DISCLAIMER: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and all characters are property of NBC and Dick Wolf…with some play given to USA. All supplementary characters are completely fictitious.

WINDOW

Chapter 6: Waking

"Yeah? So?" Olivia huffed up the stairs juggling her cell in one hand and her dry cleaning in the other. One of the benefits of getting –or rather being forced to take– the day off was that Liv could run some much needed errands. "That's great Elliot. Do we know what it's for? …Well, does he know?" Elliot's canned voice chirped in her ear. The meeting with Lucy Maguire went well. It was painful, but it helped.

"It left us with a lot of unanswered questions, but at least we know what to ask." Elliot had said of their meeting. "Cabot was a champ. You know how she can be…well…an ice queen? None of that. I thought she was possessed or something! Liv, not even you could've done better." He quickly added, "and that's saying something!"

Olivia laughed into the phone, "Nice save. I'm glad everything went so well." Liv didn't know if she was more disappointed that she hadn't been there for such an important development in the case or relieved that she didn't have to be in the room while Lucy recounted her relationship with Tawny. "Well, I'll be backMonday and we can pay a visit to Maureen Deacon's lawyer to see what the mystery key unlocks. We…hang on a sec Elliot, I've got another call."

She reached her floor and took a moment to catch her breath. As she pulled the phone away from her ear to check the caller ID something caught her eye. There was someone sitting outside her door. That someone had a phone to their ear…and looked a lot like "Alex!" Olivia just about dropped everything in her arms. She was startled. Pleased, but definitely startled. "El, I'll call you back she called into her phone before snapping it shut.

"You're lucky that was me on the other line just now, or whoever it was would be very disappointed right now." Alex greeted Olivia with a smug grin as she rose awkwardly to her feet. "Here, let me take something" Alex reached for Olivia's dry cleaning while the detective snapped her phone to her belt and pulled out her keys.

Alex seemed oddly out of place, out of her usual power suits and wrestling the dry cleaning from Liv. She seemed so...normal.Alex was in her weekend wear, a look the squad was not privy to unless there was an urgent, unexpected call. It was a look Olivia liked on the younger blonde.She was in relaxed, well-worn jeans that hugged her thighs with the slightest flare mid-calf. She wore a navy three-quarter length shirt with a neckline plunging low enough to show the top of a white undershirt in the cradle of its V. Her hair was pulled into a loose ponytail and a few telltale wisps fell across her face.

"How long have you been sitting out here?" The dark-haired detective cocked an inquisitive eyebrow. Alex had come to see her. Her leapt and she quickly had to quiet it out of fear that the other woman would hear how loud it was now beating. "Not too long, I hope." She pushed open the door and took the dry cleaning from Alex and tossed it over the back of the couch. She then pulled the blinds, it was dark outside and the streetlights were guttering, flickering to life on the street.

"Nah, only a few minutes. I was actually glad you weren't here. I needed a little time to collect my thoughts. It's been a long day." Alex sighed and all of a sudden she looked very tired. She brought her hand to her head and gently massaged her right temple. Olivia motioned to the bar stools at the kitchen counter. Alex sidled up to the island, and after sitting, propped her elbows up and cradled her chin in her hands. She let her posture slacken and let out a deep sigh.

Olivia took a moment to look over the rather melancholic woman seated before her. Alex stared of into the distance as if trying to wrap her head around some far off idea. Her shoulders were slumped her brows knit. Something was obviously not sitting right with this woman, Olivia could tell. "So what can I do for you counselor? I know you didn't just come for the sparkling conversation, and based on my track record the last few days, who could blame you."

At this Alex gave a weak smile, "Though I do admire your…somewhat covert sense of wit, it is, sadly, not why I came." Her face became serious once more. "My cover is that in my hurry, I seem to have forgotten my blazer, but my real reason is that I wanted to talk to you about the Davis case…and Lucy."

Olivia's face fell and she let out a deep sigh. She ran her fingers through her short brown hair and turned to the cabinets, rifling around for a few tumblers. "Can I get you something to drink, counselor? This may take a while." She pulled open the freezer and began cracking trays of ice, dislodging a few cubes and dropping them into the glasses with a hollow plink.

"Water's fine, Liv. Don't put yourself out." Olivia practically twitched inwardly at the ADA's use of her nickname. She sensed it was going to be another long night. Good thing it was a Friday and Elliot's turn to cover the Saturday shift. Don't put myself out? Isn't that exactly what you're asking me to do? Olivia thought to herself pulling open the fridge and pouring water from a pitcher into the glasses on the counter. She asked and I can't lie. Not to her. Gotta talk sometime I guess…

"Liv!" Olivia snapped up upon hearing her name, as water overflowed from the glass she had been filling and splashed onto the counter and floor. "Here let me. You just go sit down, okay?" Alex jumped from the barstool and, grabbing the dishrag previously hanging on the oven handle bent down to catch the spill. She mopped up the water and poured out some of the excess. Making sure everything was dry, she noted that Olivia had gone into her bedroom, presumably to change. Alex grabbed an apple from a bowl on the counter and a small-ish knife from the chopping block behind her. She worked quickly and by the time Olivia had returned, she had prepared a decent spread of apples on a plate, which was resting with the water – on coasters, of course – on Olivia's antiqued coffee table.

Alex washed her hands and hung the dishtowel back on the stove to dry before sinking into the overstuffed, oxblood leather chair adjacent to the couch she slept on the previous evening. She kicked of her shoes and drew her legs into the chair, tucking them beneath her. Olivia looked on the spread and gave Alex aweak grin. She sat downin the dead center of the couch, not too close to Alex, but not too far, she said to herself. She took the tumbler in her hand and pressed it to her lips, taking a quick gulp of water before beginning what promised to be a very difficult conversation.

"Alex, I have to start by saying you're asking a lot." Olivia sensed Alex's movements and cut her of before she had a chance to speak. "I consider you a friend and I can't say that about many. I want to be honest with you, and I want desperately to trust you. I need to say what I need to say. It may be hard, but if you interrupt, I don't know if I can get through it. I know you know how close I am with the guys on the squad, but really Elliot is the only one that knows why this case is so hard for me and even he doesn't know the whole story."

Alex sat, rapt with attention. Olivia wouldn't look at her, she addressed Alex, but had kept her eyes straight forward until this moment, when she turned and looked Alex straight in the eye. They held one another's gaze for a long moment. Olivia looked down at her hands briefly. Alex could sense what was coming, and wanted so badly to reach out to Olivia. To tell her everything was alright, but she also knew that if she did, Olivia might retreat into herself. Alex held her tongue and tried to concentrate on Olivia: what she was saying and what she was feeling. Olivia took a breath and picked at her nails.

"I'm sure you already know this from talk around the office, seeing as the courthouse is a veritable law enforcement rumor mill, but it's important you hear it from me. Alex," Olivia met her eyes once more. "I'm gay." She winced at her own words. "I know it's no shock, but I have to explain something to you. To me, this is one of the most frightening concepts. I've never been afraid of who I love, but rather I've just given up on love altogether. Being gay was a complication that just stopped mattering, because if you didn't love, did it matter if it was a man or a woman not receiving that love?" Alex knew the question was rhetorical, and inside her heart was breaking for this woman before her.

"When you go so long without feeling any sort of passion or emotion, you forget who it was you used to feel it for. In essence, I stopped being gay simply because I stopped feeling. Oh it's true I did have a few flings here and there. I'm sure you heard about Cassidy, among others. But I never felt. I didn't care. It wasn't real to me." She sighed heavily. "I'd sleep with some guy, not because I wanted to, but simply to remind myself that I was alive.

"Lucy reminds me that I'm dead. She reminds me of the choice I made. Of everything I gave up. I loved once, and I lost. I know what it is to lose the woman you love. Her love was taken from her. Mine took herself from me. We both were robbed of love, Lucy and I.We were caught unawares. Her circumstance was brought about by forces out of her control, mine was through my own simple blindness. I lost my love to the job. My job became my only love. Lucy cannot love what took Tawny from her, but I can. I can love bringing criminals to justice. I can love protecting people who can feel what I could not. I can love that.

"Sometimes you convince yourself that all there is to life is the job, or your parter, or your captain. Things stop mattering. All you have left is the job, and the job becomes a shell, dead skin you shrug off, only to rebuild. I was a shell. I am a shell, but now I know there's something within that shell. I am. I feel again. And…" Olivia drew in a long breath, "it's because of you, Alex."

"I'm gay Alex, but not because I love women, but rather because I love at all. And because…because I love you, Alex."

Alex blinked steadily as a single tear trailed down her cheek; she caught it on her fingertips, and rubbed them together in quiet contemplation. She wasn't sure of what to say, so she did the only thing she could think of. She rose from the chair as the leather creaked slightly and looked down at Olivia.

At this moment, Olivia's deep brown eyes flashed with fear. What is she thinking? Is Alex leaving? What have I done? Alex stood poised, expressionless. Then in one fluid motion she was next to Olivia on the couch and her arms were softly enveloping the older woman. Alex held Olivia to her, drawing her in with all the strength she could muster. She allowed more tears to fall and mingle with the fabric covering Olivia's shoulder. "I've been waiting so long for you." Alex whispered into Olivia's neck and clutched at her strong shoulders. Olivia was confused and awestruck.

"What? Wait, Alex." She pulled Alex up from her shoulder and steadied her shoulders. Alex's hands rested on the detectives hips and her watery blue eyes met the intense brown of Olivia's. Alex raised a delicate hand to Olivia's face and traced the contours of her jaw line with soft fingers. She leaned in and, much to Olivia's surprise, placed a chaste kiss on the older woman's full lips. She drew back slowly and a smile crept across her lips; the detective's bewilderment was obvious. "Alex. I don't understand."

Alex said nothing, but leaned in once more to kiss the detective, this time much more passionately. She brought her hand to Olivia's neck, pulling her close and deepening the kiss. Olivia moaned into her and Alex used it to her advantage, her tongue darting between parted lips, demanding entrance to the detective's mouth. They breathed into one another and everything around them faded into black. Olivia felt as if her innards were a series of rusty gears, covered in dust and cobwebs and that they were – for the first time in years – lurching to life. She moaned once more and ran her tongue over the blonde woman's teeth. She couldn't believe what was happening. Wait…she really couldn't believe it. She broke their contact and panting, tried tocatch her breath.

"Alex. We need to talk. This…" She looked at the woman before her, "this is going too fast. I don't want to pressure you. I need to know you're doing this because you want to, not because it's what you think I want. If that is the case, we might both end up very very hurt, and that's the last thing I want. For either of us."

It was Alex's turn to avoid Olivia's gaze. "Olivia, I may play it a little closer to the vest than you do. A woman in my position? With a political future? …People knowonly what and when I want them to know. I want you to know. Olivia, I'm gay." She took Olivia's hand in hers. "Liz Donnely knows and other than that everyone else thinks…well, they just think I'm a bitch because I refuse to date any of the pretentious men in our office that have asked me out. The truth is, I won't go out with them because I'm in love with someone else." Alex smiled. It was a soft, sincere smile. Olivia almost melted, almost swooned. "Olivia, I've loved you for the longest time. I couldn't hope, couldn't dream that you…but here we are. I played games with you, trying to see if maybe there was a chance you might see me for who I am. Just a woman, hopelessly in love with an amazing detective."

Olivia's lips caught Alex's own and whatever further words the two might have shared were swallowed, pushed back into their throats by darting tongues. Olivia broke contact first. "Alex, I'm exhausted." She sighed, fingers dancing along Alex's neck. "Come to bed?"

"Olivia…" Alex looked uncertain. "I don't want this to go too fast. I want this to last." Olivia's heart leapt at Alex's statement.

"Alex! What a deeply scandalous thing it imply!" Olivia gave her famous lopsided grin, "I have no intention of being anything but innocent. Now that I know your feelings, I want to be near you as much as possible. That being said, I can't possibly send you into the uncertain Manhattan night. And as you well know, that couch can be uncomfortable counselor." Her face, though smiling, became serious. "Alex, I would like to think that we have time to take things slowly. I want this to last, too. And honestly the extent of my implications involved nothing more falling asleep in the arms of the woman I love. Honestly. Just talking. Now that I can be, I just want to be near you."

Alex smiled at Olivia. "Talking sounds nice. For now. For tonight." She took Olivia's hand and they walked to the bedroom. Alex sighed inwardly. If she had her way, Olivia's would be the last face she saw before she fell asleep and the first she saw upon waking for the rest of her life.

If only life were that simple. Unfortunately, theirs were not the only wheels in motion, and as they settled into one another and slowly drifted to sleep, Olivia's cell phone sprang to life on the kitchen counter. "WORK 911!" blinked across the screen, but its ringer was silent and as it vibrated and buzzed, the new lovers slept on, safe in one another's arms.