The break up

(Santana)

Papi had some unstated purpose with this trip to Spain. He claimed that we should keep the tradition of our summer trips with the family, even with Rachel and I living away from home. So far, I agree. It turns out that the family now includes Shelby, Beth and, unfortunately, Quinn. It was fair and weird at the same time. Rachel and I had our own dynamic with our dads, so I didn't know what to expect from a trip without Daddy, and with three extra elements.

I tried to find reasons for the traditional trip missed the point. The family was now new? Certainly. Shelby is my mother and she was dating my father. Beth is my sister by heart. But I had the feeling that there was something more to this story. My bet: he was going to announce their engagement in a cliche way and celebrate with all of us, maybe it would happen in one of these restaurants with breathtaking landscape. Rachel, as always, was so excited about the trip and the vacation that she thanked papi a million times for her first "honeymoon" with Quinn. Thinking of my sister having sex with that Barbie has always churned my stomach.

Papi wanted us to be together all the time, but Rachel changed the plans. She and Quinn went straight to Barcelona as soon as we landed in Madrid. I stayed with papi, Shelby and Beth in the capital and we would meet the couple of desperate rabbits in Barcelona after a week. On the other hand, it was for the best that Rachel decided spend a week alone with her girl. I was unable to solve all disagreements I had with papi and Shelby, then I took the opportunity to make amends. I watched a soccer game with papi in the Real Madrid's stadium. Shelby, Beth and I made many purchases. I saw a piece of flamenco dance and I did regular tourism along with my parents. Anyway, I enjoyed Madrid and my parents company.

On the eve of traveling to Barcelona and meet Rachel and Quinn, I wasn't in good spirits so I spent the day at the hotel pool.

"Usted no debe beber, hija." I had a 180ml box of wine in hand, like those industrialized juice. They sold these good things in Madrid.

"Aquí se puede beber. Se permite desde hace 14 años." I offered one peck on my wine, but my father refused.

"Es un país de locos."

"O de sábios." We laughed a little.

"Santana, what's worrying you?" He looked at me seriously, in a way that brought down any wall that I was trying to build to hide myself.

"I don't know what you talking about."

"You're not having fun. You're not making friends as you would do. And you are spending most of your time with me and your mother. That's not you, Santana. My older kid would be avoiding us most of the time to do her own stuff. You know? Like Rachel is doing right now with her girlfriend. So, what's going on?"

The wine ended faster than I wanted and I needed some more. My father was still staring at me with a serious face, but with those eyes that assured that he loved me unconditionally. It was difficult to keep things to myself in situations like that, and the four little boxes of wine I've already drink helped a bit.

"I'm not sure if I want to go to Harvard."

"Por qué no?" His tone was harsher then surprised.

"Tengo muchas dudas sobre lo que quiero para mi vida."

"Después de todo lo que me hiciste pasar, ahora me dise que tiene dudas?" I should have kept my mouth shut. I knew it was best to leave the matter until this vacation was over. Papi was mad, and he had reason to be. "Por casualidad crees que las cosas son dáciles? Que basta chasquear los dedos y hacer su voluntad?"

"Papi…"

"Sabes qué? No voy a dejar que tú arruine mis vacaciones." Papi obviously wasn't happy and I bet he wouldn't be able to speak English for a while. "Sólo habla conmigo otra vez cuando algo de sentido entrar en la cabeza."

It was official: I had a big problem in my hands. The way papi stomped off into the hotel pool, I guarantee that if Zaide appeared at that moment, these two would unite to enforce any penalty or punishment without caring if I was a 18 years old big girl, able to make my own decisions. I went to the bar and bought more two little boxes of that cheap wine. After the conversation with papi, I decided I would drink until I come back to my room confusing monkey with dog. But I hadn't had a chance to overcome my high state of intoxication. Shelby met me ten minutes later. She had her arms folded, angry face and eagles eye's.

"What the hell happened, and why your father is upstairs cursing you and all your descendants to the sixth generation?"

"Daughters are born to disappoint. I read this sentence in a book. Cool, isn't it?"

"No. That's the kind of thing my father would say. It's not cool, Santana. Tell me what happened."

"I just said I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to Harvard. It's not a big deal."

"Okay! That explains why you're acting strange on the trip. What I don't understand at this point is why don't you want to go to Harvard? By chance, you want drop everything to be an actress and live the dream of Broadway like your sister?"

"God, no! I just wanted to go to Columbia instead of Harvard. But everybody in the family went crazy with my admission to the best university in the world." The wine was starting to work on my favor. "I don't want to go to Mass, Cambridge, or live with Paul. Incidentally, I'm dying to break up with him. In New York, at least, I have my home and those Stooges."

"So you don't want to leave school, move to a circus of charlatans and marry an addict drunk?"

"No!" My god, what these two were been talking?

Shelby took my wine box and threw it in the trash. Then she grabbed my arm and pulled me into the hotel unmoved with my complaining. She took me to my room and threw me a clean towel and my pajamas. She ordered me to take a bath and go to sleep, that she wouldn't go anywhere until I was in my first sleep. I didn't understand if she was really mad at me or if she was just helping me. Anyway, the reinforced sunscreen left me in agony and I really needed a bath. When I returned to the room, Shelby had already packed my things. We would leave in the late morning to Barcelona.

"Bed!" She commanded and I obeyed with embarrassment. She lay with me. It was a strange feeling. For the first time in my life I had my mother beside me, hugging me until I fell asleep. It was different and good.

I woke up with a slight hangover. I shouldn't have drunk so much wine without insert with water to prevent it. I found the family in the next room getting ready to catch the train to Barcelona. Papi wished me a good day as if everything was normal, Shelby gave me a kiss on my head, as Beth already wearing a cute blue summer dress and a ponytail was trying to climb me until I took her to my lap.

"If you want to go to Columbia instead of Harvard, I have no objection." Papi put his hand on my shoulder, assuring me his words. "It's a great university and you can still be close to your sister and you two will be able to take care of another. This will be perfect even for me."

"But I don't know if Zaide will accept. Harvard is his dream. And you won't be able to pay two colleges at the same time without his help. Your salary isn't that great."

"I'll talk to your grandfather in person, ok. Don't worry about it, I guarantee that when we get back, you can go to Columbia and make your tuition no matter what." I was speechless. I put Beth on the floor before running and embrace papi in thanks. It was as if he had just saved my life. "Now can you finally enjoy the vacation with your family?"

…

As a bad comparison, Madrid is like New York, and Barcelona is like Los Angeles. The first has great nightlife, plenty of leisure facilities, rich cultural life. Barcelona has it all too, but with less people, beaches, and spectacular architecture. If Madrid services are good, in Barcelona they are perfect. I love Barcelona, but the city had a flaw: the Catalan. It's hardest thing to understand, even for me that speak Spanish (Castilian as they say here) fluently and with a little American accent. Anyway, I had no problem to communicate in a cosmopolitan city like Barcelona. If you say Castilian well enough, then everything is right. But I can only assume. Still, Barcelona is really cool and for the first time I was having some fun in the vacation.

We arrived at Barcelona by late Friday. Quinn and Rachel were waiting us at the station and Quinn tried to impress her new father-in-law mumbled a few meager sentences in Spanish with a ridiculous American accent. The worse thing was seeing that Rachel's silly grin because of Quinn efforts. It was nauseating. We took a cab to the apartment papi rented from a dear friend for a price below market. And what an apartment! It's a luxury three bedroom nicely furnished and decorated. Beth and I shared a room, Quinn and Rachel were already taking advantage of the whole apartment for a week. Papi and Shelby took the master room. In the morning, Quinn and Rachel took me to a place that rent bikes: it was one of the best ways to enjoy the city's beaches.

But I cared more about that wonderful sun and golden sand. I was missing a good beach. The last time I was in a decent one was in Mexico three years ago. I was so jealous that Rachel was well tanned (she had a wonderful skin color), Quinn was red and I still had the New York's pallor.

"What good places have you found around here?" I asked Quinn as she reinforced the sunscreen.

"There is has a nightclub near the beach. It's very good and much more clean and civilized than those you like to go with Johnny and Mike in New York."

"Who recommended?"

"Manolo." She spoke the name with a hilarious accent. Very gringo. "He lives in an apartment on the fifth floor."

"I've been here once six years ago when we went to Europe for the first time and I didn't remember of knowing any Manolo guy."

"Well, I don't know about it. But we met in front of the building. He flirted with Rachel and I put him in his place." I imagine the scene: the bitch in action defending her territory.

The years in Lima taught me to not underestimate Quinn and never relax completely beside her. I consider myself a natural leader, but I'm an amateur near her power of manipulation. Quinn is dangerous when she wants to go over some bodies and she could do it mastery. She could barely reach me directly in McKinley High because I policed myself and gave her little ammunition. But when she wanted to screw me somehow, she sought ways to do it involving other friends, like Brittany. That's how she kept me below it in cheerios even thought she wasn't the best dancer or had the best shape.

Quinn didn't hesitate to play dirty. I know that not always I play fair: my sincerity and my warm blood diminish my firepower in this game where Quinn is a teacher. If I liked Quinn? The answer is: I kind of like her after a year living together, but I didn't know what to expect. We were allies by necessity and circumstances, but we've never been real friends. Still, she really loves my sister. Even a blind can see it. Rachel made Quinn more malleable. Well, life and Beth took part in the process. Quinn wouldn't harm me anymore, however, she could change her mind if much provoked. Nevertheless, the providence tells us to always keep one foot behind.

"Anyway, he got excited because we are Americans and showed the city to us."

"This Manolo is hot? Rachel is not available, but here's her sister."

"Paul knows that already?"

"I will break up with him as soon as we came back to New York."

"Well, it's about time. You two were an odd couple without much chemistry. But what about Cambridge? Didn't you were planning to live together?"

"I'm not going to Mass. I'm staying in New York." Quinn didn't seem to like the news.

"How?"

"I chose Columbia and papi is supporting me."

"Are you staying?" Rachel heard the last part when she was approaching us with a bottle of water in hand. "Are you staying in New York with us?"

"Permanently."

"Oh my God, Santy!" Rachel hug my tight.

They introduced me to Manolo. The guy had charm. We talked a little and he invited me to go to this nightclub. It was a cleaner place frequented by Barcelona's bourgeoisie. What do I understand about bourgeoisie? That affected consumerist rich guys without much in head or limits. Of course I wasn't a socialist and I loved consume. But a year living in New York with little money made me learn some important things about life, friends and goals. Anyway, the music was nice, the drink wasn't bad and the place had various environments to dance, drink and chat or make out. But the people in there weren't my kind anymore.

Manolo was also a bourgeois that lived with his parents on a high class neighborhood. I had nothing against it: I some countries, living with parents until get married or something like that was cultural or a huge necessity. I got that. It didn't mean they were losers nor had issues. Manolo studied architecture, what was nice, and he was good at bragging, what was awful. I gave up.

One afternoon, when the others had gone sightseeing in the city, I stayed in the apartment. Then, I decided to go in a little shop near the apartment to buy a souvenir for Mike and Johnny. But I had no money and knew that my father had saved some Euros in the corner of his suitcase. I just didn't know where exactly. I ran my hand into the small compartments of his suitcase and found a box with an engagement ring. So I connected everything. Papi planned the trip to Spain with the whole family to propose Shelby and throw a big party. I wasn't sure he had done so I would have to investigate.

"Papi?" I forced a conversation in one of the rare opportunities where Rachel and I were alone with him. In that case, the morning of the day before our return. The three of us were in the kitchen preparing a breakfast while Quinn, Shelby and Beth came down to the beach in front of the apartment. "Esta pensando em casarse? Con Shelby?"

He looked scared. Rachel was more. She spat the juice, those ways that the liquid comes out through your nose.

"Qué is diciendo?" Rachel barely cleared herself. "Pai?"

"Vi El anillo de compromiso em su bolsa" I explained better.

"Santana! Usted no tenía derecho a tocar mis cosas" Papi got nervous and rightly so.

"Fue um accidente! I was looking for that envelop with Euros to buy a gift." I just tried to defend myself.

"Pai, esto es cierto?" Rachel spoke more careful, more cautious tone. "Tu quieres casar?"

He looked at us both cornered and seemed for a moment he might cry. Then he regained his posture and raised his head.

"Shelby dijo que no." He tried to keep his voice firm, but I saw that my old man was wounded. "Your mother said she wasn't ready." He turned his back on us and pretended to be too focused on washing the dishes, as if it were the most important thing in the world to do.

My father's attitude and Shelby's answer had the impact of a bomb in my head. Seeing my parents married would be weird. Seeing them separate would be worse. Rachel hugged papi to comfort him while I couldn't react too shocked. Interestingly, papi was saying words of comfort, as if we were the ones who needed it, as if we had heard the rejection.

I went down to the beach in front of the building. Rachel came close behind. Quinn was running with little Beth and Shelby was having a sunbath. That was the first time I noticed her downcast.

"Girls." She smiled at us.

"May I sit down?" I asked.

"Sure." She gave room for me in her towel. Rachel remained standing with arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

"Shelby..." I tried to be cautious, but Rachel hadn't the same idea.

"When he proposed?" My sister was harsh.

"He told you?" She was upset and surprised. "How could he? We agreed not to spoil your vacation."

"It was my fault. I shifted through his things and found the ring."

"Oh, Santana..."

"You still haven't answered. When he proposed?" Rachel was tougher.

"When we went out alone for that romantic dinner on the beach." That was three days ago. I had gone to dance with Manolo while Rachel and Quinn stayed with Beth at the apartment.

"Why did you reject him? Don't you love him?" Rachel still nervous and inquisitive.

"I do love Juan very much, Rachel, and I even considerate to move back to Lima. But I think, maybe, we're being hasty. Juan isn't ready to get married again and I need to also think about Beth."

"Really?" I questioned. "Are you afraid because of Beth? Do you think my father is a kind of disgusting pedophile rapist to be afraid for? Are you nuts?"

"No, it's not that… come on, of course I trust Juan with Beth. He adores her."

"Yeah, and she calls him dad. He is her dad!"

"What if Juan changed his mind and decide to be with a man?"

"My father gives you a reason to be insecure? Did you see him checking some guy's ass?"

"No, he didn't."

"Why don't you admit that you are a coward?" Rachel rose her tone. She had tears in her eyes. "If it was to end that way, hurting my dad, so it was better to you even had come back and forced yourself into our lives!"

My sister kicked a pile of sand and stomped off back to the apartment. She was always supportive of our parents' relationship, that's why she felt betrayed. But I've always had questioning their relationship and I didn't fully trusted Shelby. I think that's why I was able to keep myself controlled. Still, it was hard and difficult not to follow Rachel's attitude. It was hard to see papi heartbroken because of Shelby. I also thought that Shelby was very afraid to let us in. She rejected us once. Now, she was rejecting papi for the same reason. And here was the woman who said to Rachel she needed a family, a balance. Oh, the irony!

"Did you already break up?" I asked.

"Kind of. What I know is that when we get back to Ohio, your father will remain in Lima and I in Dayton. We promised to keep in touch because of you guys, but I don't know if our relationship will last." I stayed silent, watching Quinn and spinning Beth in the air like a baby-momma advertisement.

"Well, you rejected us a few times before you changed your mind. Rachel and I handle the trauma well because we always had each other, and our friends, and ours dads. But my father is a more solitary than ever and he can be more fragile than you think. Look what you did and what you will do because if I dream you are playing with his feelings, I will think of ways to hurt you too. You are my mother and I like you. But I love my father with my soul."

"What about my feelings?"

"I haven't decided if I care about them."

I got up the towel and also headed to the building.

I wanted that this vacation to be remembered as a time of good decisions. Unfortunately, we can't always have what we want.