DECISIONS
(Rachel)
We did a celebration without alcohol on Saturday. The New Directions went to an Italian Restaurant to celebrate with Schuester and our staff. I tried to stay away as much as possible from Finn and Quinn, on a clear tillage to break up with my boyfriend. But it wasn't just that: the card was burning in the back pocket of my pants: an audition. An audition in New York City for an original musical play wrote by reputable producers. I looked at my fellow Glee Clubbers. The boys were happy. Finn stared at me with a smile of hope that later we would date and celebrate together. Quinn had that annoying indifference expression most of the time and eventually smiled to Kurt and Mercedes' jokes. Sometimes she threw me these fulminating looks as if to say: "be careful because I will get you." I noticed Mike: his forehead was furrowed and he was less discreet of looking at the card, the same that was given to me and Santana – but my sister was too into Brittany to care.
Back to the hotel, I held Mike's arm excusing myself to Tina in order to talk to her boyfriend. We sat on the sofa in the common room and he looked nervous. It was amazing and a shame that I'd never talked with him before to exchange more than three words in private. Mike had always been friends with Santana and Brittany. Not with me.
"You want to stay, don't you?" He looked weird to me. "I mean, to the audition."
"If I say you something, do you swear you won't tell anyone, not even Tina?" I crossed my heart. "I don't want what I want to my life. But what I'm sure I don't want is to be an engineer. This is my father's dream." I smiled awkwardly. "Tina supports me to decide whatever I want to do, but she also doesn't understand that she also unwittingly puts pressure on me to face my father."
"And what do you want right now?"
"Escape. Live my life by my own."
"How?"
"I don't know. Maybe staying in New York would help me to think better about what I want. "
"So... will you try?"
"I'm 18 years old, therefore, I am old enough to make my own decisions. I don't need my parents' permission to stay. Yeah, maybe I will stay and do that audition. Moreover, I wouldn't do it alone in a city like this."
"And if I stay too?"
"Don't you have to go back to Lima?"
"Santana will live in New York and she is emancipated. I'd rather stick with her than go back to Lima. The three of us can make it here. You know, like Dorothy and her fellows walking on the gold path to achieve their goals."
"Do you think it is possible?" He stood up when he saw Tina approaching and cut me off. "Goodnight, Rachel. I will talk to you later."
I couldn't sleep a wink that night only thinking about that damn card. I tried to close my eyes and be quiet for nothing, so I just gave up and put on my robe to go to the common room downstairs. It was the only place that was quiet enough, and still where I could stay and talk to myself without importunes anyone. A group of foreigner students occupied one of the gaming tables in the adjoining room and a couple over the corner was talking and kissing. Nobody cared about me and it's just fine. I sat on that couch thinking about Wednesday and all I needed to, at least, try something out of the lame shows produced by Sandy on Lima, Ohio.
"Hey, my beautiful." I looked at Quinn, who kissed me on the head before sat down beside me.
"My beautiful?" I frowned.
"I can't call you this?"
"It is a good change. But still sounds strange coming from someone who spent years calling me RuPaul, Man-hands, Treasure Trail..."
"It's in the past. Shall we go on?"
"No apology? Showing no regrets for all that slushies you threw in my face?" I tried to tease her, but she didn't get it.
"Do you want me to apologize?" Quinn raised an eyebrow and I was always a bit intimidated by this simple gesture.
"Never mind." I said after thinking well. "Did I wake you?"
"More or less. It's difficult to sleep after what happened today."
"Which part?"
"The Nationals, of course. I did a duet with you! This was a secret wish that I could finally accomplish."
Quinn put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me over. I was doing a list in recent days about the good and bad effects that Quinn had on me. I found a new one: soothing. I cradled myself against her body and I felt more relaxed.
"Rachel?" Quinn nudged me. "Remember what I said on the bus?"
"About New York?"
"About you end up in this city sooner than you expected? I think I catch a little bit of your sixth sense."
"Do you think I should go to the audition?"
"Yes, I do."
"Would you stay with me?"
"I would if I had money. The one I have is enough to pay for lunch at some fast food and that's it. I only can spend the week with you if I slept on the street and ate leftovers in landfills. So I have to go back to Lima. You are the one who has a bright future here. Don't you know it?" Her tone was hard, but it was possible to identify a trace of emotion that she was holding.
"And if I pay your expenses?"
"Living at your expense?" Quinn took a buck. "Negative." She said mandatory, proudly.
"What If I loan you some money? I don't have much, but maybe we could make it. We can share a hamburger: you eat the meet, I eat the tomato and we share the bread." Quinn laughed. What an adorable sound. "Don't you think it worth the attempt? Maybe I can get the part and you some job. We can finish high school here in New York and live with Santana, maybe Mike…"
"This is the craziest idea I've heard, and the reality can be cruel, Rachel. Santana has arranged everything to live here. We don't. If things don't work out, we could get hurt badly. "
"But if it works out? Don't you think it's worth the risk?"
Quinn was silent and hugged me tighter. She kissed my head and I felt her hot breath on my face.
"The truth is: I don't have much to lose in Lima or in life. The only person holding me in the city is my mother. But if she gives me her blessing, I would take the road with you."
"Stay with me then."
"We'll see."
…
While all the girls were packing to go back to Lima, I only made my bag because I needed to leave the hotel. Quinn sometimes looked at me with concern. I learned she could be proud about money, but I felt that she wanted to venture. Santana said nothing. I think that the offer didn't interest her. In contrast, she kept looking in my direction.
"Ok, shorty." Santana broke the ice. "What the hell is happening?"
"Don't you consider going to the audition on Wednesday?" I tried to speak as quietly as possible to not draw attention to Mercedes and Tina. "You also were called, and Mike, for a great opportunity in New York City!"
"I knew it!" She said more to herself and then looked at me. "I'm going to move whatever I have or not an audition. And this is a career you want to follow, not me..."
"I've never done an audition outside Lima and those are known producers who invited us. They aren't these people that are part of a dirty prostitution network recruiting new girls on a choir competition. Incidentally, I asked Shelby about this company and she said it was serious. The guys liked to risk with new actors, because it's a cheap alternative for them."
Santana sighed and looked at the floor as if preparing irrefutable arguments.
"I would go!" Mercedes shot. "If I had been called, I wouldn't miss the chance."
"I wouldn't." Brittany replied and surprised us. "I'm going to L.A to dance, not acting. An audition says nothing to me for now."
"Then it would be just me, Mike and ..." I stared Quinn, expecting some manifestation of her.
"I would stay." She finally said. "I know I wasn't invited by the producer, but would like to try something new since I have nothing more to lose. The problem is: I have no money."
"Neither us." Santana categorized and I tried to protest, but she didn't let me argue. "Hobbit, we don't have money enough to stay in this expensive town until Wednesday and you know the rules."
"Rules?" Quinn asked.
"It's not your buss..." Santana began to speak, but I just tried to cut her as faster as I could.
"As you know, my dads have always given me full support and never spared money to help my artistic career. But if I want to leave home in search of my goals before finishing college, I can't count on their sponsorship. Daddy would be more flexible in this situation, I think, but papi won't! Especially now, that Santana is leaving."
"Do you ever hear about credit card?" Tina questioned. "You can pay to stay two or three days in a student hostel, which is cheaper, and buy a train ticket back to Lima just in time. It's not a big deal."
"Our credit card limit is a joke and Santana is the one to blame. She, twice, made a fortune in debts and our dads cut the limit." My sister rolled her eyes. "We only have enough credit for the car's petrol and for minor emergencies."
"So that's why Santana is so obsessed with credit card limits of the guys in school. It's for the free meals." Quinn provoked and I honestly wanted to fight her. Why poke the dragon?
"It's better than survive by favors with your alcoholic mother, who was dropped by her husband that prefers whores with tattoos!"
What happened in the following minutes was an outcry in the room. Quinn pushed hard Santana, who hit her back on the ladder of the bunk. My sister didn't have time to recover from the initial shock when Quinn slapped her with all will she ever had. But my sister fought back and pushed Quinn to slap her with her flying and heavy left hand (Santana is left-handed). Quinn lost her balance and Santana took the chance to kick and throw her on the floor. Santana would have punched my girlfriend right there if Tina and Brittany hadn't caught her from behind and stripped her from the room. Quinn tried to fight back, but Mercedes and I held her.
"What is happening here?" Mr. Schue appeared in our room.
"We've already controlled the situation" Mercedes said and closed the door.
Meanwhile, Kurt rushed into the room, wondering if Quinn was well after learning that "Satan" showed up again. He and Mercedes sat beside her, comforting my girlfriend with reassuring words. I stayed stand without knowing what to do. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to apologize for my sister and say that everything would be fine.
"Kurt. Mercedes. Could you excuse us? I need to talk with Rachel."
"Come on, girl. You won't be alone here."
"I need to talk to Rachel alone." Quinn strengthened.
"Ok." Kurt resigned. "Shout if you need something."
Without those two, I took courage, knelt forward and took her hand. Quinn held strong at first contact. To my surprise, she stroked my hair before leaning in to kiss me lightly on the lips.
"Quinn... I want..."
"If you apologize for Santana, I will get very angry. You don't need to justify her actions."
"Sometimes I need."
"I'm staying with you!" She said with some anger in her voice and fire in her eyes. "I don't know how we will get the money, but I'm staying with you in New York, I will study and find a job to pay the rent, whatever. If this is the opportunity to get out of Lima and we still stay together, I'll take my chances. If I win, I swear I'll rub it in your sister face, and my father's and who else doubted me."
I stand up with a huge smile on my face. I couldn't be happier with it. Quinn, still holding one of my hands, pulled me again, this time to sit on her lap. She put her arm around my waist to kiss me. We were so lost in the sense of pleasure that I only came back to reality when we the bedroom door slam. Santana was there and I wanted to die. Incidentally, I was sure she was going to kill me.
"Well, well, well… I noticed you were too much closer these days." she said quietly frightening while closed the door. "I don't know if I celebrate your cheating on that idiot, again, or if I want to slap some sense on you for choose so poorly." She crossed her arms. "Can you get out of her lap?"
I obeyed automatically. I was panicking at being surprised. Our friends open the door abruptly, afraid that "the beast" could be fighting again. Quinn stood determined.
"You could get out of here? I need to talk with Rachel and Santana."
"But Quinn..." Tina almost begged.
"Now!" She said with her the best HBIC tone that made raise the hair of my arms. Our friends obeyed, except Britt, who only left after Santana sight to her. As soon as Britt closed the door, I found myself trapped in a cage in the middle of the lion and the dragon.
Quinn stood up next to me and held out her hand. It was a challenging to me to accept, in front of my sister, a relationship with her. I was shaking like crazy, but I was strong enough to grabbed Quinn's hand and closed my eyes waiting for the impact of the bomb. But all I heard was dead silence until the Santana broke it.
"Since when this atrocity is happening?" She spoke through gritted teeth.
"It's none of your business, Satan." Quinn also wasn't easy and it was harsh.
"Of course it is. It's my sister you're trying to fuck and then dry her life as you do with all your lovers."
"Look..." Quinn threatened and I had to intervene or things would get ugly. So I got myself between the lion Fabray and the dragon Berry-Lopez.
"Please stop!" I screamed and saw that I gained some advantage. "Santana, Quinn and I are starting a relationship and I would be grateful if you don't meddle on our life. I will break up with Finn as soon as possible so Quinn and I can live this relationship in peace. And Quinn, count to ten and breathe. You won't like to hear this, but Santana is one of the most important people in my life. She is not easy, I know, but she's my person, as Meredith Grey says to Cristina Yang, and I would be glad if you respect that. Finn never did."
The two stepped back and crossed their arms at the same time.
"You didn't enter the room only to give the blatant." Quinn said still armed.
"No." Santana looked away from me. "I know how we can spend the whole week in New York."
"How? We barely have money to pay a hostel daily rate." I said.
"I can use some of daddy's money..."
"No way, Santy!" I was nervous. "I won't let you spend your savings because of it. I would rather go back to Lima."
"It's my money and I spent it as I want. Besides, this situation won't dry all of it... The problem is, as you know, that it is not available in my account because of the ongoing process of emancipation. I still have to submit the documents and all the paperwork... But what I can do right now is borrow some to Mr. Weiz and pay for it in a few weeks. I can also pay with work, since Weiz offered me an internship at his company."
"I will only agree if this debt is mine." I crossed arms. "I'll pay you every penny of it."
"And I promise you I will pay all my expense as soon as I can." Quinn also accepted the compromise.
"As you wish." Santana was indifferent to Quinn.
"This will get us in a hell trouble with papi!"
"It won't be my first." My sister smilled.
Santana picked up the phone and spent less than ten minutes dealing objectively with Mr. Weiz, who she was well acquainted, but not me. She borrowed an amount that would be enough to me, her and Quinn spend the whole week with a little squeeze, according to Santana's calculations. I didn't care about luxuries. I just wanted to show Quinn that she could also have a better fate than stay in Lima loser hidden in the closet. Santana's insinuations helped her to take this decision for sure. In this case, I'm glad.
The next step was to communicate to our parents. My papa freaked out, but finally resigned after a while. He, however, reinforced the promise that he wouldn't help us with any penny and we were by our own. Judy Fabray didn't seen any problems to let Quinn stay in New York. She pointed out that she couldn't afford to help her daughter. The pension she received from Russell Fabray was ridiculous and barely enough to pay regular expenses and groceries. Mike was thrilled with our decision and he accompanied us.
Finn was the one who not accepted it.
"You can't be alone here, Rachel."
"I'll be with Mike, Quinn and Santana. Far from being alone!"
"Santana is irresponsible, Mike is naive and Quinn can't even protect herself."
"Who are you to talk like that to them?" I crossed my arms and climbed the tone. "If you really loved me, you'd be supporting my decision."
"I'm not supporting you because I love you. Broadway isn't going anywhere and it will happen one way or another. Just believe on your talent. But you should be patient and not try to run over things."
"It's just an audition, a week experience and I will be back to Lima and to school on Monday. My decision was made!" I put my hands on his shoulders. "You better go."
"What if I stay with you?"
"I don't want it."
"Excuse me?"
"What I want is that you go back to Lima and have the hero reception you deserve. What I want is that you find your own success and dreams wherever it will be. What I want is to you be happy. But what I don't want is you staying here with me."
"Wait… Are you breaking up with me?" he was nervous, like the way he did before kick some chair.
"Yes, I am" I sighed.
"Why?"
"Because I think it's better if we stay apart. I'm experiencing different things right now, maybe I will move to New York with my sister, and… and…"
"And what, Rachel?"
"And I fell for somebody else." Then, the bomb was dropped.
"This is bullshit." He was so hurt and I couldn't deal well with that. I couldn't hold my tears anymore. "This is bullshit, Rachel. We are endgame!"
"Just go!" I was fighting to not crying to hard. "We can talk better next week, but now, just go."
I saw Santana kissing Brittany goodbye. Mike did the same to Tina. Quinn hugged her friends. I stayed apart, behind, to hurt to say goodbye. But I knew that I had to take the opportunity when it knocked on my door. The New Directions took the train back to Lima without four members the day after being national champion for the first time. That was the end of an era.