Hello Mother, Hello Father…

WC: 1,022

F is for Feminine

Timeline: Haruhi is nineteen and Kyoya is twenty.

"Please, Dad, just don't be…"

"What? Don't be what?"

"Embarrassing," Haruhi finished, sighing as she stirred the contents of the pot. She had invited Kyoya over for a week early Christmas dinner – since he had to be somewhere on the actual day – but now she was having second thoughts.

Ryoji huffed, placing his hands on his hips. "Maybe embarrassing you should be your punishment since it took you so long to finally have him come over for a father-to-boyfriend talk…and a mother-to-boyfriend talk."

"Dad, we've only been dating six months."

"Well, that's long enough to spoil my Haruhi's innocence." When his daughter didn't respond, Ryoji leaned over her shoulder and raised his eyebrows, "Your innocence hasn't been spoiled, right?"

"Hmmm…" Haruhi hummed, repeatedly moving her face so her father couldn't look into her eyes.

Ryoji suddenly stood straight, his ruffled skirt fluttering, "I'll kill that boy."

"You said that you'd be nice…"

"Sure, I'll be nice. Nicely evil."

"D –" Haruhi's reprimand was cut off from the knocking on the door. She tried to move around her Dad but he startled her by giving her the wide-eyes.

"What?" She said.

"You have something between your front teeth."

Haruhi really didn't want her Dad answering the door, but it left her with not much of a choice. She ran to the bathroom to pick whatever it was from her teeth.

When she got to the mirror, she realized that there was nothing there.

Oh, the things her Dad would do…

"Why, hello there!" Haruhi heard her Dad coo. Since Kyoya's voice was softer, she missed what his reply was. She sighed and exited the bathroom.

She saw Kyoya's eyes light up when she entered the room. She was wearing dark jeans, a teal colored tank top and a stylish white sweater. He wore dark blue jeans, a gray turtleneck, and his black leather coat. Staring into each other's eyes from across the room was just as contenting as standing close.

Her father continued to ramble on about nothing in general, which he tended to do when a cute guy entered the room.

Ryoji abruptly stopped when he realized no one was paying attention. He watched the two lovebirds stare into each others eyes and couldn't help but think how cliché this whole scene was.

But he always did enjoy a good romance novel.

Unfortunately, though, he sometimes also liked to ruin 'moments'.

Ryoji cleared his throat in front of Kyoya, pleased to see he got the boy's attention.

"Now, its time for your father-to-boyfriend talk…an important question, when you look at my daughter, do you have pure, noble thoughts about her? Or are you thinking about her T and A?"

"Dad!" Haruhi groaned, putting her face into her hands.

A slight smile twisted Kyoya's lips, "Since I don't want to lie to you…sir, it's kind of a mixture."

"No, that's not possible. You can't be having pure thoughts while you're thinking about her tits and—"

"Stop. Please. Just stop," Haruhi said. Her face felt hot against her hands.

"Yeah! Why are you embarrassing my daughter?" Ryoji scolded, shaking his finger at Kyoya.

"Dad," Haruhi's voice had a dangerous edge to it and it actually made Ryoji hesitate.

"Okay, fine. Then I'll also handle the mother-to-boyfriend talk…" Ryoji fluttered his eyelashes. "I'm sure you'll treat my little girl right," he said.

"I'll treat her with the upmost respect and loyalty. You have my word," Kyoya said, putting his hand to his heart. He caught Haruhi's eye and winked, she gave a small smile back.

Ryoji had liked the 'father-to-boyfriend-talk' better. It had been more fun. And more creative. He couldn't think of anything for 'mother' to say after that one line.

"You better," was all Ryoji could think of.

The scent of burning food caught Haruhi's nose and she gasped, running to the kitchen. She stirred the pot, disappointed to feel burnt food stuck at the bottom of the pan. "Damn," she said.

Ryoji opened his mouth, intent on not letting the silence go on for too long, but was cut off by the ringing of the telephone. He scowled as he made his way to the phone. "Hello?" he said, keeping a firm eye on Kyoya as he entered the kitchen, watching as he kissed Haruhi's forehead and said a private hello.

"I'm sorry, Landlady, we can't come over. I'm having dinner with my daughter and her boyfriend… well, if you insist. I'll see you in a few." Ryoji put the phone back in its cradle, "I'm going to go pick up a dish that our Landlady has so gratefully prepared for us…I'll be right back. Don't do anything while I'm gone," Ryoji walked backwards to the door, watching them with eagle eyes.

Once the door was shut, Kyoya ran his hands over Haruhi's hips and kissed the crook of her neck.

Haruhi twisted to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply.

Kyoya ran his fingertips along the edges of her jeans, making her stomach muscles tighten and jump. She giggled and ran her fingers through his hair. Her tongue swept through his mouth, relishing in the taste of him. He slipped his hands under her shirt and ran them up her warm, bare back. Why did her bra feel like lace...?

"Ah-hem," a voice said.

The two jumped apart. Haruhi grinning like a fool and Kyoya posing his cool demeanor (this just meant that he succeeded in not using any different facial expression).

"I told you two to stay apart," Ryoji said, as if it wasn't obvious. "Kyoya, how about you come to the Landlady's with me? I'd feel better about it."

"Of course, sir," Kyoya said, his usual smile in place. He kissed Haruhi on the cheek and then went to grab his coat.

Ryoji glared at Kyoya all the way out the door. Knowing that his daughter couldn't have possibly started that. At least he hoped not.

Haruhi turned the pot off and set it on the table, humming a Christmas tune to herself. She thought that could have been a lot worse.