Desperate to get as drunk and distant as possible, Mulan chugged down her third shot of whiskey. Queasy, she belched. A sick feeling came on, and she covered her mouth with a hand, squeezing her eyes shut. Maybe that was one shot too many.
The barmaid took the empty shot glass. She had cropped chocolate hair, heavy eyeliner and looked around Mulan's age. "Steady yourself, champ. Unless you plan on vomiting all over me and my work area, I suggest you excuse yourself to the restroom."
Mulan waved her hand away, blinking her eyes open. "I'm good."
"You don't look so good. Where's your friend? She was pretty hot stuff."
Mulan shrugged. Aurora was probably somewhere on the dancefloor. To be honest, Mulan didn't know exactly where Aurora was. Not that she didn't care, however she was focusing on getting hammered more than anything.
"Are you ok?" the barmaid asked, seemingly concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I told you."
"No, I mean, you look… sad."
Mulan narrowed her eyes. "Sad?"
"You look down in the dumps. Something getting you down?"
"No," lied Mulan. She had no reason to reveal out all of her feelings to a random stranger.
"You're supposed to tell your barman your troubles. Come on, it might make you feel better."
Maybe it was the third shot. Maybe it was the nostalgia. Nonetheless Mulan suddenly found herself telling the stranger everything she had been feeling for the past few years. Absolutely everything.
"Guys noticed me… but I never felt a connection. Not with anybody but her. She was just so… what's the word…" Mulan took a sip of the martini that the barmaid had given her on the house. She made a face at its tang. "Immaculate. I mean, she was just too immaculate, if you know what I mean…" She trailed off, and gave the barmaid a little wink. "She never let her hair down. She should embrace her inner sex goddess."
Strangely, the barmaid actually seemed intrigued. "So, she was always that little bit too perfect?"
"Yes! Thank you, Ruby."
"My name's not Ruby, it's-"
"Like, I like sluts." Mulan interrupted. "Sluts aren't afraid of being too slutty. Her? Pfft. She was a total virgin."
"But I thought you said she was trying to get pregnant-"
"Girls are dumb. Guys are dumb. You're dumb. I'm dumb. Everybody's dumb."
"That I can agree on." The barmaid concurred. "Want another drink?" she added, pointing to the near neglected martini.
"Got anything stronger?" asked Mulan.
"We do, but right now I'm gonna have to serve you a water."
"Why?" Mulan's voice reminded the barmaid of a five year olds whine when it was time to go home from some birthday party.
"Because water will prevent you from having a hangover tomorrow. Trust me, it works."
Mulan considered. "Fine. One glass, then I'd like a shot. And then a bucket for my puke, after the shot."
"Deal." The barmaid said.
Nursing the water, Mulan was coming to the life rethinking part of her drunkenness. "I'm ugly," she said to nobody in particular.
The barmaid overheard, and returned to her newly favorite customer. "No, you're not," she assured her.
"I am. That's why Aurora doesn't love me. Even with a shit ton of makeup, I look hideous."
"Stop bringing yourself down. I barely met you half an hour ago, and I already think you're pretty damn awesome."
A smile crept onto Mulan's face. "You think so?"
"I know so. Generally, I'm a good judge of character. Once, my sister had this new boyfriend, and I got a bad vibe off him. Two weeks later, he was caught in bed with her best friend."
"Whoa," was all Mulan could say.
"I trust my instincts. So far, I see no flaws in you, and you give off a good vibe. True, you may be drunk, miserable and alone, but you seem like a good person. So here's my advice. If you see something you like, you've gotta grab it. Because one day, if you don't, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life."
Things were a haze for Mulan, but she had understood exactly what the barmaid was saying. Instead of just sitting at the bar sulking about her life, she had to do something about it. Sitting around wasn't going to achieve anything. What happened in her life was through her control. Nobody owned her. Being herself was difficult, yet there was a way to change how she lived her life. To make an impact of what happened around her, rather than just waiting for the right people to approach her and make the change for her. Bravery was a must. She had to be fearless, to have courage. Hiding away in the shadows hadn't made her life any easy. Being out in the open was going to change everything.
It had been twenty minutes since Belle had left Ruby with Billy. She was proud of her matchmaking. Billy and Ruby would get on like a house on fire. A one night stand was just what Ruby needed. Though the pang in Belle's chest told the opposite of proud. Jealousy? Surely not. Why would she feel jealous towards Ruby? Billy was an alright guy, but totally not Belle's type. Unless…
No. Surely not. She couldn't be.
A strange sensation ran through Belle's body. Butterflies fluttered throughout her stomach. The flashing lights and deafening music closed in around her. The hot thick air clogged her throat. Claustrophobic, she knew she needed space. And fast.
The line for the restroom was at least a mile long, so that was out of the question. She ran towards the exit, pushing people out of the way with barely even an 'excuse me' or 'sorry.' Manners were the least of her worries as the anxiety and panic ran through her veins.
The second she reached the outside world she began to hyperventilate pathetically. Her hand clutched her chest while she coughed violently. The fear had left her out of breath. At least she was alone now.
Looking around, she realized that she was in an alleyway. The lighting was dim, with street lamps being the only source of light around. Her brain scrambled, she struggled to remember her thoughts just minutes ago. Jealousy. Ruby. Feelings. Everything was jumbled.
She took a deep breath. Times like this she longed for the comfort of her favorite blanket Booboo, from her childhood. The blankie had always helped to calm her down. Booboo was lost somewhere in storage, most likely in her attic. Just thinking of Booboo sort of helped calm her nerves. She figured it was because of the sentimental memories the blanket carried. Drinking hot cocoa with her Mom after Kindergarten; watching home movies with her Dad; playing with her little grey kitty Popcorn in her bedroom. Old memories tended to sooth her.
Enough about the past, she thought to herself. Time to face the present.
She closed her eyes. She had always been so sure of herself. Belle French, bookworm. Smart, easy going and kind. But now, she wasn't so sure of herself. Who was she? All her life she had been certain on her sexuality. It was 100% guys all the way. She stalked the hot, popular guys in school when she was the dorky kid with little friends. On TV, she would point out the hunks and proclaim 'I would.' 'I would' was a little game the four girls played. If you saw a hot guy, and you would totally bang him given the opportunity, you would have to say 'I would.'
Belle had noticed that as of late, 'I would' hadn't really been played as often. The last time was well over a month ago, when Aurora jokingly said 'I would' when Mulan walked into the room wearing a penguin costume for a charity fun run. Maybe the disappearance of 'I would' meant that the girls were growing up. Although, they weren't the most mature of girls anyway, especially when drunk.
Up the alleyway, Belle heard the faintest sob. Curious, she began to walk towards the place. Dumpsters sat in front of her. Behind the dumpsters was a fragile figure, a hand over their face, weeping. Her knees were tucked into her chest, a cigarette lit in her free hand.
"Ruby?" Belle asked, worried.
Immediately, Ruby's head snapped up. Embarrassed, she wiped the tears from her eyes and sniffed. "Hey. What are you doing back here?"
"The better question is what are you doing back here? Where's Billy?" Belle's eyes darkened as a horrific thought entered her mind. "Did he hurt you?"
"No, no. He didn't do anything." Ruby's voice was cracking, thus she coughed to clear her throat. "I sent him away."
"Why? I thought you wanted to hook up with him."
"I did… at first. But something changed my mind."
Belle took a seat next to her best friend. She gave Ruby an expecting look.
"He didn't remember my name, even though we got acquainted five minutes before hand. He called me 'Roxanne', for some Goddamn reason."
Belle snorted, which made Ruby chuckle.
"If I'm going to get with a guy, he should at least know my name." continued Ruby. "Then I thought: 'What's the point?' He can barely remember my name, so he's not going to remember me. Why should I have sex with a guy if it doesn't mean anything? I want to make some memories, but whoever that lucky person is, I want them to have the same amazing memories." She took a drag from her cigarette. "I wanted to change who I was, you know? I wanted to be new. Exciting. Someone who all the guys think are totally hot. But when that became real, I wanted out. I'd rather one person think I'm special, than ten million."
Belle nodded in agreement. She wanted the same thing. She wanted her special someone to see her like she was the only person in the world. Being in such a prized relationship would be perfect.
"The way I see it," Ruby took yet another drag of her cigarette. "love is better than lust. Lusting means craving somebody because of how they perform in the bedroom. Love is loving someone for who they are. Beyond their flaws, beyond their mistakes. Love is what we all want, but can't all have." The last few words caused Ruby's heart to ache, as a frown set on her face.
Belle bit her lip. "You can have love," she told her. "You just haven't found it yet. It takes time."
"No," Ruby stated. She looked deep into Belle's eyes. "I have found it."
Without warning, it was like the world had frozen in time. One minute Ruby's hands were at her side. The next, one hand was on Belle's cheek. Belle felt herself involuntarily stiffen, but everything felt right and mellow when Ruby's lips met hers. It was slow, flawless and perfect. Like the final kiss at the end of those old romance movies, where they live happily ever after. Seconds passed, and Ruby began to pull away. Their foreheads pressed together, they looked into each other's eyes once more. It wasn't wrong. It wasn't a mistake. Everything felt right. Instantly, they dived back into each other. This kiss was loving, passionate, better than the last. Consequences didn't matter. All that mattered was that they were together.
Though Belle had only just realized her feelings for her best friend, a part of her had known all along. Ruby was her destiny. The rollercoaster of life had just got a whole lot faster and a whole lot better. And Belle definitely didn't want to ride to end.