A/N: So, longest chapter yet! I hope you like it, because it is highly unlikely I will be updating for the next week - summer vacation at the lake awaits! :)

Chapter 6: Love Lost

Your walls are up

Too cold to touch it,

Your walls are up

Too high to climb

I know it's hard

But I can still hear it beating,

So if you flash you heart,

I won't mistreat it

I promise

-"Love Lost" The Temper Trap

Blair closed her eyes and soaked in the all of the glorious sounds of the opera, and was so close she could feel the heat of the spotlights. She never really needed to watch the performance happening on the stage; it was the music that made her keep coming back. The opera singer's voice was now rising as she reached a climatic note, and her heavy vibrato echoed throughout the theatre. Blair smiled softly and kept her eyes screwed shut, closing her mind off along with them. She didn't want to think about anything but the music permeating through her brain. It was a good thing it was loud, because she could feel thoughts of Chuck and those flowers practically clawing their way in.

"B," she heard Serena whisper beside her. "How can you like this, especially with your eyes closed? It's so boring!" Blair's eyes snapped open and she felt the gears of her brain shift into full drive just as she had been about to slow them to a stop.

"Please, S," she whispered back in a voice laced with venom. "Just because your idea of cultured is watching movies written by James Cameron and reading the style section of the Times, doesn't mean it's okay for you to ruin actual culture for me."

"Jeez, B, sorry I said anything," Serena said, rolling her eyes. "I just haven't been to the opera in two years and I'm a little rusty on fake-enjoying it." Blair gasped at Serena's words.

"What did you just say?"

"I said I'm rusty on pretending to like the opera in front of other people," Serena mumbled, worried that Blair was going to scold her for saying it in front of a group of devoted opera attendees. "It's just so – "

"No, S, before that!" Blair was almost shouting now, and the people in the rows directly beside their box seats turned to look at her.

"You mean the part where I said I haven't been in two years?"

"Two years!" Blair clapped her hands together and nodded vigorously. "That's it! Two years!"

"I don't get why you're so excited that I haven't gone to the opera in two years," Serena said, now just troubled by her friend's bizarre reaction to the admission.

"It's not that!" Blair cried gleefully, not even minding that, like always, she was going to have to explain her revelation to Serena. "I told Chuck that all I did for two years was try to make him happy. There are 365 days in a year, so two years would make 730! I knew I'd figure it out eventually!" Serena absorbed the information and then felt herself getting excited as well.

"Oh my God, B! You did it!" Serena felt her golden waves fly everywhere as she hugged Blair tightly. "But wait," she said slowly as she released her grip from Blair's petite frame. "Do you think Chuck purposely made it hard to figure out?"

"Without a doubt," said Blair, still gaining enthusiasm. "He knows I love a good intellectual challenge, and the pink peonies were an added bonus!" Then Blair giggled and sighed contentedly, her intentions of immersing herself in the opera completely forgotten. "But I have to wonder…did he mean that he spent those two years wanting me to be happy too? Or is he saying thank you to me for trying for so long?"

"I don't know, B," Serena responded, reflecting on her stepbrother's attitude as he told her about his plan with the flowers. "He didn't say what he meant by it on a deeper level. All I got from our conversation was that he was pretty confident you would know why there were so many. As for the other meaning, maybe it's both?" she suggested, hopeful for the future she believed Chuck and Blair deserved to have together.

"Maybe." Blair's gaze fell back on the opera singers for the first time since she and Serena began conversing as she felt her excitement deflating. "I just don't know how I can figure it out without asking him, seeing as you're completely hopeless."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Serena, already knowing exactly what Blair was insinuating but at the same time wanting to hear what her response would be.

"I mean that Chuck would see right through you. After five minutes, give or take depending on the time of day you were talking to him, he would know what you and I know and what you and I want to know, and since I don't know if he wants us to know what we don't know, I can't take a risk on you!" Blair took a deep breath, exhausted, and set her mouth into a pout Serena had seen many times over the years.

"Slow down there, B! You're making me dizzy!" Serena laughed, despite the fact that Blair had been completely serious during her complicated outburst and laughing would no doubt get her reprimanded by her best friend. Still, she couldn't resist a few giggles. They were at the opera, after all, and it was rare for Serena to have a good time during a performance.

"Stop laughing, S!" It was the scolding Serena had been anticipating. She knit her eyebrows together and morphed her face into a one of deep concern. "It's not funny! You're not funny!" This only made Serena snicker in an unnaturally high pitch as she saw the expression of horror on Blair's face and noticed all of the angry glares around her. If this was going to be what got her kicked out of the opera, she would have no regrets.

"Excuse me, Miss Van der Woodsen," said an employee, nervously rubbing his hands down his burgundy and gold uniform as he spoke to one of the opera's most influential and important guests that evening. "I have guests requesting that you please lower your voice and attempt to contain your laughter during the performance."

"Yeah, yeah," Serena said airily, waving a hand toward the direction the voice was coming from, not even bothering to look his way. It seemed the opera was enjoying the publicity her presence was giving them far too much to ask her to leave. She checked her phone. The time told her the opera still had a ways to go, which induced an exaggerated sigh worthy of the stage, but it was the fact that she had no new messages that really disturbed her. The press seemed to care about her far more than her friends did lately, with the exception of Blair and Chuck. But then again, Chuck was family. So really, these days, Blair seemed to be her only friend. She glanced over and saw that Blair had closed her eyes again. But unlike before, Blair wasn't hearing any of the music that played below. Now that Chuck had managed to claw his way into her mind, the real task was going to be finding a way to extract him from each one of the thoughts that were swimming through it. They were all she could hear, and she had no hope of silencing them until she knew what Chuck's intentions had been with the flowers.

...

"Charles," said Lilly in a knowing, motherly way. "Are you planning on watching the performance, or are you going to stare at Blair all night?" Chuck laughed softly in response and placed his dark eyes on his stepmother.

"There's not a thing on the stage that can compare to the view in the box above it." Lilly smiled at his response, but it wasn't without hidden concern for the young man she considered her son.

"So, is it safe to assume you two will be getting back together eventually?" Her question sounded innocent, but it was mixed with worry. The irony of the word "safe" had not been lost on her as she felt it slipping through her tongue. Chuck and Blair weren't safe, and that was the primary reason she had reservations about the feelings they so obviously still had for each other.

"I don't know anything for sure," Chuck said, running his hand through his perfect coif of slick brown hair. "But I know you're worried that we will." He turned his chocolate, slanted eyes toward Lilly and she wondered if her voice had betrayed her inner thoughts. Then again, she and Chuck had always been able to tell what the other was thinking, even if their words were saying something completely different.

"Well, Charles, you know that I feel responsible as your mother to look out for your best interests, and I just worry that if you and Blair were to enter into a relationship again, that – "

" – That we would mutually self-destruct," Chuck finished. Lilly nodded in confirmation. "While I don't pretend to know my future and how big a part Blair plays in it, I do know that we aren't going to get back together unless it is going to be a healthy relationship for both of us. I think right now, we're trying to be the best version of ourselves as possible, and that way, we can bring out the good, rather than the bad, of each other."

"You seem to be well on your way," she told him, meaning it whole-heartedly. "Despite the things that you have done in your past, I am proud to have you as a part of my family. You're really growing up. All of you are – even Serena," she said with a light laugh. "I guess I should be starting to feel old, but I'm happy that you all are maturing and getting older, even if it means that I have to get older too. You're finding out who it is you're supposed to be, Charles. It took me a much longer time to even start looking, but when I did, I realized how much I had been missing by defining myself by everything around me." Chuck looked at the woman beside him and realized that no biological mother could ever compare.

"Thank you, Lilly," he said softly, slipping his hand into hers. Even though her skin was rougher and older, her fingers leaner and longer, and her grip not the same, with enough imagination, Chuck could pretend it was Blair's hand he was holding. He stole one more look at her and felt his lips turn up as he realized her eyes were closed. Though everything had changed, Chuck could appreciate that there were some little things that always seemed to stay the same.

Our love was lost

In the rubble are all things

That you've, you've been dreaming of

Keep me in mind

When you're ready

I am here to take you every time

Until next time - xoxo