Welcome to PAD's leaky rubber raft.
Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Ocean.
I just want to borrow her patch kit.
The Chocolate Sea Monster
I really didn't anticipate Edward being back on time. Honestly, I didn't expect him back here at all. He always finds some random hookup whenever I send him out. I can hardly blame him; girls drop at his feet. Literally, they do. I've seen it, and not just the ones wanting to please the lower half of him. I know what you're thinking… "eeyew". I assure you that I do not spy on Edward, but I have been to plenty of parties with him to see certain sorority sluts, among others, breaking in their proverbial kneepads in hopes of trying to get a piece of him, or in that sense, multiple microbial bits.
As I try to drift off to sleep a second time, I wonder whether or not this roommate thing with Edward was such a good idea. Presently, we are both second semester freshmen attending the University of Washington. I'm still undeclared but am leaning toward literature or marine biology. As for Edward, he has no clue, and I get that. Some people just can't make up their minds fresh out of high school. I once read that we go through seven different career changes, not jobs, but career changes throughout our lifetime. It's no wonder people have difficulty sticking to one thing.
It actually says a lot that we have made it through the first semester without killing each other. We opted to get our own apartment together instead of doing the dorm thing—I like cooking my own food and have no desire to pack on the "freshman fifteen" or be alienated from my own place because my would-be-female-dorm-mate decides she wants to get up on her boyfriend all weekend. I have my college classes and a part time job to focus on, plus keeping up after Edward. We just figured since we've practically lived in each other's homes for nearly all of our lives we'd make ideal housemates because we know the other's habits and quirks so well.
I know that keeping on top of Edward can be a full-time occupation... Let me rephrase that. What I mean to say is keeping Edward focused is a challenge and living with him brings on its own kind of drama. But we agreed before we moved in together that I would neither be a slave nor would he be a slob.
Esme, God love her, is Edward's mother. She is also like a second mom to me, but she's let him get away with everything. Since we were little, she's been quite the enabler, but who could blame her? Edward's got the charm of Bill Clinton and the brains to match, but unfortunately, he never applies himself. Since we were teenagers, I've always been stuck being the "heavy", telling him at every turn not to do stupid things that would jeopardize his health, academics, or freedom. Don't get me wrong. I really do like Edward but in a platonic way. He's very easy on the eyes and a lot of fun when he's not being a douche, but that doesn't make him boyfriend material.
I practically know everything about him, even things he's never told me and would be mortified if he found out I knew about them. Those things alone are enough to not entertain the idea of beginning a relationship with him. We had our opportunities. Weed, mushrooms, and alcohol, alone or in concert, can make teenagers really horny. We were just lucky that we didn't act on those impulses then; it could have destroyed our friendship if things fell apart on us. I'd be a fool to think I'd be immune to his "do-them-then-leave-them" tendencies. It would still hurt if he dropped me. He's always been very self-centered and a user of women. The sooner he realizes this, the sooner he'll begin to grow up. The latter, coupled with his partying obsession, really makes anything more than just being roommates a bad idea. Deep down, he's a fun-loving and warmhearted person who just needs some time to find his way. When, not if, he gets his act together someday, he will make some girl extremely happy and very lucky. But in the meantime, he has a way to go.
As I grab my pillow and roll over, I think about what I need to do the following day. I glance at my nightstand and see the copies of Stephenie Meyer's New Moon and Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. I just finished the latter but would have much rather been rereading the former before Edward came home. I have an exam in the morning and need to focus on the Nautilus' drama instead of his. I start running through the setting of ocean depths, the characters and their attributes, and the developing plot line. Reading the book in high school really appealed to me, and it may have made me think about aquatic life a little more. Deep-sea creatures are so fascinating, but then again I digress; so are vampires, especially the Volturi or any other ones, for that matter, mentioned in the Twilight series. I hear Edward sniff and hope he's not coming down with something; that's all I would need. As my eyes become heavier, I reflect on Edward and his screw-up tonight. He meant well, and I can't fault him for that. I know he's really a good person who just needs the motivation to change and the self-discipline to see it through... zzzZZZ
I'm moving, more like rocking, or ebbing forward. For some reason I find myself as Aro, but then I morph into Dr. Peter Aronnax and find myself on board the submarine with Caius, I mean Conseil. We've traveled many leagues and are entering deeper waters. Marcus, no, Captain Nemo is manning the Nautilus. It's amazing down here. Look at the schools of fish. There are so many colors. There's a hammerhead shark—ooh, even a great white. Oh, that looks like a vampire squid; it's so cute and tiny. There's a slight movement against the rear area where the propeller is. Unexpectedly, I see an octopus; it might even be a giant squid or some other massive, tentacled creature. It begins to encroach into our space. It's now wrapping itself around the ship and trying to make its way inside of our vessel. Suddenly, I feel contractile appendages surrounding me. The creature is tightening its hold. It has me trapped. I can't move my arms or legs and can barely breathe. The monster is squeezing the life out of me. Hopefully, it's getting ready to use its dye to escape us and not its venom to paralyze me. I continue struggling to breathe and break free. Just as I'm ready to concede and succumb to this animal's will, I feel another limb, a protuberance trying to gnaw its way into my backside. This is it; it's got to be the beak with its baseball-sized muscle trying to force its way into me. I feel it pecking. It will probably try to slice me up before eating me.
I feel myself trying to whimper faint sounds as I make peace with God. I know I've tried to be good and hope I don't end up down there with the other guy. Just as I have reconciled that this is my fate, the thing starts...licking me? I reason that it's about to take its first bite when I feel its emery-like skin rubbing against my back, five smaller appendages latching onto my right breast, and a very large one trying to poke through my…wait. What? Where am I? ... No, this is not happening.
As I stir from my nightmare still quite disoriented, I discover that Edward has completely wrapped himself around me like a starfish, or an octopus, or a giant squid. He is still groping my boob, but added to that is the dry grinding he's doing to my rear. I wonder if this will be like waking a sleepwalker and contemplate just letting him finish, but then I remind myself that this is my bed, and he is a guest in it.
"Edward…Edward…Edward…Ed-Ward!"
He finally startles, moves back, then vaguely recognizes me.
"What happened?"
"Nothing, thankfully."
"Huh?"
"Edward, you were trying to do me ... 'lazy-doggie style'."
"What?"
"Edward, you latched onto me and wouldn't let go. I dreamed I was with Captain Nemo on board the Nautilus and that you were a giant squid trying to eat me. You think you have fears? Let me say that that spider has nothing on you. I was terrified. You held me so tight, I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die. I finally woke up when I felt you riding your junk up and down my back while you were grabbing my boob."
"How was I not aware of this? It must have been your pie."
"Did you throw it out?"
"Not exactly. I kind of ate what I could of it."
"The whole pie?"
"Pretty much."
"Edward, do you feel okay?"
"Well, my heart's really racing. Why?"
"Depending upon a creature's size and the concentration of chocolate, an animal can succumb to theobromine poisoning. I don't think it's fatal in humans, but I'd lay off the coffee and Redbulls today. Also, I would stay close to the restrooms. Um, you might need to pee a lot and have some intestinal discomfort."
"Oh ... okay. You mean I might shit my brains out?"
"Yeah, that's possible, what little of them you have left."
"Funny." He looks bewildered and concerned.
"What's the matter?"
"Um ... now, I'm scared."
"Come here."
I lay him down on the bed and put my ear to his heart. It's beating somewhat erratically with palpitations, but I think that has more to do with me waking him than the chocolate... At least I hope so.
"Do you think I'm going to die?"
He gives me a worried five-year-old's look, and it's really quite endearing.
"Sometime, but not today. Roll over."
He turns his back to me. I, in turn, reset the alarm for another hour of sleep for the both of us and proceed to rub his head. By all rights, I should kick his ass for molesting me, but I think we both need to calm down. I gently rub his head just like the countless times I've seen Esme do the same for him after he had bad dreams. He should be doing this for me, but somehow I find it just as soothing. As I drift off for a third time, I wonder what kind of crazy adventure this day will bring Edward and me.
A/N:
As promised, here's the recipe for the pie.
Bella's Triple Chocolate Cream Pie
Ingredients
1- extra large graham cracker pie crust
2 - 3.4 oz packages of Jello brand Chocolate Fudge cooked style pudding (or comparable brand)
This is IMPERATIVE: DO NOT USE INSTANT PUDDING!
1 - 12 ounce bag of Guittard semisweet chocolate bits (or comparable brand)
3 - cups of 1% or higher fat content milk
1 - 16 ounce carton of whipping cream
1 - teaspoon of vanilla extract
1 - cup of sifted confectionary sugar (Add slowly to whipped cream to desired sweetness.)
1 - 60% dark chocolate bar
Directions
Prepare pudding as directed, but use 3 cups of milk instead of 4. Stir constantly; it will stick to the pan.
Remove from heat and immediately stir in the chocolate chips.
Pour the pudding into the graham cracker crust.
Let the pie cool until room temperature then refrigerate until cold.
Place a mixing bowl and beaters into the freezer to use for the whipping cream.
Meanwhile, take the 60% dark chocolate bar; unwrap it and place it on a piece of waxed paper.
Microwave it at 10% power for 10 seconds.
Take a potato peeler and shave chocolate curls from the edge of the bar into a bowl.
Repeat the microwave step if the chocolate crumbles instead of curls.
Refrigerate the curls.
About 15 minutes before serving, pour the whipping cream into the chilled bowl and whip it to the consistency of whipped butter using the chilled beaters.
Slowly add the sifted confectionary sugar. (You do not have to use a full cup: sweeten to taste.)
Once fully blended, add a teaspoon of vanilla, also slowly.
Fold the whipped cream onto the chilled pie.
Try not to touch the edges of the crust with it. (The crust may get slightly soggy if there are any leftovers.)
Sprinkle the chocolate curls over the whipped cream.
You may serve the pie immediately or refrigerate it.
Enjoy in moderation; do not do an Edward!
Warning! This is a very fattening and extremely decadent dessert that will most likely elicit smiles and moans from your guests.
Send me your reviews on the chapter, the pie or otherwise.
Special thanks go out to Chayasara for beta'ing my craziness.
Special thanks to Monica Solis, a.k.a. CaliGirlMon on FFN, for making my banner.
Mwah!
Review me your comments.
Thank you for reading.
PAD