Lily tried very hard her entire life to fit in. Sometimes she felt like an outsider in her village, her family even. She was schooled by her mother in their home, until she was old enough to start learning more important things. However, Lily sometimes disagreed that cleaning and cooking could possibly be more important than the schooling that the males received. Why couldn't she learn history, math and even science? She was equally as smart as any of the boys her age, and listening to them complain about their studies frustrated her. Did they not realize that the women had it much worse? One day at the age of 14, she worked up the courage to enter the school. She snuck in behind a large group of boys and hiding in the back. She would never have been found, if she had not been sick. The sneeze gave her away, and soon the pastor was standing over her. He grabbed her by the collar of her dress and practically dragged her back to her family's home. She sat in the chair and listened to the lecture about the importance of a woman learning to take care of her husband's needs and providing him a good home. The furious glare of her father, did not escape her attention either. There was a beating coming to her as soon as the pastor left and she knew it. The voice in her head, the same one that convinced her to sneak into the schoolhouse to begin with reappeared. She immediately spoke up, question the pastor about why God would not want a woman to be equally as intelligent as a man. She could not help herself, and the questions kept spilling from her mouth. Did God hate women? If he did, why had he created them in the first place. What made men so special? Her questions were immediately answered by a hard slap to her cheek from her father. He scolded her for questioning the pastor and the will of god. She felt the sting in her skin after his hand made contact. The voice inside her screamed for her to make him pay, but she simply obeyed him and apologized before being cast into her room.
Sometimes the voice inside her scared her. It was as if at times, it had a mind of its own. Some of the thoughts the voice produced were violent and completely unlike her nature. Once at the age of 10, the thoughts scared her so much that she confided to her mother about them. Her mother quickly told her never to speak about it again, that perhaps a demon had possessed her and that she should pray very hard to God so he would save her soul. She did. She often spent many nights when she was suppose to be sleeping, praying that God would help her understand. During the day, when her chores were done and she was allowed to venture outside to play with other girls, she shied away. Choosing to keep to herself, which added to her loneliness. The other girls would tease and torment her about being "odd". Lily sometimes ran behind buildings to cry over their treatment, and on occasions the voice would soothe her. One day . . . it said that they would all pay for treating her this way. They would cry out for forgiveness and feel the pain she felt.
She had just turned 18 and earlier in the day had met the man her father had arranged for her to marry. He barely looked at her and when he did it was extremely obvious that he was not pleased to be stuck having to marry the town "crazy girl". Lily could not help but feel trapped herself, he was not even attractive. Nothing like she had imagined her future husband would be, he had to be at least six years older than her. She begged her father after he had gone to reconsider. He called her ungrateful, saying that he was the only one in the village who was willing to consider marrying her and that was only after paying him what they could. Her father sent her to the refuge of her bedroom. As she looked out into the darkness of the night from her small window, she wondered if the darkness hid something better out there somewhere.