Sakuchi-san's back in action! Computer is off life support and the fanfics are back on.

Thanks to the people who still followed me through my absence and all. *sniff* I'm not crying...so don't think that.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

After a few hours of panicking and shouting from Matsuda, profanity from Mello and Light, silent thought from L and Near, and a complete hysterical fit from Matt, everyone was ready to calmly argue out a plan of survival.

"Matsuda, if you don't get off of me, I'll hurt you...badly." Light threatened as he tried to pry Matsuda from around his waist. "Plus, you're still drenched!"

Teeth chattering and body shivering Matsuda only clung harder. "B-b-but you're w-w-wa-warm and I'm c-c-c-c-c-c-"

"SCREW OFF!"

While Light and Matsuda did an odd tango by the river L addressed the rest of the group with his game plan.

"Well, first off we're going to need some type of shelter or we're lunch for the mosquitoes out here," L said while surveying the scene around them, "Probably better if we stay by the river for fresh water. Also, we'll need food so you two and Near will scout out for some while Matsuda, Light, and I stay and make shelter."

"Hold up! Who made Diabetes Dumbass leader? Last time I checked there's a FUCKING BEAR IN THE WOODS. You get your ass chewed up, I'm staying." Mello protested, picking a tree to stand firmly against.

Matt's left eye was twitching wildly. "Not going. Not going. No. Not. Not going."

Rubbing the ridge of his nose L turned to Near. "Please convince them to go get the food. We'll starve if they are going to decide to be jackasses."

Still steadily ringing out the rest of the water in his t-shirt Near considered this notion. "I think I'm actually with Mello here. I mean, who did elect you leader? I'm sure you've never been out of the city in your life so you are not the best choice."

L ground his teeth together quietly. "I. Am. The leader. End of story. I may not have actual experience, but I have completed scenarios with Watari. You, on the other hand, have also been sheltered and not to mention coddled. You have almost zero knowledge of the outdoors."

Near pressed his lips together into a thin line. "Why don't we take a vote?" he said stiffly, "Who wants the almighty L as leader?"

Of course L raised his hand and Matsuda loosened his grip on Light to raise his. Light quickly shoved him to the ground and started to ponder his vote. "Honestly, I like Candy Ass as much as the Village Idiot here, but between him and Albino Ass I'll give my vote to L."

"I guess I should thank you for that...if I can figure out how without cursing..." L said glaring at Light. Turning back to the matter at hand he said, "Okay, there's my votes. Who wants our outstanding young Near to be in charge?"

Near's hand shot up for himself and Mello raised his hand only to spite L. Matt was still in a rigor mortis state and continued to stare straight ahead.

Soothingly Near patted Matt on top of his head. "Hey buddy. If you raise your hand right now I promise we won't have to go in the woods. Alright?"

Matt's hand shoots into the air.

Getting steadily annoyed L said, "Well, looks like a draw. So, as default oldest gets to be leader. I win! Now go get the food."

"Actually," Near said, equally annoyed, "A young person like myself would be more reliable not to kill over if struck with disease and also I'm more imaginative as to think of solutions to this problem."

Both of them looked ready to brawl and Light and Mello took up seats on the flat rocks to make bets.

"Albino's going to get tossed in the river."

"Not if Diabetes has a heart attack."

But before anyone could throw a punch Matsuda spoke up. "How about both of you be the leader! Then there can be peaceful compromise and no fighting. Then we could all, you know, survive and not die. Okay?"

Still glaring at each other L and Near eased the tension out of their shoulders. Then, with lightning speed, both of them shouted, "I EXILE YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WOODS!"

"I exiled you first."

"No, you didn't. I exiled you first."

"No, I exiled you first."

"We could fight if you want. I know tae kwon do."

"So, Shorty? And I know Capoeira. Plus, I have long legs."

"DON'T CALL ME SHORTY!"

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Fight! Cool, just don't roll back into the river...