice other than his own. Hearing his name come from another's mouth was proof that he wasn't alone. A voice other than his own.
"Veneno."
At his name, he broke down and started sobbing. But not from pain. From joy. Relief.
His tears were cleansing.
It was real. No tricks, no deception.
Ichigo lowered his sword and put his arm around Veneno, comforting him. As Veneno wept into his chest, Ichigo spoke his name again. "Veneno."
Overjoyed and at peace, Veneno cried, clinging to Ichigo's bloodstained clothes with both hands.
He wasn't alone anymore.
Aww... Emotional chapter, huh?
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