Chapter 11: Where You End

Thought I fell in love the other day
With an old friend of mine
I was running kisses
Down every inch of the spine

We had the roof down
The sun came shining in
The black fact is
That I was thinking of you

"Where You End" - Moby

Serena woke to the smell of black coffee and old socks, the sounds of beeping cars and a coffee grinder churning said coffee, and the sight of rumpled bed sheets in an all-too-familiar open loft.

"Oh no," she breathed, running her hands through her tangled blond hair before holding one up to inspect her breath. She winced at the revolting mix of alcohol and morning breath and realized that her head was pounding and the walls seemed to be spinning around her. Well, maybe it wasn't as bad as she thought. Maybe she hadn't slept with Dan and he just happened to bring her to his loft for a sleepover, because she was smashed and needed to be taken care of. Maybe…But then the horrible truth was revealed by the fact that the only thing she had covering her was a pinstriped sheet pathetically crumpled across half her chest. "Oh my God. I'm such an idiot."

"Serena? Did I hear your voice?" Dan called out to her from the kitchen, where he was no doubt going all-out on breakfast for her. What had she told him last night? She knew what they had done, but there was a chance she could pass it off as just sex if she hadn't said anything too ridiculous. But Dan's voice hadn't sounded affectionate or warm like it would have if she had said she loved him or wanted to be with him. It sounded distant, cold, the way it sounded every time he was disappointed and angry with her.

"Yeah, I'm up." She figured it was best to get her clothes on now rather than go into the impending fight naked. No clothing may be a good distracter for Dan, but having it was more advantageous. It was armor and protection, and it was likely that she would have to make a quick escape. She grabbed the dress that looked like a shimmery puddle of silver on the floor and slid it over her head before slipping into her pumps and heading into the kitchen.

"Already dressed to go, I see."

"Well, I didn't know if I was invited for breakfast." Serena shifted uncomfortably in her heels before straightening up to her full height so that she was taller than Dan. He may have the advantage of knowing what had happened last night, but at least this way she could appear somewhat confident and intimidating.

"I guess that was smart, because you're not." Dan gave her a resentful glower before returning to taking calculated sips of his coffee.

"Okay," Serena said in a low voice, not quite sure what she was supposed to say to that. Wow, thanks a lot? I don't want to stay anyway? What the hell happened last night? "I'm, um, kind of confused as to why you're mad at me. I don't really…remember anything that happened."

"Wait, you really don't remember anything? At all?" Now he looked even angrier. His thick, dark brows were nearly knotted together, and his jaw was clenched.

"Whatever I did, I'm sorry. I wasn't…feeling like myself last night, not thinking straight I mean."

"To be honest with you, Serena, I don't think I owe you an explanation. Feel free to leave."

"Dan," Serena pleaded, imploring him to offer her something, anything, with her signature widened blue eyes. "Please, just tell me what happened so I can fix it." Dan chuckled, and Serena shuddered at the lack of humor and jovialness in the sound.

"You can't just fix it this time, Serena," he said, shaking his head condescendingly. "You ruined us last night, any chance we had. You can't take something like what you did back, the thing you said and the way you said it…" he trailed off, realizing he had given her more than he had intended to.

"What did I say, Dan?" she asked, latching on to the pain she heard in his voice and saw in the chocolate orbs of his eyes. Once again, she had hurt someone she cared about.

"Doesn't matter now, Serena. It's done. We're done." It was unlike Dan to speak in sentences that were so choppy, so to the point.

"Please…" Serena was at a loss for words. Apparently the words she'd said last night were enough to deplete her internal dictionary today.

"You know what? Fine. Last night, in the middle of you know what," Dan said indignantly, raising his eyebrows. He was always ridiculous in the way he avoided saying the word "sex" out loud. "You screamed out… my God, Serena, why do you do this to me?"

"I don't mean to," she murmured, feeling her eyes start to fill with tears. "What did I scream?"

"Nate's name." Dan's words came out in a rush and he avoided looking at her. But with his admission came the rediscovery of some of her lost memories, and she snatched hungrily at the pieces she could reach.

Nate standing by the bar the whole night, girls flittering by in throngs, but never lasting long.

Doing shot after shot to prepare herself to face him and ending up somewhere, with someone, safe and assured instead.

Her mind fuzzy and her vision blurry as the cars outside the taxi whooshed by.

Stumbling into the Brooklyn loft and tripping over the leg of a chair on the way to the bedroom.

Dan's shirt being ripped off his shoulders.

Her mouth creating a wet path down his spine.

Her dress pooling around her feet after he unzipped it.

Their mouths fused together in a way that was so practiced, so familiar to both.

Her back pressed up against the wall and looking into a pair of brown eyes she wanted to be blue.

And a name that thrashed frantically against her lips to escape.

"Nate!"

And then, blackness.

"I passed out, didn't I?" The question was out in a whisper before she could stop it.

"So you do remember, then," Dan spat out, still not looking at her.

"Bits of it," she admitted. "Dan, I'm so sorry. I was drunk and acting stupid, and you were unfortunately a casualty of that. But I swear I never meant to go home with you last night."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better about this? That you wanted him all along and happened to end up in my bed by accident?"

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean, I just think you should know the truth. That I was drinking because I was too scared to talk to Nate sober, and I still chickened out. I've always felt safe with you, and I guess that's why I came on to you the way I did."

"Well, thanks a lot for the explanation, Serena." Dan shook his head at her again, his black curls flopping to the left and right. "I would appreciate it if you would go now. You have a golden boy to get to, don't you?" He slammed his ceramic coffee mug onto the counter and the liquid spilled over the sides, creating brown splashes on the smooth granite.

"Dan, please don't be like this."

"Be like what? Pissed off? Because there's nothing you can do to change that now, so get out!" Serena felt a tear slip down her cheek and she nodded in acceptance, walking through the double doors of the Brooklyn loft.

"I really am sorry."

...

Back in the Upper East Side, Chuck watched as Nate slowly worked his way to self-destruction. He had consumed nearly as much alcohol in the past 12 hours as Chuck had the past 24, and it was concerning to say the least. Nate currently had his eyes glued to Sportscenter and he would periodically throw tantrums when the highlights revealed that his favored team had lost. There were three broken beer bottles by the bar, thrown in fits of rage, and a fourth sailed over Chuck's head just as he began picking up the glass shards of the other three. Various other empty bottles and glasses were splayed throughout the penthouse, and while Chuck could understand drowning your pain in alcohol better than anyone, he didn't like seeing Nate doing it. Nate was supposed to be the strong one, the happy one to cheer Chuck up and make sure he didn't do anything too stupid in his drunkenness. As the fourth beer bottle landed with a crack against the bar, Chuck decided it was time to take action, and he knew couldn't do it alone. He needed the one person he was supposed to be avoiding, the one person he couldn't have. But this was different – this was one of her best friends too, and if the situation was reversed and Serena was in trouble, then he would want her to call. He picked up his cell, but just as he was about to hit the one on his speed dial, he heard the chime of his ringtone and the name of the very person he was going to call lit up his screen.

"Blair?"

"Hey, I know I'm not supposed to be calling you right now, but – " He heard an ugly sob in the background and a soft shushing that he supposed to be Blair. "But Serena's a mess, and I need you to get some sense in her! She won't listen to anything I have to say, and every time I try to talk, she just cries louder!"

"What happened?" It seemed his imagined scenario had come true.

"Humphrey happened," he heard her growl. "Serena thinks she destroyed their relationship or something, and now she is completely depressed. I need reinforcements."

"So he broke up with her or something?"

"No, no." Chuck heard another loud sob and the Titanic theme song come through the line. Near, far, wherever you are. "Hold on," Blair mumbled, the words followed by the slam of a door and an exhausted sigh. "Something happened, and she won't tell me exactly what it was, but I know it's pretty bad and that it's her fault. And she keeps muttering that she can't fix it and she deserves to end up alone."

"I'm going to kill that Muppet head the next time I see him."

"Well, before you get yourself thrown in jail, would you mind stopping by? I don't know what else I can do."

"I was actually calling you to ask you to come help me save Nate from himself."

"God, and here I was hoping our friends weren't as screwed up as we are." Chuck laughed at her remark – the first real laugh he'd had in a while.

"Yeah, not likely. We don't exactly attract normal people." Blair chuckled at this, and he continued. "So, do you think you're up to taking on a very drunk and most likely high Nate Archibald?"

"You should know by now, Bass, that I am up to any challenge you can throw at me. Think you're up to a manically sobbing and emotionally distraught Serena van der Woodsen?"

"I think I can handle my own sister, Waldorf," Chuck replied, glad that even though they were on shaky ground, their banter was still amusing and relaxed, and it took little effort to ease through it.

"Care to make a wager?" Blair asked, the smirk evident in her sly tone.

"First one to get their charge out in the streets wins," suggested Chuck, already planning on picking up the blond and carrying her, kicking and screaming, into the elevator and out onto the street.

"No way!" Blair cut in. "You could just drag Serena out of the penthouse. I'm not strong enough to do that to Nate. No, it has to be more complex than that." He figured Blair would realize exactly what he was thinking, but it had been worth a shot.

"So – first one to get Nate or Serena to confront the other one?" he offered.

"I like it," Blair conceded, "And it'll help them too. They need to deal with their drama."

"That they do," Chuck sighed, peaking in on Nate, who was now smoking a joint and watching The Hangover.

"What should the winner get?" Blair's anticipation and eagerness were clear, as was the confidence that she would be the one getting whatever prize they decided upon.

"You going to make me do all the work, Waldorf?" he challenged.

"Fine. The winner gets to pick where the four of us are going for winter break."

"Wait, what? We're going somewhere for winter break?" Chuck was utterly confused with this statement. Serena hadn't mentioned anything about a vacation, nor had Nate. And it would be a miracle if all four of them were still alive by Christmas. He was expecting Nate and Serena to tear each other apart any day now, and it wasn't like he and Blair's relationship was rock solid. He wasn't even sure how their relationship could be defined.

"Yes. I just decided. And Nate and Serena don't even need to be told about the bet; we'll just inform them where we're going, and they won't argue."

"And you're sure they'll agree to this?"

"Come on, Bass, who can resist me? When I want something, I get it."

"Fair enough," he agreed, remembering all the times he hadn't been able to say no to her endearing brown eyes and professional puppy dog face. "We have ourselves a deal."

"Fabulous!" she squeaked. "The Non-Judging Breakfast Club will be back together again!" Blair let out an excited giggle before sighing again at the sound of a hacking cough, loud sneeze, and pitiful cry all rolled into one. "Ugh, Serena is going to be the death of me! Or you now, I suppose!"

"Nate's not any better," Chuck told her, sure that he had this one in the bag. The guilt card always worked with his stepsister, and it was quite obvious that she was in hell over whatever she had done last night.

"Well, I'd say wish me luck, but I don't need it. You, however, are going to need a miracle to get through to Serena."

"I guess we'll see about that."

"I guess we will."

"Goodbye Blair."

"Goodbye Chuck." He hung up the phone and immediately grabbed his coat. He was fairly certain that he would win this bet, but if Blair's words were true, then he needed all the time he could get. Hopefully Serena's mistake with Humphrey the previous night was a mistake in her mind as well. It was now clear to Chuck that she and Nate needed each other, because while surely they were going through a bad patch in their relationship, with enough love, how could it not turn to good?

I slept in the sun the other day
I thought I was fine
Everything seemed perfect
Until I had you on my mind

I tried to love you
I did all that I could
I wish that the bad now
Would finally turned into good

If I could kiss you now
I'd kiss you now again and again
'Til I don't know where I begin
And where you end

Until next time - xoxo