Change your thoughts and you change your world.
-Norman Vincent Peale

A week after the initial interview, the director of the photo shoot contacted me for a call back. After going through that process, he said he wanted me in his photo shoot. Tears were welling up in my eyes as I dialled my dad's phone number. Almost as soon as my dad answered his phone, I started screaming to tell him the great news. Though, when he congratulated me, I felt like he already knew I got it. Maybe it's because he knew I'd get it or maybe he had a hand in them picking me, but either way, I know he's proud of me.

I couldn't get through any of my mom's "people" to tell her the good news.

When I got to the building the photo shoot was at, I instantly felt the knot in my stomach began untie itself. I felt so at home. However, nausea replaced the untied rope.

All the other girls are so much skinner than I am. All the dresses fit just right but they had to give me the biggest size they carried. I'm an average weight for my height. However, as my mother says, average doesn't cut it. I guess it couldn't hurt to lose some weight.

"Hey!" a voice said behind me. I spun around to see the girl PJ was with on audition day. "You're the girl PJ was talking to, right? I'm Alessandra, by the way, but most people call me Sadie."

She looked so much like him. Same curly locks, except her hair is a beautiful honey colour, same hypnotizing green eyes, and the same wide smile.

She was wearing a champagne-coloured silk fishtail gown with a beaded embroidery and sheer cap sleeves. However, before the fishtail part, the dress fits snuggly against her hips and waist. She elegantly suited the dress.

"Yeah, I'm Alicia Deveaux," I said shaking her hand.

"Oh, my god! Like Mariko Deveaux?" I nodded my head. I didn't bother telling her that my mom didn't change her name when she married my dad so she still goes by Kodaka. "Sorry if that was too much. I didn't mean to freak you out."

"It's fine. I'm used to it."

"Um, anyway, I was wondering if you'd help me put my shoes on. This dress is really tight and I don't want to be the one to rip a seven thousand pound dress. They said they imported it from Paris this morning."

I helped Sadie put on her shoes before I was whisked away to find my own dress.

After trying what feels like a thousand dresses, I found a beautiful carmine red silk-gazar one-shoulder dress. I instantly fell in love. Oh, I wish I could take it home!

I absent-mindedly sat there while the stylist did my hair and make-up. While staring into my own brown eyes, I couldn't help but pick out each and every one of my flaws. Is my body right for a model? Am I too, dare I say it, fat?

Growing up, my mom and sisters (but mainly sisters) would constantly make slight comments about my weight or body. They never failed to remind me that I wasn't like them. I didn't have the high cheekbones, the wide-but-not-too-wide hips, or the defined jawline. They all took after our French father while I took after our Japanese mother and I knew meant they would always be more successful than I would ever be. They got the "good" genes.

A small woman with a headset and a clipboard grabbed my arm and started leading around the building pulled me out of my thoughts. She put me in front of the set and told me to pose.

The photo shoot didn't last as long as I thought it would; I was in and out in no time. Wardrobe and make-up lasted longer than the actual photography.

As I changed back into my everyday clothes, I closed my eyes to avoid looking at myself. Only until the very end did I look in the mirror only to assure I looked fine. Though, I sure didn't feel fine.

"Alicia!" someone shouted behind me while I searched through my purse for my phone. I spun around and found myself face to face with Sadie. She muttered out some uh's and er's and glanced over her shoulder a bunch of times before finally saying: "You're really good. I guess you're just a natural since your mum's a model and all."

"Are you okay?" I asked with a small laugh.

"Oh, yeah. I just wanted say you're really great," she said slowly. As soon as she muttered out the last syllable, PJ walked up. "I'll be right back. I forgot something."

We both murmured a hello and stood there awkwardly before he finally broke the silence.

"So, how've you been?"

"I'm alright. How about you?"

"I'm good. But I was wondering if you'd like to hang out sometime or something…" he stuttered out awkwardly while putting his hand in his pockets and rubbing the back of his head.

"Yeah, sure!" I said, my face breaking out in a huge smile.

"Cool! How does Friday afternoon sound?" he asked. I checked through my phone to make sure there was nothing going on.

"Yup, sounds like a plan," I said, grinning from ear to ear as Sadie came around the corner and took him away.

The whole ride home, that smile never faded.

Once I got home, I took my ritual nighttime shower, carefully making sure I don't look at myself, which is quite inevitable.

Was I really letting this get to my head? I'm perfect just the way I am, right? That's what society tells us or is it all just one big lie? Is it some sort of fabrication to have less self-loathing girls on their hands? Is society the one actually imposing these self-loathing thoughts into impressionable young minds with the idea that if you're not skinny or pretty enough, you'll never make it as anything in this world and then they'll turn around and say "everyone's beautiful"?

As I stepped out into the arctic air outside the shower, I put my hair in a towel, put on my robe, and walked into my room across the hallway. I stood doused in the light of my full-length mirror while I tried to pick out what's good about me.

"Dinner's ready!" Emily, our personal chef said through the door.

"I'm not hungry," I told her as my stomach let out a big growl.