Two Weeks P2

(Rachel)

I sang with Cher. I, Rachel Berry-Lopez, sang along with Cher in the same day we made a good scene. My character was Cher's eldest granddaughter and she was extremely pious. She didn't approve her grandma's libertine behavior and reproached her. But, in the end, my character learns a life lesson and starts to see the world with other eyes. I shot two good scenes. The first one is when my character argues with her granddaughter and tells her to act more befitting with her age. And the second one is when these two make amends. There were also other small scenes to compose the plot, but my best contribution came down to these two moments. It didn't bother me to have a secondary plot. I was happy to shot a film, even for TV, alongside three great actresses.

I arrived very upset on the set in Vancouver, but I was soon involved with that place that looks like a holiday camping. The crew and some of the cast were together a little bit longer and it was great to find everything already assembled and organized. Michelle Pfeiffer was very professional and reserved. I only had a chance to greet her quickly. Susan Sarandon was the most smiling and friendly. I told her that I played Janet Weiss in an amateur adaptation of Rock Horror Show in high school. She loved it and wanted to know details. It was great. I shot with all of them in one scene, where I had no lines. Interestingly, this was the first one I shot because Michelle Pfeiffer had to leave for a week.

In the meantime, I talked a lot with Cher. The first scene we did was the one our characters makes amends. The director said he would leave the strongest scene for later because the more contact I had with Cher, the better. So I shot my first main scene with her, several small ones and had three days off meanwhile. Then, in my last week at the set, came the fight scene. We rehearsed only once. When it was for real, I remembered all the times I fought with my family. When the director said action, I channeled my experience and made a big scene. Two takes only. Cher seemed pleased with my performance.

"You're really good, little one." She welcomed me as I was still feeling the echoes of the scene.

"Thank you." I opened and closed my hands to take the character off. "I just need a minute to let it go."

"Don't shroud so much."

The day went without major emotions. Cinema is the art of waiting and repetition, much more than television. For real, I could have half of my scenes cut in the final edit, so I decided not to get involved so much, but I took the experience to strengthen my contacts with cast and crew. When the director called the day on my last day filming, we returned to the hotel and Cher approached me in the bar.

"You did great, Rachel. It's a pleasure to find good material for young actresses like you."

"Thank you. This means a lot to me."

"I heard you were nominated for a Tony this year."

"Yes, I was nominated for supporting actress in musicals. It was awesome and opened a lot of doors!"

"And did you think in some particular when we shot that scene?" She looked interested at the bar.

"Kinf of… I thought on some personal experiences."

"It work sometime, but you shouldn't fully trust on personal experiences."

"A teacher I had said the same thing."

"Oh, did you graduate in acting?"

"No. I locked the classes after a year. Either I engaged on college or on Broadway. And I was doing Across The Universe that time."

"Yeah... I know... but be sure to recycle yourself when you get a chance, okay? It's good to do some class for a month or two. This helps you to improve."

We talked more and soon I was speaking things about my life and my relationship with Quinn. I changed the gender of my romantic interest inclusive, because I remembered my publicist's words to avoid giving any clue about my homosexual relationship. Cher was an experienced woman and didn't take much to decipher all my trivial and even juvenile metaphors.

"So you were going to marry this person." She said as she drank some water. "Aren't you too young? How old are you? 18?"

"Actually I'm 20, but we lived together for three years. It seems a natural step within our relationship."

"Hum…"

"Don't judge me." I said a little annoyed.

"You know, Rachel, I have a well-stocked biography and I think we have a lot in common. You challenged your father at 17 to live in New York with your super-brain sister and this boyfriend, from what I understood. Well, I left behind my little life at 16 and went to Los Angeles only with my mom's blessing. So, I met and married my first husband at 18. He was much older than me... and we were together for ten years, eight years married, and I had my first kid at a young age. Everything happened very early in my life, but girl, I lived. Nowadays, I don't think there is need to marry unless you really want. I didn't marry the guy I consider the great love of my life, because I believe it is important to love your man for what he is, and not for what he can provide you. Experience is important. Relationships are important, at least for me. But I say that you need to think a little bit. Sometimes you need to slip alone."

"The problem is that, we're not together anymore. We fought and break up." I tried to avoid such details as: Quinn cheated on me with a woman whose name I can't even remember, but anyway… "Now, I'm avoiding call him. I mean, s... he is at my place helping my sister with her physiotherapy, and I'm planning to talk when I'm back, but I don't know… He hurt me a lot."

"What happened, if you allow me to ask?"

"He cheated on me."

"Oh little girl, this is a tough one."

"I think so."

"Maybe you need to take a little more time to yourself."

"Maybe." I finished my glass of wine and grumbled.

"Rachel?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know my kid assumed to be gay at 17?"

"I heard about."

"Then you know what I have vast experience in understanding certain signs, right?"

"What?"

"You falters every time you say 'boyfriend' and you change some pronouns."

"Oh!" I blushed with embarrassment.

"I'm in the business longer, little one, and I know all about those orientations of agents, managers and publicists. You can't be openly gay if you want the top, and I know tons of people that are straight to the audience eyes and keeps their gay lovers behind the curtain." I just nodded and buried my face in my hands. "Hollywood is a bitch. But don't worry, it stays between us."

She told me some valuable things on the basis of experience of her love life. She said some relationships were more important than others, but each had its value for good or not. Sometimes I thought about it and compared myself to Santana. My sister has had short and long experiences with some people, while all I did before Quinn was kiss some boys at school and girl in London. My sexual experience boiled down to Quinn. Was I making a mistake wanting to marry the person that has my v-card? The night before my departure back to New York, I made a list in order to put all my thoughts about this situation.

Quinn:

- Pros: I love her; great lover; careful with me; makes me smile; hardworking; makes the best French toast in the world; smells good (or usually smells good); gorgeous; smart; helpful to some extent; do not smoke; my family accepts her; loves to travel; is fairly sociable; is a good company and great confident; has beautiful and sweet voice (although untrained and weak).

- Cons: jealous; lost her cool when hotheaded; chauvinistic; too pride of herself; Machiavellian; manipulative; Republican; loses moderation; sometimes she is too indifferent or distant; don't like many of my favorite musicals; eating pork even though I'm Jewish and vegetarian; cheater.

Questions:

- How can I make sure she is the love of my life if I never had a deep relationship with anyone else?

- Do I want to experience life without Quinn around?

- Is that I'm really too young to take on such a serious commitment?

- And if I would forgive only to her break my heart again?

And the most difficult question:

- What I really wanted?

I had insomnia.

…

When I took the plane back to New York, I was determined to discuss my problems with Quinn and hit the hands of our relationship. Before, I had to solve a series of unanticipated problems. My suitcase was lost, but thank God my documents and my phone was in my handbag. And how can the company be so careless? I am careful enough to put all necessary identifications in my luggage, including the flight number that I should embark. This kind of incompetence let me first disappointed, and then angry. Maybe I really was the unlucky one of the family. Of all the international trips I made my bags were lost twice. Once it happened back in Chile and another time it happened in the way to Costa Rica. It was horrible. I spent two days wearing the same clothes because Santana didn't want to lend me hers. Daddy and papi gave up waiting the airline do something and bought new clothes.

My house was in order, except for the boxes due to a possible moving that Santana talked about, but I didn't stop to think about it. My place even had fresh flowers, and if that organization was a sign that Quinn took care of everything. She was really struggling. First, I hugged my sister. Santana seemed in order: healthy appearance and using her crutches. I controlled my impulse to hug Quinn as well. I still felt strange, shy, but the desire and the chemistry were still there.

"Hi Rachel." She looked anxious. It's understandable because I was too.

"Hi Quinn. It's good to see you too… Well, I'll take a shower before..."

I went into my room and I was glad that the carpenter came fix the closet door. It was better than it was before. When I put casual clothes and went back to the living room, I found the table all set up. Quinn was waiting for me to eat.

"Santana's downstairs." Quinn said. She was really shy.

"What? Why?" Stupid question. Obvious that my sister found any excuse to get out of that apartment. She really didn't like to feel confined to her bedroom.

"She didn't say."

I stared Quinn and all questions without answers appeared in my mind. So I did something impulsive. I walked two steps forward, passed my hand behind her neck and kissed her. I just had to be sure about stuffs. I know that each relates a sense of pleasure to a different figurative image. Mine was an earthquake. I've never felt one in my life, but I think my pleasure can only be compared to powerful energy released by friction enough to make the earth tremble. Quinn's lips on mine were as earthquakes. My desire was there, my love was there. I wanted to be with Quinn. My heart was hers. But I was still so hurt that I was afraid and hated the feeling.

"You don't know how much I missed you." She had tears in her eyes and a beautiful smile on her face.

"Me too." I kissed her briefly, but no less intimate, and I had to be very strong to get to take two steps back and walk away from Quinn. "But I think we first need to address some things in our relationship. We need discuss all that happen."

"Rachel." She whispered desperately. "Not now that we just…"

"Listen. We need to be realistic here, Quinn. A night of making love won't erase what happened. Nothing will do that, especially because we have problems to solve and I'm not speaking only of the fact that you slept with another woman. I mean our relationship as a whole. And if we can't work these issues, maybe we should over this for good."

"Well..." Her voice was shaky and it broke my heart. "So what do you suggest?"

"I don't know." I said sincerely. For the first time in my life, I didn't have a plan and I was now impressed by myself. "All I know, Quinn, is that I love you. And this I can't deny. I think if it was just your affair, it would be less complicated. But our break up forced me to see things about our relationship and I understood that the problem is not just this."

"How so?"

"You compete with me to begin with."

"Rachel, I don't know where you get that conclusion, but I don't establish any kind of competition with you."

"But you do. You may not realize it, but you do. You compete with me by the head of the house. You don't accept that I get more money and you loves that the last word is yours, even though you could be dead wrong about some subjects."

"That's unfair. You do the same."

"Not as much as you do."

"Now, having an opinion makes me bossy? What about you, Rachel?"

"I have opinions, but I don't impose any of them."

"Oh, please! You try to impose your opinions and crazy plans since high school in Lima. Why do you think everybody called you annoying diva and threw slushies on your face?"

"First: you bullied me in high school. You are the one who threw a slushie on my face for the very first time. And second: I was just following my plans and dreams."

"Of course, the 'Planbook'! That huge creep pink one you still keep with you."

"At least I had a focus in my life and it worked. I'm not like you who think first in money; doing jobs you hate instead of take a risk and try to become a real film maker."

"I'm sorry Rachel, if I have to work hard to keep myself in this city! I don't have a father and grandfathers that can provide some bucks every time I scream."

"You're being unfair! Santana and I worked our asses off since the day one. We sold a car so we, including you, could pay a place to live, or did you forget it? So what we had some help?" Quinn was speechless and I expected this. "See? And that's just one example. There are still your jealousy, your crazy pride, and a whole list that we haven't even discussed yet."

"Do you have a list?" Suddenly her posture was fully armed. "Because I would love to get such a list to be able to hit it with the same calm and time you had to elaborate it, Rachel Berry-Lopez." She was intimidating. "I recognize that I have my character flaws. But you also have a lot and I am not interested in playing each of them on your face."

"But you should. This is the opportunity. Bring it on!" I said louder.

"Your mania for perfection kills me to begin with!" She snapped. I tried to keep my cool. "You go beyond mere perfectionism. You try to go to the literal form of the word until it comes to defects and dramas. It's not easy to meet the standards that you consider ideal. It's insane. It's unreal. And you are so obsessed with your career that you would sacrifice our relationship or anyone that nothing goes wrong."

"What?" I was offended. Was a perfectionist in my work, but didn't carry it to my life. I had plans and, yes, dedicated myself to achieve them, but what Quinn said was untrue. "I never would sacrifice you for my career, Quinn Fabray. I've always been too happy to have you by my side. You are Quinn Fabray, the prettiest girl of the world!" I shook hands to accentuate the tone of disdain.

"Ah, so now I'm an award girlfriend? A pity that this award here doesn't suit you when it comes to your career, huh? Don't you have to hide us?"

"I've always considered myself winning, lucky, honored, blessed and all related adjectives to have you by my side, Quinn Fabray. Obviously this is not enough for you."

The front door was open and turned my attention to there. Santana "maneuvered" the crutches and locked the door with a plastic bag hanging between her teeth. She put the bag on the kitchen counter next to the stove and hung her keys on the wall bracket which also was in the kitchen. It was an awkward break, but in got time since the argument was going out of control.

"It's raining a lot..." She casually remarked, and just at that moment I noticed it really had started to rain. "I'm glad that you're talking." She said amid the funereal silence, and then she grabbed the plastic bag again and headed to her room. "Yell if you need me."

I heard another knock and it looked like the opportunity to have further developed the discussion.

"Let me make one thing clear." Quinn resumed with soft voice. "Whatever, I don't think these problems are bigger than what we have."

"But if we ignore them, they can grow and kill us."

"Honestly, Rachel, I didn't think we need to take more time apart. If you are willing to continue our relationship, we have to work it together. Because I think ridiculous to have come out here to spend a month apart again from you and then rebuild a dating from scratch, and that's impossible."

"I didn't suggest that."

"What do you suggest so?"

"Maybe we can try other ways to work our problems. I don't know how exactly, but I do think we need… I need more time to figure things out. We are still young. You're only 21 and I'm almost there. I'm consolidating my career and you should do the same. You should start working on your films and stop doing photoshops of old socialites, or burgers and fries, or work on studios to edit videos of uninteresting reports from NYU students."

"Yeah, as if I didn't need the money…" Quinn crossed her arms and muttered. "It sounds ridiculous and I don't see your point. Since when my choices and needs to survive this city started bothering you? What changed?"

"Everything changed when you deliberately slept with another woman!" I shot and not regretted a little bit.

Quinn sat down to the chair and crossed her arms again.

"My biggest regret was cheated on you. Again, I'm sorry, Rachel. But you kind of cheated on me first when you accepted that kiss from Rom."

"It shows that your problem isn't only jealousy." I spoke seriously. "Clearly you don't trust me and you are vindictive"

"I trust you!"

"Only lip service! What you did can't be compared. I didn't kiss him back! But you stuck you fingers in somebody else's vagina!" I got up and started walking around the room. "The most ridiculous is that I love you like an idiot and a part of me just want to forget everything, forgive you and jump straight to the part where we have sex. But the other part says that it would just throw dirt under the rug."

"Look Rachel…" she stood up and walked towards me to hold my hands. "Whatever we decide, our problems won't be solved right now. So why don't you just rest from this busy day? Obviously we aren't in a position to decide or fix solutions here and now."

Quinn could be the queen of manipulation when she desired. If I give her this opening she wanted, she would try to work around until everything returned to her favor. My rest meant victory in these circumstances. And victory for her would make me forget these discussions and allowed her to back. I could do this. Could forgive her and welcome her with open arms and legs. How many women do this? They are no better or worse than me.

Quinn's hazel eyes had hypnosis power, I swear. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. It didn't take two seconds to feel her lips on mine. She approached her body against mine in a way that made me go limp. She was so beautiful and ever sexy after an argument. But everything was wrong. I couldn't let myself go so easily.

"I'm sorry." My voice was weak as she kissed my neck.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry." I repeated louder and it made her stop.

"What?"

"I'm sorry Quinn, but I want you to go away." I pushed her gently. "Apparently I have to move out from here, and so do you."

"Rachel…"

"We are over, Quinn."