Not Veggie Vampires

Chapter Summary: Luna is not happy. At all.

Nearly everyone in the clearing froze in shock at the slight woman that seemed to be effortlessly holding a much taller vampire aloft with just a single hand around his throat. Harry, startled at the suddenness of the attack, ducked away, rolled over and pulled his wand in one smooth move. "Lunalove?" He asked calmly as he trained his wand on one of the two forms slightly behind Luna and the vampire in her grasp.

Carlise and his family watched in open mouthed awe as three of Harry's group seemed to disappear and the fourth stepped forward to stand shoulder to shoulder with Harry, his wand pointed unerringly at the third visitor. "Where did they go?" Rosalie hissed and spun to search out the humans that had appeared and then disappeared as though they'd never been there.

Alice glided over to stand just behind her. "They've been hidden so that they stay safe," she informed the taller girl. "Magic is soooo cool."

"But…but…there is no such thing," Bella stuttered. "Not really."

Alice giggled. Rosalie let out a disgusted snort and Esme patted the young woman lightly on the shoulder. "Vampires don't exist either, dear." She turned her attention to the magic wielders and gave a soft smile. "I've never met a wizard before."

"Carlise has," Emmett rumbled. "He says to be wary of them. They're very superstitious and prejudice."

"He's not met our Harry then," a soft voice with a British accent said in amused tones. There was a disgusted huff from a different voice and a light chuckle.

The vampires and Bella all whirled around searching for the source of the voices. There was nothing. No one was near them. Bella scurried over towards Edward and the people that she could see. "Where are you?" Emmett growled.

Alice laughed again and waved at empty air.

"Idiots," one of the voices drawled. "Malfoy spelled us invisible, obviously. You won't find us until he releases the spell."

"The little one knows where we are evidently, Sherlock," an American voice said.

"My name is Alice, Flynn Carson and yes I know where you are," Alice piped up and then turned at the sudden flare of fire from near Luna and Harry and their friend. "Oooh, pretty."

The other vampires all flinched away from the fiery pieces of flesh raining around them. "You know," John murmured, "I do believe that Alice and Luna are related. Maybe."

HP/LL SH/JW DM/FC

Luna waved Harry back with her free hand but didn't take her gaze from the vampire struggling in her hold. "Bad vampire," she scolded fiercely. "He's mine. He is not for you to eat."

The vampire clawed at her wrist but she seemed impervious to his struggles. "Release me," he growled out. "Or I will destroy everything you love, bitch human!"

"Hey now," Draco called out as he emerged from the trees with Flynn following him. Flynn split off and moved to stand next to Sherlock and John near Alice. He waved his wand over his shoulder and all evidence of the three men vanished. "There is no call to be rude." He said ignoring the hisses of shock from the vampires. He stopped next to Harry and gave the vampires a considering look. "Thought you said they were safe, cousin."

Luna aimed a bright smile over her shoulder at him. "I never said that," she objected. "Some of them are…hm, not harmless but they wouldn't hurt us. This one though," she turned back to the vampire in front of her. "This one was going to drain my Harrymine and I cannot allow that. No, that would be most unpleasant and I would be very sad." The vampire's efforts to free himself renewed as her hold tightened. "I do not like being sad."

The vampire that looked alarmingly like Cedric Diggory stepped forward past Carlise but stopped suddenly when Harry placed a hand on his chest without taking his eyes from his wife. The vampire tried to pass anyway but somehow Harry's hand held him in place. "He's going to rip her apart," he growled.

Harry laughed lightly and rolled his eyes at the vampire. "You don't know my wife," he observed. "She's perfectly capable of taking care of herself."

The Cedric lookalike growled at him and moved to advance on him. Draco's wand in his face dissuaded the impulse. "Back off, growly brute," Draco said dryly. "We're not the enemy," he paused and looked over to Luna. "Are we?"

Luna shrugged easily. "I wouldn't think so but he is heavily infested with Wrackspurts so you never know."

"James?" The female vampire with red eyes hissed. "What do you want us to do?"

The vampire in Luna's hold struggled again and kicked out at the small human holding him in place. "Kill them all!" He groaned out when his struggles did nothing but make the girl giggle.

Before the two red eyed vampires could do more than step forward in preparation whips of fire flowed from Harry and Draco's wands. The two vampires screamed in pain and anger as the whips wrapped around them both. "I was faster," Draco taunted Harry with a grin.

Harry returned his grin with a smile and shrugged. "Maybe," he agreed. "But mine is far more accurate." He motioned to the female in his whip. "See it's around her neck and not just her torso."

Draco looked closer and stamped his foot on the ground. "Bloody Hell and damn it!" He glared at Harry. "Sometimes I really hate you, pothead."

Harry only laughed at the insult. "You only say that because I nearly always beat you, Malfoy."

"No you don't," Draco refuted. "Just because you're the Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One and the Man Who Vanquished does not mean you always beat me." He frowned. "I can still beat you at chess," he claimed. "And pieces are always better when dealing with vampires. She could reform if you just pop off her head."

Harry shrugged. "But it'll be pretty damn funny to watch a flaming head and body struggle to reconnect. At least until I decide to put her out of her misery."

"Boys," Luna muttered and shook her head. "Stop arguing," she directed to the bickering men. "I'm trying to have a conversation here."

"Sorry Luna," they chimed together.

"Edward?" A soft feminine voice broke into the conversation Luna's boys were having on the merits of pieces or not. "What's happening? Who are these people? Are they vampires too?"

Draco's head whipped around to face the dark haired girl. "Do I look like a blood sucker to you?" He spat out. The vampire trapped in his fire whip struggled and Draco tightened it. The vampire gave out one last scream and exploded into flaming pieces that scattered around the field. "Damn it!" Draco yelled in frustration. "See what you made me do? I was having fun torturing him. I haven't gotten to torture the deserving in such a long time." He slapped a hand against Harry's shoulder. "This is all your fault, scarhead! If you hadn't gotten rid of the Dark Lord I could torture anyone I wanted, whenever I wanted too."

Harry rolled his eyes and shrugged. "It's hardly my fault that I was destined to kill the Dork Lard, Dray. I didn't ask to be his nemesis." He sighed and held his wand hand out to Draco. "Here, you can take this one. I need to help Lunalove with James anyway. I'm sure her arm is getting tired."

Draco took the wand with a happy smile. "You are my absolute favorite cousin-in-law you know," he gushed.

"I'm your only cousin-in-law," Harry told him and ignored the jolt of pain the comment caused him. Remus' easy smile flashed across his mind and made the pain easier to put aside. He placed a hand on one of Luna's shoulders and rested his chin on the other. "Need help, Lunalove?"

"In a moment," Luna replied. "First," she squeezed a bit tighter and her hand began to glow. "What have you done with the Crumple Horned Snorkack?" Her voice was hard as stone as she interrogated the vampire.

The confusion on James' face lasted only a moment before he bared his teeth at Luna and Harry. "I ate it," he growled. "Not the tastiest of meals. I'd much prefer green eyes there but it was satisfying enough."

Luna frowned and her eyes began to glow along with her hand. Harry's fingers tightened on her shoulder as he fed her a bit of his own power. "Liar," Luna said in a cold tone and blew gently on her hand before releasing the now screaming, writhing, burning vampire.

"Impressive," Carlise murmured. "Very impressive."

Luna dusted her hands off and grinned at him. "Yes," she nodded. "I quite liked it." She turned to her companions. "Draco! Finish her off already. We must go. The nargles say there may be information with a man in Seattle."

"Finally," Draco said happily as he jerked on the whip. The vampire's head sailed through the air still screaming. "Back to civilization…well, sort of. It's not London but it'll do." He used his own wand to fire an incendio at the smoldering body of the vampire and let the head scream curses for a moment longer before finally disposing of it as well. He waved his wand again and Sherlock, John and Flynn reappeared.

"Sherlock," John said warningly.

"What?" Sherlock asked with a whine in his tone from beside Emmett. Sherlock poked the large man's bicep and then poked again. "He's very hard. And cold. Like stone. I must take a sample."

Emmett boomed out a laugh. "I could always turn you and you could have first hand experience," he offered.

Sherlock considered it for a long moment and then shook his head. "John would get pouty then. No thanks."

"It was a pleasure," Flynn directed to the gathered Cullens. "I'm pretty sure we won't cross paths again but who knows what the future holds?" Alice and Luna both raised their hands and laughed together. "I should never have asked," Flynn moaned. Draco took his hand and they popped away.

Luna gave Alice a hug, whispered something to her, then took Sherlock's arm and popped out of the clearing.

Harry collected John and then gave Carlise a long look. "Well…it's been an adventure, Dr. Cullen." He paused and seemed to consider his words for a moment. "Word to the wise?" Carlise nodded. "Keep a weather eye on your 'friends' in Italy."

Carlise gave a wary nod. "Thank you," he answered politely. Harry grinned toothily and his crack of apparition filled the clearing. The Cullens all groaned and covered their ears. "He did that on purpose," Carlise muttered.

HP/LL SH/JW DM/FC

"Who the Hell was that?" Rosalie hissed when the ringing in her ears stopped. "And what were those fire things?"

"That was completely awesome," Emmett cheered. "How did they do that? And her hand! Did you see it glow?"

"They were a bit odd," Esme observed cautiously. "Who were they, Carlise?" She slipped her hand into her husband's and stared up into his eyes in question.

"I've never not been able to feel anyone," Jasper said in a shocked tone. "And I couldn't feel any of them. Not a single one."

"I could read some of them…a little," Edward admitted and shook his head. "But not a lot and I really tried. How did they all manage to elude Jasper and I both?"

Bella huddled into Edward's side. "They…I was a little scared of them," she whimpered. "Why did they…How did they kill those poor people?"

Alice giggled. "Magic," she told them all. "And those other vampires would have caused big problems for us and maybe even killed you," she pointed at Bella. "So I'd be saying thank you to Harry Potter and his family."

Carlise rubbed at his ear one more time. "That was…the Master of Death, actually," he informed them. "We're lucky his wife was here or we'd all be squashed from existence. Death is not fond of vampires."

Alice snorted. "Harry doesn't care either way," she told them placidly. "Just so long as we don't hurt any humans he'll leave us alone."

"Something tells me that tangle with any of that group would end badly…" Edward murmured. "For us."

Bella stared at him in consternation. Edward was a vampire. He was immortal. He was strong and fast and undefeatable. Just what was a Master of Death to make her big, strong vampire so scared of him? She wasn't sure she wanted to know actually. Though she thought that maybe Edward was overstating things. She'd have to give it some more thought. Maybe getting Edward to bite her wasn't such a great idea after all.

HP/LL SH/JW DM/FC

Miles away Luna smiled happily into the darkness outside the RV. Looked like Bella was going to move on and leave poor Edward alone. He still had a bit of growing up to do before he was ready for a romantic entanglement. It really was kind of pathetic that an almost ninety year old vampire was more immature than even SherlockHolmes.

"So Lunalove," Harry's voice brought her out of her thoughts. "Any insight into the guy in Seattle we're going to see?"

Luna sent him a sunny smile. "You'll find out when we find him," she said in a dreamy tone.

"Did that guy really eat a Crumple Horned Snorkack?" John asked hesitantly. "Because that wouldn't be good would it?"

"Don't be an idiot," Sherlock scoffed. John shot him a quelling look but didn't say anything.

Luna shook her head. "No, JohnWatson, not to worry," she paused. "Though Alice did say that the Crumple Horned Snorkack dislikes scorpions. I don't know why we'd need to know that but any information helps."

Flynn felt an idea wiggle in the back of his mind but it was gone almost as soon as he'd noticed it. He shrugged the feeling off. Maybe he'd read something about scorpions being the deadly enemies of something or other.