Karkat: Get Band Members
"ALRIGHT, FIRST UP IS THE DRUMMER AUDITIONS, SO ANYONE WHO'S NOT DRUMMING, GET OFF THE FUCKING STAGE!" I yelled at the stage of people, and the group slowly faded to a good number of people. Gamzee, Jade, Equius and people I didn't know were all staring down at me while I chewed on my pencil and looking at the group.
I let out a little grunt and started calling names alphabetically, each one progressively making me even angrier as time went on. They all just seemed to suck and had no reason being up there, even if my requirement was hard songs. I only wanted the best of these idiots.
"JADE HARELY, JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE PLAYING AND DO IT." My pencil was practically a twig at one end at this point, and I went from relaxing to almost yanking my hair out when I called her name. She giggled and stood up straight, "Alrighty, well, I'm doing Hot for Teacher by Van Halen, and I hope you like it!" Her happiness was certainly something else.
She ran back to the drum set we had prepped and I fake smiled when she was there. "I swear to fucking god, I'm never going to find a single person worth someth" I was cut off by the sounds off toms and base pedals going in perfect harmony, and my head slowly raised and my eyes widened.
She could sure play the shit out of those drums.
"So? How did I do?" She said, standing and holding the sticks in front of her after playing probably the most accurate version of that song I've ever heard. "Uh…well, pretty well, actually." I didn't want to give her too much credit, because if I found someone else I'd have to recant all my statements, and that wasn't something I ever did.
I circled her name, and then yelled "NEXT" and then the next person came on. Then the next. Aaaand the next. "DO ANY OF YOU *ACTUALLY* LISTEN TO YOURSELVES SOMETIMES?" I yelled out, unable to hold it back. "FUCKING NEEEEXT, GET OFF THE DAMN STAGE" and the kid walked away with his head hung.
"GAMZEE MAKARA, SONG AND PERFORMANCE" He walked up with his slouch and eventually made his way to the middle of the stage saying "Bro, no need for all these fuckin' formalities, just Gamzee works for me" with that big goofy smile on his face. "SONG. AND. PERFORMANCE, SHIT LORD." He simply shrugged and continued "I'll be up and performing Purple Haze by who better than the big and bad miracle known as Bob Marley." That caused me to face-palm hard enough that he could probably hear it up on stage, because he was so OBVIOUSLY a stoner that it was sheer insanity.
He made his way back behind the drum set and slumped behind it, quickly starting up. He actually wasn't as bad as I thought he would be, but I was still awe struck by Jade's performance so it just seemed not as good. So once he was finished, he looked over at me "How did I do, Karbro?" "DON'T, CALL ME THAT. AND YOU DID FINE-ISH, NEXT." He kind of frowned, but he instantly perked back up and walked off the stage.
It was just a bad trip from then, no pun intended. There was a serious downgrade in talent after that, including Equius, and it's lucky that his last name had a Z because he busted the fucking set and the sticks. So no one wanted to play with a broken set, and especially one with so much sweat all over it.
I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock; it'd been about 40 minutes. That's 40 minutes, just gone. Poof. "ALRIGHT, NEXT IS THE PIANO TRY OUTS, SO UNLESS YOU'RE PLAYING, GO AWAY." And sure enough, everyone listened again until there was 3 people up on the stage; John, Eridan, and Nepeta. This, was going to be interesting.
It at least would be a lot shorter than that drummer audition. "ERIDAN AMPORA, SONG AND PERFORMANCE" I yelled out, writing down his name first and looking up at him to hear his song. He didn't say anything, for a while. "ERIDAN, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR MALFUNCTION, I SAID SONG AND PERFORMANCE."
"I get stage fright…"
"THEN WHY, THE FUCK, ARE YOU AUDITIONING TO BE IN A BAND WHERE WE WILL PROBABLY PLAY IN FRONT OF PEOPLE?" He then mumbled something, and I slammed on the table "AMPORA, YOU HAVE 3 SECONDS BEFORE I CALL WHOEVER'S NEXT UP." He didn't respond, so I stayed true to my word and called next. He glared at me before storming off, and I simply just said "JOHN EGBERT, SONG AND PERFORMANCE." It was his fault, not mine. Probably. Either way, John eventually made it up to the stage and smiled his smile with his grin that seemed to take up his entire face.
"Hey Karkat! Oh, right, I wanted to actually do a song that I wrote, if that's not a problem."
"SURE WHATEVER, AS LONG AS IT'S NOT SHIT."
He chuckled and said something about my comments, and I coughed loudly to let him know I could kind of hear him. He instantly flushed red, but put his papers on the stand of the piano regardless. I shake my head and cross my arms, leaning back and listening to him play his piece. It actually was…really good. Like, he was really good. I had to give him props, he really knew what he was doing. Not vocally, mentally. I would know that I might kind of respect his musicianship.
Once he was finished he actually got a small applause from some people, which I quickly quieted down. I pretended to write notes and grumble, just as intimidation, and then said "GOOD JOB. NEXT." He looked kind of off put, but he nodded and walked off the stage. I looked at my clip board and grumbled when I saw the name. She ran up into the middle of the stage and damn near vibrated there waiting for me to call her name out.
"UGH…NEPETA LEIJON, SONG AND PERFORMANCE."
"Oh boy! Okay, the song I chose was this one from a YouTube video I saw a couple days ago!" She ran to the piano and leaned over it. Then, she began playing the Keyboard Cat song. "Are you fucking kidding me." I mumbled out, rubbing my temples as she played it as slow as possible with Equius cheering her on. I painfully waited for it to be over, after opening my mouth to say next and seeing Equius staring directly at me. He may have a soft voice, but that fucker's huge.
With Equius at my back, I put on a big smile and said through grit teeth "YOU DID GREAT, NEPETA. WE'LL TELL YOU IF YOU GOT IT." She jumped around in happiness and ran off stage. Equius followed soon after, and that was when I realized Equius probably didn't even know how or even wanted to play drums, Nepeta just made him come. Those two were the weirdest people I've ever seen, and I would have no problems crossing them off my list of possible candidates.
"ALRIGHT, LAST UP IS SOMEONE WHO CAN WORK A SYNTHESIZER OR SOME SORT OF ELECTRONIC BULL SHIT, ANYONE WHO CAN'T. YOU KNOW THE DRILL." Everyone cleared the stage, except of course, for Dave Strider. I smacked my head against my clip board, as he smirked wildly. I was at least expecting Sollux to be here. "Sup." He looked side to side and somehow managed to make his smirk even bigger. "Looks like I got the part" I would have said something, but to my dismay, he was right. This was all I had.
"Come on, say it."
"I'M NOT SAYING IT."
"Just say it!"
"FUCK OFF STIDER."
"You better or I'm walking this sweet ass right out those doors."
After a lot of noises of protest and thinking of other options, I yelled "FUCKING. FINE. DAVE STRIDER'S OUR NEW GOD DAMN SYNTHESIZER PLAYER, ALRIGHT." He threw up his arms in victory, and then fixed his shades before chuckling and saying "Thanks, kit-kat, call me when we have practice." He then stuck his hands in his pockets and walked out the exit. I felt defeated and tired, and I just wanted to go sleep or something. I laid back and dropped the clip board on my face and started to doze off, when I realized…
There was still a lot of people here.
I leaned back up and looked around "What the hell are you all still doing here? Synth was the last thing I needed, if you wanted to audition you're too late." I placed the board back on my head when it was suddenly smacked off my face. I stood up and let my mouth go "ALRIGHT, WHO IN THE EVERLOVING FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO DO…great, it's you."
Standing over me, smirking with her arms crossed was none other than Vriska Serket, the one person I was happy I didn't see that day. At least, for a little while.
"Karkat, aren't you forgetting something?" She said with a sarcastic tone in her voice that almost made me want to shiver. "Hmm, let's see, well I was until annoying bitch who ruins everything showed up, so now that you've checked in, if you could leave that would be so perfect." She laughed and almost threw her head back during it. I swear, she'd probably turn into an old widow and try to give me a fucking poison apple if she had the chance.
"Good one, really, bravo! But what I meant was the vocal and guitarist try outs. That's what everyone here is waiting for, and you haven't called it yet." It was my turn to laugh now "HAHAHAHA, no. I didn't forget that, I'M going to do the vocals and guitar part for MY band, this was CLEARLY stated in the message. Or did you forget how to read halfway through it?" Yeah, it was harsh. But that's life.
"Listen, shorty. I didn't drag my ass down here to listen to you rant your fucking mouth off, alright? So how about you just sit down and get someone who can ACTUALLY sing?" She said, shoving me into my chair. I was shocked, oddly enough, and I felt a new rage split open in me. "Vriska, how about you listen? Here's the deal. This is my audition, I do what I want, and I DEFINITELY don't want you and your bitchy mouth in my band, so just get your stupid ass out of here, before I bust your face open."
She was obviously thinking about doing something, but she knew that making more enemies wouldn't help her. I mean, everyone already pretty much hated her. God knows I did. "Fine, I'll leave. But if you think, this is going to be the last you hear of me, Vantas…you have another thing coming." She then flipped her hair and told everyone to leave, making sure to glare at me before she slammed the door shut. Something about the way she said it made it seem like a bit more than just a simple payback. It was never easy with her.
I breathed out heavily, finally realizing I had butterflies in my stomach and I was almost shaking violently. I didn't want to risk leaving, so I simply curled up into a ball on the chair, and tried to get some sleep. For some reason, I wanted to cry. Maybe she just snapped the small wire holding me together, I didn't know. All I knew is that I wanted to just, break down. Did I know that there were still some people left who were watching me sit there and battle tears? No. Would I have cared?
Nope.