Just because they all got away from the wolves didn't mean that their luck changed. In fact, it got worse. Besides the river bed they lodged next to earlier, no one could find another spot to set up camp. Leaves and tree limbs were the only beds they could scrape together. Water came from tree dew, often times with bugs in it. Most of their food was treebark at the suggestion of Matsuda.
If someone from the outside were to come across them they wouldn't be recognizable as civilized beings. Near, Matt, and Mello looked like the NeverLand kids on crack: wide eyes, broken nails, dirty hair, and torn clothes. Matt could only squeak after being used as a wolf siren while Near and Mello refused to talk, Near out of melancholy and Mello out of spite. Along the way Mello had lost his shoes and took it upon himself to take Matt's.
The adults were worse. L's legs were a red and blotchy mess from various bug bites and he only made it worse by scratching them against his better judgement. His hair had grown at a gravity defying angle that made him look like a crackpot Dragonball character. Matsuda's hair was past his shoulders and his beard grew in curly. Despite the new muscles he had from running everywhere he had a severe case of sunburn that made him wince every step he took.
Light was in a group all his own. His hair had grown and clumped together in matted patches. Looking closely at it you could tell that it probably had small parasites roosting in it. The beard was wildly long and frizzy, a jacked rendition of Santa Claus. And he'd taken to walking with a stick so that he could hit anyone that got close to him. He grunted instead of using words, not bothering to insult L anymore.
After trekking a few more miles the group found a ring of bushes to explore. Matsuda called for the others to spread out and scout for any nuts or fruits. Moaning and complaining they did so, if only to keep from eating treebark. They scavenged for hours without so much as a single mushroom or berry to be seen. Matsuda was thoroughly determined to find fruits to eat, but L had given up and proclaimed that they hunt squirrels.
"You only want to hunt squirrels because you have a vendetta against them." Matsuda said as he whacked bushes aside with a giant stick.
"Squirrels are the epiphany of evil. I think they should be wiped from the Earth by the hundreds." L groused. His legs burned horribly and he was trying not to scratch...and failing. "Besides, I'm tired of eating treebark that has worms in it."
"How about we eat butterflies? The colors may mean that they taste good." Mello suggested.
"No, that means they're poisonous." Near told Mello as he dug into a large bush. "We're trying not to die, remember?"
"Ugg, wugg, nugg, ug." Light grumbled to no one in particular.
"See? He wants to kill squirrels. Let's do that." L said dodging Light's stick.
Sighing heavily Matsuda said, "Fine. Go hunt whatever you like and I'll scout ahead for more-where the hell is Matt?"
"Probably dead. We can eat him if we find the body."
"Mello, stop proposing cannibalism." Near said thwacking him upside the ear with a large stick. "Besides, we all voted while you were sleep and we're eating you if we're on the verge of death-"
Just then a voice rose over the horizon in bloodcurdling anger. Apparently Light was talking English again. And what he had to say brought everyone running.
"YOU BASTARD! YOU FOUND FOOD! AND DIDN'T LET ME KNOW!? I'LL MURDER YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKER. GIVE ME THOSE BERRIES RIGHT NOW!"
Pushing aside bushes, Matsuda stepped into the coven where Light was. And froze with his mouth open. Berries, they were everywhere. Giant, purple-yellow berries the size of his fist. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Matt down on his knees stuffing his face with them. Light had given up his tirade to possess his own bush and growled when Matsuda came near.
He desperately wanted to join in, but he hesitated. He's seen these berries somewhere. And they didn't sit well with him. That was until L, Near, and Mello rushed past him and claimed their own bushes. Matsuda's brain tried to battle against his stomach and lost miserably.
"These are the best things I've EVER eaten! This can only get better if-WOW! Is that a PS4? IT IS. Must. Play. NOW." Still eating, Matt grabbed a stick and began jabbing it into the ground repeatedly, making weird buzzing and bleeping noises with his mouth, laughing maniacally.
Across the way Matsuda was throwing rocks in various directions. "Go Pokeball! Capture the Lucario! For I am THE GREATEST POKEMON MASTER THAT EVER LIVED! Eat it Ash! NOW ENTEI, AWWAAAAY! To the factory!"
"Yes, Mr. Preshident. I would gladly luv to press the big red button...Annihilate all living beans? Why sure...I AM GOD. Bow so you may pledge allegiance to LIGHT THE MIGHTY. Huh, whattadoya mean I have to make candy?! BULLSHIT."
"I am the greatest sweet connoisseur that ever lived! I own the most gigantical chocolate factory IN THE WORLD! I've found the ultimate recipe for the NEVER ENDING CHOCOLATE BAR OF INFINITY." L muttered weaving around like a drunkard. "Who has doughnuts for me...?
"NU-UH. MY factory is the greatest in the world!" Mello protested, stuffing a berry in his mouth. "By the by YOUR CANDY TASTES LIKE SHIT."
"You take that back...or I'll blow up your factory with Matsui's Entei over there. HA, bet you don't have one of those."
"So, I have that guy over there. In the cake suit!"
He was referring to Near who was giggling crazily and running back and forth. "Hey guys! I found some new action figures! And they MOVE! SEE!" His action figures were actually large centipedes that crawled in his shirt, pants, and hair. "Aren't they cute?"
The ramblings grew more insane the more they ate the strange berries. Everybody started to wind down as the bushes grew bare. Slowly, the campers passed out in a haze of berry-hallucinations...the sound of the highway 20 feet below them.
Waiting patiently in the campground parking lot was Watari. He was here for L and the others, but they were about 3 days late. Content to wait as long as possible, Watari leaned against the car and began to read the paper.
"Oh, new species of berries found. Purple and yellow with the tendency to cause severe hallucinations. Well, they're not that dumb to eat those, are they?"
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~
Thank you all for the views and reviews and for possibly busting a gut laughing at it. This Fanfic is a prequel to Pranks & Sweets: The War of the Chocolate Factories, the crazy dreams of tge guys passed out in the woods. READ IT NOW. :D