Chapter 21:
The fight may have been over, but there was still a battle raging inside of Veneno. While he opened his heart to Ichigo and trusted him, he was still struggling to do the same with the other Soul Reapers. It was much easier to trust them before he regained his memory. Even Ichigo would admit that. Now Veneno was at war with himself. Should he open his heart to them, too? Could he really trust them? He still held a lot of mistrust and bore a deep grudge against them. This was going to be a lot harder than Ichigo thought. There was always going to be doubt in Veneno's mind. At least for now.
Though Veneno said that it was the Soul Reapers who were afraid of him, being an Arrancar and all, but Veneno was just as frightened of them.
This fact was most apparent when both Ichigo and Veneno had to go to Squad 4 for their injuries. Unohana saw to both of them. Almost at once, the Captain seemed to know the truth about Veneno. Ichigo quickly explained the situation and Unohana agreed to keep Veneno's true nature a secret.
After treating Ichigo's injures, she called Veneno forward for his treatment. He refused to come. He stood with his back against the wall on the opposite side of the room like a frightened animal.
"Come on. She doesn't bite." Ichigo beckoned him over but Veneno still refused to come any closer. He was already in the same room with a Soul Reaper. That was far enough.
Unohana smiled patiently at him, seeming to understand his fear. "It's hard to treat you from over there. Please come closer."
Veneno shook his head, pressing his back into the wall.
"Please come over here," Unohana pointed to the bed she sat beside. "You'll be more comfortable over here. Please."
"Nuh-uh!" Veneno couldn't back up any further but he continued to try to distance himself from her.
"She's just going to do the same thing to you she did to me," Ichigo tried to reassure him. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll be right here next to you. I won't let her hurt you."
Veneno glared. "Sh- shut up! As if I'm afraid of that. Don't treat me like some child."
Ironically, he was acting just like a child.
"Please," Unohana said again. "Come closer so I can treat you."
Hesitating for several moments, Veneno finally moved closer. He slid his feet across the smooth tiles very slowly, stopping after a short distance. He had only moved a few inches.
"Closer than that."
He slid his feet again, keeping his back against the wall.
"You're still not away from the wall."
He slid again, stopping at the nightstand beside the bed. Now he had run out of wall.
Unohana smiled at him again. "I could always come to you if it's too difficult for you."
That was not an option. Veneno very slowly lifted his back from the wall and inched his way over to the bed. Ichigo checked the time using the clock mounted on the wall. It took Veneno five whole minutes to come away from the wall and over to the bed. And he wasn't even there yet! Ichigo wished he would move faster than that. If it weren't for his arm in a sling or the fact that Veneno needed to be coaxed slowly because of his fear, Ichigo would have pushed him onto the bed himself. However, holding him down by force wasn't going to help Veneno get over his fear and distrust of them. He was on the mend. Slowly.
Finally, Veneno was standing by the bed looking at the woman sitting in the chair at the foot of the bed. He stared, or rather glared at her, his whole body tense.
"Please sit down." She pointed to the bed.
He shook his head.
"It's ok," said Ichigo. "You can sit down."
He didn't budge. They waited without a word. Unable to stand the silence or their stares any longer, Veneno sat down. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, ready for a quick getaway if need be.
"Thank you," Unoahan smiled. She moved closer to him and reached for his arm. Veneno flinched and pulled away, scrambling to the other side of the bed. "It's alright. I was just going to check your vitals."
"I'm breathing, aren't I? I'm alive."
"It's a standard thing all doctors have to do. She did it to me. You saw." Ichigo hoped that would get Veneno to come back and let Unohana do her job.
After a few minutes, Veneno crawled back over to where he sat before and kept very still. Unohana moved slowly, trying to show Veneno that she meant him no harm. She took his arm and pressed two fingers on his wrist, checking his pulse. "Your heart rate's a little high but you're under stress so that shouldn't be too much of a problem."
Veneno kept his eye on her the whole time, tense. Every once in a great while, he would quickly glance over at Ichigo. Maybe it was for reassurance or maybe it was just to check and make sure he was still there.
Unohana announced everything she was going to do before she did it so Veneno wouldn't be taken by surprise and panic. However when she stood up from her chair and reached for his neck with both hands, he jumped back, thinking she was going to strangle him.
"Relax. I was going to feel your glands."
He kept his body tucked up tightly, glaring at her.
"Like this." Unohana demonstrated on herself, feeling up and down her neck with her hands. "See? It doesn't hurt."
He looked at Ichigo. "She did it to me, too. You saw," he told him. Sighing, Veneno uncurled himself and stretched up his neck and lowered his shoulders so she could reach him.
"Thank you. It just takes a second." She felt his neck with her hands. Veneno kept his eyes shut tightly as if she were hurting him. He gave a small whimper when her fingers brushed his Adam's apple. She pulled away. "All done. That wasn't so bad, right?"
Veneno opened his eyes and seemed surprised. That didn't hurt at all. It just felt weird.
Next she moved closer with a stethoscope. He flinched when he saw the instrument come toward his chest. Unohana touched it with her hand, showing him that it wasn't sharp and wouldn't hurt him. "I'm just going to listen to your chest, ok? Like this." She pressed it to her own chest showing him what she was going to do. When Veneno relaxed slightly, she pressed it to his chest and started listening. "Take a deep breath in and out for me."
He inhaled and exhaled as she moved the device over his chest. When she moved behind him, he started to scramble from the bed. He didn't want her to be where he couldn't see what she was doing. Ichigo stood in front of him, blocking his path. "She's going to do it on your back, too."
Veneno tried to keep an eye on her, turning his head as far as it would go. She touched him with the device again and told him to breathe the way he had before. The device moved across his back with every deep breath he took. When it got lower, Veneno's back arched and shivered as if she had touched him with an ice cube.
"What is it? Did I hurt you?"
"N- no... It feels weird."
"Your lower back is sensitive. Don't worry, I'm almost done." She had him breathe in and out two more times then moved on to something else. She looked in his ears, mouth and nose with a another device with a small light on it.
Veneno didn't like tools being so close to his body. It brought back all the painful memories from when he was experimented on. He had a fear of medical instruments as a result. Whenever one was close to him, he knew it meant pain would come. He had been conditioned to expect pain from such objects. These tools, however, weren't painful at all. It was a relief but he still expected pain would come. Especially when she came at him with a small hammer next.
"I'm going to check your reflexes next. I'm going to use this to tap your knee and see if it moves. Just relax." Veneno gripped the bed as she hovered the hammer in front of his knee. She gave it a small tap and his leg jerked out. It felt weird, almost like hitting his elbow in a table. It wasn't exactly painful but he didn't like the feeling nonetheless.
"Are we done yet?" he asked.
"Just one more thing. Stand up, please."
Veneno stood.
"Hold out your arms like this." Unohana showed him what to do. She held out her arms to the side so her body formed a large T. Veneno mimicked her actions. "Good, stay still for me, ok?" Unohana started to feel either side of his body with her hands. She was feeling his shoulders, his ribs and his hips. When her hand brushed against his side he jerked back, doubling over. "Did that hurt you?"
"No." Veneno held his side, turning his body away from her. "Tickles."
Unohana gave an amused giggle.
"What's so funny?" he demanded.
"Your ticklish."
"Quiet!"
Unohana stopped giggling. "All done. As far as I can see, nothing's broken. Your vitals are good and you seem to be in good health. Ichigo's worse off than you are."
"Well, the main difference there is that one of us wasn't trying to hurt the other." Ichigo shot a look at Veneno.
The Arrancar looked at Ichigo's bandaged body, his left hand in a cast and arm in a sling. "Yeah. Sorry about that. You started it, though."
"I started it?!"
"Voices down in the sickbay," Unohana warned.
"Sorry."
As Unohana jotted down notes on a clipboard, Ichigo grew concerned.
"So you're not going to tell anyone about this... right?"
The Captain looked up, smiling. "You made your situation quite clear. You just needed a check-up. I see no reason why it should be broadcast. Doctor-patient confidentiality."
Ichigo breathed a sigh of relief. He knew he could trust Unohana. She agreed not to tell anyone that Veneno was really an Arrancar.
Unohana glanced over Ichigo's shoulder at the door. Ichigo turned around and found Akon standing in the doorway, staring at them wide-eyed. Two nurses were trying to pull him away but he refused to come. Unohana waved them off and the two women left.
"What happened this time?" Akon asked wearily.
"Just a little scuffle," the Captain answered. "Don't worry. I finished checking the both of them."
"Oh, no..." Akon moaned. There was no denying Veneno was an Arrancar now. Unohana was a sharp woman, but even a complete fool could clearly see that Veneno wasn't a Soul Reaper after a physical exam. "Captain Unohana, please listen to me. Veneno-"
"Don't worry. I won't tell." She set the clipboard aside.
"Then... you know he's an Arrancar?"
"The mask and hole in the center of his chest are rather hard to miss. Can't overlook those." She moved to the other side of the room, putting away her medical supplies. "I'm sure you have your reasons for keeping it a secret so I won't tell anyone. Besides, my job is to heal, not to pass judgment."
"Thank you, Captain." Akon bowed to Unohana. Keeping her lips sealed may have not only saved Veneno but Akon's skin as well.
"So what's gonna happen now?" Ichigo asked.
Unohana glanced at Veneno who had once again backed up against the wall. "The way I see it, you have two options. One, he can stay here for observation. Two, he can return to his room to rest."
"He has a choice?"
She nodded. "His injuries are very minor. He really doesn't need to stay here in the sickbay if he doesn't want to. As long as he gets some rest I don't think it matters where he goes. Just don't have him do any work for the rest of the day. Ichigo's free to go, too."
Ichigo looked down at his injured arm. Between the two of them, Ichigo was the one in most need of rest. Unohana was good at what she did, however that didn't mean that Ichigo was completely healed. His hand kept tingling and his arm throbbed as his wounds began to mend.
"What would you like to do?"
The question was aimed at Veneno who seemed very surprised to hear that he had a choice. He looked from side to side, frowning. If he remained in the sickbay, it meant that Soul Reapers would be coming in and out all the time. He would be surrounded by them. If he went back to his room, he could avoid them and hide until he had the situation sorted out.
He chose the latter. "I'll go back to my room."
Unohana smiled at him. "I hope you feel better. Take care."
Veneno seemed torn. He stared at her for a long time then looked at the ground. He seemed to be mulling over if he should say anything or not. He didn't seem to know what to say.
"Ok, let's go." Ichigo started to head toward the door. Something grabbed him from behind. Veneno had grabbed onto Ichigo and wouldn't let go. His shoulders were raised, covering his neck and his head was tucked down. He looked frightened. "I'm going, too. Don't worry."
"I'm not worried!" Veneno jumped back. When Unohana waved him good-bye Veneno moved closer to Ichigo again.
Akon led the way down the hall toward the barracks. As they passed several Soul Reapers on their way, Ichigo noticed Veneno becoming more paranoid. At first he was able to walk beside Ichigo keeping his hands to himself. A few minutes later, Veneno was walking closer to Ichigo. Now he had latched himself to Ichigo's uninjured arm. With every smiling Soul Reaper they passed, Veneno's grip would grow tighter, giving them suspicious glares. His actions reminded Ichigo of a shy child. He even hid his face in Ichigo's back when they passed a large group of jogging Soul Reapers.
It seemed that Veneno would have to go through some form of rehabilitation. He had to get used to being around Soul Reapers again.
As they stopped in front of Veneno's door, Akon turned around to speak with him and was surprised to find Veneno glaring at him. "What's gotten into you?"
Veneno hid behind Ichigo's back, still clinging to his arm. "I know I'm an Arrancar and I know what you did to me, you jerk."
Akon looked at Ichigo for clarification.
"He got his memory back."
Akon groaned, rubbing his forehead. "I knew this would happen eventually. I thought I'd be better prepared for it."
"Why'd you do it?" Veneno asked.
"Do what?"
His grip on Ichigo tightened. His arm was starting to go numb. "Why'd you bring me back? What was the reason?"
Akon didn't avoid the question and his answer was slow in coming. He seemed to be coming up with an honest answer rather than a lie that would make him feel better or make himself look good. "It was the Captain's project. His reasons. I was barely involved. I wasn't the one who brought you back. He was. I don't know why he did it."
Veneno didn't look satisfied with that answer. He still looked angry. It seemed his suspicions were correct and his life was nothing more than a game to them. His worth was only measured in what he could provide for their research.
"But I doubt he did it to hurt you," Akon added. "The Captain may be insane and cruel and impulsive and reckless... but he has some integrity. Somewhere deep inside, and I mean way deep inside, he has a compassionate heart. At the very worst, he was just looking for information and never bothered to think what it would do to you in the long term or emotionally, but he would never do anything deliberately to hurt you. That much I can guarantee you."
Veneno refused to look at him but Ichigo could feel his grip loosen slightly.
Akon opened the door. "Like Unohana said, you can rest here today. You don't have to do any work. I'll come by to fetch you in the morning."
Veneno didn't budge. Sighing, Ichigo moved toward the door. Still attached to his arm, Veneno had no choice but to follow. When Ichigo had one foot in the door, Veneno detached himself and scrambled to the other side of the room and sat with his back to the far corner. He kept his eye on Ichigo. He looked like a dog looking to his master for reassurance.
"It's ok, Veneno. As far as everyone's concerned, you're still one of them."
"But I'm not a Soul Reaper."
"That's not what I meant."
Veneno lowered his head. Wrapping his arms around his knees, he sat in the corner without a word.
Ichigo knew Veneno was overwhelmed and needed time. He had to work things out himself and to do that he needed to be alone. Ichigo reached forward and touched Veneno's knee with his right hand. "It'll be ok. I'll see you later, ok?"
Veneno curled into a tight ball, hiding his face. As Ichigo left the small room, he could feel Veneno's eyes upon him, watching him leave.
The door closed and Ichigo turned to Akon. "You don't seem all that surprised that Veneno got his memory back. You weren't that upset by it."
Akon looked away.
"You knew it was going to happen, didn't you?"
Akon pulled the small log book out of his pocket. "I suspected it would happen given what I put in here. The dreams he had been having were memories. That was the first hint. I didn't really know what was going to happen until Mayuri told me the other day. He said that one good trigger could cause all his memories to return. We don't know how or when or what would do it, but we knew it would happen eventually. In fact, that may have been the reason why all those people were after you in the first place so the way I see it-"
"Wait," Ichigo interrupted. "What people? What are you talking about?"
"When Captain Hitsugaya attacked us a while ago. And all the other Soul Reapers who have been obsessing over you. Haven't you noticed that? You were the target. They all wanted you."
"Me..?" Something clicked inside Ichigo's brain and he started to connect the pieces. "You mean all those people who would suddenly latch onto me and try to take me to the Soul Society with them?" Like Byakuya, Yumichika and Hanataro.
"You cannot be that dense. You mean you haven't noticed?"
"Of course I noticed! I just didn't know it was connected. What does any of that have to do with Veneno anyway?"
"Simple." Akon pointed to the room where Veneno sat in isolation. "When Mayuri resurrected him, Veneno's mind wasn't fully conscious, which was why he had amnesia in the first place. So all the people who had become Hollow Reapers in the past responded to Veneno's subconscious mind. The part of his mind that was so desperate for friendship and felt a connection with you. Therefore all those people responded to that part of his mind and started to obsess about you and wanted you to be with them. It's very simple. Veneno wanted you so he wouldn't be lonely, so they wanted you."
"If Veneno wants me, then they want me?"
Akon nodded. "That's it in a nutshell. It was an emotional response of the subconscious. There's really no logic behind it."
"So that's why they kept their personalities. They weren't being controlled at all. It was just a powerful emotion they had." Ichigo understood now. Veneno and the former Hollow Reapers were connected subconsciously. They were responding to Veneno's desire to be with Ichigo so he wouldn't be alone. It was an emotion, not a thought. "But wait. Now that Veneno has his memory back..?"
"No one should have any of those episodes anymore. They were only behaving that way because Veneno hadn't truly woken up yet. His memories were locked up inside his subconscious. Which is what they were responding to. Now that he has regained his memories, there shouldn't be a reason for them to behave that way anymore. His subconscious has now become his conscious mind again. Even though the two are still separate, the memories were trapped in the subconscious since he wasn't fully awake yet when he was revived. Now that he has woken up, the memories in his subconscious have now moved back to his conscious mind where they belong. More or less. You get what I'm trying to say?"
Ichigo felt lightheaded. "Uh, you lost me somewhere in the middle."
Akon groaned. "Well, I am trying to simplify it. Guess I'm not doing a very good job. The mind is a complicated thing... Well, I understand it. As long as you get the gist of it you should be fine."
"Without the details and long explanation, what's the short story here?"
"Ok, the sum-up is that now that Veneno has his memory back, the others shouldn't be coming after you anymore. They were only responding to the memories trapped in his subconscious. Now that his memories are no longer in his subconscious, there's nothing for them to respond to." Seeing the look on Ichigo's face, Akon added. "They were acting that way because Veneno had amnesia. Now that he has his memories back, they shouldn't be acting like that anymore. With me?"
Ichigo nodded. "Yeah. It's less of a headache if I only know the answer and not the why." It was a huge relief. Byakuya said that he wouldn't tell anyone about their own findings unless they had another reaction. Now that Veneno had his memory back, no one should have that reaction anymore. He could finally be at ease. There was no need to worry anymore. "So I guess Mayuri found all that stuff out when you showed him the book, right? About his dreams that weren't really dreams."
Akon averted his eyes. "I, uh... never told him about the dreams Veneno had been having."
"Why not?"
"I didn't think it was relevant."
Ichigo frowned. "The hell you didn't. I may not be a researcher like you but I know how you guys tend to work. When you're doing an experiment of any kind, you never leave out information. Everything is important." Akon kept his eyes down. Ichigo knew what was going on. "You were hiding it from him. You didn't want Mayuri to find out because you were worried what he would do to Veneno if he found out. You were worried about his well-being. You care about him."
"No, I don't. I was just asked to look after him, that's all. To get attached to an experiment would be foolish."
"Foolish or not, you do care."
"No, I don't."
"Admit it. You do care. Why else would you deliberately withhold information like that if you didn't care?"
Akon faced the other direction. "He's an experiment."
"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." Akon really did care about Veneno. He was just hiding it. He was denying it out loud and to himself, trying to convince himself it wasn't true. "If you were really doing this because Mayuri told you to, you wouldn't be keeping stuff from him."
Akon glanced back at Ichigo. "So how'd you get those injuries anyway?" he changed the subject.
Ichigo looked at his arm. He moved it up and down. He didn't really need the sling anymore. "Veneno and I had a little debate. Everything's cool now."
"Hm." Akon paused. "How'd he get his memory back anyway? What were you guys doing? Something jogged his memory."
"We were fighting a Hollow."
Akon turned around. "A Hollow? Where?"
"Just outside the lab. I was walking with him there and we found this Hollow stumbling around."
The Third Seat looked concerned. His eyes started to shift from side to side, searching his brain. "Out in the open like that? In the middle of the street?"
"Yeah. We fought that thing right there."
Akon shook his head. "That's impossible. A Hollow in the middle of the street in the middle of the day... someone was bound to sense it."
"We didn't sense it. We just saw it."
"A Hollow can't suppress its Spiritual Pressure that much. We would be able to sense something. Your run-of-the-mill Hollow doesn't do that. There would be traces of it somewhere."
"I'm telling you we didn't sense it at all."
Akon kept his eyes on the ground. After a minute he lifted his head. "Well, you killed it so there's not a problem. You should probably get back to your group. You're always disappearing on them. Don't want you to get in trouble."
Ichigo nodded. He gave one last look at the closed door and and went on his way. There was nothing more he could do here.
Time had changed again. It was late at night in the World of the Living. This time difference was really messing with Ichigo's inner clock. He no longer knew when it was time to sleep and when it was time to wake. It was the middle of the afternoon when Ichigo had left. Judging by how quiet it was, everyone had to be asleep. He crept inside through the back door which had been left unlocked. He tiptoed through the dining room to the kitchen.
"Forget something?"
Ichigo jumped. Cedric was standing in the dark holding his body by the scruff of the neck. He held it out for Ichigo to take.
"Byakuya needed his bed back so we had to move it."
After Ichigo slipped back into his body he thanked Cedric.
"You keep disappearing a lot. Something wrong?"
"What? No. I was just..." Ichigo shook his head, putting his thoughts aside. "It's nothing. I don't really need to wander off anymore. There's not much of a reason anymore. I took care of things. Everything should be good now."
Now he was the one lying to himself. He had been sneaking off to keep Veneno company. Now that he had returned to normal the problems were just beginning. Ichigo may have needed to return more often now. He had to make sure Veneno didn't snap. Before he was trying to make sure Veneno was left in good care and that he was happy. Now he had to make sure Veneno didn't lash out at anyone or declare war on the Soul Reapers.
"Everyone's already in bed."
That was Cedric's subtle way of telling Ichigo to get some rest and not leave again. Ichigo nodded and went into the den. Cedric walked behind him, making sure he didn't take any detours. Ichigo pushed the sleeping Hanataro aside and curled up on the couch. After he was settled in Cedric left.
As Ichigo lay on the couch, he started thinking. He knew Veneno would have to undergo some sort of rehabilitation to be able to be around Soul Reapers again. Which of course meant he would be returning to the Soul Society at some point in the near future. That wasn't all that was on his mind. Now he knew that the Soul Reapers were only behaving the way they were before because of Veneno's subconscious. Now that he had his memory back that hopefully meant that the random attacks would be a thing of the past. It wouldn't happen again which meant that he no longer had to worry about Byakuya informing the Soul Society about their findings. That was a piece of good news that was long overdue.
Then a new thought occurred to him. If the Soul Reapers were changing at random because of Veneno's subconscious, did that also mean that the same was happening with him? Ichigo's Hollow had been taking over at random which hadn't happened before. It was in sync with the former Hollow Reaper's changes. Did this mean that Ichigo's Hollow wouldn't be taking over either?
That made little sense. The people who were behaving that way were all former Hollow Reapers. Ichigo was never a Hollow Reaper so how did his random changes tie in with theirs? Maybe the problem wasn't solved. Maybe Ichigo's Hollow would take over again.
Ichigo shut his eyes tightly trying to shake those thoughts away. He shouldn't be thinking about that now. Now was time for rest and these weren't restful thoughts. If he needed answers that badly, he would go to Akon and ask. He seemed to know more than the others. If anyone had the answer it would be him.
This is only going to gets worse, isn't it? -_-'
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