A/N: Thanks for the reviews I've gotten so far! You guys are so great, and I just had to write this chapter right away :) Enjoy!
Chapter 3: I Don't Trust Myself With Loving You
Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you
- "I Don't Trust Myself With Loving You" John Mayer
Well, this hasn't been a disaster so far, Serena thought, as Blair let out a small giggle at the movie they were watching. After she had forced Blair to recount her version of the events three nights ago, Serena didn't plan on pushing her any further for the moment, but she did want to know what was going on in her best friend's head.
"Blair?" she started slowly, abandoning the many worries she had. She had to try having an honest conversation before resorting to scheming, because if it came to that, there was no question she would be on the losing end of things.
"Serena?" Blair responded, a hint of laughter still in her voice.
"Have you considered maybe talking to Chuck again? I know you're upset, but-"
"Upset?" Blair interrupted, all traces of laughter gone from her voice. "Upset? That does not begin to cover what I'm feeling right now! In fact, I may never speak to that Basstard ever again after everything he's done. And that is perfectly fine with me."
"Blair. Please don't do this. You're doing the denial thing you always do when you're really, really –"
"When I'm really what? Just spit it out S!"
"It's just that I can't think of a word other than upset! Especially with you looking at me like that; it's making me nervous!" Blair automatically softened her face, and the amusement returned to her large brown eyes.
"Better? Do I look less 'upset' now?"
"Yes. Thank you. But you know, Blair, you're only going to feel worse the longer you put things off with Chuck. You're going to have to face him eventually, and I don't want everyone you care about to have to duck and cover when you do."
"Are you suggesting that Chuck and I can't be civilized?"
"Of course not!" Serena recovered quickly. Blair was all over her tonight; it was either pent up emotion at Chuck or she was just going stir-crazy by never leaving her bedroom. "But if senior year is any sign of how easily things can slip back into mind games, then anywhere you two are could be left with a path of destruction." Serena winced, expecting Blair's face to return to the vicious one she reserved for wannabes carrying knockoff Chanels, but it didn't. Instead, it looked thoughtful, like she was considering Serena's words.
"I hate to admit it, but you do have a point. At the train station in Paris, I told Chuck that it wasn't my world without him in it, and for me to block him out completely would never work, especially with our social circles being what they are. But it's going to take a lot of making it up to me for me to even consider to speak to him again."
"What do you want him to do?" Serena asked, recognizing an opportunity to gain insight for Chuck.
"Chuck knows me better than anyone," said Blair, running her thin, pale fingers smoothly over the duvet. "He'll figure something out." She flicked her eyes to the framed picture of her and Chuck smiling widely from her first day at NYU. "He better."
Gossip Girl: Spotted – C and S lunching at Masa. Congrats, C! You're back on my radar, and you know what that means. Don't do anything you wouldn't want talked about. You know you love me.
"Tell me again why we're here?" Chuck asked, flinching a little at the way Serena was slurping up her Japanese noodles.
"Chuck," Serena warned, swallowing her food. "I thought I told you to be pleasant."
"This is me being pleasant!" Chuck replied, clearly exasperated. "I'm supposed to be at work right now, not on a three hour lunch break."
"Well, the three hour guesstimation was if you were being unpleasant. If you're nice to me, that could chop an entire hour off the time."
"Alright then." Chuck cleared his throat, fixed his bowtie until it was perfectly aligned, and ran a hand through his thick, dark hair. "Please, dear sister, tell me why you have so kindly brought me to a five-star restaurant for lunch."
"Much better!" Serena grinned. "We're here because we need to decide how you're going to win Blair back. We need a plan, something that will be super romantic…" Serena's thoughts drifted back to better times, when people used to do things like that for her. Well, not people. Dan and Nate. But this wasn't about her or them; it was about her best friend and stepbrother.
"Serena, Blair didn't say that she wanted me to win her back. She just wants me to apologize; 'make it up to her,' I think were the words you used. How did it go from that to winning back her romantic affections?"
"Isn't it one and the same with Blair?" Serena responded, twirling more noodles onto her fork. "This is so good," she muttered to herself.
Chuck laughed as he looked at his stepsister. "Do you need anything, sis? Forklift maybe? That's the only way you could possibly get any more noodles into your mouth."
"Hey!" Serena snapped her napkin on Chuck's shoulder in mock-anger. "Nice, remember?"
"Right," Chuck agreed, a serious expression masking his amused one. "What you're saying about Blair, though. Maybe this time she doesn't want to be more than friends. You've seen how well our relationship ended the last time, and I don't want to do that to her again. It's not fair to her, to either of us."
"Ugh, gross Chuck, you sound like Blair. I thought we were on the same page that life isn't fair!" Serena waved her hands around in a frustrated gesture.
"It's not," Chuck responded calmly. He borrowed Blair's reasoning from a few nights ago. "But at least this will make it more fair."
I will beg my way into your garden
Then I'll break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where I started
So I can want you back all over again
Until next time – xoxo