The Doctor didn't know what to think of the wedding he had actually been invited to (talk about an unfortunate rarity for him, not having to crash someone's wedding!).
However he would openly admit to absolutely loving Clara's ex-girlfriend Joanna when the woman took one look at his outfit and immediately declared something was missing...before casually bringing out a bright red fez which she put on his head. Clara had looked exasperated but didn't complain, which meant he had a legitimate reason to wear an awesome hat to the wedding.
"So you're wearing the traditional wedding dress of the Holmes family to cover something old, a pair of brand new earrings to cover the blue aspect and the new, and you're finally letting your hair stay red to cover the last part," said Clara.
It was the age old rhyme of 'something old, something new, something red, something blue'.
The Doctor couldn't see it from where he was reading Joanna's blog, but the "new, blue earrings" were in fact a pair of TARDIS earrings one of her friends from the club had gotten her specifically for the wedding.
More importantly while the wedding itself was a traditional wedding, the reception was more Joanna's style. Most of the guests would be immediately changing into their usual cosplay costumes from the Doctor Who show...and Clara had agreed to provide the TARDIS in the background.
The Doctor still had no clue why she told him to park the TARDIS specifically in the corner where everyone could see it, or why she had banned him from the reception hall after while they decorated the place to look like the inside of the TARDIS from the old shows down to the little round things. There were even little Weeping Angels on the tables, fake Daleks programmed to serve food and drinks, and of course the table cloth looked like the outside of the TARDIS itself.
Odds were he'd freak out a little, get busted as the actual Doctor, and then have to deal with his massive fan base. Knowing Joanna she'd do something really off the wall and toast the TARDIS for putting up with him for all these centuries, because while it wasn't human, it did have a personality.
"Do stop twitching Sherlock, it's unbecoming," said Mycroft in the other room. Sherlock was banned without prejudice from his soon-to-be wife, and Lestrade (once he had gotten his one punch in the gut for making him believe Sherlock was dead in the first place) was going to be his best man.
Sherlock was still too miffed at learning Mycroft's involvement in the mess that forced him to fake a suicide and being lied to since he was a child to give him the honor.
Mr. Holmes, who openly admitted he was the least "intelligent" one of the Holmes family, was observing the entire thing with open pride. Like his wife he had despaired of his youngest son ever finding a nice girl to settle down with. He could have even lived with Sherlock finding a nice man, so long as he was happy.
That Joanna was a witch from a very well-to-do magical line (thus securing their future progeny of having the gift and very little defects to go with it) and happened to be a well behaved young woman who could change her features was just a nice bonus.
He would admit the surprised look on Mycroft's face learning that Joanna's original name was Iris Melody Potter was rather hilarious.
Finding out his little brother had not only found the missing "savior" but that he was marrying her was something he never expected.
He did have to wonder why she was only slightly altering her name and her features once Sherlock was coming out of hiding.
Sherlock made a face at his brother.
"So why is Joanna changing back to the way she was before?" asked Mycroft, adjusting Sherlock's scarf.
It wouldn't be Sherlock without his trademark scarf, according to Joanna. He was just thrilled she wasn't forcing him to wear the hat on top of it.
"She said that if I was coming out of hiding then there's no reason she can't do the same. Once the marriage is settled and filed with the Ministries, there's no way for the idiots who tried to control her to be able to bother her again."
She wouldn't put it past the idiots who ran the "official" Ministry (read: the one Dumbledore had controlled) to have written up a marriage law to force anyone from a line that mattered...like the Potters or the Blacks... to be paired off with a "suitable spouse".
That or they might try to use a marriage contract she never signed and knew her parents never made to drag her back into their society.
Besides, Sherlock liked the fact Joanna felt comfortable around him enough to let her original appearance come back to the point she quit hiding.
"I still can't believe Sherlock of all people is getting married," said Lestrade.
"What about Donovan or Anderson?" asked Sherlock.
"Oh no, they have it coming to them. Those two idiots are one of the best kept embarrassments of the department and I'll be glad to see them gone. Frankly I'm surprised it took this long for her patience to snap before she did something about it," said Lestrade without hesitation.
Lestrade hid it well, but few of the senior inspectors wanted to work with Anderson, much less Donovan. The twit had an appalling lack of professionalism when it came to people who were diagnosed with mental conditions. Either Sherlock's attitude rubbed Donovan so raw that it made her ability to emphasize with others, or she was naturally bad at being open minded.
And Anderson...the less said about how terrible he was at deduction the better. There was a reason he flunked out of the police academy and had to be thrown into Forensics.
Lestrade would rather work with an autistic ass who focused on crime and had a naturally high IQ and could spot the small details then two unprofessional idiots like them.
The room was silent, before Lestrade tried to make small talk again.
"Any idea what she has planned for the reception?"
"All I know is that she gave her ex-girlfriend permission to bring in a life-sized TARDIS and that most of the decorations will be Doctor Who related. And that she conjured up a bright red fez for Clara's plus one, and he looks far too similar to the current Doctor from the show," said Sherlock.
Lestrade snickered. He had seen the picture of Sherlock with a cold wrapped up in a TARDIS blanket complete with stuffy nose. To add insult to injury, she had even put the bright red fez on his head. Sherlock had not been amused.
In the other room with the girls...
"I love the stuffy detective with the fez hat," said the Doctor.
"So does Lestrade. Should have seen his reaction to the bed sheet in Buckingham Palace. I think the Queen asked for a copy of that one," said Joanna from behind the curtain.
Most would question why there was a man in the room where the bride was getting dressed, but Clara had been firm about keeping an "eye on her plus one". Besides, he was safely enthralled with Joanna's blog.
"Which file is that?"
Joanna told him, which prompted the next question.
"Was he actually wearing nothing but a bed sheet in the palace?"
"Not even a set of trousers under it. Mycroft had to force him to get properly dressed, and then he went and stole an ashtray as a joke," said Joanna. The Doctor giggled with delight.
Abrasive attitude or not, he could grow to like this Sherlock.
"And don't get me started on the minor prank war I started with him. I think Mycroft choked on his morning tea when he saw his brother duct taped to the ceiling, complete with tape on his mouth. I know Lestrade had to share that one with everyone who worked with Sherlock regularly once he stopped laughing long enough," said Joanna with glee.
From what she heard of the few people who believed in Sherlock (at least enough to doubt that he could fake being that much of an arse with such consistency) they almost had to put Lestrade on medical leave from laughing so hard while drinking the piss poor coffee they served at the Yard.
"I want copies of those," said Mrs. Holmes without hesitation.
Joanna had anticipated that request, which was why she had Clara bring out a rather massive photo album. Mrs. Holmes was soon smirking as well as she thumbed through the rather inventive pranks and blackmail material Joanna had so thoughtfully collected for her.
"Consider that my gift to you for welcoming me to the family."
"Such a considerate girl."
"Of course if we exchange e-mail address I could send them to you direct."
Mrs. Holmes smirked.
"DADDY!"
Everyone except Joanna turned to look at the racket, as someone had left the door open.
"Ha! Looks like Mycroft's plus one finally got here," cackled Joanna.
"Who's his plus one?" asked Clara, knowing the look on Joanna's face.
"An enchanted duck billed platypus doll I named Quibbs. It's made to follow him everywhere, and act like a hyper five year old child who calls Mycroft 'Daddy'. Since he didn't tell me Sherlock was alive I also activated it's more annoying habits. It will openly ask extremely awkward or embarrassing questions and the only way to make them drop is for Mycroft to explain them in far too much detail."
The Doctor suddenly laughed, as he had found the picture of Mycroft hugging Quibbs.
"Is this the doll?"
"Let's just say I had help designing it," said Joanna smirking.
"Evil," said Clara, but she was grinning.
Only an idiot pissed off Joanna and it was just Mycroft's bad luck she liked to annoy the "stiff, boring people" like him whenever and wherever possible.
"And done. You look absolutely beautiful Joanna," said Luna happily. She was one of the few people from Hogwarts Joanna had kept in contact with, much less invited to the wedding. She was a bridesmaid as well, which tickled her pink.
"Look at the time! We really need to get everyone in their places!" said Mrs. Holmes.
"And you need to get in the front row before someone takes your spot," said Clara to the Doctor firmly. He gave her a salute and left the room.
There was a knock on the door, and a rather roguish looking man popped his head in. His blue eyes and neatly combed black hair made him look rather dashing.
"Hello, hello. Is my girl ready for her big day?" asked Sirius. He made an open wolf-whistle when Joanna stepped out from behind the curtain. "James would be so proud and Lily would be beside herself is she saw you now."
"This coming from the hound dog who has to walk me down the isle," said Joanna smirking. "Did you get a picture of Mycroft's face when he saw Quibbs leap into the room?"
Sirius let out a bark of laughter, holding out an old fashioned camera. He was taking plenty of pictures, as was Remus and Nymphadora "say my first name and suffer" Tonks-Lupin.
Their son Teddy was going to be the ring-bearer, a fact he was inordinately proud of.
The ceremony went off without a single hitch. Sherlock looked very dashing in his royal purple scarf and black tux. The dress fit perfectly, which was only natural since Joanna could shift her body features to fit it.
There were mostly muggleborns in the audience from Joanna's club, with the rare sprinkling of a pure blood.
Percy Weasley and his wife Penelope looked rather confused why Joanna had invited them as well as the oldest Weasleys. The only ones missing were Ginny, Ron and their parents Molly and Arthur. Even Hermione had been invited, though she was in the back.
However it was the after party everyone looked forward to.
The second Joanna saw what Clara brought (and had tastefully decorated in little TARDIS-inspired lights) she had a massive grin.
"Clara, where did you find such a perfect replica of the TARDIS, down to the correct placement of the little white ambulance circle?"
Clara merely grinned, but was openly enjoying the look of surprise on the Doctor's face. The expression he had when the fake Dalek rolled up to him much like R2-D2 would and said in a perfect replica of a Dalek's voice "Tea? Alcoholic Beverage? Punch?"
The Doctor gave Clara a baleful look.
"You knew."
"Joanna is a massive fan of a TV show called Doctor Who, so when she said the reception would be themed after the show I couldn't resist. Everything here is a replica, not the real thing, right down to the fake Weeping Cupids on the tables," said Clara. Her grin widened. "Remember the little blue earrings she was wearing? They're tiny versions of the TARDIS."
Joanna sidled up to them, her eyes glinting.
"I take it this isn't the actor Matt Smith, who plays the current incarnation of the Doctor you brought along as a joke."
"Not in the least," said Clara.
"And that's not a replica in the corner is it."
"Nope," grinned Clara.
"You know what that means, don't you?"
"I have a guess, but I want to watch his expression when he hears it later," said Clara.
Joanna grinned. Clara knew her so well.
"What is she going to do?"
"Well I'll leave the surprise for later, but if I know her you've just been permanently invited to all her Christmas parties," said Clara, sipping her scotch.
The Doctor blinked.
"Why would I get a permanent invite?"
Clara snickered, before she explained.
"Joanna always says it's not a Christmas without some form of disaster or catastrophe to bring in the new year, and at least when the Doctor around it's never boring. She actually stayed in London the year everyone left, and was openly hoping to see some form of crisis happening. She was rather disappointed to learn she missed the space ship flying over the palace because she went to get another drink," said Clara.
The Doctor choked on his punch.
After the cake was cut and the speeches were given by the guests, very few were really surprised to see Joanna lead a toast.
The Doctor was rather curious what the bride would have to say with that much whiskey in her glass.
"Let's not forget our favorite hero of all British citizens, the Doctor!"
"Here, here!" shouted many in the crowd.
Clara grinned as the Doctor choked on his punch again.
"And of course who could forget his most stalwart and patient partner, the one who always travels with him... the TARDIS!"
He choked again, but everyone turned when they heard the audible hum from the "replica" in the corner.
Joanna's eyes glinted with mischief, and Clara knew exactly what was coming.
"And of course let's thank Clara for bringing the real one with her, even if he didn't know what the reception's theme was going to be!"
Everyone turned to look at him, fez and all. Clara was laughing behind her glass at the deer-in-the-headlights look he had now.
"Did I forget to mention most of her guests were fans of the show, and that you'll likely be swamped for autographs now?" she said giggling.
"A bit, yeah."
"Or that they'll definitely want a demonstration of a real sonic screwdriver, and that some will absolutely ask questions about the ship?"
Like Sherlock, for instance.
Several hours later...
If Sherlock and Joanna were glad the wedding was finally over and the license filed, it was nothing compared to the shell shock the Doctor had from the after party.
Clara had hijacked him and the TARDIS without warning with the open lure of a wedding. He honestly had no idea he had fans, much less magical ones. He would admit, it had been very fun and the ship certainly loved the attention.
"You tricked me," he said with a puppy-dog look.
"Yup. I figured you would have fun with people who actually want you around and I knew Joanna would love having the Doctor at her wedding."
And as Clara predicted, he now had a permanent invitation to all Christmas parties...which was pretty odd considering most wanted him far, far away during that time of the year.
It was odd, being around that many people who knew of him and his luck, and were more than happy to treat him as a welcomed guest. And they had respected his request not to go traipsing around the ship, outside of the control center. That had really surprised him.
Two months later, after the honeymoon...
Lestrade hid a smirk at the shocked expressions on the faces of everyone else. Joanna had been quite vicious ripping the newspapers who had run with the story of the "Sherlock the fraud" to pieces, especially the reporter who bought the Rick Brook story in the first place to create the expose.
He was one of the few who knew about the scathing letter Joanna had written to the papers at large that she would force them to print once the news Sherlock was alive had settled into the public's minds.
Donovan in particular looked at Sherlock in disbelief...but her attention was quickly diverted to the papers Joanna had shoved into her hand. It took a few seconds to process what they were.
"You're suing me?!"
"You better bloody well believe I'm suing your ass. I put up with your insensitive remarks and the fact you openly stated you thought he 'got off' on being at crime scenes. And unfortunately for you, I have more than sufficient evidence to have you barred from any law enforcement job, never mind private security jobs," she said coldly.
She then noticed Anderson.
"You're next. You were no better than this idiot."
"Hold on, all the evidence said Sherlock was in on it!" said Donovan furious.
"No, your own bias against him was enough for you to look for any proof Sherlock would be in on a high-profile crime. I have more than enough evidence for any jury to believe otherwise."
"That girl screamed when she saw him!"
"And it never occurred to you that maybe the kidnapper could have threatened her brother to convince her to scream when she saw him by using a photo?" said Joanna snidely.
Donovan winced.
Her job done, Sherlock went to speak to Lestrade.
"Hold on, he can't be here! He was the subject of a kidnapping investigation!" said Anderson.
Everyone waited with baited breath for Joanna to resolve that issue.
"I've already cleared it with the Chief Inspector," she said calmly.
After the chewing out she gave that fat tub of idiocy, he had been more than happy to either fire Donovan and Anderson, or transfer them to the most inhospitable place he could think of.
He did not want the bad PR from what Joanna would bring up if the press found out the truth. If people thought the Scotland Yard condoned harassing people like Sherlock who had a unique brain chemistry... the mere idea of the public's reaction made him wince.
Mycroft might want to hide it, out of an instinctive desire to keep the family's "dirty laundry" from becoming public knowledge (mostly because they were pure bloods, and keeping mental defects was a common practice), but there was nothing wrong with being autistic in this day and age.
Lestrade clapped Sherlock on the shoulder.
"Good to have you back."
Sherlock smirked.