John's POV

I heard a scream and soon a knock on our door was heard. Rhian and I shot up immediately and behind the door we saw a very frightened Walter.

'What's wrong honey?' Rhian asked him as she lifted him up, while we heard another scream. We made one swift move to the bedroom. I looked on the bed, and I saw Sera fighting herself.

'I promise I didn't do anything…' Walter cried.

'Take him away Rhian…' I told her as I moved forward to her. It broke my heart seeing her nights being tormented like that. 'Sera!' I tried waking her up. 'Sera!' I called her again, and this time she shot up immediately. I caught her into my embrace.

'No! Please…' She begged.

'Shhhh…' I whispered as I took her into my embrace while she cried hysterically. I knew what was wrong. I knew that she hadn't dealt with it as yet. 'Shh baby… I'm here…' I tried again.

'I saw him again… It hurts…' she replied again.

'Rhian, can you get me a damp facecloth?'

'Yeah sure…' She replied.

'Dammit… Sera please… you're hurting yourself…' I replied as Walter switched on the lights and I realised that her fingers were bleeding.

'Daddy?' Walter asked as he moved forward. 'Can I help?'

'Can you get me two long bandages please? And a pair of my long socks honey?' I asked him while he went. 'Sweetheart… what happened?' I asked her again as I lifted her off and rocked her while rubbing her back softly. She remained quiet mumbling things.

'Here…' Rhian replied as she placed the cool facecloth on her forehead and sat beside while rubbing her leg. 'John… you're bleeding!' She replied as she noticed the blood on my shirt.

'It's not mine…' I noted, and she realised Sera's hands. They were all scratched till they bled.

'Daddy… are these ok?' Walter asked as he came back.

'Yes honey…' Rhian replied as she took them from him. 'John… I think you should stay with her for the night… Walter will sleep with me…'

'Yeah… I was thinking about that…' I replied as I bandaged the palm of her hand till her elbow, and did the same with the other one. 'Can you place the sock on her hands please?' I asked her while Rhian helped me out.

'You'll take it from here John?'

'Go to sleep Rhian.' I replied again.

'Come Walter…'

'…but I want to stay with Sera…' He pouted.

'Honey… your father will stay with her for the night… she had a nightmare…'

'…but I can chase them away… I know that monsters don't exist under the bed.'

'Sera's monsters are different baby boy… Come…' She replied again as she lifted him off.

'Shh… relax baby girl… nobody will hurt you I promise!' I tried comforting her, while I continued rubbing her back. She hid her face into my chest. I let her break down. I wasn't going to leave her for the night. I picked her up and moved to her room. I set her on the bed gently. She was still holding my hand. I slid beside her and pulled her close to me. She was trying to make herself as smaller as she could in my arms. She was trying to disappear… but she couldn't… it finally hit my mind. What if her starvation also has to do with wanting to disappear… it could also be a factor... 'Baby…tell me what was the dream about?' I asked her gently as I saw that she was calming down.

'I see him… I see him everywhere… Everywhere I go…' She replied.

'Is he here now?'

'No… now no…'

'Sera… please… talk to me…'

'I can't…' She replied again as I felt her hands rubbing against each other.

'Honey… I know that it is hard for you… I can understand… but please… don't shut me out… you know I care about you…'

'I don't deserve it… I don't deserve anything…' She finally admitted.

'Why are you saying this?'

'I see you how you all look at me… it's as if I'm damaged… you all talk about me as if I'm not there… my parents don't want me… they never did… I'm just a number to them… they think that buying things and do anything they want would solve anything. Dad's way to discipline was spanking… and sometimes without my underwear on…'

'What?' I asked her surprised. I knew how he was when it came to corporal punishment. 'How did Christian spank you?'

'Like a monster at times… I know he wants me to be safe…' She admitted while she cried and I held her to my chest. '…but 56 with a belt isn't a punishment…'

'When did this happen?'

'When I was 14…' She admitted again. '…and you know why he didn't want to talk to me after I went clubbing?'

'Why Sera?' I asked her gently.

'…because he was afraid that if he started talking to me, anger would get to him… and he wouldn't be able to stop himself… he wanted to hurt me… he wanted to belt me again… you know what he told mum when she asked him to talk to me? He told her that I lost the title of his daughter when I defied him…' She cried again. I felt turmoil towards Christian. I knew it wasn't easy… but after her being raped, the last thing she would want to hear, is that.

'Shh… I'm here for you…'

'I just want to end this all… I just want to die… it would be better for everybody…'

'Shh…' I comforted. 'Honey… killing yourself won't solve anything.'

'It would John… everything would end… My parents would be free… you would be free…'

'Hey… Rhian and I wanted you here… We love you…'

'…and look what I did to Derek and Walter! Walter had to experience one of my nightmares… Derek knows about things he shouldn't even know…'

'Sera… Sera stop!' I finally ordered. 'Sera it is not your fault… You didn't want this on yourself… and your parent's mistakes for sure are not your fault!'

'Yes they are… they constantly fight… constantly John… and I don't know what to do… I know it's wrong… but deep down I wish I wasn't a Grey… Deep down… I wish I had a family that loves me for who I am and not for what they want me to be…'

'What do you mean?'

'After Jason died… have you ever seen mum or dad doing things as a family with me? No… and neither have I… they simply drowned themselves into their work… I can't take this anymore… I don't want to take this anymore… please… let me go…' She begged.

'No Sera… I won't let you go…' I replied again. Her words shook me hard. She was more depressed than I thought… she knew how to keep it up… until she broke down like this. 'Sera… you parents love you in their own way… yes they have their problems… they have their flaws…'

'Flaws? Dad told me to open up to him… and that maybe I'm angry at what they did… but angry is not exactly what I feel…'

'What do you feel?'

'I don't know… I just don't know what to feel anymore… I feel empty… I feel like I'm living on nothing… like I have nothing else to live for…' She replied. '…and when you treat me like one of this family… I realise how truly I have nothing… Derek and Walter give me all their love without expecting nothing in return… you and Rhian do the same… and yet… I feel wanted for a minute… and unwanted from my real parents for the rest of the time…'

'Honey… you've been through a lot… and I know it is overwhelming… but please don't give up…'

'Give me a reason to stay…'

'I love you Sera… I love you as my daughter…' I finally admitted. 'Even Rhian does… She counts you as one of us… as one of our kids…' I replied again as I held her tight to me. 'Does that give you a good enough reason to stay?' I asked her gently while I rubbed her back.

'Why John? Why do you love me?'

'…I don't know… you cannot explain love… you feel it Sera…' I explained gently. 'Sera… do you remember when you were younger? Do you remember anything about how Christian and Ana were with you? Do you remember us? Rhian, you and me?' I asked her.

'Mhmm…' She nodded into my chest. 'I do… mum and dad were different… they were there for everything… we were happy… I was always close to mum and dad… I could tell dad anything… and I could share my feelings and thoughts to mum… I was closer than today with you… and even Rhian… I remember when you and Rhian used to take me out with you… for picnics… the park… the movies…'

'Do you remember when we used to crash the three of us together?'

'Mhmm…'

'…and who did we ask to help us chose a name for Derek and Walter?' I asked her, while she remained quiet. 'You Sera… I wanted you to help us name our kids… because we both knew you could be the best person they could turn too when they needed anything… They love you Sera… they adore you…'

'I know…' She replied while I felt her relax into my arms.

'Sera… please… don't stop fighting this… I know you can win. The journey to the end isn't easy… I know… Anorexia is you control… Anorexia gives you the rush… but how long do you think you can keep this up?'

'I don't know… I want to stop it… I really do… but I can't…'

'Why can't you Sera? What's holding you back?'

'This voice inside my head…' She admitted. 'It drains me out completely… I can't sleep at night before I make lists and lists… I can't stop counting… Sometimes I feel like I want to grab a knife and slash everything that I see of me…' She replied slowly.

'Sera… how much do you think you weigh? Since the hospital I made sure you won't weigh yourself… and when I weigh you I weigh you backwards. So tell me… how much do you think you weigh?'

'I don't know… maybe 105 pounds after the hospital?' She asked.

'Sera… since the hospital you lost 5 pounds… you're a miserable 60 pounds…' I admitted. 'Sera… I may have to put you on the tube again just to keep your body to do the necessary functions.' I replied again.

'No… please…' She begged.

'Honey… I have no other choice… You need to gain some weight…' I reasoned with her. 'You won't go to the hospital… your grandma will be doing the procedure… I already talked to your parents and grandparents for the matter… and we think it's the right solution for now… '

'You're taking their side too?'

'I know you're scared… and if anything I'm taking your side…' I replied again. 'Sera, I don't want you to die… I cannot lose you!'

'Why?' She asked. 'Why can you lose me John?'

'Sera I told you… I love you… and I'm not ready to lose a child… not now not ever. Jason's death had taken a toll over us too… I don't want to lose you too Sera…' I replied again. 'Sera… Rhian and I love you… do you hear me?' I asked again while she nodded. 'Come on… let's get some sleep honey…'

'I can't sleep… I'm afraid to sleep…' She admitted. I knew it wasn't easy for her. I got up slowly from beside her. 'Please… don't go…' She asked while she held my hand.

'I'm getting you some medicine… I'll be right back…' I replied again as I squeezed her bandaged arm. I exited her room and made my way to the bathroom. I grabbed a box of atarax… it would help her sleep… I filled her a glass of water, and made my way back. 'Sera?' I started as I entered her room again and switched on the lights. '…here take this…' I guided her.

'What is that?' She asked.

'Something to help you sleep…' I replied again. 'You need to take it Sera…' I insisted. I held her from her back for support and fed her the medicine. I helped her drown it down with some water, and as I saw she swallowed it, I placed the glass on the cabinet and switched off the light. I went back beside her, and held her closer to me. 'I love you baby girl…' I whispered in her ear as I kissed her forehead. 'Please… don't give up…' I encouraged. I felt her relax in my arms, and her breathing was getting deeper and slower. I knew she was losing herself to sleep. I held her tighter and closed my eyes. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't leave her alone… not now… not ever…

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