Disclaimer: After all this time you'd think you people already know the characters are not mine. That's a good thing for you though. If Lestrade belonged to me I'd never get anything done.
A/N: I totally warned you all about the absolute ridiculousness of this story and especially these past few and next few chapters. Actually I'm not sure when the random silliness will quit. Hope you've had a laugh and I hope you keep laughing.
The Sword Fight
Chapter Summary: Molly has gained entrance to 12 Grimmauld Place and while she is fuming at her treatment from the charmed door, railing and doorbell she is also determined to deliver her invitation to Harry. But a strange sound stops her before she can even see the boy.
Molly Weasley followed the little elf in the bright pink sundress down the hallway. She could distantly hear a strange metal on metal sound. She couldn't quite identify it but she knew she should know what that sound was.
Finally Molly couldn't take the lack of knowledge any longer. "Winky," she said as politely as she could to the little elf. "What is that sound?"
Winky turned her head and regarded the matronly woman with serious blue eyes. "Is Thursday," she stated matter-of-factly then turned her head back to watch where she was going.
Molly waited for a few more steps for more information and then growled as the elf remained silent. "And what does the day have to do with anything?"
Winky smirked to herself. Baiting the weasel woman was so much fun. "Is day for Master Teddy's sword lesson." She kept her voice void of the amusement she was feeling. Kreature and Mr. Sherlock were so right. This was fun.
Molly stopped abruptly. "Sword lessons? With real swords?" She shrieked. "I will be having a word with Andromeda about this!" She sped past Winky and followed the sounds of swords clanging.
Winky watched the woman run down the hall. "Mrs. Gran Andi is watching," she called out and then popped herself to the training room.
"Take that, you landlubber!" Harry's voice followed the ring of steel through the room. "Ye'll not get me treasure!"
"Arg, ye scurvy dawg!" Molly heard a baritone voice call back. "Ye stole me own treasure an' I'll be havin' it back now!" The clang of metal on metal rang out through the hallway again.
"Master Harry," the elf's voice piped up. "Yous has a visitor, Master Harry."
Apparently none of them were paying attention to the elf as the ring of swords continued unabated. "Cap'n!" Another voice called out. "We're surrounded sir!"
Molly had found the correct door and she flung it open with force. "Harry James Potter!" She screamed into the room.
The four men; Harry, Draco Malfoy and two she didn't know, stopped moving abruptly. From the corner of her eye she saw young Teddy race forward from the side of the room and thrust a short blade into Harry's side. Harry collapsed even as she screamed in horror.
Teddy ignored her and only sniffed at the fallen form of his godfather. "That'll learn you to steal my granny," he said coldly and then turned around and stabbed the dirty blond man in the leg. "Fall down, Mr. Flynn," he said in a stage whisper.
The man tore his attention from her and Harry groaned piteously on the floor. The man fell to his knees and Teddy moved to stand behind him, he reached up to put his sword to the man's neck and scowled. "You're still too tall! Bend down, you giant!"
Harry moans and groans changed to snickers for a moment as the man obligingly sat flat on the floor. "Oh! I'm dying!" Harry moaned pathetically. "Ye've killed me, Cap'n Lupin! I'm dying."
Teddy growled down at him. "Be quiet and die already!" He put his sword against the blond man's throat. "Give me one good reason not to slice yer throat, ye vile granny stealing thief."
"Please Cap'n Lupin," the man begged. "I have a wife at home. She's sick, sir, very sick. And…And I have nineteen children depending on me. Please let me live, Cap'n!"
"Oh, all right. Promise not to do it again though," Teddy said and pulled his sword away from the man's neck.
"Oh no, Cap'n, I mean yes Cap'n, I mean I promise Cap'n," the man sobbed. "I'll tell the whole world of the benevolence and mercy of Dread Pirate Lupin."
"Yes, yes," Teddy patted the man's shoulder. "Don't cry now. I can't abide a man that cries. Surgeon!" He suddenly yelled.
A small bland looking man hurried forward out of the shadows. "Yes Cap'n?"
"Lock them two up in the brig," Teddy turned a fierce scowl on Draco and the dark haired man that had been fighting Harry and the other man. "They tried to claim my granny. They get nothing but peas and lima beans for their supper for a week!" He scowled even harder as the two men whined and squawked. "And if they don't stop that nonsense they get no pudding!"
"Yessir," the bland man said and dragged the two off into the shadows. He stopped for a moment and looked back over his shoulder to ask the boy something else. "Captain!" He shouted in surprise instead.
Harry loomed up behind the little boy and scooped him up before tossing him up in the air and catching him while the child screamed with laughter. "I am the Immortal Captain Potter! No little sword cut is going to do me in!" He bellowed and tossed Teddy into the air again. "This is WAR!" When he caught him this time he started to tickle him mercilessly.
The other occupants of the room, including the two elves, looked at each other, shrugged simultaneously and leapt on the laughing duo. Soon Molly could make out nothing in the pile of flailing limbs except a few glimpses of different hair colors and red faces.
"Stop that foolishness this instant!" Molly screamed as loud as she could and stomped her foot before drawing her wand and dousing the pile of bodies with a jet of ice cold water.
"Oh, I'd forgotten about her," one voice said.
"So did I," everyone else chorused.
They untangled themselves and Harry sent drying charms at everyone before turning to Molly with a bland expression. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Weasley. Is there something I can do for you?"
Molly opened her mouth and then snapped it closed. She tried again and again. "I…I can't believe how irresponsible you lot are!" She finally spat. "Teddy is far too young to be playing with sharp objects! What were you thinking, Harry James Potter? And you," she spun her gaze to Andromeda. "How could you allow your grandson to play such a violent game?" She turned back to Harry. "I raised you better than this, Harry."
Harry stiffened and his expression became closed. "You didn't raise him at all," the dark haired man scoffed.
Luna wrapped her arms around Harry from behind and Andromeda put a hand on his arm. "Why are you objecting to us playing a game with my grandson, Molly?" Andromeda asked, ignoring Sherlock.
Molly spluttered for a moment and glared at the cold faces before her. "None of you are acting like proper witches and wizards," she accused. "You are setting a very poor example for young Teddy."
The blond man looked at the dark haired man for a moment. "I'm not a wizard. Are you a wizard? Cuz I'm not. Sounds like it could be fun though."
The dark haired man shook his head with a smirk. "No Carson I'm not a wizard." He turned to the short man on his other side. "Are you a wizard, John?"
The short man frowned in thought and then shook his head. "Nope, no wizard here. I know!" He leaned around his taller companion. "Hey, Luna. Are you a wizard?"
Luna's eyes unfocused in thought. "I wasn't the last time I checked, John. But that could have changed."
"Can none of you be serious for five seconds?" Molly growled.
Harry squeezed Luna's hand and removed them from his waist. "Lunalove why don't you and Winky go get some tea together? Gran Andi, if you'd take Teddy for a bath I'd be really grateful. Kreature will you go start the bath and then help Luna and Winky? We'll be in the ground floor parlour when you're finished." He turned to the other men in the group. "That is if you lot want to stay for tea?"
"Winky has made mint biscuits," Winky offered. "And Kreature got some peachy tea from America."
"Well, that's decided then," that Malfoy boy spoke up. "We're staying for tea, Pothead."
The others nodded and Harry grinned. "Then if you'll all follow me we'll go have tea in the parlour."
Molly watched in bemusement as everyone left the training room. She wondered when she had lost control of the situation and then realized that she was totally alone in the room and she had no idea where the ground floor parlour was. She rushed out of the room and after the group of friends.