The night passed in a jiffy, and having Natalie there, made the night interesting. We played Poker and as usual, Natalie won. It drove me nuts how she always managed to get 4 Aces. There had to be a way for sure.

The following day, mum and dad decided to rise early. Both wanted to decorate around and prepare things for the dinner they dreamt about.

Due to all the commotion downstairs, they managed to wake me up, which was in my advantage. I could take the daily run early.

I changed into my running clothes and tied my sneakers as tight as I could. Took out my iPod and earphones and prepared everything. I hurried downstairs hoping they won't notice that I'm on a hurry, but nothing passes beside them that they don't notice.

'Morning sweetheart.' Mum greeted as she heard me going downstairs.

'Morning mum…' I replied. 'What's happening?'

'John and his family are coming today.'

'I know… but why all this commotion?'

It's almost Christmas… isn't it?'

'Yeah… but…' I re thought. '… Nothing… um… I'm going for a quick run…'

'Ok Sera, don't be too long! You have to finish all your homework today.'

'Yeah.' I shouted from the door as I made my way out.

'Where is she going?' Dad asked mum as he brought the little decorations left.

'For her morning run…' She replied as she saw his face changing shades. '…it's fine Christian. She just went for a run and will soon be here.'

I placed the earphones deep in my ear and let the music blasting from my iPod to lose myself. I started running, and my mind drifted into deep thoughts. My parents were on the top list. They have been getting better, and I smiled at that thought. At least they were fixing up everything, and dad doesn't seem to be as if his head was cut off. They are doing things together, and mum doesn't have that pained look on her face whenever she looked at dad. We are becoming a family again… at least I hope so…

And what's with all dad's security? I mean all my friends don't have a security guard with them. Don't have their parent's tracking them down, and most of all don't run background checks on anyone they encounter. I guess it's his obsession in having everything and everyone in his place.

I continued running, and finally my legs took me to the park. I stopped and looked in front of me. There were kids running around, and parents following them, keeping their children from falling and hurting. There were others that were on the swings and some kid shouting 'Higher mum!' … That was so sweet! I wish I would still be that age… nothing to worry about… nothing to care for… only worry what I'm going to eat, when I'm going to sleep and if there would be Tom and Jerry on.

I remembered how all of us used to come here and play… have picnics… dad swinging me and giving me piggy backs… mum ready with a camera in her hand to take photos and videos of us… and then end up all laughing…

That is the time that I wanted to bring back… Were nothing mattered… except us three… now things changed… I grew up… and I guess I'm still stuck in those times. I'm afraid of growing up. I don't want to grow up!... I want to be that young girl that doesn't have to think about the future… just for once live…

I look at the watch on my wrist and realized that I had been out for almost 2 hours, and I still had to run it back… so I started my way back home.

Later, I decided to stay in my room, where I could have some quiet and time to work and concentrate. It was the most time I enjoyed, where I could think and study in quiet, with nothing distracting me or bothering me… however at about 3pm I had another duty to fulfil…

I took out my journal from underneath the drawer. During the time, I managed to know where to hide things. Having Gail fixing everything for us, I had to find a better hiding place. So what's better than having a fake base in one of the drawers… like that no one knew where to even search for it.

Dear Bert,

Wow! It's been a bit since I last wrote in here. I've only been using this as a food journal these days, and realised that I haven't even written anything… not even how I'm feeling… in all honesty, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel… I'm scared… exams are soon here… and I really do need to do well… Not only that… My parents seem to know something… dad is suspicious, and mum is getting too these days. Guess the visit to Flynn didn't help me much… and now they've invited him and his family to dinner… as if I'm stupid… yes we used to invite them before… but this was too sudden, after my mother suggested a session with him. At least he'll be with his wife and two kids… I can scarce myself from the adults and spend time with the boys. I think they grew up a bit… Derek, the oldest is 7 years old and Walter the youngest is 5 years old. Yeah… that's what I'll do… I'll say with the kids… they'll probably want to play…

Damn… I feel so light headed today… It's been getting more frequent these days, and many times I feel everything spinning, but I hold my ground… it means I'm getting there… slowly but I am. I need to be perfect… for both of my parents… they need to be proud in having me…

Let me write today's consumption:

Food

Calories

Breakfast

Water + Laxatives

Lunch

3 Lettuce leaves + 3 Grapes

4cals *3 + 2 calories *3

12+6=18 cals

Good… till now I managed to do it… I don't want to binge today… but the 'good doctor' will be here… so I do have to put up a scene… However… whatever it is I cannot exceed the 150 cals. Or else… I can resort to… purging… I know it's painful… but desperate needs count for desperate measures…

I hate what I'm becoming… but I can't stop… I wish to stop… but I know I can't… I just want to be happy again… young and live… but this voice inside my head tells me to go on… that it will help me out… maybe it's true… I should listen to it.

'Sera?' Mum calls before she enters my room, and I quickly hide my journal under Biological Sciences book.

'Yes mum?' I replied with a weak smile, while she came beside me holding me from my shoulders.

'Why don't you take a break sweetheart? You've been locked up in your room for hours now… '

'I have to study mum…'

'But you can spare few minutes honey…' She replies '…besides, you should rest a bit before tonight. It's going to be a bit of a late night. You know how talkative your father can be with Flynn, and once they start talking you won't stop them.'

'… and then they say that woman are too talkative…' I joke.

'Yeah…' Mum laughed. '… don't tell dad I agreed on this.'

'No worries mum…' I replied, while she made her way to the door.

'Don't take long… it's already 4pm and you have 2 hours to get rest and get ready.' Mum told me.

'What should I wear?'

'A dress would be ok.' Mum replied back as she entered again dropping a kiss on my forehead and leaving the room again.

I took my journal back out, after I heard mum's footsteps down the stairs.

Phewwww! That was close… Mum almost caught me writing in my journal. I better go get ready before someone else comes in here.

I'll try writing later tonight Bert… Wish me luck…

Love,

Sera…