GOODBYE OHIO
(Santana)
"Usted es un irresponsable, Santana."
Papi shouted us in the late morning. I was so tired like that Beatles song.
When we got to Cleveland, bubbee picked us up at the train station and offered us a great dinner. Never a bath was so welcome. Zaide said us he would give us a ride to Lima in the next morning, that wasn't wise to hit the road o soon. As much as I wanted to get home, I had to agree. Rachel and I slept in our room in our grandparents' house, while Mike and Quinn settled in the guest house. I was so tired that I couldn't dream that night.
On Sunday morning, my father surprised everybody when the knock the door at my grandparents' to take us back home. He said there was no point to Zaide hit the road only to do us a favor. Of course I was apprehensive about the rational and generous gesture of Dr. Juan Lopez, especially when he spent the whole trip talking about just the essentials.
But once we set our foot back in home after left Mike and Quinn at their houses, papi spared the lungs.
"Nunca debió haber firmado dicho documento. Ahora usted piensa que puede hacer todo lo que pasa em La cabeza, sobre todo lãs cosas estúpidas. Y arrasta su hermana."
"Pai, por favor." Rachel tried to defend me. "Convencí Santana para quedarse em Nova York. Yo soy el culpable."
"Usted y su sueño de ir a La maldita Broadway." My old man grumbled.
"Es lo que más em este mundo, pai. Santana y mis amigos ayudaron."
"Ambos clavó um cuchillo en mi espalda. No voy a mantener en el hogar, sino que además no tedrá ningún tipo de ayuda de mi parte. Has oído?"
"Sí señor!" Rachel and I answered at the same time.
The initial plan for New York was that papi would pay my rent and Zaide would give me an allowance for living expenses. The money to pay my little luxuries would come from my own sweat by my job as intern in the Weiz Co. But when Rachel decided to live earlier her Broadway's dream, I could no longer rely on the rent paid by my father. Zaide said that he would keep the help he promised me, but he wouldn't add a penny because of Rachel. He agreed with papi: my sister shouldn't go to New York before graduate in high school.
Now, all I could do was accounts. I put the computer in front of me, and a paper next to make my notes. It wouldn't be easy. Not with the values that the guys would earn in one of the most expensive cities of the world. Their salaries guarantees the rent divided by four. But we still had the basic expenses, electricity and water bills to pay, plus internet, phone, furniture, food and transportation. Everything inside a house costs money. Suddenly, I had three people to sustain. My intention was to use daddy's inheritance as little as possible, and if I wanted to fulfill my goal, we would have to tighten our belts.
"Hey." Rachel came into my room without asking. This time, I even cared. "What are you doing?" I didn't have to answer and soon she realized what it was. "So? How it will be?"
"Tight, but I think we'll make it without touching daddy's money. For that, we need to zaide keep his original help and also sell our car. I haven't studied applications yet, but I can ask Zaide or Weiz on which ones we should do to have a good savings for lean times."
"I told you we can use my part on daddy's money."
"I know, but it would be unwise. If we use this money freely, it won't last that much. That's why we need to make it yiled first or we could repeat Shelby's mistakes."
"In that case… so... how can we sell our car?"
"I was thinking about Mr. Hummel. He owns one of the biggest machine shops in the city and he should know the shortcuts for this type of business. At least one in that we won't lose so much money, because that is what will happen if we sell directly to the dealership."
"That means asking for Finn's help..."
"Or not. We can speak directly with Mr. Hummel, right? In addition, Kurt is your best friend."
"Truth..."
"So! We won't have problems in this regard because of your ex."
"I think not. For now we only have problems with papi."
Yes, it was something I couldn't stop thinking about without bothering myself, especially because I bought this fight and I was reaping the consequences because of Rachel. I looked at my sister, who was trying to understand my notes. She was lucky that I was willing to fulfill what I promised dad about taking good care of her. And she was lucky that I loved her too much, though.
…
(Rachel)
My father kept the cold mode on us. He barely wished good morning before went to work, as if he wasn't wanting to stay in the same room. Who knew that the competent chief surgeon could be a cantankerous? I couldn't complain, though. I actually thought more than once about quitting New York just to not leave him alone. I said to my sister and friends I was very sure despite all the difficulties, but, deep down, I was so scared. Then I remembered some abuela's words when she told stories about the Chilean dictatorship that forced the Lopezes into exile in the United States: "Uno tiene que respetar El miedo. Nunca hay que subestimar. Pero cuando usted se deje llevar por El miedo, entonces renuncias a sus sueños y ideales. Tu dejas de vivir La vida y tu alma muere."
We left for school on a day that Quinn would say goodbye to Glee Club. On Tuesday, she would go to New York for good. I was looking forward to our temporary farewell.
"Hi."
I met my girlfriend at the lockers and I didn't know whether or not assumed our relationship right there at school. Quinn ended my dilemma when she gave me with a quickly kiss on the lips. Nothing flashy, but for the wise, a half word was more than enough. I looked around me and saw that some people were surprised to see the former Queen Bee kissing the school loser. I could already predict that before lunchtime, the whole school would know.
"Is your mother better?" I asked. The day before, when I called Quinn, she said that her mother was weeping with the sudden change of plans and the moving.
"She is trying to conform herself, still, she comes here at school to finish my enrollment and prepare documentation to get everything ready for my transfer to any school in New York. It would be easier if I knew where we will live."
"In Brooklyn?"
"Yeah, but where is it in Brooklyn?"
"You do have a point. I'm in the same situation here, but my father is less likely to cooperate. Anyway... What about today? Are you prepared to say goodbye?"
"No." Quinn held my hand. "But it would be much worse if I had to say goodbye to you, which won't happen. Then, I'm glad!"
We were walking to class when Finn reached us in the hallway. Quinn felt tensed, but I nodded at her for a sign to be calm. I had already made my choice and wouldn't go back. But Finn deserved my consideration.
"Rachel..." He ignored Quinn altogether. "Could we talk?"
"Of course."
We walked into the choir room where we knew that he would empty. Finn and I sat in chairs and he was quite nervous.
"How was New York?" He seemed shy.
"Things happen." I tried not to be so elusive, but the fact was that I wasn't so comfortable being alone with my ex-boyfriend.
"In the audition? Bad things?"
"Not at all. Mike and I were nailed our auditions. Now we're waiting the last callback. They said it will happen tomorrow."
"It would be petty of me to say that I'm rooting against you?" He hastened to explain. "I don't want to lose you, Rachel. The truth is that when you left me in New York saying you had fallen in love for someone else, it made me want to fight. Love like ours can't end so easily."
"Fighting by wishing me failure?"
"Rachel, I expressed myself badly... I don't wish your failure."
"I think you expressed it very well, Finn." I stood up, not wanting to stay longer. So, Finn was rooting against me? What a deception! "See you in Glee Club."
"Rachel!" He ran and grabbed my arm. "The person who you fell in love... it's Quinn, isn't it?"
"What if?"
"Be careful. She is unreliable and a liar. She used me and lied about the paternity, she discarded Sam when she got sick of him. I respect Quinn and even like her, but she isn't a trustworthy person. She will use you and hurt you."
"That's on me, Finn. I am no longer your concern." And I left him alone.
It was very nice to know by Kurt and Mercedes that the Glee Club had a great reception at McKinley. The fat paycheck we received to benefit the school also helped. Now the choir returned more money that the school has ever offered to us on two years of dedication. Ironic and unfair. But rules are rules.
At the Glee Club, we discovered that the gang was planning a special presentation on Friday evening to celebrate the National Championship and the school year. One of the three songs was already set and it was a good suggestion. The other would be "We Are The Champions": nothing more cliché. I had my own idea for the third one, but before discuss the setlist, I would give satisfaction to the team. I went ahead of my mates and took a deep breath before pronouncing.
"I understand that the team will undergo redesigns on the next semester because of the departure of some key members: Noah, Mike and Lauren graduate this Saturday." My fellows spontaneously applauded. "Santana is going to abandon us for a great reason: to study in one of the best schools in America." I needed to enhance the output of my sister in something noble. She received more restrained applause. "And Brittany will become one of the best dancers in Los Angeles." More applauses. "Unfortunately, I also need to announce my departure and Quinn's."
"What?" Mr. Schue was the first to react and lost control of the class briefly. It took a good few minutes so everyone could sit still again to listen to what I had to say.
"Mike and I have great chances of getting a part on an off-off-Broadway musical called Songbook. It's a play produced by R&J and directed by the award-winning James Golvi. They are using this musical to experiment some formulas and revel new actors. It will be hard work for the whole summer, but it's our chance."
"The whole summer?" Schuester questioned. "Rachel, I'm very happy with this opportunity, but it is perfectly feasible to make the play and go back to McKinley, to be with your father and family."
"Yes, Mr. Schuester. But in New York I will also stay with my family, I will be with my sister. It's also my chance to try more opportunities." Finn stared at me and he was still upset. "Mike will be with us. And Quinn will work as an assistant in the same play."
Another burst of everyone talking at the same time.
"But what about your studies?" Schuester was almost terrified. "You are just teenagers. You shouldn't stay in a metropolis like New York with uncertainties. Not when you have all the support you need right here."
"Mr. Schue." Quinn stood beside me. "I am 18 on July, I was already a mother and responsible for my actions. I won't stop studying, whether it's what you think. I won't just drop everything and give up my goals, my plans. Happens that opportunity knocked on my door and I won't let it go, even if I need to make sacrifices."
"I just think you shouldn't ripen ahead of time."
"It happens sometimes! It doesn't mean it's a bad thing."
I stood there in front of a stunned crowd. Kurt was the first to stand up and hug me, wishing good luck. Soon, I was surrounded by our friends as well as Quinn. It was good to feel wanted. But Finn wasn't there anymore. I didn't seen when he left the room and, despite our little discussion earlier, I cared about him a lot. I didn't want to see him so hurt, so I looked for him and found my ex-boyfriend in the auditorium. He was sitting in one of the armchairs and seemed to cry. I sat next to him and waited.
"I don't believe you are going away." He said in a trembling voice.
"It was inevitable!"
"Rachel, I take back what I said earlier about rooting against you. That was my hothead speaking. I wish your success with all my heart."
"We'll be friends, Finn." I touched his face gently. "You were my first love and boyfriend. I loved you throughout all the moment we had at McKinley and maybe I will love you for the rest of my life. But it's over. Our relationship is over, and I hope our friendship will persist."
"For now, I understand. You want to try this thing with Quinn, ok, I got it. But a story like ours doesn't end so easily."
"Stories like ours happen all the time." My eyes were moist. "It's time to move on. It's a new stage of my life, a new place, a new reality, new people." I started to cry. It wasn't so simple to leave everything behind in that school. "Sorry, but it's not easy and I'm afraid. Our choir room and this auditorium are safe havens. These are certainties. The outside world seems scary, but I need to face it."
"Of all the people who will leave, you are the one that I will miss the most. We went through a lot this year. You went through a lot and I didn't always give you the deserved support, I recognize it. But I can assure you one thing, Rachel Berry-Lopez: I love you and I think a part of me always will, no matter the time or place."
I looked at Finn, who also had tears in her eyes. I took my hands to his face and pulled him into a soft kiss on his mouth. It was not like I was cheating on Quinn. I just thought that was a proper goodbye after all we lived together: one last kiss and goodbye.
"It better Quinn take very good care of you."
"She will." I smiled.
We left the auditorium reminiscing about good times of our duets. We sang softly "Do not Stop Belivin" through the hallway, just for us, until we meet Quinn. Finn gave me a friendly hug. So I went to my girlfriend, kissed her cheek and left school holding her hand. I realized that scene was loaded with symbolism. I left back my early teens, my innocent phase, my first discoveries and disappointments. Those things can be embodied in Finn. So, I hugged my future: Quinn. Everything I experienced was perfect in imperfection. It was romantic. But it's time to move on to a more complex and equally imperfect good new stage.
…
(Quinn)
"Did you put the coat in your bag?" My mother rummaged through my room.
"Yes."
"New York is very cold."
"No more than here, Mom."
"Are you sure you haven't forgotten anything?"
"I'm still leaving half of my wardrobe here, so..."
I couldn't take all my clothes, obviously. But I fill a large bag with as much as I could take, including bath towel, bed sheet, my pillow, my camera, some shoes, two books, my old ipod and things of personal use. I was leaving behind a life to start another.
It was a very emotional moment when I closed the door to my room, carrying my bag. Neither was the room where I spent most of my life. It was a smaller one, part of an one-story house in a humble neighborhood. Even so, I cried to remember everything that I'd lived in Lima: since the best moments in family or in school, even the worst, as the day my father threw me out. For the good or for the bad, it was learning.
"Quinnie." My mother gave me $300 before we get in the car. "I know it's not much, but it will help you until you receive your first paycheck."
"Mom."
"Just take it, okay? I wish I could help you with more, Quinnie. I wish I could afford all your studies, rental and whatever else you needed. But all I can give you are this money. So take it."
I hugged my mother before taking the money. I had my pride, but I also knew my needs. That money would be essential in the first week, especially because I would be alone. We got in the car on our way to the train station. The radio was silent and all I heard were my mom's recommendations to avoid fast food ("remember that you put weight on easily"), don't talk to strangers ("if it's dangerous here, imagine in New York"). I didn't care how lame could be her recommendations: it was her time with me and I could only listen.
At the station, I came across Rachel, Puck, Mercedes and Mr. Schuester. I hugged one by one and hear the words of good fortune that they had to give me. I felt Rachel wanted to kiss me but I turned my face away and hugged her instead.
"My mother doesn't know yet." I whispered in her ear.
Rachel looked a little confused. I thought the news that I was gay and that I was moving to New York would be too much to my mom absorbed. I planned to tell her about my sexuality in the near future and had to prepare very well for that time, because my mom could have many qualities, but she also had many prejudices.
I hugged her once more and didn't bother to wipe my tears when I got in the train. As it began to move, I looked out the window and saw some of the most important people in my life: a teacher who couldn't be the brightest, but he cared about his students, a bastard who got me pregnant, but that was willing to take responsibility from the beginning; my friend who helped me and gave me shelter when I needed most; my girlfriend and my love; and my mother.
I knew this wasn't the final goodbye, and that we would see each other in no time. God! Rachel and I would live together very soon! The farewell ended just one cycle. New York, here I come.
…
(Santana)
My week in Lima was so intense that I was startled when the Friday came, namely the day when The New Directions would make a special performance in honor of the graduates and all. Rachel and Mike received the calls: it meant that the two would catch the train on Monday with me.
I still needed to deliver the car to the new owner and close the contract with the real estate I was negotiating in Stuyvesant Heights, Bushwick or Williamburg. Quinn was there visiting the apartments with Johnny to give me some information like neighborhood, facilities and to feel things we couldn't learn by Google Maps. Depending on what she says, I would sign the contract with the housing as soon as I arrived in New York.
At the most, it was a week of goodbyes. Brittany didn't even leave my house. There were five glorious nights with her and I felt sorry for my sister who was sleeping in the next room. I wished we had more time, but the truth is: I didn't know how to keep a relationship living in the same city, imagine in different time zones? I mean: Brittany and I even were officially girlfriends. What should I do?
Of course we would speak by phone, by skype and everything else electronic resources allow. But that would be enough? What if she met someone else in Los Angeles? What if I met someone in New York and want to be in a relationship? Perhaps the best for us was not complicate things and free ourselves to do whatever we want. It would be hard to tell her and my heart about this conclusion.
"Two minutes, ladies." Schuester said when we met in the auditorium hall to repeat the entry of The New Directions first official performances.
"According to tradition, a couple opens the performances here." My sister shook hands to be able to relax.
"Traditions are there to be broken. They imprison people."
"Always rebel!" She smiled at me. "I love you."
"I love you too, Ray. Now let's kick some ass."
We entered together and took turns in the verses of "Beautiful Day", by U2. All the New Directions, except for Quinn, were there in front of the stage harmonizing with us. Singing for the last time with the team had a sweet and sour taste. The emotions were so intense that I ran from the scene after the last song. I didn't want them to see me crying. I was Santana Berry-Lopez after all, I was a bitch and also didn't give a damn for the others feeling.
"San?" I heard Brittany's voice behind me. "Santana."
"What is it, Britt?" I tried to wipe the tears.
"You ran. Is everything okay?"
"Yeah." I gather some courage to face her. "It's just that this week wasn't easy."
"No, it wasn't." She came over and hugged me. "But we needed to go through, right?"
"I think so." Brittany took my hand and we sat next to each other. I played a bit with her hands and fingers, until I finally connect our pinkies. "I don't know what will happen to us and that terrifies me."
"If we knew, it wouldn't have the slightest grace."
"I never cared about spoilers." We smiled at each other.
"I think we'll be okay."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because we are happy, San."
"What?"
"I can have my problems. Sometimes I'm so slow and you are always there to help me. But I know how to walk by my own legs, I know cross the street and ride a motorbike. I'm not good at math, but I know stuffs. Mainly: I know what I want to do and I will have the chance to do it in Los Angeles. So I'm happy and I know that you're also happy for me. Now, you just need to be happy with yourself."
"And do you think it will happen in New York?"
"You'll be with your sister. You have friends looking out for you, and you are going study in a place where you can really be admired for your capacity. So I think yes, you will find your happiness in New York."
"What about us?"
"We will meet someday." Brittany put her hand up to my face and pulled me into a kiss: an incredible one that thrilled me. "When we meet again in L.A, or in New York, or in Lima, we will figure things out, ok?"
"I love you, Britt. You are a genius."
"I love you too."