I was already up before the alarm clock went on… I was already dressed, with my long hair in a ponytail… My bruises were fading but still had a greenish/yellow tint. I applied concealer so as to hide every inch of the damage done. My lip was still burst, but at least it didn't hurt much anymore… I applied Cold sores cream, where it burned… but sooner than later, it felt better. It looked better. I wore the locket my parents had given me. I never left anywhere without it… like that I carried them with me wherever I went, and never felt alone… but what are gifts if I don't have the real thing? They'll go back to work… come back home… we talk… if we'll talk… study… and the day is all over again… My laptop was set on my bed, but I couldn't care less for any electronic thing… I took my journal out before the Grey's estate woke up to another day…
Dear Bert,
I did it…I'm finally calm… I blocked everything for once… it felt good… but I have to pay attention… I cannot overdose again… the pain I'm feeling in the sides of my back is unbearable… but I have to walk through it… dad always told me that in life nothing is easy… and he's right… nothing is easy….
I only have to prove to everyone that I'm ok… then I can move on… if I sell it to them… I can sell it to myself… besides… soon Christmas is coming, and I'd like to have a good one…
I managed it yesterday… I did it! I consumed less than 50cals, and burned over 150 cals… I'm doing it… but I still see myself fat… I hate myself looking like a pig… no wonder my parents hate me… no wonder they don't look at me… but don't worry… I'll become perfect… I will do this… I have the control… I can do whatever I like… I am able to turn this around into my advantage…
Control… it's all about control…
The alarm quickly went off, and it made me jump 7 feet above the chair… the little things were making giving me the biggest frights. I heard Gail going downstairs, and it meant that she would soon be up to wake me up. I heard both my parents alarm go off, and they woke up immediately… From their room, I could hear the water from the faucet, and I heard my father on his phone with Sawyer…
At that I had took the queue that I should prepare myself. I quickly closed the journal and hid it back into its place. My father was already read, and I heard my mother grumble for dad to let her sleep few more minutes. I smiled at their interaction… it was a peaceful one…
I took my bag, and laptop and made my way out, only to remember that I left the bloodied tissue in the drawer, I quickly returned back and hid it deep into one of the side pockets of my bag. Like that, I could get rid of any evidence….
After all the racket, I got out of my room, only to find my father there. We remained staring at each other. He clearly didn't want to talk to me…
'Good morning Dad.' I smiled weakly, trying to break the ice between us, but it was to no use, because he only made his way downstairs.
I felt tears rising, but I controlled, and kept smiling, following him suit into the kitchen. There he went and fixed himself some breakfast. I dropped my bag and placed my laptop on the table. I moved towards the Gail, where she handed me the usual glass I take. I filled it up with chilled water, and stared at the stairs. My mother soon came down.
'Morning mum.' I greeted her.
'What are you doing so early up dear?' She asked while she buckled her shoes.
'I'm going to school.' I replied, while I filled my bottle of water.
'Isn't it too early to go to school?' She replied as she moved forward. 'What do you think Christian?' She asked.
'I'm off to work.' Dad replied not even caring for what she asked.
'Christian!' Mum scolded.
'I'll see you later honey… and I'm sorry!' He moved forward and kissed her.
'This is not over Grey!' My mother told him back in an undertone.
'I know…' He replied as he made his way out.
He left… He didn't care anymore about me… I was just a number now… someone he thought of nothing… just dust that moved around the house. I was his flesh and blood… and now…
'I deserve it´ I thought to myself.
Both my mother and Gail noticed I was shaking… My mother came forward and lifted my face looking deep into my eyes… As she was about to say something, Taylor came in.
'Sera, it's time to drive you to school.' He replied as he took my bag and laptop, and waited for me.
'Bye mum… I'll see you at 3pm.'
'I have a meeting today.' She called out. 'I don't think I'll be here earlier that 7pm. Your father will be here.'
'Yeah… ok…' I finished as I followed Taylor.
'Mrs. Grey, I don't want to intrude in your life… but I think you should be easy on Sera.' Gail stared.
'Gail, I'm really trying to understand her… but she defied Christian…'
'I'm not talking about ditching you… I'm talking about the abuse… she needs to feel loved… she needs your patience.' Gail explained.
'Gail you have no right telling me how to raise my daughter!' Ana angrily replied.
'I'm not telling you how to raise her… I'm just telling you that you both need to be there for her!' Gail added.
Taylor drove in utter silence. He kept looking on his front mirror to check whether I was close to ok or not. My brain was only set on my father… I finally thought what I should do… I took out my phone…
To : Daddy
Text: Hi dad… sorry to bother you… but...how are you? I know you're angry with me… and I know that what I did is wrong… I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry… I truly am… please… forgive me! I hope you have enough love in your heart to find at least a little forgiveness for me. I love you daddy…
Your peanut…
I sent it as soon as re-read it, and soon after I received the delivery report. I knew he received it… I was hoping he'll at least text back… but there was still nothing…
I dried my tears quickly and held my phone tightly in my hand… I just wanted dad to at least text me back… even a hateful message… it would be enough… at least I would know that he read it…
'Sera, are you sure you're ready to go to school?' Taylor asked. 'If you want you can ditch today… You need to get better… I can take you to the park… or the beach…'
'Yeah…' I replied. '… I'm ready…I already lost too much… I'm not missing anymore.'
'You're not talking about school… are you?' Taylor asked as he took his eyes of the road for a second, while I remained quiet. 'You know I'm here for you right? I love you as if you were my own…'
'…but unfortunately… I'm not…' I replied. '… I have a father that doesn't care the slightest about me… he hates me… and he has all the right to do…What I did… was beyond cruel… I deserve this.'
Taylor decided to let it go, as he took the next turn and parked in the parking lot.
'Sera…' He started as he turned towards me. 'I want you to promise me one thing… you are not and I repeat… NOT… going to escape… and you are to keep your phone on you at all times… Am I clear?'
'Yeah…' I agreed. '…besides, Natalie will be there.' I continued as I got out of the car.
'Kid… don't worry… He'll come around.' He replied as he walked me to the gates.
'Thanks Taylor.' I smiled weakly as I walked up to the front stairs.