I walked down an alley… with a simple white clear dress. The road was dark full with insects, and roaches… there it was… some whispering here and there… a dark voice trying seducing and taking me under its spell.

'Yes… Sera… come to me… I can make everything better… you just have to listen to me…'

I continued walking towards the voice… the road was getting darker… smaller and tighter… like the walls suffocating me. Thorns started growing faster and faster, and as I ran trying to escape them, I was scratched all over…

Soon enough the dress I was wearing was torn up. Blood was coming from everywhere… and the dress changed into a dark one… Voices kept coming from everywhere and there he was… in front of me… waiting for me and the end of the road…

'Yes… That's it Sera.' Josh said.

'Please… leave me alone.' I begged.

'Ohh… I'm not touching you, you bitch… there's no need to touch you…' He continued as he pointed towards the church. 'Come with me.' He said.

I followed him to the church, and there I overlooked everything. My parents were at the front. Dad holding my mother for support, my grandparents seemed thorn apart… Gail had flowers in her hand. Walter holding on his father's neck, and Derek to his mother's leg. Natalie broken, and holding on to Mark…

'What's this?' I asked. 'What does this mean?'

'Look ahead.' He said, and there it was… a small white coffin.

Tayor, Sawyer, Philip and Gaston were carrying the coffin. Who was there? Where was I in all of this? We followed them into the graveyard, and the coffin was set on the ground. There they opened it. Who was in there?

'Aren't you going to see?' Josh asked.

I decided to move forward… and looked slowly into it… and there it was… my lifeless body… holding flowers in my hands.

'Am I dead?' I asked slowly to Josh as I turned around… and there he was behind me…

'Not yet' He said as he pushed me down the empty pit and started putting soil on top of me. '…but soon you'll be…' He continued as I heard his sickening laugh.

At that I shot up immediately from what seemed my sleep. I felt something holding me down and there they were… I found myself being tied to the side of the bed. I pulled on strongly trying to free myself, and the noise I did managed to get the attention of the nurse taking my parameters.

'You're tied dear.' She started. 'You had a panic attack.'

'Can you take them off please?' I asked gently.

'Not until Dr. Flynn tells us too.' She stated. 'I'll page him right away.' She continued before she left the room.

'John, I don't understand… why did she have to hurt herself?' Ana asked

'She didn't want to… she probably didn't even notice.' He explained. 'It's psychological… she thought that, that way she could scratch away all the pain.'

'Can't she just talk?' Christian continued, as he rubbed his face.

'She can… but she doesn't want to deal with it. She's like you Christian… She learned to bury everything inside… She learned to deal with things her own way… her coping mechanism.' He continued, as his pager went off. 'Excuse me…' He said as he dialled the code they paged him.

'Dr. Flynn.' He started.

'She just woke up… she's asking to be untied.' The nurse answered.

'I'll be right down.' He said as he hung up.

'She's up…' He told mum and dad.

I stared ahead of me… started counting all the boxes that lined the bathroom window… I kept losing track, so I kept starting all over. Whilst doing that, I had my right index finger scratching and tearing away the skin slowly of the right thumb… I felt relief in that…

I thought about the dream I had. What did it mean? What's behind it? I hated myself… I just wanted myself to die that moment… I pulled few more times trying to get loose, but it was to no use. It was getting on my nerves… I had my dad's temper…

At that moment the door flew open and the three adults came in.

'How are you feeling?' Flynn asked.

'Fine…' I replied, as he moved forward and took the chart as he read last notes from the nurse. 'Can you untie me please?' I continued as I pulled harder to the irritating straps.

He looked up at me, and saw me scratching my finger. Both my parents remained at the door… It's like they were afraid of making a move towards me. Was I that scary? They noticed at what Flynn was looking at, and it was dad's outburst that scared me.

'Stop scratching you fucking hands.' He outburst. 'Why are you doing this to us? Isn't it bad enough that we have to suffer through this?'

'You're suffering?' I asked in disbelief.

'Don't talk to your father like that Sera!' Mum scolded. 'You know he's right!'

I didn't know what to say… I didn't know what to feel… they had to suffer? What? I don't see them strapped to bed… I don't see them having nightmares… and they're suffering?

'Christian, I need to ask you to leave the room.' Flynn asked him politely.

'She's my daughter John. You cannot just kick me out.'

'I can and I will…' He replied. 'Unless you want me to call social services, and they will gladly take temporary custody…' He continued. 'Ana you too please.'

At that both adults obeyed. Least thing they needed were social services. It was bad enough that the police had to be involved into this… let alone social services.

'Can you please untie me?' I asked softly again.

'Are you going to hurt yourself again?'

'No.' I replied quickly… He moved forward and untied my left arm and soon after that he untied my right arm. He took the palm of my hand and faced it to me.

'This is also considered as self-harm.' He said looking deep into my eye, while I pulled my hand away from him.

'It's nothing… It's a bad habit that I've always had.' I replied. 'When can I go home?'

'I have to keep you for observation tonight… but if you go through the night without any problems, I can discharge you first thing in the morning.'

'Ok…' I said… all I had to do is hold on to the morning.

Natalie was discharged from the hospital early in the morning, and Taylor had taken her home to have some rest at home. At hospital it's tiring, and besides that she wanted to change and get better. In the evening she decided to drop by the hospital for a visit, and along with her father, they went to the third floor.

She moved forward to my room, where she found both my parents arguing outside my room. Dad saw Taylor and quickly stopped talking as he noticed Natalie.

'Mr Grey… Mrs Grey… I'm very sorry… we should have never ditched you.'

'You're right there.' Dad immediately answered.

'What had gotten into you?' Mum asked. 'You know what happens in those clubs! I'm sure your father told you and warned you.'

'Yes Mrs Grey… but I never thought it was true… until it happened.' She replied. 'Can I see her? Please?'

'You can try…' Dad answered back, while she knocked, and entered.

'Can I come in?' She asked softly, cutting all the quiet that was consuming me. I nodded slowly, and she entered the room, leaving Taylor and my parents alone outside.

'How are you feeling?'

'I'm good.' I answered slowly, as she moved forward. 'What about you?'

'I'm ok… grounded for life… but ok.'

'Taylor took your credit card?'

'No… worse Grey!' She answered while she sat on the edge of the bed. '…I'm like you now… 24/7 with some Prescott woman on my tail.'

Not knowing how, she made me smile with her comment, and for once I felt light… but in a second, my smile faded immediately.

'I brought you your phone.' She said as she handed me my phone. 'I thought you may need this… you have plenty of missed calls and texts.'

I took a quick look at them, and from what I saw, they were all from an angry dad. 'Thanks Nat..' I smiled weakly…

'Who's him?' Natalie asked as she pointed to Flynn at the meds counter, reading my file.

'He's my psycho guy.' I replied jokingly. '… my parents believe that if I talk to him, everything will be fixed.'

'Will it be?' She asked.

'I don't want to talk about it…'

'I'm very sorry!' She said as she moved forward and hugged me tight. She caught me off guard. I panicked a bit… I didn't know what to do… I didn't want to push her away… it would break her… especially after what happened. I saw Flynn overviewing my reaction in the reflection in the mirror. I slowly took my hands up and hugged her back lightly, until finally the moment ended.

'I should have never started going there… let alone invite you… and encouraging you.' She continued.

'It's not your fault… I wanted to come… I'm the one to blame…'

'Thanks.' She replied.

'For what?'

'For sticking up for me with the police…' She continued. '… they told me, that you told them that you believe that I could never have been a part of… you know…'

'You're the sister I never had… I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me.'

'When are you being discharged?'

'I'm supposed to be tomorrow morning…' I answered back as I held my knees tight to me. 'At least I hope so. Did you tell Taylor about you and Mark?'

'Yes…'

'…and?'

'He's mad…'

'Why?'

'We … we told him we made the deed…' She continued. '…actually it slipped our mouth… he was doing his interrogation… and I'm double grounded.'

She left me astonished… She made the deed? How? When? Where? How was it? Did it hurt? … hurt… hurt… Josh came quickly to mind… but I shrugged it immediately. I lowered my voice before I asked her.

'When? How? Was he… gentle?'

'Is he safe to talk around?' She motioned to Flynn.

'Not even if he's threatened… he won't spill.'

'It was ok… exactly how I imagined my first time to be…' She described. 'He was gentle… he even asked me if I'm hurting so he'll stop…'

'Aren't you scared?'

'About what?'

'What guarantee do you have that you're remaining with him forever? You gave him your… virginity…'

'I don't… but … I love him…' She smiled… 'Love will always find a way.'

'How does Taylor feel about this theory?'

'He thinks it's… his words were 'una bastonata al vento'… but I love him Sera… I have a good feeling about him.' She says back, as she looks at my face, and sees that I have tears… 'I'm… sorry…'

'It's fine…' I replied back as I quickly dried them up. She held my hand and squeezed it for support. Tears also streamed down from her eyes. I could see she was also hurting. 'If you need a shoulder… you can take mine…' I offered…

'How could this happen?' She asked. 'Why?'

'I don't know the why Natalie… I don't know…' I answered back. 'The only thing we can do is forget this ever happened.'

'How are you doing that?'

'I don't know… I haven't figured that out… I don't want to think about it for now…' I replied as I looked into her eyes. '…but you're stronger than this Natalie! Remember when Taylor was deployed? I still remember you coming to school crying every single day… What did you do? You talked… you fought through it… and you made it… look where you are… you have a family that loves you… a boyfriend that defied your father, and isn't afraid to show his love to you… you have everything… friends… love… loyalty… everything… now… either you're going to keep in that place and rot… or you're going to stand up, and fight this… move through it.' I encouraged. '… besides… I need someone to keep helping me when I despair in chemistry labs… You know how irritated I get when Wilson keeps on repeating and taking long to write the answers… and when Jeremy keeps showing off.' She laughed at that.

'What about you?' She asked.

'What about me?'

'What are you going to do?'

'I don't know… but you'll be the first one when I'll figure it out.'

'You know how to give advice.' She smiled.

'That's because I have to be everyone's counsellor.' I said again, before silence took over again.

Flynn noticed that I was scratching my fingers again. I kept tearing skin and throwing it away… little by little. He moved forward and removed my fingers, while giving me one of his warning looks. I stopped scratching immediately… I was doing it unconsciously… as he saw that I was not about to start scratching again, he moved to where he was.

'How was it for you?'

'Pardon me?' I replied with a question.

'How was it for you?'

'Natalie…'

'I was just wondering… What happened? He seemed nice.'

At her question, I started panicking… he was nice… he was more than nice… do all guys represent themselves that way? Are all guys like that?

'I…' I stated trying to form a sentence. I felt my heart beat rising, and Flynn noticed immediately with the increased beeps on the monitor.

'Ms Taylor, I have to ask you to leave the room.' He replied as he grabbed a syringe, and filled it with a sedative.

'I… I'm sorry.'

'Now Ms Taylor.' He ordered quickly as he came forward and injected me with 5mg of Valium, before I started scratching again.

She took another swift look at me, before leaving the room. She felt helpless… she felt sorry… but she couldn't do anything… except hold on…