'Gail can you give us a moment?' Mum asked gently.

As I went to my room, I found it clear as I last had left it. My laptop was there… my iPod was there… I moved towards the drawer where I kept my journal and took it out. I didn't know what to write in it… but at least… it was beside me for when I knew what to write.

'Yes Mrs. Grey.' She said as she left the kitchen while dad moved to the living room, and she followed suit.

'What's wrong now Christian?' She confronted…

'Nothing's wrong.' He replied as he took another sip of his whisky.

'Ohhh no… you're not going there Grey! How could you talk to her like that? She needs to know you're there for her… not shouting and screaming in her face!'

'She got what she wanted… she's happy now.' He coldly replied.

'Who are you? You're not my husband.' She answered back hurtful.

'Yeah… great Steele! The guilt card!'

'What did you just call me?' My mother shouted as dad managed to push exactly the right button.

'Nothing…' He replied as he took another sip.

'You called me Steele… you bastard…'

'Oh… I'm the bastard now.'

And it all started… back to where we were… my parents arguing and throwing names towards each other. I went to my bed with the iPod and journal in my hand. I played the first song available in my playlist… It was Avril Lavigne.

'Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,

She felt it everyday.

And I couldn't help her,

I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.'

'Yes… because that's the right attitude to deal with your daughter who had just been abused!'

'She went to the club. I didn't send her there Anastasia.'

'So what are you saying Grey? That she deserved this?'

'I didn't say that!'

'… but you're implying it.' She replied. 'Why don't you go talk to her?'

'Right now if I do see her, I'll do something I regret!'

'Christian! She's your daughter.'

'Was Ana!... Was… She lost the title when she defied me.'

Tears streamed down as I heard him say that… he truly hated me… I could feel the spite in his voice… I could feel the coldness… I could feel him…

'Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.

You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.

Be strong, be strong now.

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.'

'What are you saying Christian?' My mother asked in disbelief.

'You heard me Ana… I'm not repeating myself.'

'You fucking son of a bitch!'

'My mother wasn't a bitch…' Christian turned in an outrage, as he threw his glass with all his anger. 'If anything my mother is a loving woman.'

'Grace is a great woman… but you are nothing like her.' Mum said in hateful tone.

'FUCK ANA!' He shouted as he cleared the crystal ornaments from the wall unit, and all that was heard were glass being broken.

I flinched at the sound. I flinched with every hateful word that came from their mouth… and it's all because of me… I needed to find relief. I quickly went to my drawers, and searched for a razor blade. I lifted my sleeve upwards, grabbed the first razor I found and dragged it to my arm. I made a deep cut. The burning sensation… the blood coming out… the deep wound… it made me feel better… I preferred the physical pain rather than the emotional pain. I knew how to control this.

The song continued through my earphones, over my parents shouting.

'Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.

You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.

Be strong, be strong now.

Too many, too many problems.

Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.'

'What the fuck... are you enjoying with breaking things Grey?' Mum scolded as she moved forward hoping to calm her husband down, but that was to no avail…

As she moved towards him and touched his arms, he was in alert mode, and his first instinct was to defend himself. A hard slap across mum's cheek was heard from my room, and she fell to the ground.

'Oh my… What have I done?' Dad said as he went forward to help my mother.

'Don't touch me YOU MONSTER.' My mother shouted back as she got up. 'Fine… you want to be like this… be like this…' She said, while dad grabbed the car keys and made his way outside. 'Where the fuck are you going Grey? Escaping as always?'

'It's none of your business where I go Ana…' Dad answered back. 'Maybe I'll go to Elena.'

'Ohhh…. Now you've gone too far Christian… Don't expect to find me here when you come back Grey.' She said as she made her way upstairs and too her room.

I cried… hearing them like that broke me… they for sure were getting a divorce now… they hated each other… my mother was leaving… I don't know if dad was serious… but he hit mum… he never did that… he's angry…

I looked at my arm, and blood was still coming out of my deep cut. The more blood I saw, the more relieved I was feeling… I was transducing emotional pain into physical one… I could deal with it better like that.

'Her feelings she hides.

Her dreams she can't find.

She's losing her mind.

She's fallen behind.

She can't find her place.

She's losing her faith.

She's fallen from grace.

She's all over the place.

Yeah,oh

She wants to go home, but nobody's home.

It's where she lies, broken inside.

With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.

Broken inside.

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah

She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah'