Rachel wasn't sure how it came about. But it did. She silently scolded herself for opening up about this of all things.

Oh it was easier to tell people about the times she tried killing herself. At least she could turn it into a huge joke and make fun of herself. But this? This was different. Way different.

Rachel couldn't explain why it hurt so much thinking about it. Its been years since she's talked to her. So why does it hurt still? She didn't understand why it stung so much when she thought about her. So she didn't think about her. If only to avoid the pain. But sometimes that was inetibal that she would think about her agian.

She had better friends who weren't that triggered bitch. They were those over protective friends that she didn't know she needed till she had them. Now she couldn't even remember a time when they weren't fussing over her. She smiled exasperated.

They wouldn't let a joke affect them. They understood her. They listened to her. They worried about her. They were good friends. And even though she didn't show or say it much she liked them.

Emily wasn't worth it she knew. Emily was a bitch who let a joke ruin years of friendship. She was a sick twisted person she didn't need in her life. She was self absorbed and annoying. She despised her. No she hated her. So why did it still sting when she thought about her?

"Rachel?" Gon said with a concerned look on his face. That look sprang even more emotion in her. She chocked back a flood of tears and lightly touched her face.

She was surprised to find it wet with tears. Had she been crying? She wondered confusedly. Even after all this time...Emily always had this impact on her.

She wiped her face offtaking a quick glance around the room. It was just her and Gon she realised relieved. Rachel would be mortified if Hisoka saw her like this. She focused back into reality quickly. He looked even more worried and was bending down in front of her.

"Rachel what happened?" She frowned at him not quite understanding. He reached up and touched her face wiping away the rest of her tears. "Its okay. I'm here, you can tell me."

But could she? Could she trust him? Killua acted so strange when she mentioned Gon. She wanted to trust oh she wanted to. She turned away from him. She took a deep breath and looked back. It was like a dam broke it all just flooded out.

"I use to have this best friend," she started. She looked down and fiddled with the end of her shirt. "We were really close in elementary school. We went to different middle schools so we didn't see each other much. But we promised, she promised." Rachel sighed.

"It was a joke. It was a joke. She understood it was a joke she said so herself!" Rachel felt a sudden surge of anger surprising Gon. "Yet she still took offense, I apoligized over and over again. Then you know what she does? She acts like I was never there for her! I was always there for that fat bitch. She was the one who was never there for me. Like what the fuck is wrong with her? Then she goes and tells her sister some over exaggerated story of what happens and I get called disgusting!" Rachel threw down her glove onto the table.

She stood up silently walking over to the wall. She hesitated a moment before punching the wall. It felt exhilarating punching something. She could almost see that bitches face where she punched. She loved every second of it.

Gon didn't try to stop her. He stood up himself and just leaned againt the wall opposite of the one she punched. He knew not to interrupt her. Killua used to do this he remembered, if something particularly stressful happened this was the best way to let it all out. Though nen was usually involved and a lot more burnt marks on the walls but this got close to that.

This was for the best. He thought sadly, he gave her a tired look. He felt for her, what he just heard wasn't pleasent. He felt annoyance to this friend of hers. He couldn't do anything about her anymore. But he knew someone who could...He smirked shading his face so it was hidden.

That bitch won't know whats coming to her. He thought sadistical. This side of him wasn't seen often. You see Gon has three different modes.

Mode one: happy sweet gon. This was a mode he often was in when he was in his younger days of being a hunter. This was a mode you most likely could find him in, that is if you're in a casual setting that is. This mode was everyone's favorite, he was helpful, sweet, and caring. This made him particularly favored by many people.

Mode two: Serious scary Gon. This mode was adopted fully when he started traveling with his father. It wasn't something he was proud of, by all means he hated it. But he understood that this was apart of growing up. Becoming serious and maybe somewhat intimidating..this is what had to happen. Sometimes you had to make hard choices where this mode was needed. But you didn't need to like it, you just needed to live with it.

And finnaly mode three: Pissed off beyond imagination. This mode could often be seen in one of two parts. Sadistic I will torture you and make you beg for death or I will destroy you. I will leave nothing left to bury. Both modes aren't usual to be seen. Its unknown when this mode came about...it just one day was there. Gon knew this was another of thosw growing up things. This was normal. All was normal and calm. He reassured himself.

At the moment he was in mode three art one. This wasnt a mode you wanted..hell you should have hoped you got the destroy you mode. That was far more merciful then this ever would be..

While Gon thought of plans of complex torture, Rachel's thoughts were far more simple. Something along the lines of "That fat bitch. Always getting triggered over nothing. She's probably a tumblr feminist. Disgusting."

She shrieked when her hand went throughthe wall. That seemed to wake her up. Suddenly her hand was burning. She looked down and noticed it was covered in blood. She felt sick and dizzy. Her breathing was getting labored. She couldn't feel her hand anymore. All she saw was blood. So much blood. Why couldn't she move her hand? Was she falling? She thought stumbling.

Her vision swamand she heard her heart pounding in her ears. Everything was being drowned out. All she felt was the searing white pain in her hand, her own breathing shifting and becoming erratic. Panic floored her. She didn't know what was going on. Then she felt a strong grip on her waist.

She wasnt sure what was happening. But it felt okay she remembered. She found herself laying in a small bed. Her head pounded in her ears still a terrible head ach coming from no where. Her breathing was back to normal.

"Rachel you scared me."Gon sat next to her helping her sit up slowly. "Here drink some water. It'll help," he handed her a small glass of water.

She shifted in the bed drinking the water slowly. Never before had water tasted so good to her then that moment. She couldn't believe how she could enjoy water so much. But it was so good! It ran down her throat and helped with her head ach. She finished the glass within seconds.

"What wasin this?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

He smiledpulling a pitchet from the bedside table and pouring her more water. "Just water. Nothing added. Though its filtered."

She threw the water back quickly finishing the whole pitcher. It was so refreshing. She smiled great fully at Gon. "Thank you. For everything."

He smiled back shyly. "Ah its alright."

They sat in a comfortable awkward silence. Neither ready to breakit, not wanting to deal with the questions and answers that soon would follow the breakage. So they sat there content with each others company. It was all good. They were happy.