Back at home it was a constant war... Between me and myself... Between my control and my parents... Dad was getting on his nerves... I didn't know what to do to make him feel any better... I wanted to make it all right... But I couldn't... This thing in me ate me completely... It controlled me... I didn't control anything these days... Not even myself...

'Are you going to eat that?' Dad asked

'I'm not hungry...'

'You're never hungry...' he said in anger as he dropped his fork with a huge clutter. 'Are you enjoying worrying your mother and me? Is that what you want? Killing us slowly?' he said while I remained in quiet. 'Answer me!'

'I'm not doing that... I don't mean to hurt you...'

'You know what? The only advantage is that if you die, we won't spend much on a coffin...'

'CHRISTIAN' mum scolded as he left the room.

'He didn't mean it dear!' she said as she came forward and hugged me... 'He's worried... Like, I am...'

'He has a very strange way in showing his worry...' I replied in tears. 'Please, may I be excused...'

'Yeah... Sure...' she said wanting to at least give me some time.

I needed to find a quick relief, and all I wanted to do was cut... Do a deep cut that would relief all the pain I felt.

I went straight up to my room and locked the door behind me... It was no use fighting anymore... It was no use in trying anymore... My father literally thought of me dead... I know I'm not the daughter of the year, but that doesn't mean he should be that hard.

I took the blade and dragged it across my skin. I felt stinging and sharp pain that relieved everything. I finally did it, but soon my mind was filled with fears… I knew my grandmother would search over my arms… and if she didn't… Flynn would…or would he?

Later that day, Taylor drove me to Flynn… and after 5 minutes of waiting into the waiting room, his door opened, letting me in. I didn't know what to expect into therapy… was it going to be boring? Invasive? I didn't know… guess I had to discover.

'Come in Sera…' Flynn greeted with a smile, while he moved to the plants in his office. 'Please… sit… no need to be shy… we have no formalities between us…' He continued as he smiled and poured some tea for him. 'Do you want some?' He asked while I shook my head. 'So… What can I do for you Sera?'

'What do you mean… Flynn?' I asked not knowing exactly what he meant.

'John… you've known me all your life and you still don't call me John… Why is that Sera?' He asked in curiosity as he came back to sit down in his chair.

I thought for a second… I didn't want to hurt him… it had more to do because of his job. He's a psychiatrist… meaning that he knew all the tricks… he knew how people were… I just couldn't let him realize everything, however finally I decided to answer back… He would be more suspicious if I don't…

'It's… um… You're a psychiatrist… I just didn't want the informality for you to be able to read me… I like privacy…' I replied as I let my head drop down.

'I see…' He smiled. '… you don't have to be shy about it… I understand how you may feel…' He answered kindly. '…Generally, people who come here have a problem that they want to straighten out. What's your problem?' He continued as he rested his back to the chair.

'I don't have any problems…' I answered quickly.

'Ohh… ok…'

'It's… um… my grandparents and my parents… they think I'm losing too much weight…'

'Your parents think that…so they want to help you put on some weight…'

'Mhmm…'

'Ok… and what do you want?'

'I don't know… what do you mean?'

'Well, if you decide to come here and have therapy with me… what do you want?'

'I'm all new to this Fl… John… I don't know…'

'Do you want me to get to know you?'

'Why?'

'So I can share your feelings… your thoughts… your fears… so you won't feel so alone and distant from everyone…'

'What if I still don't know what my problems are?' I asked as I let my head drop down again.

'Well… hopefully, we can find them out together… We won't see them clearly today… but we'll see sings of them…'

'Oh…' I replied almost scared… I never let anyone in… I never let anyone know what I'm truly feeling… and all of a sudden I have to change everything? '… like what?' I answered almost panicking.

'Like being uncomfortable… not being able to eat… not being able to stop eating… tell me… how many times a day do you vomit?'

'I don't…' I quickly answered… not wanting to let him in.

'Now listen Sera, if you don't want to tell me something, say so, but don't lie to me… because if this is going to work, I'm going to have to invade your privacy as much and as often as I can because the only way I can help you is by knowing. There are no right or wrong answers in therapy… there is only the way you feel.' He answered explaining everything… It was getting worse and worse by the minute. 'So, what do you think? Do you want to come back? Say twice a week?' He asked.

Deep down I wanted to say no… I truly did… I still wasn't ready to talk about anything… I just wanted to deal with things my own way… but I had to keep the promise I did to grandma… at least for my grandparents… 'Yeah… I guess so…' I replied as he smiled.

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