32 Weeks
All the books had prepared me, the growing bump in my abdomen had prepared me, Jane had prepared me; Yet here I sat at 7.30am on a Saturday morning staring at the place my flat stomach once was feeling so under-prepared it was terrifying. I liked to think of myself as a logical, rational thinker; so why was it that every time I felt one of the babies inside me move, I assumed something horrible was happening? I wasn't cramping, I wasn't bleeding, and I wasn't contracting. So why, why was my brain so insistent on making me feel so insecure?
I sat silently in one of the rocking chairs in the babies now completely finished nursery, slowly rocking back and forth as I looked across at the two cribs staring back at me. In a mere matter of weeks there were going to be babies in those cribs. Two babies were going to be in those cribs. I felt my heart rate begin to accelerate and I instinctively snapped my eyes closed, trying to focus on anything other than the future that was speeding toward me.
I took three deep breaths and looked down at the two baby outfits in my lap, each printed with Baby A or Baby B across the front. I held the Baby B outfit up, trying to imagine a baby actually fitting inside the incredibly small piece of fabric. Again, my heart rate increased.
I stared at the framed photo of Jane and I on our Fenway wedding day hanging directly in between the two cribs and a small smile played at the corner of my lips. Jane Rizzoli; the woman who changed my life. I knew how excited Jane was about having children of our own, even if it did take a year of convincing her she wouldn't be a terrible mother for us to get here; we were here. We were here and it was really happening.
"Maura?" Janes tired voice came from the hallway, panic rising in my chest as I tried to quickly push any negative thoughts to the back of my mind.
"Good morning." I said quietly to her when she got to the door of the nursery, her eyebrows furrowing together at the sight of me. I let my eyes wander down her body, my heart skipping a beat as I noticed she was wearing my dressing gown. I had never seen Jane wearing a dress gown before. And slippers. She was wearing slippers. Oh god.
"Hey, hey, hey. Breathe." Before I knew what was happening Jane was kneeling down beside me, her hand softly running up and down my back rhythmically as loud gasps escaped my mouth. I placed one of my hands over my chest, the other grabbing onto Janes hand and squeezing so hard I was sure I' d hurt her.
It took twenty minutes, but my breathing eventually began to regulate, my grip on Janes hand loosening as a fresh wave of panic washed over me at the realisation I was going to have to explain my outburst.
"I can't be a mother to two kids." I admitted quietly both to Jane, the babies and myself. She nodded slowly, taking my hand and bringing it to her lips, pressing light kisses against my skin.
"Come on." She whispered, holding her hands out to me to help me stand. She led me slowly back to our bedroom, wasting no time in cuddling me back up in bed, my head resting on her chest the second we were both lying down. "Okay, talk to me."
"Jane I am not a maternal person and that would maybe be okay if we were having one baby but we're having two and you won't be able to carry the weight of the two of them if I start to…"
"Okay, you need to calm down." She said with a quiet chuckle, kissing my hair softly as she spoke. Her hand that was resting on my back began drawing small patterns against my skin.
"You look like a mum this morning." I told her, tugging lightly on my dressing gown that was still wrapped tightly around her small frame. "It made it real."
"You mean the two babies moving around inside you didn't make it real?" She asked, and I could just imagine the raised eyebrows and smirk that made their way onto her face at her clever little joke. "You're going to be a great mum."
"You cannot possibly know that." I told her, sighing quietly as one of the babies decided it was the optimum time to move around against my bladder. Jane shifted underneath me, sitting up so she could look me in the eye.
"You are the most caring, gentle, loving woman I have ever met." She started, placing my chin between her thumb and forefinger as she gently forced me to look her in the eye. "I don't know how to be a mother either, but we are going to figure it out together and I promise, even if you do stumble I will be there to remind you how incredible you are. I am always going to be right beside you and we are going to have the most adorable, most loved little babies in the world." I frowned at her, tears burning behind my eyes as I let her words seep in. Rather than saying anything, I wrapped my arms around her neck, holding her close.
"Everything is going to change." I mumbled against her, frowning as I tried to keep my tears at bay. She nodded against my shoulder, placing a light kiss to my skin as she did so.
"But things are about to get so great." She started, pulling back to look me in the eye again, her hand resting on my stomach that was keeping our bodies apart. "We're about to be parents. We're about to do play dates and baby proofing." She smiled down at me, and I felt my heart swell in my chest. "Things are about to be incredible."
She was right.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"How have we been feeling?" Julia asked from her place behind the ultrasound machine, a tacky, forced smile on her face. She pushed the machine out of the way and lifted my shirt up, again, without asking if it was okay to touch me.
"What are you doing?" Jane asked, a small frown on her face as she took one of my hands in hers, both of us completely unaware that Julia would get straight to examining me when we arrived. She didn't respond to Jane right away, instead pressing down on my stomach. I flinched when she pressed the bottom of my stomach, and she seemed to careful watch my reactions as she kept pressing down.
"It looks like your babies will be coming earlier than we anticipated." My heart stopped at her words, Janes hand tightening in mine as we both tried to figure out what exactly that meant. Julia laughed quietly when she took in the panicked expression on both of our faces. "The babies are starting to move down, so we should probably talk about scheduling you in in the next two or three weeks." Two weeks. I let out a gush of air, my hand that wasn't holding Jane placed against my chest.
"What happens if her water breaks or something before that?" Jane asked curiously, her brow still furrowed together at Julia's casual behaviour when it came to our babies.
"If your water breaks or you have any contractions, come straight in and we'll get those suckers out of you." Janes expression fell flat at Julia's words, and I prayed she would keep her opinion to herself for my sake. This woman would be cutting my abdomen open in a matter of weeks; she could say whatever she wanted.
"Is there anything I should avoid doing to make sure those things don't happen?" I asked, my hands moving to rest on my stomach as I was suddenly made aware of the fact my pale stomach was on display.
"Just rest. You need as much rest as you can possibly get right now, Maura. Besides, once the babies are here you won't have two minutes to yourself, so you should really enjoy the next two weeks." I groaned, knowing this meant Jane would literally have me on the sofa and in bed and that's it. No more walks, no more drives to get frozen yogurt.
"What if baby B hasn't grown anymore?" Jane asked, smiling down at me knowing exactly what I was thinking about bed rest.
"Let's have a look." Julia said enthusiastically, my chair suddenly sinking backwards until I was in a half lying down position. Our babies' heartbeats filled the room instantly and both Jane and I let out an audible sigh. No matter how many times we heard their heartbeats; it took our breath away. "Baby B is looking pretty good."
"What does that mean?" I could tell by the bite in Janes tone that she was getting sick of having to ask for clarification of every statement Julia made about me or the babies.
"I think that if your water doesn't break and you don't start contracting, three weeks from today would be a pretty great day for you to have your babies."
Three weeks. I only had to make it three more weeks.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sorry for the short chapter guys but trust me… things are about to pick up!