Chapter 23:

When Ichigo arrived at the barracks, he found Akon pacing outside a closed door. When he saw Ichigo, he silently threw his hands up in aggravation and pointed dramatically to the door. Veneno was on the other side. Ichigo quickly ran over and knocked. "Veneno, are you in there? It's me."

"Go away! Leave me alone!" Veneno called from inside.

"It's Ichigo. Come on, let me in."

Akon threw his hands into the air again, as if saying 'see what I have to deal with'. He was running out of patience. He was a few refusals away from breaking the door down and dragging Veneno out by force.

Ichigo knocked again. "It's me. Please let me in."

This time it took a little longer for Veneno to answer. "Ok, fine."

Ichigo slide the door open a crack and slipped inside, closing the door behind him. Veneno had pushed the dresser against the door in an attempt to barricade himself inside. Since this was a sliding door, it didn't do the job as intended. Ichigo found Veneno curled up in the far corner of the room pressing his knees to his forehead. Even when Ichigo entered the room he did not look up.

"Thanks for letting me in."

Veneno did not answer.

Ichigo moved closer. Veneno curled into a tighter ball. "Can I come closer?" Ichigo asked, not wanting Veneno to feel threatened in any way. He had to approach him like a frightened animal.

Veneno nodded into his knees, hiding his face.

Ichigo moved closer and sat down. "Sorry I didn't bring any treats for you this time. We can just talk instead. If you want."

The next few minutes passed in silence.

Knowing he had to break the silence, Ichigo spoke again. "Why won't you come out? Akon's worried about you."

"No, he's not! He's just worried about what his boss will do if anything happens to his precious experiment. He doesn't give a damn about me."

Ichigo sighed. "You can't hide from him forever."

"It's not just him. It's all of them."

He nodded. "Ah. You're afraid of the Soul Reapers. That's why you're hiding in here."

"I'm not afraid! I hate them! All of them!"

This was not going to be easy. Not by a long shot. "Listen, Veneno... You can't hide in here forever. You'll need to come out at some point. You've gotta eat."

He pointed to the dresser. "I still have those snacks you brought me."

"They won't last. You'll starve."

"They want me dead anyway! All Soul Reapers are the same. I am an Arrancar after all. But when I die, it won't be by them. I'd rather starve to death than have any one of them take my life. I should get to pick and choose how I want to live and die. What right do they have?"

"So you'd rather throw your life away than live with them? That's stupid. What a waste. I mean, you've been living with Soul Reapers all this time. Do things really have to change?"

"I did!" Veneno snapped, finally lifting his head. "I changed. I changed back to me! How I was meant to be. I'm not living a lie anymore."

Now that his face was no longer covered, Ichigo could see the bags under Veneno's eyes. "When was the last time you slept?"

"Huh?"

"The bags under your eyes. Didn't you sleep last night?"

Veneno pouted, hugging his knees tightly. "How could I knowing they were around? If I close my eyes, who knows what they'll do to me? I have to stay alert."

He was still terrified. He was too scared to sleep knowing the Soul Reapers were nearby. They may attack him in his sleep or drag him away and chain him up and subject him to more painful experimentation. That's what he was afraid of.

"Come on," Ichigo told him. "You slept fine before and nothing happened. Nothing has to change. Does getting your memory back really mean everything has to be different? You were safe before."

Veneno wanted to argue but couldn't. No words came to mind that would prove Ichigo wrong. It would be the same argument all over again. Still, he couldn't find rest. He was too paranoid.

"Listen, if you're having trouble sleeping, there are a few things we can do."

"I don't want anyone to drug me!"

"I didn't mean that. I meant we can try to help you settle. Something that will comfort you so you won't feel so afraid. Like a stuffed animal, or a guard at your door to keep watch and make sure nothing happens to you. Anything like that."

Again, Veneno didn't say anything. Somehow, Ichigo doubted he was giving the idea any thought.

"Either way, you can't stay in here forever."

"Watch me." Veneno couldn't be anymore stubborn.

Ichigo groaned. Just when he wanted to rest after a long day out, he had to travel all the way to the Soul Society to play psychiatrist to a damaged Arrancar. Ichigo sympathized with him that he had been hurt in the past which had left him scarred in more ways than one, but enough was enough. He had to get over it. Or at least try to get along with the Soul Reapers. He didn't have to forgive them or like them, just not do when he had done before.

His Hollow was right. There was little point in helping someone who wouldn't help themselves.

Ichigo started to get up when Veneno grabbed his sleeve. He gave Ichigo a desperate look. "Stay." Ichigo sat back down.

"Ok."

Again their time was spent in silence. Veneno had wedged his back into the far corner as far as he could go. Now that Ichigo was beside him, Veneno had started to come out of his corner. He wasn't gripping his knees so tightly anymore. This was progress. Veneno was more comfortable around Ichigo than anyone else.

"Will you stay?"

Ichigo turned. "Hm?"

"If I leave this room, will you come with me?" He kept his eyes down. "I... I don't want to be alone."

"You won't be alone. Akon will be with you."

Veneno scowled. "He's a Soul Reaper."

"So am I."

"But you're a Hollow, too."

Ichigo couldn't deny that fact. "What I am doesn't define me. It's who I am that matters. I don't choose to be a human or a Hollow or anything. That's just a small part of me." He leaned back against the wall. "I chose to get Soul Reaper powers so I can help the people dear to me but I never chose to be a Soul Reaper. I really don't think it matters. I know Rukia told me that there are things I must do now that I am a Soul Reaper and it's my duty but I told her that I choose what I'm going to do. I'm not going to save someone's life because it's my job. I'll do it because I want to. It's my choice."

Veneno remained quiet.

"And you have a choice, too. Like I said before, you were given an opportunity to try things differently this time around. You don't have to repeat yourself. See how this works for you and pick what you want."

Veneno gripped his hakama tightly. "I... I don't want to be scared anymore..."

Ichigo smiled and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "You don't have to. You don't have to be alone, either. You have me. And if you want, you can have more. You can make more friends. People who will care about you and people you'll care about in return."

Such a thing seemed impossible to Veneno, but it was a dream of his. He had been wishing for it for such a long time. Could he really obtain something like that?

He was willing to give it a try.

Veneno stretched his legs out on the floor allowing his body to unfold into a more vulnerable position. He turned to Ichigo and nodded. "Ok."

"Ok?"

He nodded again. "Ok."

Ichigo grinned and stood up.

Veneno quickly grabbed his sleeve again. "But you are coming with me. Right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I'll come, too."

Ichigo moved the dresser aside and slide the door open. Akon stopped pacing outside and stood waiting for them. He breathed a sigh of relief when Veneno stepped out of the room and closed the door. Akon led them towards the lab. Veneno looked over his shoulder, watching his sanctuary slip further and further away.

Outside, the sun was bright making their eyes sting. It must have been morning in the Soul Society. At first Veneno seemed to be doing just fine. As soon as they started to pass by a few Soul Reapers, then Veneno slipped right back into his old pattern. It was the same as before, Ichigo observed. As soon as they started to pass people, Veneno would clam up and become moody. He would move closer and closer until their shoulders touched. When someone got too close or if someone was being loud, Veneno would grab Ichigo's kimono and not let go. He clung to Ichigo every step of the way. Only when no Soul Reaper was in sight would Veneno begin to relax and breathe calmly.

Even in the lab there was little change in his behavior. Soul Reapers squeezed passed them in the cluttered halls with carts and papers. Veneno griped Ichigo's back tightly, his face looking pained. He was now walking behind Ichigo, using him as a shield. It was difficult to walk like this but Ichigo didn't say anything about it.

They passed an open door on the left. Inside the small room were several Soul Reapers in white lab coats huddled around something in a steel box. One of the men pulled out a large needle and stuck it into whatever was in the box. The box began to rattle and the other men in the room had to hold it down. Veneno hid his face in Ichigo's back. Seeing such a sight brought back terrible memories. Every time he peeked, he saw more people with needles and knives and hammers and numerous other tools, all of which looked painful. Veneno hid again in Ichigo's back.

"Say something."

"Hm?" Ichigo looked over his shoulder.

Veneno kept his face hidden. "Just say something, please!" He must have needed something to help distract him from all that was happening around him so he turned to Ichigo for help. Ichigo spoke to him calmly, making small talk. He asked Veneno questions and told him about his day in the city. Veneno seemed less pained and his grip loosened.

Akon stopped in front of a room and held the door open. "In here."

They began with simple tasks like cleaning off the tabletops and sweeping the floors. Then Akon needed Veneno's help fixing a machine. He needed his strength to turn bolts and hold heavy parts up while Akon reached between them to get at the wires. Veneno was reluctant to do it but agreed to help as long as Ichigo was nearby.

This went on for two hours. Ichigo was getting tired of standing around while the others worked. He wanted to leave. But his presence helped put Veneno at ease so he was needed. He offered to help but Akon told him he shouldn't be touching the equipment. So he watched Veneno from where he stood. Over time, Veneno seemed to get a little more comfortable and was more willing to come closer to Akon. However, when Ichigo moved, Veneno would stop everything and watch him with pleading eye. He didn't want him to leave.

When it was time to break for lunch, Ichigo started to head out the door. Veneno rushed to his side immediately. "It's late for me. I have to get back. I told them I would only be gone a minute."

Veneno didn't say anything but his eyes kept shifting from side to side, looking at Akon and then elsewhere.

"Akon's been with you longer than I have. You know he's not going to try anything."

"But..." Veneno tensed up as Akon approached them.

"Want to get something to eat? I'm starving."

Veneno's stomach answered for him. He was very hungry.

"I'll come with you, but only for a minute." Ichigo had to put his foot down at some point.

It was a nice day outside so many Soul Reapers decided to eat their lunches in courtyards or rooftops or wherever else the sun could find them. Ichigo tried to distract Veneno again by asking him what he wanted to eat. A group of female Soul Reapers approached them smiling.

"Afternoon, Akon! How are you?"

"Fine. Just getting something to eat."

"What luck! Here you go!" One of the women handed Akon a boxed lunch. "Lieutenant Hisagi made them for the women but we had some left over."

"Oh, he made them, huh? Thanks."

Another woman offered one to Veneno. "You're hungry, too, aren't you? Here, take it. This one's yours."

Veneno didn't move. Ichigo had to give him a little push. He stared at the box as if it were about to explode.

"Go on, take it. It's yours."

Veneno slowly held up his hands and the woman placed the lunch box onto his open palms. Veneno's arms gave a little under its weight but kept a solid hold on it. The woman smiled.

Rendered mute, Ichigo had to thank the woman for him. "No problem," she said. "Sorry we didn't have one for you."

"That's fine. I'm not hungry anyway."

The women left. Akon showed Veneno over to a bench and they sat down to eat. "You'll like it. I hear Hisagi's a really good cook. He mostly makes meals for the women but sometimes guys get lucky and get the leftovers. Or if we request he makes something for us. He's a nice guy. He'll pretty much do what you tell him." Akon opened his bento and started eating. "I was right. It's good. Go ahead. Dig in."

Veneno opened the box slowly and looked inside. Meat and vegetables. He didn't like green food so he had a feeling he wasn't going to enjoy this. He picked at the rice and meat, ignoring the leafy greens. The meat was cooked just to his liking and had a lot of flavor. The rice was still warm.

"You don't have to be afraid of me," said Akon. "I know that's why you're acting like this."

"Who said I was scared? I hate Soul Reapers, that's all. You're a Soul Reaper."

Akon sighed. "You were fine with me before."

"That was before I came to my senses. I didn't know any better back then. I had no choice."

Akon lowered his chopsticks. "I haven't done anything before. Don't you think if I were going to try anything I would have done it by now? When you were most vulnerable?"

Veneno frowned harder. "I'm just your experiment. That's all I am to you. Something to be studied. If I don't work out the way you want, you destroy me and start over. Isn't that how it works? Now that I have my memory back, isn't that enough of a reason to get rid of me? I might infect you guys again."

Akon shrugged. "I haven't been ordered to do anything like that to you yet."

"Just doing what your boss says," Veneno scoffed. "I knew you didn't care."

Akon kept eating. When he was almost finished, he lowered his chopsticks again. "You know... it isn't easy being a part of Squad 12. Not by a long shot."

"Because your Captain's creepy as hell?"

"Well, there's that. But I meant what we do. I'm used to building gigais and things like that. They're not real, but when you create something it's hard not to get somewhat attached. If someone breaks it, I get pissed. All that hard work... When something works it makes me feel accomplished. But there's a fine line. You never get attached to an experiment. No matter what it is. If it's not the way you want it, throw it out and start again. It's foolish to get attached to something. I make hundreds of gigais and I don't grow attached to any of them. I know they're just things. Experiments are the same way. I design something and build it and give it to the person who ordered it. I'm proud that I created it but I'm not attached to it. I'm pissed if someone breaks it but I figure it's ok because I can always make another one."

"So what?" Veneno asked, sounding annoyed.

"So I never cater to the device. I never get attached to it and I don't really care about it one way or another. Part of an experiment is to see what works and what doesn't. What will happen. We can't tamper with it or effect the outcome. You care but you don't care. You have to remain indifferent and never develop feelings for it." Akon looked up. "With you, it's different. You I do give a damn about and it's not because I'm afraid of what the Captain would do to me. I care about your outcome. I'm not indifferent when it comes to you. You're not like other experiments. But because all experiments are the same in that you cannot care about them either way, then that must mean you're not an experiment."

Veneno's face softened.

"You're a person. I can't see you as an experiment, no matter how hard I try. And believe me, I've been trying. I didn't want to get attached in any way. I didn't want to care, but I do."

Veneno looked down. "You... care about me?" That couldn't be right. Veneno frowned again. "Y- you only care because your Captain will beat the crap out of you if anything happens to me." He wouldn't be tricked. Akon wasn't really concerned about him.

"Funny, because according to the Captain, I wasn't supposed to let you out of that lab."

"No, no. You got me that room because Ichigo-"

"I'm talking about before Ichigo discovered you. When you had wandered out on your own when I went to get lunch. You said that you wanted to go back. I knew I wasn't supposed to let you, but I did anyway. I got permission because you asked."

This was a surprising answer. "You did it to make me happy?"

"I guess so." Akon started eating again.

Veneno looked down at the last remaining grains of rice at the bottom of his lunch box. Maybe Akon did care about him after all. He would need a little more convincing but for now Veneno was satisfied with that answer. Believing that someone truly cared about him without having an ulterior motive made him feel happy.

He turned to look at Ichigo but couldn't find him anywhere. Sometime during the conversation Ichigo had left. Veneno's heart started racing. He was left alone with the Soul Reapers. Out in the open with no place to hide. He didn't feel betrayed. Ichigo said he would only be with him for a minute. Akon had called Ichigo to him before so he could probably do it again. Still Veneno didn't want to be left alone with so many Soul Reapers around. It triggered the flight or fight response in him. He could either run and hide from them, avoiding them as best he could, or he could take his sword and start stabbing them to eliminate the threat. But there seemed to be a third option: remain quiet. As long as he did nothing, he should be ok. Just go along for the ride.

Even though Ichigo told him nothing had to change, Veneno thought different. With his memories returned, he remembered everything the Soul Reapers had done to him which made it difficult to trust them. Even if he was able to do it before, the hatred he felt kept interfering making it that much harder to find a way to get along with them again. He knew he couldn't forget.

Ichigo wasn't asking him to forget. Just to move on and try again doing things differently this time around. Still, it was easier said than done.

After eating, it was right back to work. Veneno helped Akon deliver files to the different departments and floors. Veneno's white-knuckle grip on the metal cart had drawn attention from the other researchers. He overheard several Soul Reapers asking Akon if he was doing alright, showing concern for him. Some even asked Akon if he could get some time off to rest. Akon insisted everything was fine and continued to deliver the files.

Veneno touched the tip of his mask fragment still hidden beneath his brown hair. As far as any of them knew, he was a Soul Reaper just like them. This was the only thing setting him apart from the rest of them. The fragment and hole in his chest. He wasn't one of them and yet they treated him as if he were. If they knew the truth, would that all change? There was no change in Akon, but he knew he wasn't a Soul Reaper from the very beginning. What about the rest of them?

After the filing was taken care of and the deliveries were dropped off, Akon took Veneno to one of the lower floors. They had to do a little organization among other tasks. The next few hours were spent looking over different files, making sure the containers in the supply closet were filled and a lot of reading.

Now that Veneno had his memory back, the lab gave him mixed feelings. He hated being down here because of his past but at the same time it felt like a second home to him. It was an awkward time spent with very little conversation.

Unable to stand the silence any longer, Veneno turned to Akon. "So... What's going to happen to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is your Captain going to get rid of me? Am I a failed experiment? What's going to happen?"

"I can't say. But I doubt the Captain will do anything to hurt you... Er, kill you." Many of the things Mayuri did to people, experiment or not, were quite painful. "I don't think you have anything to worry about."

Veneno looked at the pile of papers on the table. "Am I just data to you? Them? I don't understand."

It was too difficult to concentrate with Veneno's constant questions. Akon had to put the work on hold while he answered him. "I told you before, I don't see you as an experiment."

"But what about them? I'm an Arrancar. They don't know that. What will happen to me when they find you?"

"Hard to say. You haven't done anything to hurt us so probably nothing." Akon could see the Soul Reaper shunning him and maybe behave the same way Veneno was acting now. But he was certain the other Soul Reapers wouldn't try to kill him unless he showed himself to be a threat. He didn't attack them, they wouldn't attack him. Still, Akon couldn't guarantee anything.

Veneno didn't appear very comforted by those words. He still looked nervous.

"You'd be surprised. Things aren't as black and white as we thought. Fighting alongside Arrancars, being betrayed by Soul Reapers and battling them. Nothing's set in stone. No one knows who we can trust. Maybe that's a good thing. Now we have to think. So you never know. Since you've been a friend to us so far, memories or no memories, things don't have to change. We can judge based on who you are and not what you are. Just because someone's a Soul Reaper doesn't mean they're good. Same goes for Arrancars. I know it's a lot to think about but it's not worth worrying about."

Veneno pushed the pen across the table with his finger, rolling it unevenly over the papers. "Ichigo said I don't have to be lonely anymore. Then why to I still feel alone?"

"Because you think you need someone like you around. Take a look around the department. No one here looks alike. I have three horns on my head. I'm different from everyone. No one is exactly like you so of course you're going to feel lonely. You're going to keep feeling lonely unless you change the way you think. No one is exactly like someone else. Everyone is different. It'll be a waste of time to hold out for someone like that. You'll never find them. So far you've found people who like you just the way you are. Go with that."

"But I'm not the way I was. I remember things now. I'm different."

"The only thing different is the fact that you remember your past. I know your past effects who you are today, but frankly you are not that different. I still like you. And you have Ichigo, too. He's done nothing but help you all this time. He might even get in trouble for it. Me, too, for that matter. Shows just how much we care about you."

Veneno stopped rolling the pen. His mouth formed a straight line across his face. It was almost a smile. Knowing people cared about him made him feel happy. He thought he only had Ichigo who could relate to him because of his Hollow powers. Maybe he had more people than he thought. People who weren't that different after all.

Akon picked up the pen and made a note on one of the papers. "Damn people don't know how to file worth..." He muttered to himself as he organized all the papers. He started to pile up some papers in the corner and made smaller piles closer to where he was. He made notes on the papers and in a notebook off to the side. He checked off all the parts they had on hand for building and wrote down the parts different researchers needed for different projects. This was going to take a while. Akon didn't mind the quiet but that just made this work even more boring. He was almost hoping Veneno would start talking again.

Veneno's body slumped over, his head resting on Akon's shoulder. He turned. Veneno's body was relaxed and quiet. Akon looked at Veneno's closed eyes. He had finally fallen asleep.

I guess he feels safe with Akon. Ironically, it can also be argued that he's fine with labs, too.

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