SiCela EstNoël
AnniKay

Sam/Mercedes/Puck

Disclaimer: I own Nothing…Murphy, Falchuk, and Brennen along with Fox and others own this fandom and all the characters there in…Anything you recognize obviously belongs to them

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Summary: Winter Break for the College Sophomores of the Learning French Series.
A time to reconnect with family and friends.

What Christmas Means to Me

Quinn PoV

By the end of my first semester of my sophomore year of college, I was rocking a solid three point seven five GPA which was high enough to set me in the top fifteen percent of my class. James was just two hundredths of a point above me with Brad, Max, Taylor and Topanga even higher than him. Kat, Drew and Victor were a hair behind me, but still in the all-important top fifteen. My peer group had expanded to include quite a few girls from the rape crisis group. The ones who'd applauded my strength and the closure that I'd found that had allowed me to move on with a healthy relationship had reached out to me and we'd built a nice rapport. Things were great with James. Our relationship was going so well that I almost wondered what would happen to ruin things. I was very happy and to be bluntly honest, I was not used to that feeling lasting very long. But going into our winter holiday, we were solid. Topanga and Corey were still going ridiculously strong. Kat and Drew had taken to running together and forcing the rest of us along. He'd asked her help in getting into shape. Apparently, he'd had a really bad physical over the summer and he was told that if he didn't get more actually active rather than just being video game active, his heart would give out early if his pancreas didn't kick the bucket first. He'd gone to Kat, because he was sure that she would be less strident and restrictive than James or Max would have been. Probably he would have been right if Kat didn't decide we should all take up jogging for health and stress relief.

I found that I had missed exercising as a part of a group. The structure of it helped me to fully establish a schedule and a routine. I also realized that for me it was a great stress reliever, almost as good as making love with James. I'd heard talk around campus about our clique. Among the underclassmen, we were considered to be the 'crew most likely to succeed'. I could understand it. As a group, we were fairly driven. We'd actually mapped out the general education requirements before we'd had our very first advisory meetings freshman year, before we'd even bonded as one big group, we had mapped out how to get all the requirements out of the way as soon as possible. Technically the gen ed reqs were designed to be spread out over the entire course of our matriculation. But that didn't work for the way we all wanted to handle our education, so we'd checked the rules and saw that there was nothing saying we couldn't get them out the way early and be done with them. So we'd carefully gone through the course catalogue and devised our own system. It had worked when I returned to campus after the break, I'd only have classes for my major or minor…or for fun. That held true for the rest of us as well. Well, not for Max. He took a ridiculously full course load of six classes every semester plus an entire metric shit ton of classes over the summer at a college near his home that Yale would actually accept the transfer of credits from. Then again, he had the most complex and difficult major set among all of us so it was perfectly understandable that he would have to do the most extra work. Max was also done with the bulk of his core requirements. But since many of the classes for his major were only offered every two or three semesters, he'd taken any of his major courses he had the pre-reqs for whenever he could.

The semester flew by and almost before I could blink, I was heading back to Lima for Christmas. James and I paid the fee to leave our cars in student parking and flew to Cleveland. Ms. Kay rode with us when James took me home to Lima. She wanted to be able to deliver Beth's Hanukkah and Christmas gifts to her in person. Mr. Harvey was hosting Christmas for their entire clan at his home in Chicago, so we wouldn't see each other until the twenty-seventh. He and I did have a long text session just the Sunday before Christmas. "Wanna party like rock stars with KAMA on New Year's Eve?" was the text I'd received not long after I'd gotten a picture of Kev and Patrice and Dev and Tonya in front of a caravan of cars with the caption 'Driving into the next sunrise'.

James texted me immediately to ask if I was going. I replied that of course I was going. I knew my soul sister and the stepmother of my child. If she had to go and we weren't all at school…we were all going to be going. We all knew that. It was so cute that James still believed that he actually had a choice. When I sent him a text stating as much, he sent me a wild eyed emoticon. Then he sent me a picture of his laughing face. I texted him back wondering at the laughter. His response was 'just pictured the hell Mercedes would rain down on me if I did try to say no'. I sent him a proud smile and told him that he was finally understanding the way the crew rolled.

Unfortunately, I wouldn't have very much to smile about for the rest of that afternoon. Frannie had managed to convince me to give Mother a chance to explain her reasons for all that happened. Apparently the chaplain at the prison felt that Mother had reached a point where she understood that she was entirely wrong and was desperately seeking forgiveness. Chaplain Rudolph had even made the reservation for us since that was the only way to be able to visit. We'd gotten there an hour before our reservation time. I think Frannie was assuming that it would take forever to get through the security checkpoint. But we locked our purses and phones and coats in her trunk so it wasn't as if they had a whole lot to search. So we got to sit and wait.

To kill some time, I told her about the New Year's Eve party Mercedes to which was taking all of us. She told me that she was going to a party at the Drake Hotel in Chicago with a bunch of friends from Ann Arbor. As she was talking she got a wicked grin on her face. "Wait right here." She giggled. My sister went over to the guard and asked very politely if she could run out to the car. She assured the uniformed woman that she would go through all the security checkpoints again without a word of complaint. Frannie was gone for maybe fifteen minutes. When she got back her smile was even bigger. "When we leave here…we're going to go shopping and get some great outfits for New Year's Eve. All thanks to Daddy." She said happily. "I talked to Mr. Patterson and told him about our plans and he called Russell and by the time we leave here, there should be another five thousand available on each of our cards for us to get all decked out as befitting a Fabray heiress."

"So…after this Saks?" I asked a little too brightly.

"After this…Saks." She agreed.

We talked for a while about what all we were going to get and if Frannie's friend Marshall, was just a friend or possibly more. Of course, that line of conversation led to Frannie interrogating me as to how serious James and I were and if I saw him as being my forever man or not. Eventually she got me to confess that I was in love with James, but honestly I was scared as hell of a forever kind of love. Not because he wasn't worthy or capable…but because I was pretty sure that I wasn't. We started talking about the fact that I'd had only the court ordered six months of counseling and I would probably benefit from seeing someone and talking through those issues. Before we knew it, the guard was calling us up for our visitation. The room we were shown to wasn't very big. It was set up kind of like an elementary school cafeteria, just with no kitchens or milk stations…and ya know with armed guards. Mother was already seated at a table. We were shown to two seats across from her. We weren't allowed to touch her but I wasn't there yet anyway.

I looked her over and it was interesting to see how she had been fairing without botox and access to spas and salons. Her nails were ragged and lackluster. I soon realized why. She bit them. A habit I'd been ridiculed and harangued about incessantly until I finally broke myself out of it shortly before my seventh birthday. Her once perfectly golden blond hair was a boring sandy to dirt blonde color and shot through with more gray than I'd ever realized she possessed. Her skin was showing her age in unfilled fine lines and even wrinkles. It was dry and her lips were chapped and showed signs that she'd previously used collagen or something…because they were even thinner and more drawn than I'd even seen them…even when she was angry. She'd also gained weight…at least twenty maybe even thirty pounds. "Mother." I said in greeting.

"Lucy, you look very lovely. That sweater makes your skin glow. But really, Darling…denim?" she asked looking over my teal, boat neck cashmere sweater, slim cut jeans and the brown walking boots I'd donned earlier that day.

"Well, Mother, I actually had a hard time deciding on what the done thing was when visiting the Ohio Reformatory for Women…so I went with modern fashion choices rather than something more classically cut." I said icily. I should never have come. "I will note, if I ever have to visit another person in prison that having to suffer the indignities of searches just doesn't hold a candle to presenting one's self in a traditionally WASPish way."

Frannie sighed. "Mother…we came because your Chaplain called and said that you had changed and wanted our forgiveness. Criticizing QUINN when she looks great and she really didn't have to come…is not a great way to start."

Judith started as if slapped. She was definitely not used to Frannie standing up for me let alone speaking to her in that cold tone of voice. She tried to look contrite. For a moment I couldn't help but wonder if her facial expressions had always looked so contrived, or if her muscles had gotten so used to trying to force movement against botox induced paralysis that now they just didn't know how to work with free movement. "You're right. That was definitely not the correct way to begin to ask for your forgiveness. Thank you for coming to see me. Since I've been here, I've been attending services regularly and there are counseling sessions and I now understand that I never should have put my creature comforts above my duties as a mother. I should have protected you and your innocence more carefully. I should have found a better way to encourage you to live a healthier lifestyle. I should have helped you learn to love yourself more and love the opinions of others less. It was wrong of me to treat you as if you were less than Frannie just because you looked so different from her and I."

I could only nod. I looked at her and I could only nod in agreement with all the things she should have done differently. "You know…there was a time in my life when hearing you say all of that would have made a world of difference. But now, I don't care that you listed all the done me wrongs…I just want to know why? Why did you make me feel like I was worthless? Did it make you feel better, more, special?"

"No." she stopped me. "I felt as if I was failing you. I felt that it was my fault that you were fat and had such a wide, misshapen nose. The other mothers at the club would always make me feel so pathetic and horrible. I couldn't give my husband the son he needed. Never mind that Russell was perfectly happy with you two and was enjoying the thought of raising his two daughters to break balls and take names. You have no idea how often I had to fight him to get him to allow me to teach you the things young ladies truly need to know."

Frannie and I looked at each other. "I kind of think I would have liked to know how to break balls and take names." She told our mother incredulously. "I have no intention of being a stay at home wife and mother. There is nothing wrong with women who chose to be…but I've never wanted that. I'd lose my mind with boredom."

"What boredom? There are luncheons and fundraisers to plan and it is very hard work to make sure that you have the right post on the right committees. You have no idea how hard it was to claw my way to the top of the women's association at the country club. Had we stayed at Shawnee, the title would have been mine by right. Your grandmother was the lady of the glen for years, but your grandfather just had to change over to Lost Creek when Shawnee opened its membership to people of color. As if that matters in the grand scheme of things. As long as they are wealthy enough to associate with or come from the right families, gays and people of color always make parties so much more fun."

I rolled my eyes. Yeah Kurt, Blaine and Mercedes all want to be accepted because they make parties better. Still she continued blathering about how hard I had somehow made her life by not being born the perfect Barbie doll I'd eventually forced myself to become. For the next hour and a half I listened as I realized that the answer to 'why my mother had hated her youngest daughter' became more apparent than it ever had been to me before. Because the truth was that she only loved herself. She could kind of love Frannie because she was Mother's Mini-Me. there was just nothing left for a chubby, awkward, imperfect me. Finally, I looked at Frannie and saw in her eyes the same realization I'd just come to. "Mother," she interjected. "You don't want our forgiveness. You want your house back."

"Of course not, Frannie. I want us to have a better relationship. I want you to forgive me and we can be a family for real when I get released at the end of March." Judith said with what I believe was supposed to be a warmly apologetic smile.

"Really…because you've talked for two and a half hours without ever saying that you're sorry or expressing any kind of reasonable remorse or demonstrable accountability for your actions." Frannie told her with brutal honesty.

I nodded in agreement again, that time with my sister. "Yes, and neither one of us is Dumbledore…we know better than to believe someone is redeemed if they don't regret their actions in the first place." I said calmly. Realizing the metaphor, I'd just utilized I sighed to myself. "Maybe I've spent a little too much time with Mercedes, but the point is still valid. You are trying to make us reconsider the fact that we have a restraining order in place that makes sure that you cannot step foot into the house you consider yours…even though it belongs to us. Well sorry, no go. I understand that Daddy has continued to pay your alimony the entire time you've been in here. That should give you a nice little cushion to find somewhere to live and until you can get a job."

"A job?" she asked as if I was telling her to scrape out a septic tank with her bare hands. "I can't get a job. What on earth would make you say such a thing?"

"Mother, you do have a college degree, Granted it's in contemporary English literature. But I'm sure that you are at least qualified to be a barista at a Starbucks." Frannie's voice contained more sarcasm than I thought possible. She really hated Mother's antiquated and basically trophy wife way of thinking.

"Yes, but I'm an ex-convict." She said with a sigh. "Quinn, I've seen the young man you were dating before your senior year. As a black male, I'm sure that he can tell you the impossibility of finding a job when one has a record."

"Wow…really…that's where you want to go?" I was shocked and appalled and just pissed the fuck off on James' behalf. "A…James doesn't have a record. His father received a damn Purple Heart for sacrificing his life for this country. His mother works to support veterans and their families. His great-uncle is a comedian, talk show host, author and radio personality. Did you think that just because he is black he comes from a long line of criminals or something? You know the Joneses…none of them have ever been to jail either. News flash, Mother, the reason there are so many black people in jail is because they are more likely to be arrested for crimes even though they don't commit any worse crimes than their white counterparts. They are usually given harsher sentences for the same crimes. They are disproportionately tried as adults for the same crimes and most of the time they can and often are only convicted because they are too poor to buy their justice the way a lot of white people do."

"Lucille…You can't call them black people like that. You should call them African Americans." Judith chided. I rolled my eyes. Of course, she missed the point entirely and just latched on to the easy 'solution'.

I shook my head. "Mother, don't tell me what to call people that I know a hell of a lot better than you." I shot back. "Look, I'm done here. Russell has expressed more remorse than you have. I only came today because Frannie pointed out that we owed it to ourselves to find out if you've really changed. If you really were sorry for you neglect and disdain and the fact that you were kind of a crappy parent and pimped me out just to keep yourself in botox and gel nails. If you regretted forcing a wedge between the two of us just to punish me for not being your perfect little clone. So when you get out, contact Attorney Patterson at the Patterson and Estes Law Firm and he will let you know where you can find your clothes and furniture from the house. Now, if you don't mind, I think we're going to go. We both have New Year's Eve parties to get kitted out for."

"Yup, Saks is calling our names Mother." Frannie said quietly. "I wanted to believe that you were sorry. That you were different. But Lucy is right. You haven't changed and you don't want to. Daddy is working extra just to have enough money to try and buy our forgiveness. You can't even say you're sorry. I used to look up to you…but you aren't worth looking up to. You're pretty damn pathetic."

We walked out of that visiting room with our heads held high. There would be people who wouldn't understand. There would be people who couldn't understand. I hoped most people would have no frame of reference for having to excise a family member like one would remove a cancerous tumor. Frannie and I left there and I gave her the option to go shopping another time. I knew that she'd always been close to our mother, the day had to have been so much harder for her than it had been for me. But my big sister insisted that we should go and engage in some retail therapy. Somehow she managed to convince me to let her pick out my dress or whatever. Of course, I demanded equal treatment…so I would pick out hers. We stopped first for a late lunch, checking to make sure that the money was available while we ate. Once we confirmed that not only was the requested amount there and available, but Russell had given half again what Frannie had asked him for, we hit Saks hard. We shopped for almost an hour, making each other try on dresses we knew we'd never wear. It was all kinds of hilarious. Then we finally got serious.

It didn't take a whole lot of time, once we got serious to find each of us a perfect dress. I let Frannie talk me outside my comfort zone a little, though she let me get the Herve Leger, cold shoulder, bandage, mini dress in a great shade of bright blue that always made me feel beautiful and confident, no matter what Lauren thought of my love of the color. Actually considering how strong and bold the cobalt blue dress actually was, Zizes probably wouldn't object to it. I found Frannie a cool, silver and teal, lace popover dress that would hit her just an inch or so further down her sleek thighs than my own mini-dress did. With the biggest question answered, we went to find the fully necessary, even though maybe we already had some that would go with the dresses well enough at home, new shoes. After very little discussion, we decided that since we'd excised Mother from our lives, we could also drop her 'classic designers are the best and only new money gauche buffoons wore Louboutins or Jimmy Choos' ideals…apparently trophy wives of a certain age only wore Blahniks and Gucci…I'd wanted a pair of Louboutin stilettos since before Babygate. I got them that day. A pair of sparkly, silver, red bottomed heeled pumps that made me feel like the queen of the universe. Then we found Frannie a pair of silver, Choo, T-strap sandals that would totally necessitate a trip to the spa before she went to her party.

We hit Victoria's Secret next. Frannie's dress would support any and all lingerie, so it took us no time to find her a pretty pastel aqua set that would look good if she decided to show them off. With the deep neckline of my dress and the fact that the shoulders were slightly thicker than spaghetti straps, I'd have to be very careful I literally had to try on each bra with the dress. Ultimately I found a bra that worked beautifully. It was almost the exact same color as the dress, it's straps were thin but not so thin they would be annoying and it gave me an extra two cups of size thanks to the padded lining. Given how tight the dress was, I had to get the briefest, smoothest thong they had in the right color. Then we headed to Andrews Jewelers. Andrews was typically mall jewelry store…usually only located in higher end malls and shopping plazas. It also had the distinction of being part of both mine and Frannie's stock portfolio. We shopped there whenever we could simply because we felt like buying things there was really a good long term investment in our own future.

I'd spent roughly twenty-one hundred dollars at Saks on my dress, shoes and clutch. Another two hundred dollars at Victoria Secrets on lingerie and makeup…then I blew almost a full six thousand on several pieces of blue topaz and aquamarine jewelry that would look amazing on New Year's Eve and also work well with several different wardrobe pieces that I already owned. I thanked goodness that I'd gotten all my Christmas gifts early and was playing with unexpected money for the most part. I'd been saving up for my part of the down payment we'd need for the house James, our roommates and I would begin looking for after the holiday, so I hadn't been shopping in quite some time. That may have been why I went a little overboard. Then again, it also could have simply been that I was having one of the best times I could ever remember having with my big sister. As we were finally heading back to Lima, I raised a subject we'd both been avoiding. "You know…we gave Judith a chance to explain herself and she hasn't expressed one iota of remorse. Maybe it's time that we sit down with Russell and give him the same opportunity."

We talked about it the whole why home. Deciding how the meeting would look, where we'd have it? He couldn't come to the house, but there was no way any of us wanted to have that conversation in public. I wanted to go ahead and get it out of the way so that we could enjoy the rest of our holiday either as situational orphans, or ready to work on a reconciliation with our father. Frannie wanted to wait until after the holiday and give ourselves the pleasant memories before ripping the scab off the wound. "Come on Frannie…you're training to be a shrink…avoidance is never a good thing. I say we email Russell and ask him to get us a private room at the country club. We can have lunch or dinner in solitude and talk this shit out. Because you know what as bad as it hurt me what he did to me…he still hasn't come close to fucking up my mind as much as Judith did." I said honestly.

I didn't know how to explain it outside my own head. The only person other than Russell and I who knew everything…only person I'd told all that I knew about what had gone on was James. I'd shared all that I was with him, every secret that I possessed and he still looked at me with love and trust and an inherent belief that I was a fundamentally good person. He was the one who had gotten me to agree to go with Frannie to give Judith the chance to explain herself. He'd reminded me that knowing was better than questioning. I wanted to know why. I now knew why Judith hadn't loved me. She wasn't capable. But she had never loved me. She paid lip service to loving me, but it had been a long time since I'd been able to believe that lie. I'd always been so sure that Da-Russell did love me and cared for me. I had to know how he could do what he did. It was time for the weeping, festering, gaping hole in me to be healed. For that to happen, I'd need to expose it to light and truth.

Russell was…he was quick. We met him for a late lunch the very next day after church. His greeting was a lot warmer than Mother's though he was very careful not to touch us or compliment us on our appearances. As soon as we were shown into the small private dining room at the club, I could tell he had been there for a little while. He was pacing, though I didn't see his usual scotch. I found that surprising. "Girls…thank you…thank you for giving me a chance. I…I cannot even begin to find the words to tell you…how just damn sorry I am. I don't know when I started to lose my mind, but I must have been crazy to hurt you the way I did, Quinnie. I know that what I did to you was worse than any physical harm I could have caused. I've been seeing a therapist since I was arrested. He feels that being born into such a privileged background and then attaining more wealth and success on my own at a comparatively early age…gave me something of a God complex. I started to believe that I was above things like rules or consequences. Then as I started to do more and more things that went against the rules and the laws and just simple morality and I didn't get into any trouble for it…that just proved to me that I could do whatever I wanted to do without reprisals. I got deeper and deeper into the most depraved things I could find. It became…I don't know, a sick compulsion. Even ruining your world wasn't the sickest thing I did. Maybe that was only true because you were already pregnant…but never the less. By that point I'd begun doing coke again…I hadn't touched it since college. Quinnie...I don't know who it was that chose to avenge my sins against you by having me arrested…but they saved me. They saved my life. David…left me to detox in jail. It was hell, but it showed me what I'd become, what I had done to myself. Then when he finally got me out, he explained exactly the hell I'd put you through and how he wasn't going to let me put you through anything else. I took the plea which David made sure included intensive counseling…I think if he could have, he'd have seen me committed."

Frannie and I looked on in shock. I wasn't sure what we'd been expecting to hear that day…but Russ-Daddy opening his chest and pouring his heart out hadn't been it at all. "I'm going to be honest with you. When I realized how messed up I'd gotten, how I'd willfully gone against my place as a father. I got quite depressed. I'm on medications now…but my first six weeks at Marion, I was on twenty-four hour self-harm watch. I'm sure that the guards and inmates all thought it was because I couldn't deal with loosing face or my reputation or whatever. I made a few attempts, but my therapist had a theory as to why I wasn't successful. He thought that was that I was considering suicide only because I thought that, somehow, that may have made things easier on you, Quinnie. I thought that it could show you that I was sorry. I wasn't successful because I wanted to make things better but while I hated my actions, I was in no way ready to lose my life. He also thought that I held back from actually doing myself in because I feared that you'd just assume the same thing as the people at the prison. So I did my best to figure out what I could do to make you know that I truly regretted my actions. That I would never, ever, ever look at you or touch you or even think of you inappropriately again."

"But Frannie…" I challenged. He'd scared her too. Hadn't he?

Russell nodded. "I have to say Francine wasn't as much of a temptation for me as you were. I don't know why. I don't understand it. You are both very beautiful, very similar girls. But Quinnie, you've always had such a fire inside you. I'm not sure that Frannie would have survived her youth if Judith had treated her the way she's treated you, Quinn. There were a few times that I looked at you longer and wrong, Frannie…but I never became so wrong…so disgusting with her." He stated quietly. "I think part of that was that Frannie always reminded me so much of Judith. By the time Quinn was ten, I hated your mother in a way that is simply unhealthy. Quinnie…she was always mine. You always were the one of my two daughters that reminded me the most of myself."

"Okay…two things. Why did you hate Mother so much and then why did you stay with her if you hated her so much?" Frannie asked him distractedly. She was thinking on something hard…a lot harder than me. But then again, psychology was her area of expertise. Probably Da-Russell was something of an interesting case study for her right now.

Russell shrugged. "The answer to both questions is the same. The way she treated you two girls so differently. I may have seen more of myself in Lucy, in Quinn…but I never treated you two differently when you were little other than taking up for Quinn when your mother got too ridiculous. I hated her for her favoritism. But if I had divorced her, she would have had custody of the two of you and there would have been no one to let Quinn know that she was important too." He took a long drink of the water from his place setting.

"So…why…what made you change? What made you capable of what you did to me?" I asked him searching his face as if that could give me the answer. Maybe it did. He looked as if he really and truly hated himself. I liked that. I hated it too.

"When you started morphing into Judith, I didn't say anything. I did whatever I could to make you happy. To give you two the kind of mother daughter relationship you'd been wishing and hoping for since you were a toddler. I started drinking more heavily. Then I got back into doing cocaine recreationally. By the time you got pregnant, I was doing blow daily. I was drinking even more heavily and even doing speedballs. I was so full of myself and so sure that I was the most important being in the universe. It's not an excuse…there is no excuse for what I did. But I hope and pray that if I hadn't been coked out more often than not, if I had been in my right mind, I never would have even thought of looking at either of you like I did, let alone doing what I did to Quinnie. I've been off everything since my arrest. I haven't had a drink or looked at anything heavier in two years."

Frannie and I exchanged long looks. This was what had been missing in Mother's 'apology' remorse and actual change. "We…I'm, I can't speak for Quinn, but I'm willing to start trying to rebuild a relationship with you."

I took a dreap breath and a drink of water of my own. "I can't…I won't allow you contact with Beth. You will still go through the lawyers to give her birthday and Christmas gifts as you have been. But you and I can start communicating without going through Mr. Patterson."

"It's more than I deserve." Daddy said with a happy smile on his face. "Now, I've been dying to know how you're enjoying Yale. How are things going in your life? I can see on the entertainment news shows that you are still close with the little Jones girl and the Puckerman boy. Who else are you still talking to from high school? Frannie…how are things going at Ann Arbor? You should be almost finished with your masters, are you planning on staying there for your doctorate? Are either of you seeing anyone? Tell me all about them?"

So we talked. Over the next three hours, we told Daddy all the things that he'd missed. Frannie talked about the fact that she was actually getting ready to start applying to doctoral programs. "Stanford, Yale and Columbia are my top three picks. Yale and Columbia to be closer to Quinn. Stanford because it is the best." She told us with a big smile. "Once I have my PhD, it will be on to either Harvard or Johns Hopkins or Perelman at the University of Pennsylvania for my Psych MD."

"If you get into Yale, you can join me and James and our roommates. We're planning on buying a place off campus and renting it out to other people after we graduate. That can give you a stream of revenue during your residency." I smiled at the thought of living with Frannie again as actual sisters rather than just two people who sort of shared the same parents. Daddy asked a ton of questions about our plans and the steps we'd already taken to finding a house to buy. I answered them all and told him about how much James and I had both lucked out in the roommate lottery. I told him about meeting that dick McIntosh and the ensuing harassment and how Victor had helped to finally end the drama.

Then I listened as Frannie bemoaned the fact that she just hadn't found any guy worth dating more than a few times. She told Daddy that she was totally jealous of the people I'd built relationships with, most especially James. Not that she wanted my boyfriend…just a guy of her own who was just as good. Then we all chuckled as she said she definitely needed to stop dating trust fund babies. She talked about the friends she'd made at college, because she hadn't really been close to the people she hung out with in high school. She was really only close with a few of her sorority sisters. Then it was my turn. I told him about the last two and half to three years of my life. I talked to him about the Joneses and how much they loved me and treated me as another daughter. How Mama Dani still called me at least three times a week just to check in. I'd told him how I hated having to miss Devon and Kevon's graduation to go and let Mother mess with our heads once again. But everyone had been adamant that I go. We'd all thought that it was going to be something different…something that would give me and Frannie our mother back.

I told him all about James and how long we'd been seeing each other and how much I loved him and how he got along with all my friends. I told him about the close friendship we'd built with our eight roommates and heck, I even told him about how I'd agonized over what to get James for Christmas. I was still very scared of committing to him on a forever basis…but at the same time I dreamed of doing so. Ultimately, I'd gotten him a Nixon black faced, black leather banded watch. It was a gorgeous and slightly expensive watch. It spoke of me wanting more time with him and it, hopefully, told him that the next step was a more permanent piece of jewelry. Maybe in the fall for our anniversary. If the therapy that Frannie insisted I needed, helped me get over my issues.

Daddy shook his head. "I should have gotten you into counseling when you were younger. Part of the reason you feel you don't deserve his love, part of the reason you fear commitment…they have nothing to do with you being a survivor of rape…and everything to do with you being a survivor of your childhood with your mother. She undercut your belief in yourself at every stage of the game. What I did certainly didn't help…but you should have had the confidence to be able to go to your mother for help. You should have known that she loved you and would do what was best for you. You couldn't and didn't. I'm sorry for that."

I shrugged. "You have enough things to be sorry that were your own actions. You've been apologizing for Judith for my whole life. If I learned anything at all in the therapy I have done, it is that you can't control anyone else's actions. You can only control how you react to them. I am done reacting to Mother's inability to love anyone other than herself. Even the love we always thought she had for Frannie, was only because in her mind Frannie was a perfect reflection of Judith. So…Daddy…other than detoxing and sobriety, what's going on in your life?" I asked closing the subject of Judith for once and for all.

Daddy quickly took up the conversation mantle to tell us of a new commercial property project he was working on in Putnam county and one that he'd completed and recently sold off at an almost two hundred percent profit in Van Wert. He told us that he was only recently starting to try and date. He'd needed to get to a much better place psychologically than he'd been before he could start trying to date. He had purchased a nice, four-bedroom house in Sidney and sold his condo in West Dayton. He was having it decorated and would live there rather than staying here and there. He told us about how he had headed back to Mass and had sat through confession and completed the penance the priest had set forth for him. Which included volunteering with the Dayton area RAINN sexual assault hotline. "That was the hardest part. We could talk to these people but we couldn't call and get them help. I only handled calls from male callers, because most of the women weren't comfortable with male voices. God, Girls, there were so many more men callers than I would ever have believed. One kid couldn't have been older than your friend Puck had to have been when that teacher raped him. And all I could do was talk to him and try and help him understand that he wasn't at fault. It is never the fault of the person that is victimized. It is always the fault of the rapist…always."

I didn't understand why, but in that moment, hearing him state that it had been his fault as bluntly as he stated it…it loosened something inside me. As I felt a final death of something that had been holding me down, I felt tears on my cheeks. It hadn't been my fault at all. It had been Daddy's fault and he really was sorry. He really regretted his actions. He really did want us to have forgive us him with the admittance that it was all his fault. I felt relieved. I finally allowed myself to hear, understand and believe what everyone had been telling me all along, that it wasn't my fault. I hadn't done anything wrong. Even him saying so earlier that same day hadn't done freed it. But I was finally free of that last thoughts that I'd done something to cause him to become so wrong and twisted. Frannie enveloped me in a hug. Daddy, in difference to our horrible past, just held my hands. He understood though. "It wasn't your fault, Lucy. I'm so sorry for doing this to you. I'm sorry that I was such a rat bastard, but Quinn…it was never your fault." He repeated over and over and over again. I probably would never fully trust him again. But that was okay, he would never fully trust himself again either. But finally, the real healing could begin.

We ended up having dinner rather than lunch, but it gave us time to figure out what our relationship could be. Frannie and I went home and Shelby, David, Frannie and I talked through the two very different meetings the two of us had had with our parents. The next day, the gifts Daddy had sent to us through Attorney Patterson had arrived. We joked about whether the size of them meant he'd purchased them when he was still trying to move us towards forgiveness, or in happiness at having been forgiven as we put them under the Christmas tree. We spent Christmas Eve in Columbus with David's family. His mother loved the fact that Shelby allowed Noah and I and our significant others to be very much present in Beth's life. The rest of his family treated us as if we were David's other, adult aged, step daughters. The Hispanic family was loud and crazy but filled with the purest familial love I'd ever seen outside the Jones Family Gatherings. It was great. Mrs. Martinez…she gave me a beautiful, hand knitted afghan of the softest yarn I'd ever felt. It was a great design of blues and grays and it had my initials monogrammed in a bold, strong navy. I absolutely loved it. Frannie's was just as gorgeous and soft though the colors were greens and creams. I'd gotten a list of names and ages from David after thanksgiving and Frannie and I had split it. We were able to get everyone a nice Christmas gift and each card said it was from Frannie and Quinn. Well, except for the ones to very small children, those said they were from Santa. It was one of the best Christmas Eve's I'd ever experienced and the food was amazing. We woke in our beds on Christmas morning and we all went downstairs and opened our gifts around seven.

Everyone got some great gifts, but Beth had the best ones. Of course, that was exactly as it should have been. I was surprised that Daddy had overnighted both Frannie and I coats from the family fur vault. Frannie got Grandmother's floor length white ermine coat and I received her calf length sable. He did include notes that we'd meet up after New Year's so that they could be cleaned and returned…but he felt that we were old enough to wear them to our New Year's Eve parties. We may have jumped and giggled like we were ten…but we could remember watching Mother get ready to go to the Christmas Gala or the New Year's Eve Gala at the club and she'd always wear one of the furs. Never one to leave anyone out, he sent Beth a faux snow leopard fur parka and matching leg warmers and he'd even gotten Shelby a pretty, hip length, faux fur, hooded jacket. That was on top of the Little Squirt Playhouse with Sandbox, he had gotten the two of them for their original Christmas gifts. David laughingly said that Daddy had gotten him a boat load of work for the holiday.

The next day, Shelby, David and I took Beth over to Mercedes, Puck and Sam's house…and it was the single biggest house I'd ever seen in real life. And that was saying something since I'd thought the biggest house ever was the house my father had grown up in. But MeDe's house was a whole floor bigger. Nikki showed me and Shelby her and Beth's room and quietly explained that Beth had a bed and some drawer space in both of Nikki's rooms in New York too. The way she said it was really very sweet. Once Nikki was satisfied that we were happy with Beth, and her, space, we headed back into the living room to watch Beth open her gifts from that side of her very multifaceted family. She got some awesome gifts from everyone, tons of clothes and shoes and toys and…it was great to see how well loved she was. I'd already gotten my gift from Puck, MeDe and Sam…I was spending my spring break with my friends at South by Southwest, having a blast and enjoying the music and the company. On top of that I was having what was pretty much an all-expenses paid trip to New York for New Year's Eve. Shelby and David freaked out for real when they opened their Christmas-slash-Hanukkah-slash-wedding gift of an all expenses paid trip to the Mango Bay resort and spa in Barbados. It was a great gift and they were going to really enjoy their spring break. I was really happy for them. And happy for MeDe, Puck and Sam…they would get to have both their girls together with them for a whole week.

When I saw our daughter and her sister next, they were dressed identically and both smiling and happy. It couldn't help but smile. Thankfully the time without her and without James moved by faster than I would have thought possible. On Tuesday, Frannie left before me, she was driving to Chicago, stopping by her place in Ann Arbor to unload her car and pack for the two days she would spend in the windy city. All the New Directions that were still in Lima flew to New York all together. It was a really boss trip. The flight wasn't very long and I was so happy to see James when I got to the baggage claim. "Peaches." He shouted happily as soon as he saw me.

I threw myself into his arms. "James." I breathed. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too." He answered. "Uncle Steve and Cousin Tommy say I'm not allowed to come to any more family events without you because I was so mopey. They said that they didn't even want to make fun of me…I was just too pathetic."

"I didn't have enough time to be mopey. Every time I turned around, I was experiencing some new emotional upheaval." I groaned.

"Yeah, and you've earned a spanking. I cannot believe that you went and saw no good, prick of a son of a bitch without me." he kissed me deeply, letting me know that despite all my assurances, he had been very worried about me.

"Papa Bent said pretty much the exact same thing when I told him about it. But if either of you had been there, you'd be in jail right now."

"Okay…maybe that might be true. But I think he deserves it." James challenged me with the truth.

We tabled the discussion as we had to grab out luggage and get to the car service that Hudson had arranged to get us from the airport to the brownstone. Even having lost the guest room in Commune and Klaine's side, there were still enough pull out couches and everything else for all of us. Thankfully since James and I hadn't been able to see each other for two weeks, everyone agreed that we should have a guestroom to ourselves. The first thing we did after making love, twice, was to exchange our Christmas gifts. James loved the watch I got him. And words couldn't express how much I loved the Daisy Key pendant necklace he'd gotten me from Tiffany's. We made love again before finally joining the crew in the family room on Commune and Klaine's side of the house. Wednesday was spa day…which was always a ton of fun. There was a tiny bit of shopping, before we headed back to the brownstone to get dressed. I was a little bit leery of the fact that Darcy and I were wearing the same color and style of dress, though they were two very different shades. But that and the way she filled hers out made them look pretty much entirely different. Plus, her jewelry was sapphires, really gorgeous sapphires, which made her dress look bolder and my aquamarines and blue topazes gave my blue a slightly more teal glow. My hair was only shoulder length, so I had the stylist at the spa turn it into a short wavy mass that looked fun and flirty. We all rode together. James and I were one of the first out of the stretch hummer. In my fur, I looked like a million bucks. I heard people trying to figure out who we were. Their assumptions ranged from James being a football player and me his trophy wife to me being one of the non-twin Olsen sisters and him my bodyguard. It was really hilarious.

The night was absolutely wild. James had a long conversation with Drake and they even pulled Lil Wayne into it. I knew it was a mortal sin to say that a black man was more articulate than you expected. But Lil Wayne totally was. Not because he was black…but because he was a gangsta rapper. He was really cool though. When he wasn't exchanging shots with Satan and Brittany, he was even willing to explain the history of marijuana's illegality and why it was outlawed by a series of bogus laws. It was very interesting. I wasn't sure that I would really agree with him, but he did put forth a really good case for legalizing the drug. I'd certainly never realized that it had less harmful effects than tobacco or alcohol. But the evening wasn't just spent talking and getting to know new people. We also spent a ton of time dancing and hanging out with our beloved friends. I was also, finally, able to give Devon and Kevon the gift cards I'd gotten them for their graduation. I'd remembered their Christmas gifts, and forgotten their graduation gifts when I saw them the day after Christmas. All in all we had an amazing night.

Even though I had taken the advil and drunk the entire bottle of water that Hudson had pressed upon all of us as soon as we got back to Commune, Bartana and Klaine's home, I was hungover as hell the next day. But it was made perfectly okay when Beth saw me and stopped playing with Robyn and Nikki to come over and give me a great big smooch on the cheek. Preschooler love was the cure to hangovers. Who knew. We all spent the whole first day of the new year bonding and talking and singing and laughing. It was exactly what I needed after the drama of the rest of the holiday. We all flew home on the second, Commune, Bartana and Klaine had to be back in the studio on Saturday. It was still quite surreal seeing what their lives had become. I was very much sure that the life they lived was pretty much a fun place to vaca…but not a life that I wanted to live myself. The flight back was cool, but James changed his ticket and flew back with us to Dayton. He did it just so he could go with me to return Grandmother's sable. Daddy had given us the address to his new house…so I texted him and let him know that we'd rented a car and were driving to Sidney. When we arrived at the somewhat modest house, two of the most important men in my life finally met.

It was a very tense meeting. James was exactly respectful. "Mr. Fabray." He greeted him. I'd never heard my father's name actually sound like a swear word before.

"You must be Quinn's James. I understand why you sound as if you hate me. But I am glad to meet you." Daddy said calmly. I was a little surprised at his calm tone. James was just as big as Papa Bent…I'd seen the fear of Benton Jones in Daddy's eyes at the picnic and I knew that he'd been scared of the gentle black man for years.

"Quinn is sure that you've changed. That you truly regret all the bullshit you put her through. She doesn't realize that coke…it can fuck with you…but it can't make you into anybody you aren't." James hissed angrily.

I put my hand on James' arm…calming him. Or so I hoped. Daddy just nodded. "Young man, you want to protect Quinn. You want to take care of Quinn. I hope that you can and you succeed in both of those things. Despite anything and everything I did to hurt her, and believe me that I regret it and I will carry the sorrow for causing her all the anguish and trauma that I caused, I still love both my daughters and all I want for their future is that they find better men, or women, better people than their mother or I ever were to love them and take care of them."

"Peaches is determined to give you a second chance, she sees something in you worth saving. I'm not sure I believe that there is any good anywhere in any man who could rape his own daughter and we all know that rape by extortion is still rape. But I love her and I know that she needs one parent that she feels is about shit. Her mother is even more pathetic and worthless than you are. I don't see how she could have ever been about shit and she wouldn't know how to be a real mother if someone gave her a textbook with step by step directions. So I'll support her in giving you that second chance…but you will never touch her in any way that makes her even the least bit uncomfortable. If you do, you will die. Either by my hand or those of Benton Jones…possibly those of Noah Puckerman…after all, your actions cost him his daughter. That's not a threat. Any of the three of us are perfectly willing to go to jail for the pleasure of seeing to your demise."

I was shocked at the fact that James clearly meant every word. Daddy just nodded. "It will never come to that and if it does, then I will write the suicide note and help to make sure that you giving me exactly what I would deserve for destroying my daughter a second time doesn't cause her to lose the men in her life who love her and have never hurt her. By the same turn, if you hurt her…I'm fairly certain that Benton and I can cooperate long enough to make your death seem like a horrible and tragic accident."

After that they seemed to reach some sort of accord. It was really almost weirdly sweet. We drove back to Dayton and got a room. Our lovemaking was special and wonderful. I could honestly say that cliché as it may have been if he proposed on Valentine's Day…I'd say yes. When we checked out on Saturday, we drove back to Lima and spent the next two days with Beth and Shelby and David and Frannie before driving to Cleveland and spent two days with James family before going back to school on Wednesday.

Of course our roommates had all seen our initial pictures up from New Year's Eve on our social media accounts. But it wasn't until Wednesday morning that Darcy put up the special stream of pics she'd explicitly gotten our permission for before we hit the club the previous Wednesday night. Those and everyone's reactions made our first few days back at school a trip and a half. By the time classes started on the twelfth, I was more than ready to see what the new semester was going to bring. I'd had a great year in twenty-fourteen and I couldn't wait to see how two-thousand fifteen shaped up.

This was meant to be one part of a Chapter, however it went so long that I had the Quinn stand alone.

The Tina & Saul section is already complete. There is a way you could have it as soon as Monday, September 19th...leave me enough reviews to make it worth my while. Let's set the magic number at 15.

That's it, just let me know what you liked and didn't. What offended you? What would you like to see next? Whose characterization is working your nerves? Do that and I'll post another 20-24 pages on Monday.

Think about it and let me know what you decide.

TTFN,

Anni