Bubbee's side of the story

(Rachel)

Another slow morning. I walked around town and called a few friends to know if there are interesting auditions happening in the city. But there isn't a new play good enough to me to me on Broadway or on off-Broadway: nothing that worth as a challenging and I wasn't desperate for a paycheck yet. Sometimes I thought the world had forgotten me and I kept questioning myself if it was worth all the hours doing photo shoots, all interviews to newspapers and radios that I had to hide who I really am, all the times I went to a studio to record a music that would give me a few cents for each sell on iTunes. For all of this, I felt so miserable by the unwanted stop of my career, by disturbing family revelations, by the depression and anxiety of Quinn for not getting a job despite those nasty freelancers. Yesterday she had to photograph a boring old socialite that was promoting a bazaar for help the monkeys of the zoo. And I know how much Quinn hate this people who remind Lima's country club society.

When the phone rang, I ran to answer just as desperate. How pathetic!

"Rachel Berry-Lopez speaking..."

"Hi Rachel. It's Shelby. How are you?"

"Hi mom. I'm fine..."

"Are you sure? I don't really believe that."

"I'll be okay as soon as I find another job. It sucks not to have much to do."

"Rachel, it's only been a month since that outrage. Soon you will find a good play to do. You are no longer a nobody on Broadway. Trust it."

"I'm not so sure."

"I'm sorry, but am I talking to Rachel Berry-Lopez? My daughter who has a star in her belly and a pride of the size of the world, let alone she is determined and loves to talk loud?"

"I'm not feeling myself these days."

"I see... why don't you take the opportunity of your father's birthday party and stay with us all week? Perhaps the Lima's air would make you feel better and we would enjoy having you around."

"No... you would enjoy to have Santana around. She is the darling daughter."

"Oh, let the drama begin. Speaking about your sister, how is your she? Santana haven't spoken to me for ages."

"Santana is facing some problems."

"What kind of problems? Is she ok? Is she sick or something? Is she pregnant?"

"Pregnant? What? No mom! She is not pregnant or sick. She may tell you and papi about it when she arrived in Lima for the party. But it's not that serious. Actually it's something to do with bubbee…"

"Now, I am curious."

"Don't be. Well, if you want to know, Santana also is trying to get a job. Our money won't last forever."

"I know. It's good for her trying to get a job since she keeps her studies."

"I don't think she would leave college, mom. Don't worry."

"Absolutely. And how is Quinn? Are you okay?"

"Quinn is my rock. If not for her, I think I would have jumped to the bridge!"

"I love how you are such a drama queen." She said laughing on the phone. "But I'm glad to know that despite you're feeling blue, everything is within normal. Well I have to get Beth in school. See you and your sister on Saturday."

"See ya. Tell papi I sent a kiss."

I decided to have lunch outside. Quinn went out early to NYU. It would be good if she could join me in a restaurant to eat a risotto. Before I had a chance to dress up, the phone rang. It should be Shelby. She always forgot to say anything when she called.

"Hi mom." I said immediately without checking the display on my phone. "What do you forget to say this time?"

"Rachel? It's Josh!"

"Hey Josh! Where have you been? I tried to call but you never answered me!"

"I was working. You're not my only client, Berry... Are you prepared to hear what I have to say?"

"Should I be afraid?"

"Not close. You heard about the new HBO production, Slings and Arrows?"

"No. I mean, I may have read something, but I didn't paid attention. Boris Yves is the executive producer and the show runner, if I'm not mistaken." Boris Yves was the new sensation producer after have creating a hit for Showtime.

"Exactly. They made a new pilot for HBO shooting here in Manhattan. It is an adaptation of the Canadian TV series 'Slings And Arrows'. Turns out they had problems closing the cast because the actress casted in to be Kate abandoned the project to do a Marvel Film. I have some proximity to Katshovisk, the other executive producer, and he agreed to do an audition with you for the role."

"Really?" I screamed on the phone with excitement. "When will be the audition? I need to prepare myself as best as possible. How is this role... that Kate?"

"According the synopsis, Kate is an idealistic young actress who becomes involved with the male star of the theater company. Rachel, I know you like musical theater, but my role is to advise you. You should try television since you have this opportunity. This is a supporting character but it's a HBO production and this can't be overlooked."

"I know that!"

"Cool. Audition is on Tuesday. That's when Yves and Katshovisk would be around. I think the shoot starts in three weeks and they don't have time to waste. I sent then that video with you acting in ATU and they are already interested. If they don't want you, they will say it right after the audition. No dramas. I'll send the synopsis of the series and the character in your email."

"But will you accompany me?"

"Sure! Another thing, Berry. Tomorrow is Tony nominees. Stay tuned."

"Bullshit. I'm not more likely to be indicated. I wasn't last year and after the mess this year, nobody gonna take me into consideration."

"But R&J submitted your name for consideration as featured actress in a musical. Keep your eyes open."

Josh barely hung up the phone and I've started running around the house to celebrate. I should buy champagne to open it next Tuesday. I had a good feeling that my career will be back on the tracks.

…

(Santana)

Rachel got her first Tony nomination as supporting actress in musical when nobody expected any recognition for ATU. That annoying shorty that speaks on the top of her lungs did it. Get a nomination was part of her "Things To Do" book she have been writing since she was five. I remember some items such as: be a Broadway star (she still didn't check it because she didn't do a protagonist yet); win two Tonys (she got nominated once now); do a Woody Allen film (I wasn't sure if she still wanted it after the pedo scandal); do a HBO series (she got an audition to it, but I wasn't sure how she would react with the nude term on her possible future contract); lost her virginity at 25 (she did it at 17); get married and be a mother at 25 (what a crazy sequence there); win a Oscar at 27 like Barbra Streisand. Whatever, my sister was crazy.

Rachel's first nomination made me took a break in my personal dramas to celebrate it inside a pub along with all our friends. It didn't bother us the presence of a journalist and people from the theater lurking there. Well, Quinn was bothered since she couldn't be with Rachel with some enemies, as she called the press, around. But that was Rachel's job. Mine was drink a lot! I sank myself in vodka with coca-cola and lemon and went home unconscious. Well, I think my alcoholic coma was beneficial for the pretty couple be able to celebrate the rest of the night without worrying about the screams and moans, even thought our apartment had a good soundproofing: Rachel and Quinn have to be really loud to bother me in my room. Honestly, I didn't really care about what those two do in their room since at the day I saw a purple strap-on on their bed. That day I was sure my sister wasn't innocent anymore.

What I was truly connected in the morning after was the huge headache I had. Once I opened my eyes, my stomach turned and I had to run into my bathroom. Good thing my room was opposite to it and I didn't have to worry about the obstacles in the way. Gosh, I should have drink water or a soup of olive oil to avoid the hangover. I felt a hand on my back while I was still leaning on the toilet, feeling like crap.

"Take a bath." It was Quinn's voice. "I will bring your clothes and a glass of water with aspirins."

"What time is it?"

"It's almost six a.m and we will leave at seven."

"Huh?"

"We are going to Lima, don't you remember?"

Oh yeah, papi's birthday. We would take the road and I remember now why Quinn didn't drink alcohol on Rachel's celebration. However, I wouldn't go to Lima immediately. My first stop would be in Cleveland 'cause I had to have a serious conversation with bubbee in my agenda. I slowly took off my clothes and took a shower. Meanwhile, Quinn brought me clothes as she promised.

"Rachel is packing your backpack." Oh no! "Do you need something in particular?"

"My computer... damn!" My head was a fiasco. "I can't think right now."

Sweatpants? Columbia's t-shirt? It seemed that I was traveling in pajamas. I neither wanted to see what my sister put in my backpack. I wear clothes and drank water with aspirins. I looked in the mirror. God, I was feeling like crap. I brushed my teeth and found those two with the backpacks ready to our weekend travel. I would face seven hours of road to Cleveland and it sickened me just to think about. Still, I got in the car and tried to sleep in the backseat.

The journey was quiet. Rachel had prepared tea for me to drink along the road. There were also some light sandwiches, fruit and juice box in our small cooler. We just stopped on the road to Cleveland twice: once to use the bathroom and eat something and the other more in the beginning because I was so sick and had to puke and then take a dramamine. Quinn had a safe and prudent driving, sometimes way too safe for my liking. Rachel was on the passenger seat providing the soundtrack full of silly pop songs. I wished she hadn't done it. My sister couldn't control herself and started sing along loud as if it were a duet. Quinn laughed, but I was suffering.

When we arrived in Cleveland, Zaide and bubbee received us with all their love, but they were a bit disappointed because Rachel only stopped to say "hi". Bubbee offered me a neat snack. Despite not being hungry (had eaten one of the sandwiches at our stop), I accepted the grilled fish with some salad and then the piece of apple pie.

"Did you recover that grade in Applied Mathematics?" Zaide seemed anxious by my academic performance. But he didn't need to worry: I was good. My bad grade was a B- in Applied Math. That was it.

"Joel!" Bubbee drew attention. "Let Santana breathe a little." And talked to me. "Your grandfather was very nervous these days. The doctor said he should take a few days off from work, but he is an old stubborn."

"I just don't see what's the point of staying home idly."

"The point is not to do anything, Zaide" I was smiling. God, I loved that old man. "If I lived here, I would do gardening to amaze stress, like I used to do with Daddy. But it's not easy keep a garden in an apartment in New York."

"Hiram had hands of a farmer. I have hands of a blue collar worker. Workers like me only stir in the land to build, not to grow."

"I thought you said you had plants in your apartment." Bubbee kind of ignored zaide.

"There is a cactus in my room and a violet. Rachel is a disaster with plants. Always was. This taste for tinkering on the soil was something that daddy left just for me."

We spent the afternoon talking until Zaide went to a meeting with old friends. Bubbee complained, saying that his friends spent most of the night playing poker, smoking cigars and talk about last Playboy issue. Zaide was even a traditionalist. But the timing was perfect for what I really wanted. In my grandparent's house had a huge library where bubbee kept her black grand piano. She went there to strummed some tunes as she always do. I remember that daddy used do the same in the pool house, especially when he needed to think about problems or after had some energetic discussions with papi. In his last months of living, daddy was doing it a lot. Sometimes Rachel and I approached and he used to say that we shouldn't stop playing. I had piano lessons until I was nine and Rachel's 11. Playing soccer with the kids in the park was more relaxing to me than playing piano alone in the pool house. I used the excuse of being left-handed but daddy knew a list of famous left-handed pianists. Yet I stopped having lessons, but I still can do the basic and read music. My sister stopped two years after because she wasn't talented at all and got frustrated.

"I had a great argument with Mr. Weiz last week." I said when I got in the library. Bubbee stopped playing for a moment and then continued with an even softer melody.

"I hope everything is resolved."

"Far from it. Weiz told me things about his past. About things that happen between you two." She stopped playing, but didn't dare look at me. "Please bubbee, says it is a lie. Say daddy isn't his son."

"He is not." She was adamant and looked at me with raised finger. "My Hiram always was and always will be Joel's son. It was your grandfather who raised and gave love to him."

"But the sperm wasn't his, right?"

"That doesn't matter."

"Bubbee, Mr. Weiz made his intentions clear. He wants a successor, but not anyone ordinary: he wants me. So I need the truth, because it's crucial to have weapons to fight with someone so powerful. My bravado won't work in this case, and frankly I don't think Weiz cares."

"I need to sit down." And sat on the library's sofa. I accompanied her. "Bring me a glass of water, please?"

I ran to the kitchen and got water in the largest cup I found. Bubbee rubbed her hands with anxiety. She was trembling. So I sat down by her side and waited for her start talking.

"What did he tell you?"

"What he dated you when you were about 16 years old. And then, when you were already married with zaide, he paid to have sex with you for months. It was when he got you pregnant."

"I don't know what tone Caleb used, Santana, but the first time we got together, it was like a dream. It's true that I was only 16 when we dated. I was poor and had to carry my drunken father night after night. Suddenly, it appeared before my eyes a beautiful rich young man who wanted to stay with me. I fell in love hard and dreamed that Caleb was my enchanted prince in shiny white armour that would save me. That was one of the nicest summers I have ever had. But then he went back to college and forgot about me. My heart was so broken that I became icy. Two year later, I met Joel in a gig. At first I thought he was just one more who was trying to have sex with the white girl who played with those creoles, as people used to say that time.

"But Joel was really different. He was truly caring and was the first man who genuinely tried to help my father, even thought he didn't have much money. He was safe and a true gentleman with me. He courted me the right way and then I accept his proposal after six months dating. As you know, we got married in a simple ceremony organized by his mother and a few friends. My wedding day was the last moment I saw my father slightly sober. He died a month later, found dead in an alley."

"I'm sorry bubbee." I looked for a Kleenex for her.

"Don't be. My father was standing that long because of me, I think. But after I got married, he just let it go, as he was finally free to drink to death.

"Anyway, Joel didn't allow me to play at night after we got married, so I started to teach piano for kids. He worked hard on the New York Times' graphics but he got fired during a period of layoffs. Those were hard times, Santana, and your grandfather wouldn't admit stay at home while I was making money with piano lessons. He looked for a job every day single day and even worked as a janitor in a market. But Joel wasn't happy being a janitor, of course. His mother suggested that he should ask Jacob Weiz for a job. Joel was reluctant at first because he started working in those factories and quit the job thinking that he would do better in other place. But he swallowed his pride and asked Jacob Weiz, Caleb's father, a job. Jacob gave him another chance on an operator post.

"Days later, Jacob offered a lunch to Joel. My mother-in-law worked as cook in that mansion for many years and Joel grew up there gaining Jacob's esteem. I was nervous that day because I knew Caleb would be there. I was a married woman, but still had a youthful heart, Santana. Caleb was even more beautiful than I remember. It was like fall in love again, and when he proposed to take piano lessons, I agreed. Joel didn't know our past, so he didn't object. I was determined to actually give piano lessons, but Caleb had other idea. He seduced me and I didn't want to resist. We slept together in weekly basis and, in the end, I got the money for the piano lessons.

"At first, I slept with Caleb because I still loved him. But then, I began to feel used and discarded. Caleb did... whatever he wanted. After the first month, he was no longer gentle and started to treat me as a simple whore. I tried to end that disgusting situation but Caleb loved the power he had on me. He said my marriage was in his hands and he was the one who determined when stop. That's when sleep with him became a torture and I never had felt so cheap at the point I barely allowed Joel to touch me. I was dirty, disgusting. Some months later, I discovered I was pregnant and was sure it was Caleb's.

"The day I told him, he had a tantrum, hit me, swore the most horrible names, pulled my hair and punched me in my stomach. I went home devastated and when Joel ran to know why I was so wounded, I said it was a robbery. That night I got sick and Joel knew about the pregnancy through the nurse." Bubbee sighed and wiped her tears. "We still were fighting for better days, Santana, and we weren't able to give all the comfort a child deserved. Yet, when Joel knew I was pregnant, he wept with joy. He said I was the most beautiful woman in the world and kissed my belly. He promised that we were going to be ok, and that he would devote every drop of his sweat to give a good life to the child. I cried with emotion and shame.

"When Hiram was born, Joel was simply the happiest man in the world. He ran through the Bronx streets screaming he was the father of a great kid."

She wiped her tears and so did I. The admiration I had for zaide was even greater. Bubbee rubbed her hand on my back.

"Are you sure that daddy wasn't his biological son?"

"Yes. There is a DNA test, but this document is in Caleb hands. Your grandfather... I'm not sure he can have kids. When we moved to Cleveland, Joel and I wanted to have another child. I stopped taking the pill and everything but I wasn't getting pregnant. So I did a fertility test and there was nothing wrong with me."

"And when did Weiz come to the scene again?" I asked trying to figure the part of the main problem.

"Caleb was always around as a friend, but he didn't say or force me to do anything again. He was married, had two kids, and was comfortable enough to tell me about his affairs. Joel liked his friendship and business advices. Then, things changed when his oldest son died at 22. Hiram was 26 and was already living with Juan in Cleveland. Caleb became obsessed with Hiram. At that time, your father wasn't talking with Joel because of the coming out, and Caleb seek an opportunity to try to get close to Hiram."

"And did you allow that?"

"What should I do, Santana? Hiram was an independent adult and could decide things by himself. And he had the right to know the truth."

"But not zaide…"

"I know my husband, Santana, better than you. The truth would be destroyed Joel. He may be a strong man outside, but he is very delicate inside."

"How daddy reacted when he knew?"

"He thanked to know the truth, but made it clear who was his real father: the man who raised him. Hiram admitted having a cordial relationship with Caleb, but never accepted him as a father or wanted to keep in touch. Few years later, you and Rachel were born and Joel and Hiram made amends. It was as if Caleb ceased to exist."

"But Weiz never really left the scene, right? I remember, bubbee, in your birthday's party some years ago. Weiz was here and you made me and Rachel talk to him. Sure Rachel found a microphone and left, but I remember he asked me a bunch of questions and then Zaide praised me for being a prodigy, that I would assume his business. I remember that."

"Caleb was intrigued by you. He knew that Hiram didn't want him around, so he started talking to Joel about making you study in New York and give you the best training possible. Hiram wasn't against you studying in stronger schools and you could have done your entire high school years in Stuyvesant if wasn't for Juan's strong objection."

"Papi knows about Weiz and daddy?"

"I'm not sure. I'm inclined to say no, since he never made any comment about it or even hint."

"But you did know all this and still allowed. How could you?" I was disgusted and angry.

"You have a gift to take over your grandfather's business. Then I saw that's nothing wrong if you take something bigger that should belong to your father. Since my Hiram isn't here anymore, then all of that should be yours and Rachel's."

"But I don't own anything, bubbee."

"Not yet."

"Sorry, but I can't. I'm sick of looking at Weiz's face and don't want anything that is his. Rachel also thinks the same."

"Rachel knows?"

"The vodka I drank that day didn't help to keep the secret."

"How did she react?"

"She's worried, but all you have to do is talk about her career and she just forgets. Rachel is the perfect definition of self-centered, you know that."

"Rachel has always had soul of a star. She is exactly where she should be."

"And I? Am I exactly where I should be, bubbee?" She didn't answer me. "Do you know what? You are a horrible person and you don't deserve zaide."

"Excuse me little girl?"

"You heard me. I love you, bubbee, but what you have done with me, with zaide… All this manipulation makes me sick."

"So, do you want destroy your grandfather with the truth?"

"He wouldn't be destroyed, bubbee. He would have left you and you would be the one destroyed."

"Is what do you want, Santana?" She faced me with those damn bright green eyes, like daddy's.

"I… I don't know what I want right now. But I hate to be trapped."

She was silent. We remain a little longer in the library before I go up to the usual guest room I used to share with Rachel and stayed there until zaide arrived home. As soon as I saw him, I hugged him tight and smelled a little of cigar in his coat. Zaide was my hero along daddy and abuela.

"Hey! Not that I'm complaining but what is about?"

"Just me loving you, zaide."

"I love you too, Santana."

The next day, early in the morning, I, zaide and bubbee hit the road to Lima to attend papi's birthday.

…

(Quinn)

Josh was hysterical because Rachel's nomination. That means more money for his pocket, of course. The more Rachel gets successful, the more jobs and more percentages. And with her career rise, it means I must stay more and more in the shadows. I didn't care about the spotlight anyway, but it hurts to be denied.

We began to discuss about hiring a publicist. When she was in ATU, R&J hired one and Rachel made use of it while she was under contract. I agreed that at some point she would have to hire a team to help in her career, but I think things were going quickly. Especially on a weekend that I wanted peace to focus only on my daughter and family. Every time I come to the house of my in-laws, I try to focus my energy on Beth. But Rachel's nomination made my mind focus in other things.

If it was to have a publicist, I thought I'd get someone close to us to not fall into the hands of an idiot crook chosen by Josh himself, who was already a snake. It wasn't Blaine who was studying Public Relations? No, Blaine is trying a record deal in L.A and he has a band now. Kurt is studying fashion designer, Mercedes is studying industrial designer while she was trying record deal in Chicago. Mercedes lives with Julio: Santana' and Rachel's cousin. Sam? No, he has a radio program and Artie was somewhere in Florida. I should forget it. And Rachel kept answering the phone and talking with who knows.

Not even my mother's presence relieved me. Yes, Shelby allowed my mother to attend the party and that was the first time she could see and talk to her granddaughter. Of course my mother couldn't get to Beth and say: "Give a kiss on grandma." Not that Beth would mind or even understand.

My daughter started to ask some questions. When we arrived the day before the party, Beth saw Rachel and I kissing in the kitchen. Later she came to ask me if I was Rachel's girlfriend like her mom was her dad's. I laughed nervously, but then tried to explain carefully that sometimes happened that a girl dating another girl and there was nothing wrong with that. But Beth wasn't contaminated with prejudice. She just shrugged, said "okay" and started playing a game in the TV room.

"Beth is the most beautiful thing, Quinnie. She looks exactly like you at her age." My mother gave me a quick hug. She was truly enjoying the party, since she wasn't invited to her old society friends anymore. "I'm so glad Shelby invited me. Shame it took so long."

"It took a fair time, mom. How could you do such a request to Shelby when you not long time ago didn't accept my relationship with Rachel, who is her daughter?"

"I apologized and blessed your relationship."

"Yeah. After years of insistence!"

"Don't talk to me like that just because you're irritated."

"Sorry mom. I'm just anxious about Rachel's nomination to a Tony. She passed a month almost forgotten and now she is talking with all these people in the phone. Where were them when Rachel's didn't have her contract renewed?"

"You're in a stable relationship with a rising actress. What'd you expect?"

"Are you implying that I'm being jealous?" She nodded positive and I sight. Maybe I was.

Shelby summoned the guests to the lunch. She organized an informal setting for guests. Ordered to serve a table with snacks and hired three people to serve drinks and help with the cleaning after the party. The guests were mostly colleagues of Juan and Shelby, and his family. Miranda Lopez, the abuela, was all smiles with Rachel, who was the main subject of the party. Beth played to make acceptance speeches. Before serve lunch, surprise, Juan asked everyone to gather.

"Firstly, I would like to thank everyone here: my daughters, my family and my dearest friends. As everyone knows, Shelby and I have been together for some time. She was my biggest rock in one of the most difficult moments of my life: when Hiram died and then when the girls decided to live in New York. Shelby stood beside me without judging and criticizing. As most of you know, Shelby donated her eggs and got pregnant when she was only 20, so Hiram and I could be parents of those two wonderful daughters." Juan pointed to Rachel and Santana. "I loved her for doing that back time, and to my surprise, I've never stopped loving her. When we met again, after 17 years without seen each other, I realized that I fell in love with her. Shelby was raising baby Beth. Since then, we became a new family with almost the same people: I, Shelby, Santana, Rachel, and little Beth, who is going to be legally my daughter in a few days." Everybody applauded and I was surprised. I didn't know that Juan would also adopt Beth. I got confused, but it was a good thing. "What I'm trying to say is that Shelby is my great love and I won't let her go. That is why, my friends, I used my birthday as excuse to announce that I will be in a few months espousing this sculptural and talented woman beside me."

People started clapping while Shelby proudly displays her engagement ring. I looked at Rachel and she was shocked. Santana was next to Miranda and looked worried, but she was the first of the twins to go up to her parents to embrace them. Rachel hesitated before congratulate. After the drama in Barcelona, when Shelby and Juan broke up, I didn't blame them for being fearful and distrustful. The lunch was served and everyone could enjoy roast beef, green salad, mayonnaise and special sauces.

"That was so romantic!" My mother was really enjoying the party. "I've never think that I will know a true ex-gay. Amazing, isn't."

"There isn't ex-gay, mom. Juan is bisexual. That's why he can have a relationship with both women and men."

"Do you think you are also a bisexual?"

"No, I'm very homosexual. And, yes, I'm sure. Sorry!"

After the party, I got my mother home. She was so happy to have a different day without the usual people. I was glad for that. Back to Berry-Lopez house (or it was Corcoran-Lopez now?) I found Rachel and Santana throwing the trash in the bag. Beth was also "helping".

"What?" Rachel was thoughtful when she came to me.

"I was thinking about everything that happened this week." She looked at me. "All the good and the bad things."

"Did you talk to Santana?"

"Not yet. But the way she got here, I think the conversation with bubbee had no twists."

"It's a shame."

"I think so." Rachel shook her head. "But I prefer to concentrate on the good things."

"Yeah." I started to help clean the house.

Rachel loved to concentrate on her own good things and I knew I was bitter. Sometimes life was unfair. Santana may be suffering but she was wanted by a billionaire. And Rachel was realizing some of her dreams. I was there just supporting them and still pursuing my goals in a more complicated situation. That was life. And on that time, when it was good for others, to me was kind of shitty.