Empty

(Rachel)

"Her name is Monica. I told about her to you once. She was part of the documentary's crew and you did invited her to my birthday party. Monica was into me, but until then, she just made small and discrete gestures, words, some light touches. Nothing invasive that I would think to be a threat for our relationship. I never corresponded her feelings, I swear to God. I swear to Beth. But when I saw the photo, I looked for her because I knew she would give me reason and say what I wanted to hear at that moment. I didn't want revenge for real, but she did say what I wanted to hear, she offered me a drink and something else."

"What happened between you two? Did you kiss her?" Quinn nodded with her head bowed, unable to face me. "Did you have sex?" My voice was full of pain.

"Yes."

My world fell.

"I'd better spare you the details... but know that I regretted it with my soul, Rach." She knelt before me. "It was mine lack of control. And now I want to die for hurting you like that. Still, you do have to know because I can't lie to you. I'm not that high school Quinn anymore. Please forgive me!"

I couldn't speak anything. All I could do was cry. I couldn't believe anything that was happening. I didn't understand how a silly peck made she cheat on me on retaliation. Was it the first time? And if she's been with other women in the midst of our relationship?

Quinn was kneeling in front of me begging for my forgiveness. She tried to hold my hand, but I got up from the couch as a reflection as if she had a contagious plague. Anger began to pound in my chest.

"Do not you dare touch me, Quinn Fabray."

"Rach..."

"Do not call me Rach." I talked slowly, then I stared Quinn. Tears streamed free on my face. I loved her more than anything, but she crossed a serious line that I couldn't forgive. It was as if she had killed part of me. I could barely look at her. My anger began to mingle with disgust. "You know where are your bags are, so grab your stuffs and get out."

"Rachel..."

"I said get out!"

Quinn lost her balance and fell back, hitting her back on the coffee table.

"Rachel... Please... if I come back tomorrow…" Quinn was also crying.

"GET. OUT!" I yelled with all the strength I had.

"You better get out of this room, Ray." There was a third person in the room: my sister. She seemed unusually quiet and approached slowly with her annoying crutches. I didn't move. I didn't know if I wanted to kill Quinn or run away. "Ray!" She said most emphatically. "I'll take care of it. Go to my room and punch my pillow, scream from the balcony, break my wardrobe door, but get out of here."

I looked at Quinn for the last time before get out of my own living room. I loved her, but at that moment I hated and despised her. Santana was right: I had to punch something. I headed to my sister's room and slammed the door shut. The door didn't deserve it, of course. So I threw myself on the still messed up bed and started crying.

…

(Santana)

Of course the privacy that I was willing to give to Quinn and Rachel was relative. I heard much of the conversation and I confess I barely got out not rushing to break my crutch on that bitch. Cow! I had to hold me down and breathe deeply. Rachel would need me. I was on alert until I heard the screaming. That called me into action, but not as I had done the day before. I had to be more rational, balanced. The pitiful scene in my sister's room taught me that if I would be a little more rational, maybe this story would have a different end. Yes, I was guilty, or partially guilty. That's why I had this will to fix some stuffs and help them.

"You better get out of this room, Ray." I made myself present in the room. Rachel looked at me like she didn't want to see me there, that wasn't my business. I approached slowly and it was good to realize that her attention was on me. "Ray!" I said most emphatically. "I'll take care of it. Go to my room and punch my pillow, scream from the balcony, break my wardrobe door, but get out of here."

She was reluctant. There was an internal debate going on, I could feel it. Finally, and thankfully, she stomped off to my room and shut the door in a way that I thought all the pictures of the house would fall with the shock wave of the impact. I would deal with Rachel later. Quinn was a mess and cried copiously. I didn't know what to think or act immediately. I stood there watching a broken person falling apart. Yes, I was angry for what she did, and yes, I had all reserves in the world in relation to Quinn, but even for me it was sad to see a couple like Quinn and Rachel living that kind of drama.

I walked into the kitchen to open the refrigerator. I grabbed the jug of iced water which was providential that time of year in New York. I had to do some juggling to get the object, close the fridge and put it on the counter. I hated those crutches more then I hate… I don't know… Lost. I took the glass of water and tried to convey the object without spilling much water through the house. It was a more difficult task than it appeared. I managed to do it with minimal loss of content and offer it to Quinn, who was sitting on the floor in the living room with her forehead between her knees.

"Please don't make me bend over with this crutch and this cup in hand." I said in a low and calm voice. I left the glass on the table and sat on the couch, picked up the cup again and put it in front of Quinn. "Drink! It will help." She raised her head. Her eyes were seriously stuffed.

"Don't!" Quinn's voice was hesitant and blurred by tears. "I don't need you mocking me right now."

"It's shocking but I'm not here to mock you. Sorry. You don't want to drink the water, but something says that you really need a little bit. So, come on."

Quinn accepted and drank the contents. It was hard to experience a situation like that. After all, I knew Quinn since childhood, even though I didn't use to talk to her until our high school years. We were friends. Perhaps it was an unconventional relationship, but she was one of the few people I could talk to and get an honest opinion. In this sense, Quinn was a good friend. I started to run my fingers through her hair. It was a bit strange to want to comfort the woman who cheated on my sister less than 24 hours.

"Why are you being nice to me?"

"I was going to do any good if I came here wanting to fight you?"

"Perhaps it would be more you!"

"Although you really deserve, I don't want to fight you. Besides, you already wreaked havoc on my face. So, do you want me to call someone? What about Mike? It's good to stay with family in these times."

"I'm not leaving. Here is also my home and I'm tired of being kicked out. Everybody does it to me." Quinn growled. "Rachel will calm down and hear me."

"Ok! It's fair. Meanwhile, why don't you go to your room and take a bath? You stink!"

Quinn stared at me in anger, but then nodded positive. Water was a holy medicine. At least for me. It's not like I was a mystical person, but water is about energy. That was why I loved to take long baths when I was upset. Maybe it would help Quinn. I took the empty glass and went back to the kitchen. Just let the object in the sink and grabbed my other crutch. I walked to my room and found my sister stretched out on my bed with her face down. She wasn't crying anymore, thank God. I sat on the bed with my back to the headboard. I pulled my immobilized foot onto the bed, causing me grief in the process. Then, I started to caressing my sister hair, who still didn't move at all. Sometimes I also massaged her shoulders, which were hard as a rock. Gradually, Rachel roll to the side and lay her head on my lap. We stood there in silence, and I could tell she was trying hard not to start crying again.

"She's gone?" She asked weaker.

"No."

"I want her to go" A little anger came to predominate in Rachel's voice. "I'm not leaving your room until she is gone."

"Why don't you sleep a bit and talk with Quinn later. I can make you a tea to help if you want."

"I want her out of here!"

"Okay... okay... you will say it directly to her... again... but only after some sleep and chill out. You will bitterly regret doing anything of this nature without thinking a little bit."

"Stay here with me?" Rachel looked like a helpless little girl.

"Of course."

It was bad pinching me in bed with Rachel all weepy and clingy. I barely slipped to lie down and she was already cuddling me. She put her arm across my abdomen, leaned her head on my good shoulder and closed her eyes. Of course she wouldn't sleep right there, but I hoped that if kept myself quiet, she would get tired and close her eyes. So I wait in bed with Rachel being my big spoon. All I had was my cell phone, so I worked as better as I could only with it. Someone had to do something useful in that house. Rachel woke up two hours later with eyes very swollen from weeping.

"Why is your room is not a suite?" She growled and I frowned.

"Because you got the suite, remember?"

"I want to use the bathroom."

"You know very well where it is."

"And if she is still in the living room?"

"Do not look to the side."

"The problem is that I need to look and say one last thing."

"Ray, think very carefully what you will say to her. Okay you are angry, and have all the right to be, but she is or was your fiancé and you've been together for three years. Don't you think this relationship deserves a proper conversation before its end?"

"Maybe?" Rachel spoke softly. "I'm not the cheater, Santy. I'm not the one who deserves this shit."

"Got it. You're absolutely right, Ray. But be careful."

"She cheated on me, Santy! I have a pair of horns on my forehead because of her. This is unforgivable."

I wasn't the best person to answer about what was or wasn't forgivable. I was the one who had an open/informal relationship with both Puck and Brittany and also wasn't the most loyal person. Or it's possible that I think that way because I've never being truly emotionally involved with anybody. Not like Quinn was with Rachel and vice-versa. I know that Quinn made a colossal stupidity, but I couldn't stay mad with her as I was supposed. The physical aggression against my sister bothered me more than Quinn's sexual betrayal.

Rachel frowned and left the room. God, protect her.

…

(Quinn)

Santana stared at me with pity. So much that I didn't know if I was really angry because she was directly responsible for this mess or was grateful for not having my head split by a crutch. If Santana hadn't invaded my room, Rachel and I would have a chance to understanding. Maybe I wouldn't leave the house with such fury in my chest. But I wasn't able argue. I drink the water and it did helped, but just a little.

"Why are you being nice to me?" I asked.

"I was going to do any good if I came here wanting to fight you?"

"Perhaps it would be more you!"

"Although you really deserve, I don't want to fight you. Besides, you already wreaked havoc on my face. So, do you want me to call someone? What about Mike? It's good to stay with family in these times."

"I'm not leaving. Here is also my home and I'm tired of being kicked out. Everybody does it to me." Quinn growled. "Rachel will calm down and hear me."

"Ok! It's fair. Meanwhile, why don't you go to your room and take a bath? You stink!"

I think she was right. She went into her room where Rachel was and I struggled to get up there. It was hard to get into my own room and mentally remember the scenes of the previous day. The bed was the same way, the closet door was still broken with all the shards on the floor. There was some blood on the bed and I almost panic. Was it Rachel's? But she didn't seem physically hurt. Santana, on the other hand, was. Maybe it was hers. I went into the closet. In a way it was a relief to see that Rachel didn't burn or threw my clothes out the window. People thought it was a myth, but I saw it happen once in Manhattan.

I took a pair of pants, clean underwear, t-shirt. My robe was still hanging in the bathroom. I let the water falls freely in my body for a good few minutes before worrying about perfumery. I wish have the ability to block images in my mind, but that slides insisted on spending. The photo of the kiss; Rachel justifying and her fear expression; my anger; my weakness of mind; Monica; on the knees Monica; Monica grinning like a demon after she cum. My mistakes! My worst mistake I could make in regards to my relationship with Rachel. It was like a bad dream with open eyes.

"What have I done?" I cried softly and I punched the wall so strongly that it flayed my skin. At least the pain took pictures out of my mind.

I dressed up and when I left the bathroom, I tried listening something in Santana's room. It was very quiet. What remained me that I should wait to talk to Rachel again without crying. I started to fix my room: the bed, mine and Rachel's stuffs on the floor, the shards of closet door. I tried to clean everything as best as I could until I heard the door in Santana's room. I think I saw Rachel going to Santana's bathroom. And there I was dying of anxiety. The minutes passed and Rachel in the bathroom was an eternity. She left with her hair brushed, her face swollen from crying, but she was clean and came to me with an unreadable expression. Without saying a word, she stopped in front of me and stared at me.

"I want you to pack your things."

"Rachel! No!" I wanted to fight, I wanted cry again. I wanted to go to her and shake her to take this absurd idea out of her mind. Instead, I tried to take her hand, but Rachel raised her arms in a gesture of warning for me to keep away.

"You cheat on me in the most vile and low way, independently of reasons. All I know is that I can hardly look at your face. I can't stand you right now. If you don't have the dignity to pack your things and leave until early evening, then I go."

She said firmly. Then I realized I could rant, argue and appeal that she wouldn't reconsider it soon.

"Is that what do you want?" I tried to control myself as best I could.

"Not that you'd be homeless, Quinn." She said bitterly. "Your whore can get you, right? I'm sure she'll be waiting for you with open legs."

"Do you want me to throw myself in her arms?"

"Do your own thing, Quinn. I will go to my sister's room and will stay there until evening. If you are still here, so I'm going to my room and pack my stuffs and good luck to you with the rental of this place. You decide."

Rachel had never thrown in my face before that she earns more than me. That I barely could pay my part. That hurt a lot. Rachel got back in the Santana's room as she promised. I was reluctant to leave. I wanted to do a little dispute but it was bullshit, though. I went back to my room and put some of my clothes in my suitcase: just enough to stay out for a week. Perhaps that was time enough for Rachel to think better and forgive me.

I left the apartment and went down in the elevator alone. Then, already in the sidewalk in front of the building, I checked my cell and stopped in Monica's name. I was tempted to call her. She would offer me a warm bed and easy sex. But would it worth? What would it add to my life? Nothing but worsen my situation with Rachel. So, I deleted Monica's phone number and called Mike.

…

(Santana)

I woke up earlier than usual, especially because I was on vacation. Or almost. I was so exhausted of the events of the previous day. My body was sore and arms numb for holding Rachel all night. I tried not to disturb my sister and apparently it worked. The rug helped to dampen the sound of the "knock-knock" as I walked to my wardrobe. I still had some balance trouble on putting pants. Damn it! I didn't care much about the crutches, but the impossibility of signing my foot on the floor was a cruel punishment.

I went down one block toward the delicatessen Gill, opened earlier this year. I bought a bag of bread enriched with grains like Rachel did. After that, I passed at the Café and bought two cappuccinos. When I returned, I found my sister out of my bedroom and she still looked lost.

"I brought our breakfast." I forced a smile and Rachel just nodded.

I set the table, put the newly bought bread on a plate, jelly, our coffees, dishes, silverware, gelatin, fruit, granola.

"I'm not hungry." Rachel muttered as he left the room with fresh clothes.

"Eat at least one slice of bread." I insisted. "If you don't eat at least a little, you'll end up with gastritis like mine. What do you think?"

"Okay."

We didn't talk. I devoured the food while Rachel just pinched the bread and sipped some coffee. She even complained that I was also drinking one.

"Now I need to sort some things out in the morning at Columbia and ship some stuffs for Rock'n'Pano. I'll be back before lunch if you need something."

"Ok."

"Shouldn't you work today?"

"Yes."

"Are you going?"

"It's not I can miss a day of work. It would be unprofessional."

"Right. So, if you need me…"

"Go away, Santy, and solve your problems. I'll be fine."

I wiped my mouth and ran to resolve small problems in Columbia. Things like waiting list for fencing classes, and to sigh a processes of grades approvals. I called Andrew to help me, if he was available. To my joy, his response was positive. It was odd to find relatively empty campus that summer. On the other hand, it was just perfect for someone on crutches: means more space. Andrew met me on our usual place and we hugged like two great friends. I asked him to go to UPS shipping the package while I solved the problems in Columbia. He had two good legs, so, he could walk more and faster.

I was in the administration floor of the Economics school in order to solve problems of enrollment in two classes. I got a B- in one class, but I went with a resource to review my final grade because the professor had ignored capital points of my Essay, as if he didn't read with proper attention. It worked because my grade was now a B+ which would give you a final grade of A-. I happily sighed the process and end this story.

"Here is your current transcript." The woman from the secretariat gave me the document with an odd sleep face, as she was bored to death. Well, good luck for her.

After solving bureaucracies, I still waited 15 minutes for my friend.

"How will you reward me for the service, Miss Berry-Lopez?"

"Cinema?" I didn't want to take him home because of the state of war.

"In your house?" I sighed and he noted my negative gesture. "Why? Rachel is still angry because I ate her cookies that day?"

"Not at all, Nerd. It happened a few things in the last couple days. Quinn and Rachel had a huge argument and my sister kicked Quinn out. Not the best time to go home even thought Rachel may be working today."

"Still, you shouldn't be alone, nor her, don't you think?" He had a point.

"Well, nerd, actually there is a favor I would like to ask. First is my dressing that need to be changed."

"What happened?"

"It was the closet door I will ask you to remove."

"What?"

"I will explain it on the way."

"I never expected to see Quinn and Rachel apart..." he helped me down the stairs. The accessibility ramp was on the other side and was too lazy to go around.

"I never expected to see Quinn in our lives..." Andrew didn't understand. Sensing his confusion, I elaborated better. "Quinn was even friends with my sister before the two begin dating. Actually Quinn was my sister's main bullier. Then, the Glee Club happened and suddenly we were all together. Rachel was in love with the idiotic giant Finn Hudson, and she played dirty some times to be with him. I thought they would end married. And Quinn had Beth with my ex-fuck buddy Puck and dated Sam Evans, who was one of these high school's winner. And then, one day, Quinn and Rachel were together. What the fuck? I didn't like it at first because Quinn and I were frenemies and I didn't trust her because of her manipulative nature. With time, I learned to love Quinn. At least she was way better than Finn Hudson."

"The good thing about life is that it surprises you all the time. Whatever you think is definitive, actually it's an illusion really. I thought I was going to marry the girl next door who was my best friend. We spent our childhood together and we swore to marry each other someday when we were 12. That day, she gave me my first kiss. She was my first love and we kind of dated for two years."

"And what happened?"

"The usual: high school happened. She became a hottie while I continued to be the loser geek. She became friends of popular girls and suddenly she started to ignore me. Some weeks later, I saw her kissing a popular guy from the basketball team."

"She got pregnant? Marry him?"

"Not pregnant, I think, but I'm pretty sure that he took her virginity. They brokeup eventually and she dated other guys still in high school. Now she was studying at Oregon State University and we became Facebook's friends."

Truth. Not always the greatest youth loves are destined to be together. See me and Brittany's case. I thought we were predestined, but life separates us more and more. I understand that I need move on and I'm trying. But I won't give myself to random guys anymore. Or girls. I need to fall in love first. Actually, I'm very attracted to Johnny. Sure, he was my friend and I've known him for three years. And I know it's possible to fall in love in the second or third sigh. Maybe it was the case here, but I won't do any move until he shows that feels the same. In the meantime, I try to keep my heart open.

When we arrived home around noon, the scene we encounter was one of the most surreal. Rachel was dancing and waving her hair with a bottle of vodka in hand.

"Are you mad?" I lowered the sound.

"You are such a party pooper!" She scorned me completely drunk. "Hi Andrew. Did you come to fuck my sister? Because I think you should take a chance again before Brittany snap her fingers and San run away like little dog in heat."

"Give me the bottle!"

"No way!" Rachel ran over me wanting to regain her vodka. "I. Want. The. Bottle." She growled trying again, but Andrew grabbed her by the waist.

"It's. Your. Problem." I took the bottle and emptied it in the kitchen sink. And I feel sorry because it was a very good vodka.

"No! I let you drink when you're depressed."

"But I'm the alcoholic of the family, the wrong one, did you forget?" I face my sister and I got surprised with a sardonic laugh.

"You? The wrong one? Please! You're the darling of the family! The adorable rebel!"

"Ray..."

"Will you deny that? Will you? Santana Berry-Lopez: the one that can touch fire in the world and yet everyone will love?"

"Rachel!" I put more warning in my voice.

"Am I lying? You're the favorite daughter, the cheerleader that everyone feared, the math genius, the most beautiful and sexy girl. You are the girl from Columbia. The true heiress of billions of dollars. And what am I? Rachel Berry-Lopez, the gangly, the big nose, the actress who annoys everyone by singing show tunes. I am your shadow in the family! I've always been."

"This is not true." I tried to approach, but Rachel reacted uneasily in the Andrew's arms and I needed to keep some distance. "You're the star of the family." I tried to soften. "Que siempre ha sido nuestra estrella."

"You, Santana... has always been the most admired by everyone without even struggling. Zaide only has eyes for you. Weiz did all the dirt because he wanted you by his side. Our mom loves you more because you are the daughter with the love of her life, and I am the other guy biological daughter. Still, you were daddy's favorite. The orchid daddy gave to you is the one still alive. Mine is long dead. I always had to work hard in order to please because of you, Santana. Just because all you need is smile to obscure me."

"I do not understand this attack."

"Do you know Andrew? I'll tell you a little story. At school I was dating a handsome guy. He was a dream, the most popular one. But all she needed to do was raise her skirt for him forget about me. Do you know why she did it? Because she is a heartless bitch. She was fucking Britt and Puck at the same time, and decided to fuck Finn as well just to rub it in my face. Maybe she is planning to fuck Quinn just to kill me for fun. That's why she provoked that fight."

"Rachel, shut up!" I screamed.

"Do you know why I liked so much to reverse the hierarchy?" She raised a finger, pointing it at me. "Because for the first time in my life I was doing better than you. I got you here, in the palm of my hand, depending on me to eat. For once, I was the protagonist. And do you know what? I've never been so happy in all my life to see you beneath me!"

"That's enough!" Andrew took my sister and threw her over his shoulder. "You better calm down before you say anything else you'll regret later."

Andrew carried Rachel to my bathroom and put her in the tub with clothes and everything and turned the shower on the cold water. I followed them still stunned with everything. I've never realized that Rachel could keep so much rancor. She used to complain a little when we were teenagers, but our life in New York had so much complicity that I thought she had overcome this inferiority complex towards me. It was like she loved me and was jealous of me at the same time. Not a good thing at all. We are sisters, damn it, and love her with my soul. I regret so many things that I made her pass just because I was a teenage insecurity bitch. I was so committed to love and protect Brittany, that I forgot Rachel for a while. Damn me!

Rachel struggled to get out of the shower, but Andrew held her until she calmed down.

"You better get some clean clothes for your sister..." Andrew sat on the edge of the tub. Rachel was soaked, breathless and began to cry.

I went up to her room as fast as I could handle. I picked up any outfit and went back to the bathroom.

"I think I can take it from here, Andy." My friend nodded and left the bathroom.

I cleaned Rachel's tears before turning off the cold water. She was fairly cooperative and let me take off her clothes, then she got out the tube and I helped her to dry and put new clothes. Then I guided her to my room. I sighed frustrated and even was a little embarrassed of Andrew. He shouldn't have seen it. I offered Rachel a large glass of water before she fell asleep. It was hot in New York, so the windows in my room were wide open. At least we had the wind.

Andrew made lunch while I tried to breath. He was not a skilled guy in the kitchen but knew making pasta. It was our banquet.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"It was a hell bombing, but no. Not now. I need to digest some things before."

We finished our lunch, we cleaned the kitchen, he withdrew the broken door as I asked and then decided to leave.

"Thanks for your support." I said the door and hugged him thigh.

"Anything, call me."

So I was doing spring cleaning in my sister's room. It wasn't that bad, Quinn apparently straighten a good part of things before leave. So I opened the windows to let the wind to dilute the bad energy and decided do the laundry.

Few hours later, when I've dedicated working on Rock'n'Pano, Rachel appeared in the room complaining of headache. We looked at each other and I felt there was something heavy between us. I didn't know if I wanted to discuss the relationship at that moment. She was taking some aspirin as I continued to work.

"I'm sorry." She broke the ice. "I didn't mean everything."

"I think you kept those things for too long." I tried to be understanding.

"What I said is not what I really think. I love you, Santy. You do know that."

"That I never doubted."

"But you hurt me too many times."

"I know that. And I'm sorry… again!"

"Still, it's true that I have always admired you."

"The same here Rachel." I took a deep breath. "But you need to know that I've never been on your way. I made a lot of mistakes and I was a terrible sister for some time. Yes, I agree, with all of it. But I've never stopped you, Rachel, and I've always believed on you and your talent. I used to say that to you, remember? So, don't throw this shit on me. And one more thing, all this feeling that I'm more loved than you is bullshit. You should get rid of this complex right now and move on."

We sat in silence for so long that I was startled when the alarm bell of the machine sounded to "tell" that the washing process is over. I put the washed lot in the dryer and then threw the last lot of dirty laundry into the washing machine.

"What I don't understand, Ray…" I broke the silence. "… Is that yesterday you were super sad. And that's ok and fair. But today you decided to get an alcoholic coma and missed a day of your job! That's not you. I know you are extremely hurt, but why did you decided to drown your sorrows this way?"

"Because until yesterday everything was just a fight out of jealousy. Today, the penny dropped: Quinn cheated on me with another woman and left."

"You sent her out..."

"I know... that does not hurt less."

"It will get better, okay?"

"You can't promise these things."

"Time can."

…

(Quinn)

It had a large patch of drool on my pillow. Well: Mike's pillow. Suddenly, my bed became a couch. My room was the same space where Johnny was sleeping in a bag. Man has a strong stinky smell of feet and other things. As much as Mike's apartment would be great for a single person, the smell of testosterone could take over. Point two: I was there because my fiancé threw me out. What's worse is that I couldn't complain: I cheated on her in the most vile and hasty way I could think of. If repentance kill... Point three: Kleenex had scattered around me. I cried all day and my face must have been huge puffy. I really was the most pathetic person in the world.

"Good morning, Quinn." Mike kissed my head and went to the kitchen. Maybe he would make his famous and delicious pancakes. I also wanted food. I could eat an ox and then two pounds of chocolate.

Johnny did exercises in fixed bar on Mike's door. Both were shirtless and I began to wonder why men have this habit. Definitely it wasn't because of the heat that was in New York. I dragged myself to the bathroom. It was always good to go first before boys jerk off on the toilet or tub. I washed my face and looked in the mirror. I was a dump.

"I hope that today you accepted the offer to take fresh air." Johnny said as I left the bathroom. "Another day on the couch and you may die."

"Fuck off!" I snapped.

The two men went out and left me buried in melancholy and television. I wasn't paying any attention to the program. I really wanted to do something instead crying alone and plotting thousand and one plans to win Rachel back. But if my mind was active, my body was a wreck. I barely moved my legs. I had no strength such was my sadness.

Did Rachel was as sad as I? Was she on the couch dying to eat a bag of cheetos like me? No. Rachel wasn't pathetic like me. I know my fiancé. She was a superior being.

…

(Rachel)

I arrived to the set under heavy looks. There was a good reason for this: I missed a day of work on our last week without giving the slightest satisfaction. My cell had numerous calls and I was certain that everyone was furious. Delay meant lost money.

"Rachel!" Boris didn't look happy. "In my trailer!"

I followed the producer and show runner as a little girl that knew she would take a punishment because of a bad attitude. Boris told me to sit on the couch while he sat in a chair and crossed his legs.

"Rachel, we are in a difficult and stressful environment. Sometimes, actors make mistakes or acquire some habits that... "

"I was drunk!" I interrupted him. "I missed a day of work when I had a lot of scenes because I was too depressed and drunk."

"What?"

"I had a fight with my ex-fiancé, she cheated on me and I threw her out home two days ago. So yesterday I didn't want to move or talk to anybody. I just wanted to die! I'm sorry. I know I was unprofessional and I caused some trouble with the shot schedule. But I'm here now, ready to work my ass off."

Boris didn't have words. He just held my hand and gave me a kiss on my head.

I looked at the agenda, mine was particularly crowded. The missed day would be expensive towards the accumulation of scenes. And that, theoretically, would be our last day. I sat in the makeup chair, did my hair, passed the powder, lipstick, eyeshadow, and wear Kate clothes of the day. I sat in my chair and read quickly my lines. That was when I saw Rom coming with his character jacket and that James Dean's look. Suddenly, my blood began to boil. Like a fever, I ran towards and punched him straight on that pretty face. Rom was knockout. But I wasn't satisfied. I climbed on top of him and proceeded to punch him until a assistant got me out of him.

"You idiot narcissistic bastard. You ruined my life!" I screamed.

Some people dragged me to my trailer. They were surprised how a girl like me could be capable of such prowess up a strong man. Jane Bright gave me water with sugar and I lost almost twenty minutes to pull myself together and start working. I spent the rest of the day in a sort of autopilot and Rom kept safe distance from me. Luckily, we didn't have a scene together. Throughout the day I heard gossip and theories of why I attacked Rom. There were people who believed that I was pregnant. No wonder that gossip appeared on the sets, since some crew members of lower positions rarely knew the private lives of the actors.

Hours later, in the middle of the night when I recorded my last scene, Rom had the courage to approach again.

"Can I sit next to you?" He asked still maintaining a certain distance. I avoided looking at him. "I'm in the dark here, Rach. You attacked and punched me without and I don't know what happened. What did I do wrong to deserve this from you, whom I like so much?"

"That stupid story about us being a couple and stupid that picture of you kissing me happened." The bitterness was evident in my voice.

"Rachel... all these unsubstantiated gossip are published every single day. Did you know that about 80% of what comes from gossip media are just salt! Do you know how people can conclude the most bizarre things based on a simple hug? To these people, there are no friends in our world, only potential love interests... between every possible combination. I understand that you are upset, but this is something that we need live with. That's why we hire publicists."

"Quinn and I broke up because of a mess caused by that stupid picture." I felt the anger pulsing in my chest and tears dropping on my face. "Do not tell me I must live with this shit."

Rom lowered his head and remained silent.