13 Months Old
The past month had been a complete blur. Jane and Maura had opted with surgery for the little boy, and with a month of waiting ahead of them they had decided they needed as much family time as possible. Both the women took time off work and poured their heart and souls into not only their little boy, but their little girl. They took their children to Paris to see where Maura grew up, they went to Hawaii and spent two weeks on a beach and were completely in love with their little family.
Maura had purchased a high quality camera and taken so many photos of their happy little family they already needed a new photo album. They had spent the past month falling in love with their babies again, and now it was time to face the reality no one was prepared for.
"So the plan is…" The doctor started as Maura and Jane sat side by side in his familiar office. Harper loudly let out a scream when Noah took the block she was holding on the ground out of her hands. The doctor seemed completely unphased, obviously completely used to having screaming toddlers in his presence. "We're going to resect the tumour, and at the same time we'll do a biopsy so we don't have to go in twice."
"And what will the biopsy tell us?" Jane asked, biting down on the inside of her bottom lip as she struggled with the mental image of Noah's brain being cut into, even if it was for the best.
"It will give us a clearer idea of what sort of tumour we're dealing with." The doctor smiled sympathetically, his eyes moving to rest on Noah on the floor before coming back to look Jane in the eye. "And to also confirm the presence of cancer cells."
"So you do think it is cancerous?" Maura asked, not missing the fact that the doctor had merely used the phrased confirm the presence.
"It's strikingly similar to what you'd see in a cancerous tumour; yes. But we won't know for sure either way until we do the biopsy." Maura knew he was just throwing her a bone with his second comment.
"And if it is... Cancer." Jane swallowed hard, the word seeming to get caught in her throat. The doctor nodded slowly, not needing Jane to finish her question to know what she was asking.
"We'll talk about that when it comes." Jane made a mental note to ask Maura what the next cause of action will be if it is cancer when they were alone later. "Are you both staying until he goes in?"
"No." Jane responded quickly, chuckling awkwardly as she shook her head. There was no way she would be able to see their little boy being sedated and wheeled away. "I'm going to wait downstairs with Harper." She added, thinking that if the doctor thought the only reason she wasn't coming with them was because they had another baby to look after; he wouldn't think she was such a bad parent.
"He's a mommy's boy anyway." Maura joked; lightly pinching Jane's leg in an attempt to convince her it was okay for her to not be able to handle it.
"Well if you don't have any more questions…"
"What… What about the fact he hasn't spoken at all yet." Jane knew her question wasn't worded as a question, but the doctor seemed to understand none the less.
"Unfortunately we won't really know how much damage the tumour has caused until he begins to grow." The doctor replied empathetically.
Jane and Maura had decided they didn't want Harper to be around in any capacity when they started running tests and preparing Noah for surgery, so with all their questions answered Jane sat down on the ground between the two toddlers and pulled them into her lap. Jane instinctively started pressing light kisses against Noah's cheek, as smile playing on the boy's lips at his mother's affection.
"We have to go now baby girl." Jane told Harper who was far more focused on the blocks Jane had distracted them from when she came to sit down. Maura felt tears burning behind her eyes and forced herself to look at the wall behind the doctor in front of her. "You have to say goodbye." Jane's words caught in her throat as her own tears began to trickle down her olive toned face.
Harper frowned at Jane's show of emotion but leant forward and pressed her lips against Noahs face lazily. The little girl hadn't quite figured out how to pucker her lips yet, so instead she just rested her lips against his skin. Jane chuckled quietly before she let Harper go so she could pick up some of the blocks.
"I will see you really soon, little man." Jane promised Noah, her chest heaving with the silent sobs that shook through her. The brunette forced herself to her feet, picking both the babies up and placing Noah in Mauras lap.
"I love you." Maura whispered when Jane leant Harper towards her so she could kiss her goodbye. Jane sniffled quietly as Maura's hand came in contact with her own. "I'll see you soon." Maura added, mirroring Janes promise to their little boy.
"I love you." Jane reminded her, leaning down to press her lips against her wife's softly, lingering far longer than usual. "Good luck."
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It only took an hour and a half in the waiting room before Harper had fallen asleep in Maura's arms, the toddler eventually getting bored of walking around smiling at strangers in the room. Jane and Maura were yet to say a word to one another; though their hands clasped together tightly in Janes lap said more than their words ever could have.
"This shouldn't be happening." Jane whispered, careful not to wake up the sleeping girl in her wife's arms. Maura stretched her neck, moving her head from side to side before she looked at Jane, waiting for her to continue. "What are we doing to do if he has cancer? Cancer, Maura."
"I don't know." Maura admitted truthfully; not able to comprehend how they had gotten here. She had been able to diagnose her dates, people she hardly knew. Yet she spent every waking minute with her son and couldn't see that he was sick. She couldn't deny that she felt guilty.
"How do families survive this?" Jane asked, her voice breaking as she stared at the wall across from them.
"Together." Maura said, mentally cringing at how cliché she sounded. "We'll get through whatever happens together. Let's just take it one day at a time." Maura suggested calmly, lifting Jane's hand to her face so she could press reassuring kisses to the back of her wife's hand. Maura's eyes drifted to the little girl sleeping in her lap, her stomach turning as she realised for the first time that forcing her to sleep in a hospital was probably not ideal.
"I'll call our moms." Jane said, seemingly reading Maura's mind as she pulled her cell phone out of her pocket. Both of their eyes darted to the clock on the wall before them. It was almost dinner time. They should have the twins in their high chairs at the dining table giggling and chastising Harper from stealing her brother's food. Yet here they sat.
"One of us should go with her." Maura thought aloud as she softly ran her hand up and down the little girls back, finding complete comfort in the way her daughters back slowly moved with her breathing. Jane shook her head, taking Maura's hand in her own and giving it a soft squeeze.
"It's getting late; all she'll be doing is sleeping." Maura knew what Jane was saying was true, but the thought of both of their babies being without their moms gave Maura nothing but heartache.
By the time Noah's surgery was finally over, four and a half hours later, Angela and Constance had come to pick Harper up and Jane had fallen asleep in the plastic chair beside her wife. There were no other people in the quiet waiting room, and the longer Maura sat waiting for news, the more anxious she got.
"Hey." Noah's surgeon whispered quietly from beside the blonde woman suddenly. Without missing a beat Maura shook Jane with the hand that was resting on her thigh. Maura's eyes stayed focused on the doctors, searching for any indication of what news he was about to give them. This was the moment of truth.
"How did he go?" Jane asked in a groggy voice, both she and Maura standing up and clasping their hands together anxiously. The doctor let out a quiet sigh but nodded slowly, offering them a small smile before he spoke.
"It was far larger than we anticipated, but I'm confident in saying we got it all." Maura let out a gasp of air, the weight of the past two hours seeming to lift from her shoulders instantaneously.
"How long will it take before you know about the… C word?" Jane asked, Maura pursing her lips to hide the smile that nearly broke out on her lips. Cancer had become a dirty, forbidden word in their small tight nit family.
"We're going to keep him in for the next week, so hopefully within the next three or four days we'll have a definitive diagnosis." Maura extended her hand that wasn't still being squeezed by her wife and shook the man's hand, completely aware of the fact those hands were just on her sons brain. "I'll take you to see him." The doctor promised with a soft smile, gesturing toward the direction he had just come from.
The sight of their little boy lying in the small crib with his head covered in gauze and bandages all but knocked the wind from Jane's chest. Maura felt Jane's demeanour change and turned to kiss her shoulder gently.
"Can I pick him up?" Jane asked, turning to look at the nurse who was hovering close by. The young woman nodded with a sympathetic smile. How could anyone work in a place like this? Jane thought. Jane lifted Noah out of the crib carefully, sitting in a big plastic rocking chair and cradling him in her arms.
"We are so proud of you, little guy." Maura whispered as she bent down to press her lips to the little boys head, suddenly wondering if his small mess of blonde hair was all shaved away before the surgery. Jane nodded in agreement, closing her eyes to allow a stray tear fall onto the little boy's bare chest.
"Do you think your parents will pay for a private room for us?" Jane could barely believe the words that left her mouth, but there was no denying that her sons care and wellbeing came first. If that meant borrowing money so they could stay in a room with him while he was in hospital; so be it.
"I imagine they're already setting it up." Maura responded, playfully nudging Jane. They had the most loved babies in the world; there was no doubt in Maura's mind that her parents had already begun organising something.
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I hope you're all still enjoying the story! I won't promise one way or another what is going to happen but I promise it'll be a rollercoaster ride!
For those of you STILL second guessing the facts in the story; shut up. I do my research and if it bothers you so much stop reading.