Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
-Henry David Thoreau
"Has the jury reached a verdict?" the judge said.
"We have, Your Honour."
"On the account of aggravated rape, how does the jury find the defendant?"
"We find the defendant guilty," the juror says.
Her words were the silver lining around a very dark cloud.
Although he was found guilty, I felt very little closure. He's only serving a few years. Most of his time is from buying, possessing, and selling an illegal drug (GHB) to other people. That means I'm not Matt's only victim, which is a very haunting feeling. The average violent offender only serves about half of his sentence, so, statistically he'll be out in a few years.
To stop myself from dwelling too much onhim, I've been trying to focus on losing weight. I've barely noticed any change in the past few months. PJ and I haven't been the same lately. Iwouldn't say we're drifting apart or the "spark" is gone, but our relationship has felt pretty strained. He understands why I've been so upset, so he'll leave me alone when he senses I want to be.
Right now was one of those moments. Rowan was with her family for her cousin's birthday, and I told PJ I wasn't feeling well. It wasn'tentirelya lie- I really didn't feel good. I've been trying this diet I found on one of those blogs that have helped me out so much over the past year. Today's the day I'm fasting in accordance to the diet instructions. Maybe I'll lose more weight if I go for a jog.
While I waited for my headache to subside, I started sifting through my clothes to find appropriate attire for the weather.
After carefully brushing my hair to avoid any more locks falling out, I put on my shoes and headed for the door. I was barely ten minutes in when I began to feel extremely dizzy and everything began to look blurry. While I leaned against a wall, I checked my pulse on my neck.
Oh my God.
I've lost feeling in my fingers.
What's happening to me?!
I heard a loud ringing in my ears as everything went black.
"Is she going to be okay?" I heard PJ ask as I woke up.
I hadn't opened my eyes because I don't want to deal with all the questions right now.
"Yes, she will be perfectly fine," an accented female voice responded.
"What happened to her?" PJ asked. I could hear him trying to cover the worry in his voice.
"You might want to sit down for this, Mr. Liguori. She fainted because she was severely dehydrated and her blood pressure was dangerously low. We have concluded that this is due to malnutrition.
"Have you noticed any drastic changes in her eating habits? What about her weight? What about changes in her physical appearance, such as hair loss, or brittle nails?"
"Well, yeah, but I figured it was because of the... she's had stuff going on recently," he said, sounding like he was talking more to himself than the doctor. She asked him to elaborate. I figured that was my cue to "wake up."
PJ rushed over to me and told me how happy he is that I'm okay.
"Hello, Miss Deveaux," the doctor said after she had PJ go wait somewhere. "I'm Doctor Adebayo. Do you know why you passed out?"
"No," I lied. She then proceeded to tell me why. She asked me a few more general questions, then led me out the door and into an office and weighed me and measured my height. More questions. More tests. She even went as personal as asking me about my period.
"Do you worry about how much you eat?" she asked while looking at her clipboard.
"No," I said, avoiding eye contact.
"Would you say food dominates your life?"
"No," I said again.
"Miss Deveaux, do you realize how severely underweight you are?"
"No, I'm not!" I said more harshly than I meant to. "What are you trying to say here?! I'm not sick! I don't know why everyone thinks that I am. I'm perfectly fine. Just stop asking me stupid questions. I'm not sick!"
Doctor Adebayo took her glasses off and pinched the bridge of her nose. She let out a sigh before getting up and heading for the door.
"Am I allowed to leave?" I asked calmly.
She stared back at me with big beautiful brown eyes. I'll admit, I'm jealous of her. Her skin was a dark ebony colour, whereas mine is just this boring milky white shade. I used to have a healthy glow, but that's since been lost. Her lips were full and a perfect shade of pink and brown. Mine had barely any definition to them at all.
"Alicia, I can't help you if you're not going to admit you have a problem."
"I don't have a problem. I'm not sick."
She sighed again and told me I had to stay overnight for observation.
A day later, I was discharged and given strict instructions on how to regulate my diet so this won't happen again.
PJ and I were barely through the front door when he already started with the questions.
"Alicia, when was the last time you ate?" he asked softly. I just glared at him.
"Not you too," I whined. "Why does everyone keep asking me this? I'm fine."
"Doctor Adebayo said..."
"Who cares what she says? She doesn't know my life. God, you sound just like her. I'm notfuckingsick!"