Welcome to PAD's patience hotline.
Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Telephone network.
I just don't want any dropped calls.
Cantankerous Cullen
It's Sunday, and thank God it's a new week! I can't even begin to wrap my head around the last few days. I think if I truly did, I'd have ended up at the other end of the hospital in the psych ward—that much has happened.
It all started with a simple can of whipped cream, the rainbow-colored mold growing on it, and Bella wanting to rip me a new asshole because of it and my display of atrocious habits.
Since that time, I feel like I have not only died a few deaths, but have also awoken to a new life. In the last few days, I've pretty much thrown away all of my vices as I haven't engaged in any sex—I certainly don't count Orri's attempts; that was torture. In addition to this, I haven't drunk any alcohol outside of a few sips, haven't gotten high with any weed since Wednesday, and haven't smoked any cigarettes for almost two days. And even though my brain is telling me that I'm missing all of these things, my heart could give a shit because right now, it's beating for Bella, and I just don't want to do stupid shit to disappoint her again anytime soon.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to be a saint. That's impossible, and I'm too damned impulsive. And I am nineteen, which means I'm still governed by my penis—the Almighty P. And right now, he's pretty much letting me know that he's been very neglected the last few days and has been working under unsafe conditions. In fact, I'm surprised he hasn't detached himself to run away from home, crafted his own protest sign demanding unionization, or begun hitchhiking in hopes of catching a ride with a Playmate tour bus. There's only so much a guy can sacrifice, but I will put in an honest effort and try my damnedest to behave myself and not fuck things up with Bella.
It's a good thing Bella came home when she did. The tear in my spleen was getting worse from hanging upside down. Luckily, the treating doc said it should heal itself and not have to be cauterized or removed. As for my head and passing out, I'm just glad she was here when she was. Otherwise, I might not be here at all. As it was, I blacked out and could have slipped into a coma. I was very lucky.
Right now, Bella's driving us home, meaning back to the apartment. The hospital discharged me to Bella's care with the understanding I am to take it easy. It's almost eleven a.m. now. The doctor gave me a medical excuse for the week, but dad says as long as I don't do any heavy lifting or over exhaust myself, I should be fine. I'm really craving a smoke right now but will see how long I can fend off not having the urge. I'm going to be coughing up lung butter pretty soon if I quit for too long. I don't need the added stress on the rupture, so I'll just have to see how it goes. I suppose I really should cut back, and now would be as opportune a time as any to do so.
Bella's edgy right now because she forgot to cancel with Rose and Alice, and I kind of answered her cellphone as it rang when she was going over my discharge instructions. When Rose called and asked if things were still on for today, I said sure. When I told Bella, she gave me that look, that look that said she wanted to pummel me, but she quickly pulled in that thought, saying that she could still probably throw things together for a decent spread. I reminded her that we still had leftover stir-fry and pineapple-upside cake although I cringe a bit at the mention of upside down. I know she's going to make me rest, but frankly, I'm antsy and want to move around after being cooped up for the last few days.
As we pull into the driveway, I see her truck's there, all loaded down with my clothes. Thankfully, she put a weighted-down tarp over them to keep the rain out. Maybe we can move them later when everyone leaves. She'll probably say no, though, because I'm not supposed to lift anything. Maybe Jasper and Emmettt can take my shit out of her truck and put it in the utility shed just for the week until I'm well enough to help her with cleaning them at the laundromat.
It's good to be back in street clothes instead of in a hospital johnny with a catheter shoved up my dick. Bella brought me my navy blue Nike hoodie with the drawstring removed—the one I removed after the hood strings became entangled and were caught on the inside of the passenger widow of Jasper's car when he drove off with me still attached to it. Of course we got super baked that night. I leaned in to pick up my smokes on the dash. Neither Jazz nor I were paying attention when he hit the switch for the power windows and started taking off. Thankfully, I was able to pound my fist on the hood of his car before he started dragging me too far. I yanked all my hoodies' drawstrings out after that.
She also brought me my most comfortable pair of battery-acid-eaten zip-fly Levi's, which became that way by accident. It totally slipped my mind that you have to neutralize that shit with baking soda when it leaks onto clothing. I got the leaky shit on my jeans when I tossed the old battery into my trunk after I got a new one. Emmett saves shit like that because he loves working on old cars, so I didn't bother trading it in. As usual, I smoked a bowl on the way to the auto parts store and forgot about the battery. Weeks later, I dug through one of my mounds of clothes, looking for my favorite jeans. When I saw how the acid ate through my pants…my boxers…and my socks underneath my boxers, I connected the dots and checked my trunk. By that time the acid had eaten a hole through my carpeting and was working its way through metal. Fortunately, Emmett was able to cut that corroded piece out and weld in a new one. I kept the jeans because one just doesn't throw out his favorite pair, even if they do provide a lot more air conditioning to one's private parts than usual, which is clearly evident as people look at me when I'm coming and as well as when I'm going.
She also brought my favorite pair of broken-in Timberlands, complete with frayed laces, cigarette burns in the soles, and permanent puke spots in the leather—those boots hold many fond memories. She also brought me an Underarmour tee and my most comfortable AE red flannel button down shirt, which buttons down a lot more than it used to, considering it has half the buttons missing. God, I love this woman for picking out my shit. She knows me so well.
We're home. Well, it's our apartment, but it's home to me for the next three and a half years or so and hopefully will be home for the both of us
"Edward, are you okay? Do you need for me to help you get out of the car?"
"No, Bella, I'm good. I'm not that incapacitated."
"I didn't say that you were…I just don't want you to overdo it. Please promise me you'll be good and ask for help if you need it."
"I will, Bella, and thank you for being there and for taking care of me."
"Why wouldn't I?"
Bella unlocks the door and I follow her in. It feels good to be here and away from the fucking nasty, sterile-smelling hospital and its shitty, non-Bella-cooked food.
"Edward, I have a lot to do before everyone gets here. Why don't you lie down and rest in your room or sprawl out on one of the couches and watch some TV in the living room."
"No, Bella, I'm fine, and besides I want to help."
I flash her my best, dejected, pouty, sad-puppy-dog-eyed look, the one I know is irresistible to her.
"Are you sure you want to help and do this, as in have company? It's not too late to call this whole thing off today."
"Yes, I'm sure. And hell no, I don't want you to call it off. I've been dying to meet Rose and Alice. Well, maybe not dying, given the past activities of my weekend, but I think I've conveyed my exuberance."
"Well, all right, if you're sure it won't be too much for you."
"I'm sure. What can I do to help you?"
"Well, for starters, wash your hands, then sit in one of the stools at our breakfast bar. I'll take some things out of the fridge and freezer. Are you hungry yet? Do you want some lunch first?"
"No, I'm good."
"Do you think you can handle peeling vegetables?"
"Sure, but first come here."
Bella walks over to me cautiously. Throughout the morning, she's been standoffish and tense. We still don't know our places around each other yet, and it shows—God, we've already walked on enough eggshells, both the literal and the figurative. Bella stands in front of my spread thighs, and I pull her into me by her belt loops just because I need to touch her.
"Bella, what's the matter?"
She hesitates before answering but doesn't pull away.
"What makes you think anything is wrong?"
I give her a quirked brow before answering.
"Do you really have to ask that question?"
"Fine!" she snaps. "No one knows we're sort of together in our circle except for our own parents and maybe the skanks I notified via text in your contact list or broadcasted to on Facebook. I doubt that any of them would say anything to Rose or Alice. I don't think Jasper's found out yet either. Otherwise, he would have texted or called us. I told Esme not to tell Emmett because I figured that was something you'd want to do. I also don't want to spring this on everyone, especially Jazz, before we first know how to deal with it ourselves.
I was a bit pissed when I found out that she had contacted every acquaintance in my contacts and Facebook friends list. When she first told me about it in the hospital, I really wanted to go off on her. But after I thought about it, I decided it was pretty damned hot that she asserted herself like that, like she was pissing on my leg to mark me. But as much as I'm happy about her staking her claim, we currently have shit we need to deal with right now that takes priority.
"Okay. First off, there is no sort of. We are or we aren't"
I'm a little pissed right that she's getting cold feet about us especially when it was okay for us to have PDA's in front of my parents and the hospital staff even though I'm the one who initiated the said PDA's.
"What's it going to be? Are we doing this?"
I have to know. I look her straight in the eye to see if she has any doubt.
I see her fear, but she doesn't turn away.
"Come here."
I pull her in for a kiss, first a slight peck then I go in for her bottom lip. I pull away. Yeah, her pupils are getting bigger. She likes this. I give her a few more pecks before testing the atmosphere for some tongue smuggling. Oh, yeah. Her mouth is definitely on board with this, too. I feel my blood going south, so I reluctantly pull away and rest my forehead on Bella's rack.
"Mmm." She combs her fingers through my flat, hospital-shampooed-and-conditioned hair, scratching my scalp lightly—I am sohitting the shower after our guests leave…maybe I can get Bella to help me with it. Is it too late to call off everything this afternoon and tell everyone to just stay the fuck away?
I reason with my horny alter ego and decide to behave…for now. Besides, I don't know if my willful appendage will be that willing given that I've just had a tube removed from being up there and still haven't taken a descent piss yet. Bella wouldn't let me do anything with her anyway until I get back into commission after I have my follow up.
I will say one thing. When that tube came out, it sent tingles to parts of my anatomy I didn't even know I had; it was like having a fully conscious orgasm. I wanted to throw down that nurse pulling it out—the nurse with a face that could derail a train, with hands so cold they could wake the dead, and breath so bad it could gag a maggot. I wanted to throw her down and kiss her when she pulled my catheter out, even with all of her ugliness and the fact that she was old enough to be one of my grandmother's bridge partners.
"We need to get going on this food if it's going to be ready in time for our company."
I sigh as she pulls away, but am thankful she was in my arms instead of that nasty nurse.
"So what do you want to do about today?"
"I honestly don't know. The biggest fear I had was with telling our own parents, but they seemed to take it stride. Surprisingly, my dad doesn't even want to kill you. I see that as a major victory."
"It could have something to do with the behind-home-plate Mariners tickets I got him for Christmas"
"Suck up!"
"Hey, you never know when you're going to need a good cop on your side."
She winds up to swat me, and I recoil on instinct, but she thinks better of it before her follow-through. This sucks. She's treating me as if I'm a weakling or some kind of invalid. I miss our ease and her getting worked up. It's as if I've sucked all of the blood out of her. There's no fun left.
"Come on. We had better get started."
"Wait a minute. When do you propose we tell them? Are you telling me I have to keep my hands off you while they are here?"
"I don't know. That might be a good idea."
"What? Fuck, Bella! I don't know if I can do that."
"Well, try!"
I give her my best belligerent, sulky, pissy face. She looks up and just laughs at me. WTF? Okay. If that's the way she wants to play this, it should be a real interesting afternoon. After all, she told me to try. There's only so much willpower I have, so I guess it's game on, sweetheart.
A/N:
Oh, boy! What do you think Edward's got up his sleeve?
What do you think Bella will do to retaliate?
Thank you to my beta, Chayasara, for giving it to me straight and not playing games.
Thank you Monica Solis, a.k.a. CaliGirlMon on FF, for making my sweet banner.
Chapter 18 in B's POV is already pretty much written and will be up shortly.
You may also want to check out my relatively new fic entitled "Watching You."
Also, "Never Judge By The Cover" is getting to the thick of things.
"It's a New Dawn. It's a New Year" is completely reformatted and re-beta'd and will hopefully be updated for the new year.
I'm committed to finishing at least chapter three of "Rude Awakenings," too.
I will be working on "For the Kindness of a Stranger," too.
As always, thank you for reading.
The squeaky reviewer gets my pen.
Let's help "Boys Will Be" get 500 reviews.
Please tell me what you like so I can prioritize.
PAD