Sulu
You can identify a scavenger a kilometer away, Sulu told his roiling stomach.
A Gorn female - at least he hoped it was a female - had just kissed him.
The president of the "Gorns Mate With Sulu" fandom opened her mouth, showing teeth caked with dead and decaying flesh from her (formerly) living lunch, extended a slime-covered tongue and laid it on Sulu. Literally - from one side of his face to the other. The entire top of Sulu's Starfleet uniform shirt reeked and stuck to him.
Three days ago Sulu had convened an emergency meeting of the swimsuit participants when the mandate to attend the Gorn fan convention came through. Pleading, he warned Kirk that attending the event could lead to Uhura "remembering" what happened, thus disrupting the operations of the Enterprise while he and Kirk recovered from sexual reassignment surgery after she castrated them both.
Unfortunately, the original request from Gorn had inadvertently been rerouted by the Communications department of the U.S.S. Enterprise to the Federation Diplomatic Service. Someone in Uhura's department mistook it for diplomatic correspondence.
Kirk's disregard of the invitation garnered a severe reprimand from Starfleet scarcely a day later. Apparently, the Federation needed an entré to begin diplomatic relations with the Gorn. The Hegemony's fleet of ships and store of weapons would begin to address the loss of Vulcan muscle in the quadrant.
Assembled with his calendar brethren in Kirk's quarters, Sulu received the bad news - he was now the Federation Cultural Emissary to Gorn.
Swallowing bile from the stench of the mucus covering him, Sulu nearly considered Seppuku - the Japanese ritual preceding suicide by hari-kari: death by sword through the gut.
He'd be returning for cultural - and saliva - exchanges every three Fed. Standard months for the next two Fed. Standard years.
Castration and sex reassignment didn't look so bad anymore.