It took over 45 minutes to pry L and Near apart and by that time both had bloody noses and a tooth or two missing. Eventually it was decided that no one would be the leader and that anyone who had an idea could speak up at will. Even if that meant listening to Matsuda.
It was already morning and the group had elected to build shelter first then forage for food. Since their furbished deluxe tent was somewhere up stream being scavenged by squirrels, they set out to gather sticks and leaves for a lean-to.
"Oh God, is that a snake?! I hate snakes, let me hide behind you Near." Matt shouted as he stumbled toward Near, who was busy gathering branches for the lean-to. Apparently everything in the woods seemed to be a snake.
"Matt, I told you. That's a stick."Said Near as he tried to balance the branches he picked up with Matt around his neck. "You are strangling me. Let go and grab some sticks."
"O-okay. Sticks. I can gather sticks, no problem whatsoever-AHHH SNAKE!"
"IT'S A DAMN STICK!"
A few yards away L was climbing a giant oak to gain a vantage point on the forest. He thought that if they continued to follow the river north there may be a small town where they could call for Watari to pick them up. But that was only if he could climb the tree...
L was pondering over a situation he had never had before: squirrels. Lots of them. Blocking his way up the tree. Very hostile. With acorns. He had tried reason and got pelted by nuts. He had tried talking and got pelted by nuts. Now it was time for straight force and whether the squirrels liked it or not he was getting up that tree.
"Alright, you furry miscreants. I've tried negotiation and you refuse to budge. Now I will try hostile takeover." L proclaimed as he backed up to get a running start. He sprinted toward the tree and took a flying leap catching a low branch. Then he proceeded to climb like hell as the squirrels renewed their attack. That climb would have been a success if an acorn didn't lodge itself in his nose and made him lose his grip.
He fell ten feet to the ground with a loud tearing sound. His pants had just became shorts. Very, very, short shorts.
"How unfortunate."
Across the way from the savage squirrel tree Matsuda was busy gathering leaves and more branches for their slapstick lean-to. Whistling happily to himself he thought, Boy, am I lucky I was part of Boy Scouts. I know exactly how to make a lean-to and which leaves make the greatest cover for it. While gathering leaves he happened upon Light just coming out from behind a bush.
Waving ecstatically he called, "Nothing like doing your business in the fresh air of the woods, eh Light?"
Light shot a glare full of daggers his way. "Don't make me murder you in the most painful way possible. I'll make sure you feel every bit of it, including my foot so far up your ass that-"
"LIGHT! You didn't use those leaves to, you know, wipe? Did you?" Matsuda asked tensely, not daring to step over to the bush in question.
"So what if I did? I can't wipe my own ass?"
"I don't like your language. And also...that was poison ivy."
"P-p-p-poison ivy? You're serious?"
"As a heart attack."
"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!"
Just then Mello appeared on the other side of Matsuda with a hand full of leaves. "I gathered leaves for the lean-to, Pops. I used a few of them to wipe though so if there isn't enough get the rest yourself."
"I wouldn't want to get those. Or use them for the lean-to."
"And why the hell not?!"
"Because that's poison oak."
"SHIT."
Sighing heavily, Matsuda continued to gather the leaves and sticks himself while Light and Mello cursed and danced around. Along the way back to the clearing by the river he saw Matt practically on top of Nears shoulders screaming while Near yelled at him to get off. Coming back into the clearing he saw that L had on disturbingly short shorts.
"Um, L? What-"
"Don't. Ask. Let's just build the lean-to. It's getting drafty."
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
If L's short shorts don't get a comment, I don't know what will.