Update 8/17: JustCharles here..We've inspired Palladion.x to write a pairing with Adachi and Yumi. so, Ari suggested adding this. You can check out Chapter 3. Thanks Palladion and Ari.

Author's Note: Hello, friends! I have not shown my face in the persona fandom for quite some time, have I? Yes, well, that's certainly nothing for me to proud of. Eek.

The other day, I PMed my good friend JustCharles and said something like "I have had this horrible little nagging feeling in my head all day that I have to try writing Yosuke x Adachi. I think it's time for us to consider the possibility that I may, in fact, be insane."

Somehow, that led to us coming up with the idea for this insane and disturbing pairing challenge. He said that if I wrote my terrifying Adachi pairing, he'd write a terrifying Adachi pairing as well.

So…having made a promise, I intend to keep it. Here we go!

The following story is the product of a freewrite. You'll be able to tell as soon as you read it. It's that, uh, good. By good, I mean...not at all.

Easy, Lucky, Free

By Ari Moriarty

"Aw man," muttered Yosuke miserably to himself as he walked home through the deserted late-night Inaba shopping district. "This…this just sucks."

It was already after ten o'clock, and he'd just finished closing up Junes for the night. Having gotten out just a little earlier than he'd expected, he'd taken the opportunity to make a phone call to a girl who's number he'd gotten the week before from a school friend. They'd hung out once or twice in Okina since then, and Yosuke was starting to think that maybe it was time to make a real move.

Unfortunately, things hadn't gone exactly as well as he'd hoped.

"Um, sorry, Yosuke-kun," the girl had said when Yosuke had tried to suavely and casually ask her if she wanted to get dinner at Aiya Saturday night. "It's not that you're not a nice guy, or anything. Actually, you're really sweet. It's just that I don't see us being together…um, like that, I mean. I'll always want to be your friend! Yeah, I really like spending time with you! So, let's hang out again sometime, okay? Just…I don't think we should exactly date."

Yosuke had tried not to let himself sound too disappointed, and when he'd hung up, they'd both still been on decently friendly terms.

Still, it wasn't like this was the first time this kind of thing had happened to him. Actually, when he thought about it Yosuke realized he couldn't remember a time that a pretty girl hadn't friend-zoned him the moment she'd met him.

"What is it with me, anyway," he muttered aloud. "I mean, it's like I have 'BEST GAY GUY FRIEND' stamped in the middle of my forehead, or something! I'm not gay! I like girls! I really, really like girls! How come I can't get any of them to like me? Ugh, it's sure not as easy as Yu makes it look. What the hell does he have that I don't?"

From out of the shadows in front of him, something or someone detached itself from the wall. Yosuke jumped back in surprise and barked his shins against a poorly-placed signpost.

"You know," sighed a familiar voice in the dark. "I ask myself that question all the damn time."

As Yosuke held up both hands in front of him to try and protect himself from whatever was oncoming, Detective Adachi stepped out into the light of a streetlamp, slouching as usual and looking a little disheveled from whatever that day's police work had held for him.

His cheeks were also a little pinker than usual, and there was something sort of strange and glassy about the look in his eyes.

"Oh, uh," mumbled Yosuke. "H-hey, Detective. Wow, you really surprised me. Do you, uh, make a habit of jumping out at people from behind corners, late at night? I swear, I'm not violating curfew. Yet. Actually, I just got off of work."

Adachi grinned, shook his head, and then hiccuped.

"H-hi there," he said. "Nope, I'm off the clock."

Oh, thought Yosuke, so you're just being creepy on your own time, then. Good to know.

Adachi produced a bottle of sake from somewhere behind him, and held it out to Yosuke. "Want some? It's not bad. Not bad for the cheap stuff, I mean."

Yosuke made a face. "Uh, you know that's illegal, right? I'm only seventeen."

Adachi just shrugged. "Like I said, I'm off the clock. Come on. Looks like you could…use a drink, anyway."

Again, Adachi offered Yosuke the bottle. Yosuke could tell that Adachi himself was already pretty far gone, and the bottle was consequently half empty.

"I won't tell," insisted Adachi. "I mean…of course I won't. I'd probably get into even more trouble than you would, right? Best insurance…ever."

Uncertain exactly what else to do, Yosuke accepted the bottle and took a small swig. The sake felt good and warm going down his throat, but it stung a little at the bottom, and the aftertaste was odd.

"You know," he remarked, "Adachi-san, you're not a bad guy, really, but you may actually be the worst detective ever. Seriously, hanging around late at night and offering alcohol to minors? Is it just me, or are you trying really, really hard to lose your job?"

"Heh," mumbled Adachi . "Who cares? Who…who really cares my job? You want to know a secret, Hanamura? I…HATE my job."

That's not a secret, thought Yosuke. I mean, I sort of figured you hated it when I realized that you never, ever actually do it.

"All those tight-ass, stuck-up fat guys walking around with their guns in their belts, compensating for something," muttered Adachi, shaking his head. "You think I want to be classed with those assholes? Nah, no way. Not a chance. I mean, sure, the police are great, in theory. We keep the town safe! We protect the people! But…in the end, you know what we really do? We do a whole lot of nothing. Nothing good, anyway."

"Y-yeah?" Yosuke frowned. "Well, I don't know about that. I mean, Dojima-san always seems to work pretty hard."

"Dojima-san?" Adachi waved the bottle at Yosuke, narrowing his eyes. "Don't you even get me started about that guy. That guy…you know what I'm always thinking about him? I'm thinking, just like you said just now, 'what does he have that I don't?'"

Well, thought Yosuke. For one thing, he's got a work ethic. And, um, morals. You wouldn't find him trying to get kids drunk this late at night, or…any time, actually.

"I could have been something too, you know," Adachi rambled on. "Sometimes, life just gets you down, gives you a bad break. If it hadn't been for some shit that's happened to me, I could have been Dojima-san. I could have been a 'sir,' or a big boss. I could have!"

"Y-yeah," muttered Yosuke. "I'm sure you could."

Adachi sighed and leaned back against the wall, still waving the bottle around while he spoke. "Sometimes," he expostulated drunkenly, "the world just has it in for you. No matter what you do or how hard you try, you're out of luck. You're just plain out of luck, you know what I mean?"

Yosuke nodded. "Actually, I think I do. Maybe it's harder being an adult, but…there are times that I've felt like that. I mean…"

He thought for a moment about the girl he'd just spoken to on the phone, and about the number of times he'd been turned down, rejected and ignored by women because he was just such a 'great, nice guy.'

"Nice guys really do finish last," he muttered. "Even at my age, I'm already starting to realize it."

"Have another drink," suggested Adachi. "I'm a nice guy. I've got your back."

"A nice guy, huh?" Yosuke eyed the bottle warily.

"Sure I am." Again, Adachi held out the bottle, and this time Yosuke accepted it, taking another, slightly larger swig which burned a little bit going down and made him cough.

"I know all about being a nice guy," insisted Adachi when Yosuke had drank his fill of the sake. "I'm the guy they call when some little old lady's cat gets stuck in a tree and she's screaming bloody murder because it won't come down. I'm the guy who shows up when your dog goes missing, or when you're fighting with your wife or your husband about something stupid and you need someone to come and sort it out. Nice guy? I've got the whole 'nice guy' thing down to an art, and you know what?"

"No," muttered Yosuke, his head swimming a little from the alcohol. "Wh-what?"

Adachi leaned in conspiratorially, and Yosuke could smell the sake on his hot breath. "Being a nice guy," he said, "doesn't get you shit. It's a thankless job and it gets you nowhere. Do you know how long it's been since I've been on a date?"

Yosuke sighed. "Can't be any longer than it's been for me. I've never been on a date."

"You…wait, what?" Adachi suddenly stopped swinging the sake bottle around, and blinked at Yosuke in drunken shock. "You WHAT? You mean, like…never? Seriously?"

"It's not that big of a deal," mumbled Yosuke, embarrassed and feeling his face heating up from some combination of shame and alcohol. "I mean, it's like I said. I'm only seventeen, so…"

"Oh, huh." Adachi seemed to think about that for a moment. "Yeah…yeah, I guess that makes sense. Still…when I was your age, uh…I mean, I went on dates. Not exactly all the time, or anything, but…" He stopped, frowned, and then shook his head. "Anyway, don't you hang out with Dojima-san's nephew? Narukami?"

"Yeah." Yosuke nodded "He's my partner."

"Partner?" Adachi's eyes went wide. "Oh! Oh, I get it…"

It took Yosuke a moment to catch on. "What? Wait, NO! No, that's not what I meant! When I say 'partner,' I just mean, like, uh, my best friend. My 'partner in crime,' you know?"

Adachi, however, didn't seem to be listening. "I guess there's something to be said for that," he mused, frowning at the now almost completely empty sake bottle. "I mean, yeah, girls are great, but…if you think about it, guys are easier. You know? Oh, when I say easy, I don't mean…well, okay, I guess I do. I guess guys are 'easier,' too. Yeah."

I am not having this conversation, thought Yosuke desperately.

"Look, Adachi-san," he mumbled. "I…really have to get home. My parents are probably worried, and-!"

He took a step forward, but discovered that he had some trouble moving without the ground swaying under him. His head was spinning a little bit, and the world around him had gone just a little blurry.

"Wh…what was in that stuff?" Yosuke stared at the sake bottle. "Seriously, I only had a couple of sips!"

Adachi nodded knowingly at him. "You," he said, pointing an accusing finger at Yosuke, "are drunk."

"I'm drunk?" Yosuke stared. "Look who's talking!"

For some reason, Adachi started to laugh.

"As a member of the Inaba police department," he said, grinning, "I'd offer to escort you home, but like I said, I'm off the clock. Looks like you're out of luck. Maybe you'd better call that partner of yours to come and pick you up. He's got a scooter, right? You could take a nice little drive home on his scooter."

Adachi was leering, now, and Yosuke could feel his insides starting to turn a little bit.

"I'm…I'm going," he mumbled. "Um…thanks for the drink, Detective…I think."

Forcing himself to stick to walking in a straight line, Yosuke turned around, took a deep breath, and started heading for home.

Behind him, Adachi waved woozily with the empty sake bottle.

"Get home safe," he called. "Don't forget, there's a murderer on the loose in this town!" For some reason, he seemed to think that was pretty funny, too, and he laughed a strange sort of nervous, high-pitched laugh that sent little shivers down Yosuke's spine.

"Oh, and you ever have some free time," Adachi went on as Yosuke hurried away, "why don't you come see me a the station? Oh, or better yet, at Junes. I'm at Junes all the time, right, investigating. I do a lot of investigating at Junes. You work there. You're there already. Makes it easy, right?"

Easy? Easy for what, wondered Yosuke. Just how drunk is this guy? Maybe I should call someone. He might get hit by a car or just drink himself to death, or something. That'd be…uh, unfortunate. He's not a bad guy, exactly…

"Hey," called Adachi. "That partner of yours…Narukami. What's he got that I don't have, huh?"

Yosuke didn't even bother dignifying that with a response. As he turned the corner and made for home as fast as his tipsy legs could carry him, he shook his head in hopes of clearing it, and reflected that Inaba, despite it's being out in the middle of nowhere was never really boring.

That was…different, he thought. Wait…did he just say what I think he said? Actually, what exactly just happened?

Fin.

Author's End Note:

I have absolutely no idea what I just wrote. What…what is this horrible drivel that I have created? I claim no ownership of this. I admit nothing. I'll be over here, denying everything.