Sera's POV

The days passed, soon turning into weeks. The IV in my neck was making me itchy, but it was having its effects. I gained 15 pounds in 2 weeks and although they said I was still underweight, I could feel myself fatter. Fatter than I already was.

I was discharged, on contraire of everybody's wishes...but according to the rule I could be discharged for outpatient visits. I could hear their arguments … although they were in an undertone… but still… Although my grandparents wanted for me to still be an inpatient, they had rules and regulations to follow.

It was a week since I went back home, and things had gone fairly the same to before I was in hospital. My parents were back to their life confined in their work, while I was stuck at home for a few days... But soon returned back to school... It was 3 weeks since I last went to lessons, and I had to catch up on things.

'Morning Grey!' Natalie came running to me and hugged me tight.

'Hey!' I smiled. 'Easy there!'

'How are you feeling?' She smiled.

'I'm fine… I'm great actually!' I smiled, while she hit me hard in the arm. 'OUCH! What was that for Nat?'

'For scaring the crap out of me! I thought you were dead… you… you!'

'Sorry Nat… I was just tired.'

'Sera… don't lie… my dad told me you… you're anorexic…'

'…but I'm fine now…' I smiled, while she gave me her doubt look. 'Really!' I insisted.

'Ok… but I'm keeping an eye on you missy… you still look … sick…

'Thanks!' I replied, while we made our way to the lockers. 'How are things with you and Mark?'

'We're on a break…'

'What? Why?' She caught me off guard.

'You have to promise me you won't tell my father.' She insisted, while we both closed our lockers and made our way to the classroom. 'I had 2 pregnancy scares last month…'

'What?'

'Yeah… and I got really scared… to the point where I scared Mark… We didn't know what to do…'

'So you take a break?'

'No… no… it's just… Our relationship got a bit too physical too soon… and please don't tell me I told you so… I know… but I'm testing Mark to see if he'll wait for me…'

'…and till now?'

'He wants me back… tomorrow is the end of the break.'

'What will the conclusion be?'

'I want to be with him… we just have to be super extra careful next time we…'

'Ok Ok, Natalie! I may be your almost sister but that is way too much information!' I smiled while I opened the class room door.

'Sera…'

'Yeah…' I smiled while we took our usual front seats.

'I'm glad you're back… I missed you here…' She smiled. '…please, be safe!'

'I am Natalie… Don't worry.'

Back at home it was a constant war… between me and my thoughts… The voice kept telling me what to do, and I simply complied. 'Just lose it all back…' Nancy's words came back to mind. My parents still weren't home, and I decided to weigh myself. I had to be extra careful this time. I had to hide my weight loss better. I went on the scale, and realised that I had already dropped 6 pounds. It was getting better, but the mirror still showed the opposite.

I smiled at the scale, but soon cleared it as I heard my parents down in the kitchen. I exited the bathroom quick, and made a note on the inside of my closet. The number kept decreasing. From 85, I was already down to 79… I had plenty more to go… but at least I felt back in control.

'Sera?' I heard my mother call me.

'Coming!' I replied, while I quickly wore a baggy shirt, and let my hair up into a pony tail. That would hide my little weight loss… I went downstairs hoping that at least, they would say they're tired and would like to go and rest, but to my unlucky stars, they remained.

'Dinner is ready.' Dad said, while I went beside them. Dad made it a must that I sit beside him… like that he made sure what I ate… It was getting harder to ditch him… but tricks were always up my sleeve. I sat down, and gulped a glass of water. Soon the vegetables and chicken were served from Gail. Although the smell was intoxicating, it still made me feel sick. Both of them started dinner, and I deliberately took some vegetables. I let them lose themselves into conversation. That way they would be too busy to notice anything. Soon dinner ended up in a work debate. My mother had to go for a week in France, and in the same week, my father her had to leave to New York for some business. They tried compromising but soon, they ended up fighting.

'Ana, you know I can't miss this!' He argued as he took another sip from his wine.

'Christian, I already had postponed this meeting ages ago! I cannot miss this again! SIP needs this editor!'

'Dammit Ana! Can't you send someone else?'

'I am the one who owns the company, I have to go Christian! I'm sure you understand… you have no board to answer too, but I do… and I have employees under me.'

Their argument continued till their voices were too high, that they were almost fighting. They always managed to make an argument on the littlest things. Their relationship went better for a couple of days, but soon went back to the other end of the scale. I left the table and joined Gail. I helped her with the dishes, and we talked a bit… it was more she talked and I stood there listening…nodding at some point, agreeing at others, but my mind was racing… racing to a place where I always loved to go.

'Sera, are you ok?' She asked, as she noticed I wasn't paying attention.

'Yeah… I'm fine…' I smiled.

'Sera…' She said again in worry.

'Really… I'm fine…' I answered back. 'Um… I'm going back to my room…. Please, when they finish, could you tell them that I said good night please?'

'Yes Sera… Do you need anything?'

'No thanks… just some quiet… so I'll study…' I smiled while I made my way to my room.

That morning, I had managed to find another journal at the stationary, and I thought on a different hiding place. This time, the best way I could hide it was if I carried it with me wherever I went… and that was the decision… I had to never leave it at home.

Dear Bert,

Long time no talk…. It's been a bit since we've last talked. I'm sorry for my parents discovering you… I was careless… Many things have happened since then… but now… everything is back to normal… they barely noticed I was still beside them when they started arguing again… I don't want to own a company if it will make me like them… As Tennyson said, ''Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…' Guess… it's not for them.

I'm doing it… this morning I skipped breakfast… it was easy… I only have to wake up a bit late, so that I won't have time to have anything. During lunch in school, I'm taking extra lab sessions, to catch up on what I lost, and dinner… well… as you see what happened… 6 down 15 more to go… I've got a long way to go…

No matter what it is… I have to do this… I have to be perfect… I have to be better at this… I want to make my parents proud of me… I want to be PERFECT…

I'll write later…

Love... xx

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