Part 5- The Funeral by Band of Horses
Delia Aimee Green: July 16th, 1996- May 8th, 2013.
I stood in front of her grave, clutching a bouquet of lilies and bluebells. Frigid air ripped around me, lifting my hair up in frenzied tresses and gray clouds passed overhead as if in a hurry to scuttle over the deserted graveyard to a more preferable landscape. One that was less cryptic and forsaken.
Nine months had passed and I was close to being ready to go after the Darley gang. I had gained a lot of useful information over the course of the past year and now all I had left to do was finish my training. I had joined and participated in several gyms, kick-boxing and self-defense classes. I had even been going to a shooting range, learning how to aim, shoot and reload. My mother had not approved of it in the least bit, thinking that by going to these lessons I was condoning violence. Only in myself did I find violence to be tolerable.
From what I had learned, aggressiveness and power was the main stimulate in this gang of Darley's. They thrived on it and used it in any situation that they saw fit which was basically every encounter they had with someone. Their influence was big on the whole of Columbia, affiliating their power and greed into politics and the law. I knew it was the right thing to trust my gut instinct when I had decided to let Joe Darley go free. Sending him to prison only would have been a short intermission in his usual street play. I trusted that Detective Wallis had been genuine when she wanted to put him in prison, but both she and I knew that he wouldn't have stayed there for long. Maybe she figured she'd have him off of the streets if only for a little while.
I hadn't figured out how to find them yet, though. I guess they could be anywhere in the city, but where? The only choice that I had was to go back to the gas station and start my search from there. I could ask around, get some names and addresses. I wanted to be as discreet as possible when it came to gathering more knowledge in the slums of the city. I couldn't make myself known or obvious until the time was just right, otherwise I might be cornered without any defenses. Being a young girl from the north side of town, I was bound to be noticed fairly easily.
I had brainstormed ideas in which I could hide myself yet still get around sufficiently. I had come up with several: disguise myself as one of the homeless, pretend I was the new girl in town, or better known as, the runaway, claim to be a prostitute, say I was the rich bitch from up the city that used drugs as a means to "feel alive." I also considered getting a job at one of the bars or strip joints down there… I repeatedly berated myself mentally for even thinking I would do something like that. I was already planning my own suicide, why make it harder on myself?
I finally realized that there wasn't going to be any easy way around this. I was just going to have to hope and pray that whoever I came across was too preoccupied with other things to speculate why a young girl was asking around for Darley and his gang.
"I miss you, Di," I said to her tombstone, stepping forward to lay her lilies and bluebells at the base of it. "Your death won't have been in vain. I'm making sure of it. I love you."
I ran my fingers over her name and said a prayer for her before I stepped back and headed back to my car. I didn't want to go home, but it was the only place that I knew. I had shut myself off completely after the events of last year. It still felt as if it had just happened a week ago. My parents had pleaded with me to go ahead with my plans for college, but I had said no to them so many times that all they had to do was glance in my direction before I gave them my automatic answer:
"You live your life, I live mine and all's right in the world. No need to go around expressing your opinions to others when it's not asked for."
For the first month that had shut them up, but our short altercations soon became much more heated when neither my parents nor I would back away from our stubborn view on the matter. They wanted me to get on with my life and continue as if nothing at all had ever happened. One night, I had ardently told them that if they didn't leave the matter be, I was going to make sure that I never had to chance to get to go to college ever. That night, I had been stupid and angry, taking a kitchen knife and threatening to hurt myself. After that episode, they hadn't said a word since. I felt horribly guilty about it, making my parents worry so much about me. I was selfish, but at least they were off my back about it.
When I got home, snow had just started to fall. I dropped my coat and scarf in the foyer, taking off my mudded boots and setting them beside the doorway.
"Surprise!" I walked into the kitchen to be greeted by my parents, a few family members and a couple of old friends from high school. I stood in the threshold, confused. What the hell was this? When I just stood there, not saying anything and looking as if I could get back into my car and parking it in the kitchen rather than in the driveway, my mother decided to act.
"My baby is nineteen today," she made her way over to me, taking me into her warm arms and hugging me tightly. She put her mouth next to my ear, whispering, "Be good. Everyone worked very hard to keep this as a surprise for you. Don't make this a bad day. For me."
She turned me around and guided me towards the dining room table, sitting me at the head where a giant cake with lighted candles sat. Before my butt could even make contact with the hard, polished wood of the chair, they had already started singing "Happy Birthday" to me. I sat there, not acknowledging anyone or anything. I couldn't let myself in fear that I might start having a screaming fit and start throwing handfuls of birthday cake at everyone. I hadn't even remembered that it was my birthday. I hardly noticed anything anymore. Since the night I decided to get back at Darley and his gang, they had become my one and only priority; my obsession.
"Blow out your candles, Mona," I heard a deep, stern voice say next to my ear. I leaned over and blew them all out with one breath. Applause followed.
"Who wants a piece of cake?" My mother asked.
"If you'll excuse me," I mumbled and got out of my chair, making my way towards the stairs.
"Not so fast, young lady. We have guests and presents here for you."
"Mom, have you ever heard the song, "It's My Party and I'll Cry If I Want To?"'
No one said anything and I started to walk away again before someone roughly grabbed my arm and dragged me into the adjacent room. The door slammed heavily behind us.
"Get the hell off of me!" I yanked my arm back and turned to see my father standing there, his face red.
"You are not going to behave like this with all of these guests here! Everyone has taken time out of their day to be here to spend time with you on your birthday and you are not going to walk out of there like some punk with an attitude! Have some damn respect! And I don't want you speaking to your mother like that ever again! I don't care if you're right and she's wrong, I won't tolerate it! If you want to argue with someone, then by all means I'm willing, but not her. She's done nothing but worry herself sick about you since-"
"Since what!? Since I got beat fucking senseless and saw Delia die!? Since I was left for dead myself!? How the fuck do you expect me to act after something like that!? All peaches and cream!?"
"I expect you to act like the damn adult that you are! You aren't the only one suffering after what happened, Mona! We all are! What is it going to take for you to see that?"
"A whole lot more than a fucking birthday cake and a tunelessly sung song!"
His open hand left the side of my face burning. I clutched it, my blue eyes open wide as he stared back at me horrified.
"Mona," he began.
"Fuck you!" I pushed my hands against his chest and hurtled myself towards the stairs. I tripped and stumbled my way up them, tears temporarily blinding me as I made my getaway.
What was I doing? Why was I acting this way? They had done nothing yet I acted like a total bitch. More than a bitch, I had been completely malicious. I was losing myself and I couldn't pull back. I had drifted from the light and fell on the edge of darkness; the shadows were beginning to swallow me whole. I had to act soon. I couldn't let this go on any longer; it was getting out of control. The longer I waited the more I hurt my family and friends.
Just a few more months, I told myself. Then it would all be over. Maybe then, I could finally find some solace. I just wanted my family to be happy again, with or without me. I had put them through enough, and it was damn near time that I had all of this resolved.
"You're a fuckin' cheater, Billy!" Heco shouted and slammed his fist down on the table.
Nine men sat at a table playing poker in a rundown bar in the south side of Columbia. The smell of alcohol and tobacco wafted heavily in the air. Thick clouds of smoke drifted languidly around the men and an old jukebox played a dark, brooding song.
"You ain't cheating with four of a kind, Heco. Don't pussy out on me. I'm just about gettin' started with takin' all of your money," Billy retorted with a smile, grabbing the bills on the table and pulling them toward him.
There were chuckles heard around the table. A couple of the men downed a few shots before placing in their bets.
"It ain't no big thing, Heco boy. You know he was gonna take it off ya one way or another, anyway," a dark man slapped a hand on Heco's shoulder and laughed. He grabbed his beer and took a deep gulp.
"It ain't no big thing to you, Bodie, because you stay so stuck up Billy's ass, you know you gonna get some for yourself in the end," another man decided to join in on the banter.
"Hey, fuck you, Baggy. I know how to show some respect and do my job. What do you do other than get high and fuck whores all day? And you both wonder why you ain't got no money."
Both Baggy and Heco rose from their chairs, causing Bodie and Billy to rise as well.
"What ya gonna do, hit me? Go for it, tough guy!" Bodie got into Baggy's face, staring him straight in the eyes.
"Hey, why don't you fuckin' dipshits get a damn grip on yourselves and sit the fuck back down," Billy's deep voice resonated throughout the room. The three men were hesitant to move, blind hostility seeming to seep through their pores.
"Has everyone gone fuckin' deaf and stupid or something? Sit the fuck down!" Billy commanded, and almost instantly all three men were back in there chairs.
"Shit!" he exasperated before slowly taking a seat himself, "Has everyone placed their bets?"
Billy Darley looked around the table at his men. A few nodded and others put their money in the center of the table. No one made eye contact with him. After a couple of more beers and cigarettes, the table seemed to be getting back to the relaxed, playful mood before the short dispute interrupted it. Seeing that his men had calmed down a little he decided to speak up.
"Listen, I don't need you pricks ready to jump at each other's throats every time one you has a disagreement. If you gotta fuckin' problem with one another than either get the fuck over it or deal with it. I'm not gonna always be there to pick you assholes up when you fall face first in the mud, so learn some damn respect for one another. We're just as good as fuckin' brothers here."
"Hell yeah! We as good as fucking blood," Bodie piped up. Billy looked to him with cold eyes, but then smiled slowly at his best friend.
"Sorry, man. You know how my tempter gets," Heco said without raising his eyes from his cards. He was still embarrassed after what happened earlier.
"Me too, bro," Baggy apologized.
"Well," Billy said, sitting back with a smug smile gracing his lips. He threw down his cards to show a Royal Flush. "Ain't no big thing then."
The table erupted with fierce laughter.