Eight Weeks Old

I woke to an empty bedroom. In the past two weeks I had not once woken to an empty bed, let alone an empty bedroom. I shot out of the bed, carefully pulling the blankets out of both Noah and Harpers bassinets; panic setting in when neither of them were anywhere to be found. My heart began to beat harder than it ever had before, a full blown panic attack starting to accumulate in my chest as I stared down at the empty cribs.

"Jane!" I screamed, my voice echoing in the bedroom as I rushed to the wardrobe, grabbing the first pair of shorts I could and pulling them onto my legs as Jane came running into the room with wide eyes, baby vomit on her shirt. We stood there staring at each other; both of us clearly trying to figure out what was going on. Jane was the first one to speak.

"Tommy and Ma are downstairs…" She started, watching me with wary eyes as she spoke. "They bought TJ over to play with the kids…" She continued, tilting her head to the left slightly as I continued taking sharp breaths, my heart starting to slow in my chest at the realisation that they babies were downstairs; with our family.

"They're okay?" I asked in a whispered voice. Jane nodded slowly, frowning slightly as she silently tried to figure out what was going on in my head. Before I had the chance to explain; I was sobbing. My hands grabbed at my chest, my head falling forward as I tried to calm myself down. There was no logical reason for my tears, yet no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get them to stop.

"Maura." Jane chuckled empathetically as she wrapped her arms around my torso, pressing kisses to my shoulder blades as she waited for my body to stop shaking. After a few more minutes of violent sobbing; my breathing slowly started to regulate. "I didn't want to wake you." Jane apologised, a small pout on her face when I pulled away and wiped the left over tears off of my face.

"This was me over reacting." I realised, sighing loudly as I placed both my hands on my hips, shaking my head at my own ridiculous over the top reaction. How had I not assumed Jane had merely woken up before me? Why did my mind automatically assume that the worst had happened?

"No, you're a mommy." Jane said with a warm smile as she placed her arms back around my waist. I rolled my eyes at her, looking down at the stain on her shirt with a playful smirk as I dropped my hands from my hips.

"So are you." I giggled, wondering which of our darling children had spit up their morning milk on Jane's favourite pyjama top. Jane shrugged her shoulders casually, both of us knowing this was not the first, and would not be the last, time she had one of our babies bodily fluids on her clothing.

"Ma remembered that the babies have their vaccines today and she sort of wants to come." Jane warned me, pursing her lips as she waited for a reaction. During my pregnancy I had more than happily included Angela in everything. For some reason, the second those beautiful little babies came into the world, that all changed. I kept them all to myself and never wanted Angela, or anyone else, anywhere near us when it came to things like this. That was going to have to change.

"Of course she can come." I responded with a forced smile, wondering which of my precious babies I wouldn't get to hold for much of the day. I pulled away from Jane gently; pulling the first sweater I placed my hands on over my body and made my way toward the bedroom door, suddenly aching to seeing our little girl and our little boy.

"There's another thing…" Jane started, shifting awkwardly on her feet. I frowned at her from where I stood, crossing my arms across my chest as I waited for her to continue. "She wants to have the baptism discussion…" I groaned loudly, throwing my head back and dropping my arms dramatically by my side.

"It's a discussion you and I should be having, Jane. Not you, your mother and I." I told her with a frown, her eyebrows rose as she pulled the best I'm sorry please don't yell at me face.

"It's just a talk, sweetheart." Jane responded, walking over to me and wrapping her arms around my waist again, burying her head in my neck as she left a trail of kisses along my jaw line. I let out a quiet sigh as I tried to keep my eyes open, my hands balling into fists as I resisted the urge to scratch down her back.

"Fine." I groaned, my head falling back in order to give her better access to my neck, her teeth catching my pulse point and pinching softly. A small moan escaped my lips as my eyes betrayed me; drifting closed while my hands made their way up her ruined shirt.

"We should probably…" Jane's sentence trailed into silence as I dug my nails into her back, dragging down hard enough that I knew she would feel it all day. She moaned quietly in my ear, my lips pursing hard as I tried to suppress my own. "I want you." She admitted, a gush of air escaping my mouth at the sound of her words as I pulled her shirt off and discarded it on the floor.

"Jane." I moaned, my brow furrowing at the sound of approaching footsteps.

"Jaaaane!" Tommy's voice echoed through the bedroom, Jane and I not moving an inch as he walked into the room, covering his eyes with both of his hands before he spoke again. "Uh, so I may have been letting Harp ride on Bass' back and…" My eyes shot open, turning to face my brother in law suspiciously.

"What happened?" Jane groaned, stepping away from me and taking a deep breath as Tommy peaked between his fingers to ensure we were no longer touching one another. Tommy smiled at my apologetically, nodding towards the stairs. We clearly weren't getting any hints as to what was going on.

The sight before us when we got to the bottom of the stairs was unlike anything I had ever seen. Jane had left Tommy alone with the babies for ten minutes and they both had a pacifier in their mouths (something we had worked tirelessly to ensure they never got used to,) and Noah was lying wide awake staring at the ceiling as his automatic rocker moved far faster than it ever should have been

That wasn't even the worst of it. The worst came when I looked down at Bass, whose entire shell was covered in baby vomit. I felt my eyes widen at the sight of my precious tortoise, his head buried deep in his shell as he, undoubtedly, was wondering what the weird smelling substance dripping down his shell was.

"Where's Ma?" Jane asked through gritted teeth as she lifted Noah out of his rocker. I made my way to the kitchen silently, grabbing a tea towel and running it under warm water. I knew Jane was about to rip into her brother; all I had to do was tidy up.

"She went to get ready…" Tommy responded, his eyes carefully watching Jane while I made my way to Harper, lifting her into my arms and wiping away the small amount of vomit that had been left on her bare chest.

"Why isn't she wearing a shirt?" I questioned as I made my way toward Jane who placed Noah in my free arm, a frown on my face as I tried to comprehend at what point he took off her shirt but didn't bother to clean her up any further. "Can you tidy up Bass for me?" I asked Jane, not waiting for an answer before I began climbing the staircase.

I barely made it up three steps before I heard a loud smack that I knew was Jane telling off her brother. It was going to be a long day. I lay both the babies out on the bed and looked down at their clueless faces and instantly felt better.

"Will you hate mommy if she dresses you the same?" I asked them, pursing my lips as Harper grinned up at me. Dressing the babies had fast become one of my favourite things to do, especially when I could make them match in some way. Nothing made me happier than when people stopped me on the street to comment on how clever their outfits were.

I pulled a set of onesies out of their top drawer that read Drinking Buddies, each coupled with a cartoon bottle on the front. It would have been far more factually correct if there was a photo of my breasts on them, but Jane had warned me that was nowhere near socially acceptable.

"Who's going to be the cutest set of twins in the whole world today?" I asked the twins, looking down at their blank expressions. Sometimes it really felt like Bass understood me more than my own babies did sometimes.

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There had been no doubt in my mind that today was going to be stressful, but as Angela, Jane, Harper, Noah and I sat in the waiting room at the doctor's office I felt an odd surge of calm. I knew the babies were both going to strongly disapprove of their eight week needles, but everything inside of me knew this was going to protect them against more things in the world that were out to get them; and that made me happy.

"Jane tells me you would like to discuss potentially having the children baptised?" I asked Angela in a quiet voice as I gently rocked a sleeping Harper in my arms. I figured that while I was in a happy, relaxed mood; this was the time to have this discussion.

"Well it's just that you aren't religious, in any way." Angela pointed out. Jane and I sat quietly, expecting her to continue. "But Jane was baptised and we went to church when she…"

"But Jane hasn't been to church in almost… Ten years." I pointed out, turning to Jane who gave me a small nod in approval at the time frame. Angela frowned past me at her daughter who shifted back in her seat as she began cooing at Noah in her lap.

"But you aren't religious." Angela repeated, the frown that was no doubt making its way onto my face deepening in annoyance over the fact I could not understand what she meant with her simple statement.

"So because I'm not religious I shouldn't have a say in if my children are baptised?" I asked in a short voice as I began to piece it all together. Jane seemed to catch onto the change of tone in my voice, standing up and handing Noah to her mother as a form of distraction.

"Of course that's not what I'm saying!" Angela exclaimed, Janes eyes shifting awkwardly to the other families around the room whose eyes were beginning to drift in our direction. "I'm just saying that I don't understand why you're opposed because you're not religious."

"Ma…" Jane said quietly, her voice thick with warning as she glared down at her mother.

"Do you want to baptise them?" I asked, turning to look up at Jane now as I tried to keep my voice quiet. The last thing any of us needed was to wake up Harper before she needed to wake up.

"Um…" Jane started nervously, her eyes coming to rest on her mother's as though she were a five year old girl not quite sure what the right answer to my question was. I had just assumed that because Jane had never, not through my pregnancy or otherwise, ever mentioned to me that she would be interested in having our children baptised; that she agreed with my opinion.

"Jane! Why didn't you say anything?!" I hissed, kicking one of my heeled feet out to knock the side of her leg. Harper began groaning quietly in my arms, and the apologetic smile on my wife's face told me she was thankful I couldn't chastise her right now.

"When we asked Cailin to be godmother… You knew that meant they would have to be baptised." Jane pointed out, causing my eyebrows to rise. I had completely forgotten about Cailin.

"Rizzoli?" A doctor called, a loud sigh escaping my mouth as we all stood up and made our way to where the man was standing. It was only once we were inside the room did I recall why we were here today.

"Jane, take her." I whispered, gesturing to our little girl who was still fast asleep in my arms. There was no chance I was going to be able to hold our daughter down while the doctor stuck a needle in her arm, not even if it was for the best of reasons.

We decided to let Noah have his injections first seeing as he was awake and staring at the shiny object in the doctors hand, completely unaware of what was about to happen to him. I placed both my hands on my face as I watched Angela turn Noah in her lap so he was facing away from the man. His brow furrowed as the sharp needle pushed into his skin, but to my surprise there were no tears or screams.

"Give her back." I hissed at Jane, taking Harper back out of her arms and waking her up, assuming she would react to the needle much like her twin had. "Hi bubby!" I exclaimed happily, a small smile playing on our little girls lips as she struggled to keep her eyes open in my lap. The needle went in and out in a matter of three seconds, her brow furrowing exactly like Noahs did. Only after three seconds did the screaming come.

Her scream was unlike anything I had ever heard. I pulled her up to my chest, cradling her against my body as I stood up and started pacing the room, tears burning behind my eyes as her scream turned silent. She had tears running down her cheeks and her mouth was hanging open but no sound come from her small body.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered to her, just as another loud scream of pain came from our little girl. I felt tears burning behind my eyes as Jane sat with the doctor, filling out the babies' two month check-up book and answering any questions the doctor had.

"Here." Angela's voice came from beside me as tears slowly began to trickle down my left cheek. Noah was now perched happily in Janes lap, which gave Angela the ability to remove Harper from my arms and begin rocking her in her own way.

It only took Angela a further two minutes to calm her granddaughter down enough to get her smiling and it occurred to me for the first time how irrational I was being in relation to having the kids baptised. Angela had raised three incredible children and there was no chance she would ever suggest something she didn't think was in the babies' best interest.

"Do you have any questions Maur?" Jane asked me, nodding toward the doctor as she placed the babies' books back into the nappy bag. I shook my head, smiling at the man apologetically for my behaviour.

"I do want to have our babies baptised though." I said quietly, my eyes focused on Angela's as I spoke.