After retrieving Light and Mello from their mad dash to the highway everyone had gathered around the dirt enclosing where they were going to set up camp. But the problem was: no one knew how to set up camp. Especially the tent and making fire.
Everybody spent the first few minutes staring at the pile of gear on the ground and glaring at each other. Then Matsuda decided to take charge, since no one else was going to say anything. "Okay everyone! Here's what we'll do: L, Near, and I will make the fire and cook some food while Mello, Matt, and Light pitch the deluxe tent for us to sleep in."
Mello snorted and said, "You make it sound like we're all going to sleep in the same place together. You better not be suggesting that. I need space when I sleep so I won't kill anybody."
"And I'm not a sound sleeper," said Near as he unpacked a Superman figure from his sports bag, "I tend to kick out periodically."
Their complaints went unheard as a loud, metallic clang resounded throughout the enclosure, making everyone jump a little. Apparently, Light didn't want to talk about sleeping arrangements, he just wanted to set the thing up and get the trip over with. Grumbling, he took a pipe and tried to fit it together with another pipe.
Sighing, Matt massaged his temples with the tips of his fingers. After just coming out of a comatose state he didn't feel like spending all day pitching a tent. "Come on Mello, let's help the Neanderthal pitch the tent so we can get out of here sooner. And back to technology."
While one group began the process of pitching the tent L, Matsuda, and Near started tossing around ideas about starting a fire. Well, Near and L tossed around ideas while Matsuda sat on the ground and rubbed two sticks together over a pile of wood.
"This is foolproof! All the cool survivalists do this on those nature shows. All it takes is a few...good...whew...tries and...gosh...*pant*...this is taking...really long..." Matsuda's arms were beginning to feel like lead as he rubbed the sticks together. "Whew, okay. I could have sworn I saw a little spark. Here L, you give it a go."
L looked at the two sticks for a moment, then looked at Matsuda. "You're an idiot. I can't believe you think we could start a fire like that. Be realistic, this isn't Tarzan."
Matsuda gave a strident frown and replied, "Well at least I'm coming up with something. You two haven't made a move to help. In fact, you guys figure the actual firemaking, I'm going to go do more useful things and gather firewood." And with that Matsuda left Near and L staring at the pile of sticks on the ground.
Both were quiet for a few minutes before Near spoke up. "Wanna go borrow Mello's lighter from the SUV?"
"I already have it." L replied striking the top and bending down to light the fire. When it was nice and hot L heard a shout and a clang come from the direction of Light, Mello, and Matt. Please don't let them be trying to kill each other...
Unfortunately, L wish went unheeded as he turned around to see the three of them striking each other with the metal pipes. Mello was bleeding from a cut on his cheek, one cuff of Light's shorts were shredded, and Matt's T-shirt no longer had a bottom. Also, there were streams of loud profanity coming from their mouths.
"I already told you that the DAMN PIPE DOESN'T GO THERE!"
"You're right. It's going to go UP YOUR ASS IF YOU DON'T QUIT HITTING ME."
"Has anyone bothered to read the instruction manual? You DUMB BASTARDS! IT'S SITTING RIGHT THERE!"
"Shut UP. I don't need a stupid manual! It's easy enough as long as this DUMB FUCK gets out of my way!"
"SHUT UP."
"YOU SHUT UP."
"NO, YOU SHUT UP."
"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP."
"How about everyone shut up and act like civilized Homo sapiens." L added in as he and Near approached the site of the chaos. The three angry stooges stopped and glared as Near picked up the instruction manual and flipped through it.
After five minutes he closed the book and took the pipe that Matt was holding. "This one goes 12 ft. into the ground. The one Light's holding goes on top of this one. Mello, you're holding the one that will come later on so grab that one over there..."
Not knowing what else to do or say the three of them actually complied with the instructions while L lounged on a log and took out a KitKat. In roughly 30 minutes the tent was up and sturdy and the sun was retreating behind the trees. The enclosure was getting dark fast.
Where was MATSUDA?
Still in the woods.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Oh my... That doesn't seem to bode well. And it's up to me to make it worse! XD I love my writing.