35 Weeks
Three weeks passed by painfully slowly. Walking up and down the stairs from the bedroom to the kitchen was the most amount of exercise I had gotten in the past three weeks. In the last week before I was scheduled in to have our babies, Jane had bought the mattress from our bedroom downstairs and placed it in the yoga room. She had completely restricted me to the lower level of our house, and because she had started her paternity leave; she was always around to make sure I barely moved. I was ready for this pregnancy to be over.
"Have you packed the hospital bag?" I asked Jane as I sat on the sofa, my eyes scanning the living room that in a matter of days would be filled with baby toys and clothes. She nodded proudly, barely taking her eyes away from the television as she leant over the back of the sofa, pulling a bag up and placing it between us.
I looked through each item in the bag, smiling down at the Baby A and Baby B onesies she had packed for the babies to wear in the hospital, assuming they were both going to be in good health after the birth. She packed dummies, bottles, baby socks and clothes. To my surprise she had even remembered to pack hand sanitiser and two swaddling blankets for the babies. She did everything perfectly.
"Okay now where's the other bag?" I asked, zipping the baby bag closed and placing it on the floor beside me. I looked across at Jane who was staring at me with a blank expression. "Jane what do you expect me to wear in hospital for five days?" I quizzed her, pursing my lips as I realised she hadn't packed a single item of clothing for me.
"Why will you be staying that long?" She asked with a frown as she stood up, backing slowly toward the hallway as she spoke.
"5 to 6 days is the recommended length of stay in a private hospital after a C-section and I fully intend on taking advantage of having doctors around for that period of time." She nodded along as I spoke, seeming to understand what I was saying.
"When do your parents fly in?" Jane called from the top of the stairs, I sighed in frustration, wanting nothing more than to make her focus and make sure the clothes she was packing for me matched.
"They should be here by the time the babies are out." I yelled back, resting my head against the back of the sofa as I did so. Considering today was the day we were becoming parents; I found it strangely unsettling how calm Jane and I were being. I assumed that would change the second we got to the hospital; but for now I was going to enjoy the calm.
"So I told everyone not to come to the hospital until I call but you know they're all going to be there when you get out of surgery yeah?" Jane said with a smirk as she re-entered the room, placing the back behind the sofa and just out of my reach. It was probably for the best that I didn't go through it before we left.
"And your mother is meeting us at the hospital this afternoon?" I clarified, checking the time on my watch. Jane nodded, sitting back down beside me and turning me gently so I was resting comfortably in her lap.
"Are you ready for this?" She asked quietly, pressing light kisses along my shoulder.
"It's too late to change our minds." I told her, giggling as I let my head fall back and rest on her shoulder. I turned my head and pressed affectionate kisses to her cheek; wanting nothing more than to soak up the quiet, last moments she and I were going to have alone for the rest of our lives. "Can you remind me to bring a blanket for the car ride home? I don't want anything rubbing against the stitches." She nodded softly against me, sighing contently as we wasted the rest of our last free afternoon ravelled up in one another.
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I was right; the second we got to the hospital panic started to set in. Angela and Jane were sat side by side in the corner of the room while a nurse took my blood pressure and tried to make small talk. I didn't take in a word she said until she asked me if I had shaved my upper pubic region before coming in. I frowned at her, wondering how she could possibly have expected someone with a stomach as large as mine to even reach that far down my own body.
"No, why should we have done that?" Jane perked up, sitting up straight in her chair, a mild look of concern all her face. The nurse explained it was merely for sanitary reasons because of where the incision was going to be and she left Jane with a disposable razor. "Ma can you…" Jane started as she nodded toward the door, walking over to stand before me.
"Don't go; it's okay." I interjected, looking over Janes shoulder at my mother in law. I lied down on the hospital bed and pulled the ugly, but extremely comfortable, hospital gown up to my stomach. Jane pulled the top of my underwear down slightly and shaved what little hair there was away.
"Can I come in?" I heard from the doorway, looking up to see my half-sister walk into the private room with a vase in her hands. I smiled across at her, swatting Janes hands away as I sat up, admiring the beautiful flowers she had bought for us. She placed them on the bedside table silently before she made her way to me. "I know you told me not to come." She started, turning to look at Jane with guilty eyes. "But I wanted to wish you luck." She added, nudging Jane playfully before she hugged me gently.
"You could probably hang out in here while I'm in surgery." I noticed, looking around the private room my health insurance was paying for. "But you will have to share space with Jane's brothers." I added with a smile, knowing that the second we went into the OR the boys would be here anxiously waiting.
"How long does it normally take?" Cailin asked, taking a seat next to Angela who wrapped an arm around her casually.
"An hour and half, maybe two." I told her, shrugging as I tried not to think about the fact that we were creeping closer and closer to meeting our babies. Julia suddenly walked through the door in her scrubs and my heart sank. It was time.
"Are we ready to have some babies today?" She asked in a perky tone, and my wide eyes must have made everyone aware of the sudden panic that was washing over me because both Jane and Angela's hands were suddenly holding onto mine. "Let me explain what's going to happen, will that help?" Julie asked, her voice lowering as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed beside me. I nodded silently, butterflies filling my stomach. "We're going to take you in, set you up with an IV and the epidural. Then we'll get to work taking the babies out, stitch you up and it's all over."
"And I will be right there the whole time." Jane added from beside me, her words seeming to calm my nerves more than anything Julia had just said to me.
"Let's have our babies." I whispered, taking a deep breath as Julia helped me stand up.
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I sat on the edge of the operating table with my heart in my throat. The table, as well as the smell in the room, reminded me of my autopsy room. That was a thought I had to get rid of as quickly as possible. Jane and Angela were out in the hallway changing into the appropriate outfits they had to wear in the operating theatre and sitting there alone was driving me crazy.
"Do you need to use the bathroom?" A quiet, sweet doctor asked with a sympathetic smile as she placed a hand on my back reassuringly. "Because once we insert the epidural you won't be able to move around anymore." She added as Jane and her mother walked into the room. I shook my head, not trusting my voice.
"She's ready." Jane whispered to the doctor as Angela hovered back, knowing this was the time I needed Jane and only Jane.
"Okay Maura, you're going to need to stay as still as possible for me okay? Sit up straight and hold onto your wife for support." I followed her instructions, leaning forward and wrapping my arms tightly around Jane's middle. She gently rested her lips against the top of my head, pressing light kisses as the doctor inserted the needle. "Okay, once your legs start to feel numb Jane can help lift them up onto the table."
"You're doing so well." Jane encouraged as she pulled back, taking my face between her hands and pressing a light kiss against my lips. I took a deep breath as I felt a strange tingle trickle down my back and through my legs. I tested the waters, pressing my fingertips into my thighs and frowning.
"I can't feel my legs." I told Jane who pursed her lips with a smirk, nodding her head.
"I think that's kind of the idea, baby." She laughed, shaking her head as she lifted my legs onto the table. It was terrifying, not being able to feel the bottom half of my body. I knew the second this all started I would be more than thankful I couldn't feel anything, but until then; it was terrifying. Once I was lying down the nurses got to work setting up the mirror above my stomach and placing the shield in front of our faces. They pulled chairs up on either side of my head, both Angela and Jane moving to grab each my hands reassuringly.
"This is actually happening." I whispered my eyes on Janes as I spoke. Her eyes were wider than usual, and I could tell she was doing her very best to stay calm for me. I made a mental note to thank her for that when I wasn't in such a vulnerable position.
"Okay Maura, are we ready?" Julia asked, peaking over the shield between us. The creases by her eyes told me that behind her face mask; she had that same cheesy smile on her face. I nodded, forcing that same fake smile back at her.
"Do you want us to talk to you?" Angela whispered to me, her thumb tracing light circles over the back of my hand. I shook my head, wanting nothing more than to focus on what was going on. My eyes were staring straight up into the mirror as Julia sliced through my abdomen. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jane look away from the mirror and across at her mother. I hadn't expected her to be able to watch the whole thing.
The rest of the procedure went by in a blur. I didn't even realised I had closed my eyes until the sound of a baby crying echoed in the room. My eyes shot open in time to see Julia hold Baby A above me, giving me a snapshot of my daughter before she whisked her away.
"Is she…" I started, panic rising in my chest when I could no longer see her. "Go." I told Jane, pushing her away from me forcefully. She disappeared and I could hear and feel Angela crying in happiness beside me. We weren't safe yet; there was still one more baby that needed to be out safely before I could let myself feel anything.
"Hey." Jane whispered from beside me, sniffling quietly as she sat down, placing Harper Isles Rizzoli beside my face. I felt my hands start to shake. She was here; she was here and she was okay. "They are going to take her to the NICU because her temperature is a bit low, but she is perfectly okay." Jane told me as a nurse took Harper away from her, scurrying out of the room far too quickly for my liking.
"Go with her." I told Jane, who shook her head and moved to grab my hand again. I frowned at her, pulling my hand free.
"I'm here; go with your daughter." Angela said with a forceful voice, taking the hand Jane was just holding and holding in her own hands again. I think I whispered a thank you to her; I couldn't quite remember. Then suddenly, barely two minutes after his sister, Noah Isles Rizzoli was born. He didn't cry like Harper did and the hushed whispers in the room prepared me for the worst.
"Maura, baby B is having some trouble breathing so we're going to take him straight up." Was all I heard before they took him away. I didn't even get to see his face before I was lying in the room with just the doctors and my mother in law.
"Did you see him?" I whispered to Angela while I was being stitched up, the room too quiet for me to handle. She nodded slowly, leaning forward to press her lips against my forehead softly. Her lack of words warned me not to ask any more questions.
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Somewhere between the operating theatre and my room I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes the room was in almost completely darkness. I could make out Jane sitting quietly on the sofa in the corner of the room. There was something noticeably missing from the room.
"Are they okay?" I asked; my voice husky and deep as I spoke. She shot out of her seat, sitting on the bed in front of me in mere seconds. She smiled down at me, reaching out and touching my face softly.
"They're keeping Harper in an incubator overnight, but apart from her temperature she's perfect. She has a little patch of blonde hair on top of her head." She told me with a quiet laugh, taking her phone out and showing me a photo of our first born child. She looked like she was a healthy weight, her bright green eyes staring back at me from the other side of the screen.
"She's beautiful." I noted, reaching out and pressing my fingertips against the screen. I rolled my eyes at myself as I felt a tear drop from my left eye. Jane pressed her lips softly against my temple, sniffling quietly before she continued.
"Noah; he's… He's really small." She said, all the happiness that was once on her face draining away. "And he's having trouble breathing on his own."
"Can I go see them?" I asked, wiggling my toes to make sure I still had full function of my legs. She nodded to the wheelchair beside the bed with a small smile. With the help of a nurse I carefully manoeuvred into the wheelchair and let Jane push me toward the NICU.
"Where's your mother?" I enquired, realising for the first time that there was no one but Jane in the room when I had woken up.
"She went to pick your parents up." She said casually as we rounded the corner and entered the room our babies were being kept safe in. I scanned all the incubators, trying to figure out which one housed my babies before we got to them.
"Back already?" One of the female nurses asked Jane quietly with an affectionate smile before she looked down at me. "You must be Noah and Harpers mummy." I swallowed the lump in my throat at the term mummy. I suppose that is exactly what I was after today.
"She sure is." Jane responded when I didn't say anything. She wheeled me right up to the side of a pink incubator where I got my first good look at our daughter.
Harper had a small mess of dirty blonde hair on top of her head, much like I did when I was a baby. She was dressed in her Baby A onesie and when she opened her eyes, the air was knocked straight from my lungs. I saw my own emerald green eyes staring back at me and felt tears burn my eyes again.
"Hi beautiful girl." I whispered, reaching out and touching the plastic that she was contained in, stroking the place where her face lied before me. "When can I hold her?" I asked, turning to look at the nurse who was watching us with a warm smile.
"She's doing really well; we're hoping she'll be out of here by morning." She told me with a warm smile as she placed her hand on Janes shoulder.
"What about Noah?" Jane asked as I directed my eyes to the blue incubator beside Harpers. Jane wheeled me across and the second I laid my eyes on our baby boy; my heart sank. He was smaller than I had expected and there were so many cords attached to him you could barely tell where he started and they ended.
"Dr. Williams will come by and talk to you about him tomorrow morning..." The nurse responded, and I knew what that meant.
That was never good news.
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Okay I didn't have any time to proof-read this but I hope you all enjoy it!
I promise the story isn't going to be super depressing; everything always works out well!